Blackbird Fly
by paramorebrighter
Summary: AH/AU- Bella is a fractured girl with a life-threatening eating disorder. Her whole life changes when she meets Edward Masen. Warning- child abuse and dark themes. Reposted.
1. Chapter 1: Broken

**Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me!**

_**A/N- Yes, I put it back up. Because I'm a big pussy. Warning: this is not wussperv safe. This was my first fanfic back in 2007, and it's still kind of rough. I'd like to edit it, but then again, I'm afraid I'd lose something if I did too much.**_

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BPOV**

"Dad?" I asked, entering the house, holding a bag full of groceries.

"Hi, Bells!" Charlie yelled. He was in front of the TV, again.

"Hi," I said, dropping my keys on the kitchen counter, setting down the groceries. "I'm making lunch."

"Aw, honey, you don't have to," he said.

"But, I want to," I said.

"How's that roommate of yours, Alice?"

"She's great," I said. "She's getting pretty serious with Jasper. They both say hi."

"Good!" he cried. I got out the saucepan to brown the ground beef.

"Yes, they're talking about moving in together," I said. "Maybe more."

"Does that mean you'll be looking for a new roommate?" he asked.

"Eventually," I said.

"If you ever need help-"

"Dad, forget it," I said. "I'm not taking another cent from you." Medical insurance was horrible enough- even Charlie had a hard time getting it, now.

"Honey," he said. I heard him stand up. I rubbed the lump on my forearm. Charlie's hand found my shoulder.

Years had passed. Years. And I was still a brimming mess, living in it.

"Bella, you're my daughter. You should have come here the day Renée died," he said. "I should have demanded it."

"It's the past," I said.

"Bella, it's not the past," he said. "I feel as much responsible as anybody else. I love you. I'm sorry about what happened. I don't think I can say it enough, honey." His arms enveloped me.


	2. Chapter 2: Honey, I'm Home

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me_****_._**

**_Warning- not wussperv safe._**

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BPOV**

"Honey, I'm home," I said, entering my apartment in Seattle. The TV was on, and Alice and Jasper were eating Chinese while watching a Netflix movie.

"Hi," Alice called. "How did the day with Charlie go?"

"It went," I replied, setting my keys down on the end table. I headed straight for my room, burying my face in the pillows.

"Oh, Bella." Alice appeared in the doorway of my bedroom. Dizzy, our cat, jumped up on the bed beside me, sensing my sense of distress.

"Why can't I get through a day without thinking about it?" I asked, my face still in the pillow.

"It was never your fault," she said, climbing onto the bed, hugging me. "We love you."

"Charlie asked about you," I offered.

"Well, that's good," Alice said. "I like to hear about Charlie. He's doing alright?"

"Yes, he goes fishing with Billy three times a week, now," I said, miserably, rubbing the almost imperceptible lump on my forearm.

"Do you need a Xanax?" she asked.

"No… yes," I said.

"I'll be right back," she said.

She bound off the bed. The panic attacks were so terrible. I just wanted to live a normal life, that was all. Why was the past still haunting me?

* * *

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Alice had done my hair up with the curling iron and made me wear a blue sequined cocktail dress. It was a pretty dress, but on me, it made me look like somebody I wasn't. Dizzy jumped up on the counter to say goodnight to us. "OK, are you ready?" Alice asked, putting on an earring. She was wearing a black and white checked minidress.

"I think so," I said.

"Let's get a move on!" Jasper said. "Come on. I've been waiting twenty minutes for you two!"

"Alright, we're coming!" Alice complained. "Let me get my purse."

I put on my good navy pea coat- the best coat I owned while Alice hunted down her good handbag. I didn't bother to change my handbag. I was just going to take my Target purse with me to this cocktail party.

I watched, feeling sad, but not jealous, as Jasper helped Alice into her black trench coat. He held the door open for us as we went downstairs and they made jokes about how I never got out. They tried so hard to help me socialize. Alice Cullen was like the sister I never had, but I always felt guilty at the amount of effort she put forth with me. She didn't have to do what she did, but she did. I wondered when everybody was going to get sick of me.

"So, tell me again, how do you know these people?" I asked.

"I know Emmett from work," Jasper said, as I got into the backseat. Alice climbed in shotgun. "This is his unofficial engagement party."

"What's his fiancée's name?" I asked.

"Rosalie, I think," Alice answered. "She works at a law firm."

"I think it's down the street from your art gallery," Jasper said to Alice.

"Oh, cool," Alice replied.

"Do you know where they met?" I asked. " I just want to know about them, since I'm crashing."

"You're not crashing, Bella!" Alice cried.

"A lot of people are crashing this party," Jasper said. "Don't worry about it."

"What else to I need to know?" I asked.

"Well, their friend Edward Masen is the one throwing the party," Jasper said. "It's his apartment we're going to. It's a great apartment. It was built in 1907…" Jasper, being an architect, rattled on and on about the building. Alice just rolled her eyes at me and smiled in the mirror.

Jasper drove down to historic district to a beautiful building. It was a gorgeous- I could get where the party was- there were white Christmas lights out on the railing and the door to the apartment was open. We took our bottle of wine and went up the stairs.

I could see why Jasper and this Emmett fellow liked this place. It was beautiful and well cared for. I climbed the stairs after Jasper and Alice and we entered the apartment, where people were already milling around, chatting and drinking.

I was checking the shininess of my nose in a compact when I saw something I didn't want to- a man with black hair in a buzz cut. I almost lost it. I felt my chest get tight and my vision blur. My ears buzzed, and I couldn't hear anything. I looked at him. Wrong person.

But still, my pulse was racing. My heart pounded. My fight-or-flight wasn't done with me, yet. I stumbled through the hallway and into the kitchen, my adrenaline pounding. I tried to open my purse to find my Xanax. I had left my vial of Xanax in my backpack.

"Bella?" Alice had been chatting with some of the other party guests. "Bella?"

"Alice," I whispered, wiping the sweat off my forehead.

"Let me get a drink for you," she said. She held my hand. "Hi," she addressed the young man at the counter cheerfully. "Can you make a cosmopolitan for my friend, here?"

"Of course," he said. I noticed his bronze hair. It was beautiful. I had never seen hair like that before. He was wearing a crisp, white button-down shirt that was partially unbuttoned. He had on a white tee shirt underneath it and was wearing a pair of crisp khakis. I held onto Alice's arm. "Is she alright?"

"She just needs some space," Alice said.

"My bedroom's pretty cleared out," he said. "The two of you can go in there for her to calm down."

"Thanks," Alice answered. "So, you're Edward Masen?"

"Yes, just call me Edward," he said. He handed Alice the drink. I held onto Alice's shoulder and he escorted us to the bedroom, which had been blocked off from the rest of the party. "Does she need a cold compress?" he asked.

"Yes," Alice said, helping me onto the bed. She handed me the cosmo.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that she needs to be on Zoloft or something for anxiety," he said. _What does he know?_ I thought. "Alcohol isn't going to help."

"Well, your thoughts are nice," Alice said, "but really, we don't need your armchair medical advice."

"I wouldn't say it's armchair medical advice," he said, chuckling, leaving the room.

"God, some guys are so full of themselves," Alice muttered. She stroked my hair. "What happened."

"I thought I saw Jim again," I said, softly. I ran my fingers over the lump on my forearm. Alice was one of the few people that knew what happened to me. I held her hand for a moment. "I take it that was the host."

"Yeah, I guess so," Alice said. "The guests of honor haven't shown up, yet."

"I wonder what's holding them up," I said.

She was trying to distract me, to get me to think about something else. I was stealing her good time at the party from her. Angry tears welled up in my eyes at myself. Edward Masen reappeared with a cold compress.

"Here," he said, offering me the compress.

"Thanks," I said, Alice took it and pressed it to my forehead.

There was a cheer from the main part of the apartment, and we knew that the guests of honor had entered.

"Gotta run," Edward replied, and disappeared.

"Honey, why are you crying?" Alice asked. "Do you want to go home?"

"No, I've already ruined your night at the party," I said between soft sobs.

"You don't ruin anything, Bella," Alice said, resting her head on my shoulder. "I love you."

"I'm keeping you from the party," I said.

"I don't know these people," she replied.

"You could," I said.

"So what?" Alice said. "They aren't as super as Bella Swan."

"Oh, Alice," I said, smiling through my tears.

"You messed up your eye make-up," she said, smoothing it with her thumb. "Come on."

"I'm getting shocked that you and Jasper don't just give up and tell me to grow up and deal with it, sometimes," I said.

"Bella," Alice said, stroking my hair. "I love you like a sister. I'd never tell you that."

**EPOV**

The years of medical school were paying off, professionally. I had to give my two best friends here in Seattle an unofficial engagement party- Emmett McCarty and Rosalie Hale. I had the bar stocked and Rosalie had come by earlier with some food before going home to get ready. It was basically an open party- people could come by and leave whenever they felt like. We had no idea how many people were coming. It was already turning into a great party.

It while I was making drinks that I saw a girl who couldn't have been older than 17 wondering alone. She was painfully thin, her dark eyes seemed too large for her heart-shaped face, lashes that were so thick and long they had to be fake, but she had a pretty mouth. Her hair was long, though. It, too, was a pretty reddish brown color. I realized that her eyes were darting around and she was breathing quickly, heavily, and sweating. She grabbed a hold of a pretty pixie-like girl with a short bob who had been chatting with other people.

"Bella?" the pixie girl asked. "Bella?" The girl whispered something. "Let me get a drink for you," she said, taking her hand. There was something sisterly between them. "Hi," she said to me, jovially. "Can you make a cosmopolitan for my friend, here?"

"Of course," I said. She held onto the pixie's arm. "Is she alright?"

"She just needs some space," the pixie girl said. The thin girl didn't say word to me, just gazed up at me with large, doe-like dark eyes. She did have beautiful eyes, too, when they weren't bugged out. It was mostly the lashes, though. I figured, as long as she had some one like this looking out for her like this, it was OK to give her a drink. She was panicking over something.

"My bedroom's pretty cleared out," I said. The rain jackets and purses were in there. "The two of you can go in there for her to calm down."

"Thanks," the pixie answered. "So, you're Edward Masen?"

"Yes, just call me Edward," I said. I handed her the drink and escorted them to my bedroom. The thin girl sat on the bed, sipping her drink, carefully, quietly, watching me. Her breathing hadn't slowed down. It was possible she was having an anxiety attack of some sort. "Does she need a cold compress?" I asked.

"Yes," the pixie girl said.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that she needs to be on Zoloft or something for anxiety," I said. "Alcohol isn't going to help."

"Well, your thoughts are nice," the pixie said, "but really, we don't need your armchair medical advice." The way she said it was sweet, but not rude at all. I didn't take office. I realized I was consulting without permission. I must have looked like an ass.

"I wouldn't say it's _armchair_ medical advice," I said. I left the room to wet down a paper towel for her. I returned to find that she had drained half the drink.

"Thanks," the thin girl said, finally speaking to me. If she wasn't so thin, she could have been amazing looking. I had the feeling she was older than she looked.

There was a cheer from the main part of the apartment, and we knew that the guests of honor had entered. I had work as the best man.


	3. Chapter 3: Armchair Medical Advice

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

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BPOV**

After I had about a half hour to calm down and sip the cosmo, we went back into the main part of the apartment. Jasper was talking to a group of people from his office. "Hey, Alice, Bella! Come here!" he called. "I want you to meet some people. Where have you been?" Alice dragged me over.

"We've been in the back," Alice said.

"Everybody, this is Alice, my girlfriend, and her roommate, Bella," Jasper said. He introduced me to several people whose names I'd never remember.

I spent the evening talking to another guy from Jasper's office named Eric who was kind of nerdy, but I felt kind of safe near him. He was the IT guy and kind of annoying, but it was better than being the crying drunk girl having a panic attack, alone.

Emmett and Rosalie were the most perfect couple. He was tall, muscular, the life of the party. She was tall, blonde and perfect, looked like a supermodel.

It all just reminded me that I had never had a boyfriend. Ever. And I was close to 24, now. I was destined to die a virgin, now.

Not that I was unfortunate-looking. I was pretty, but at the same time, I was that crazy girl in school that had mental problems that everybody but nutty little Alice Cullen and the preacher's kid, Angela Weber, stayed away from when I first came to Forks to live with Charlie. Alice and Angela had been my saving grace. I might have done correspondence courses from home for high school had it not been for them.

"Hi, Bella, can you help me with making some drinks?" Edward asked, interrupting Eric's one-sided conversation with me. I wondered why he was asking me- and when he had figured out my name. "I'm a little short-handed."

"Uh, sure," I said, getting up.

I followed him into the kitchen. "You looked like you were dying over there," he said. "I don't know how Eric Yorkie got invited to this party, with all the complaining that Emmett does about him."

"Oh," I said, softly. "Is he that bad?"

"Did you ever watch _Saturday Night Live_ when Jimmy Fallon was on?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Do you remember _Nick Burns Your Company's Computer Guy?_" Edward asked. I noticed his beautiful green eyes twinkled. They were a gorgeous jewel shade. "That's what Emmett makes him sound like."

"Oh, OK," I said, racking my brain, trying to remember that skit.

Edward handed me a few flutes of champagne. "Go ahead and hand these out," he said. "We're going to start toasting Emmett and Rosalie in a minute," he said.

I nodded.

After we handed out the champagne, Edward and Jasper called everyone together into the living room. The music was turned off. "To the happy couple," Jasper said, raising his glass. "To many years- may your marriage be exceptional, loving, and full of many memories."

There were shouts of _here, here!_ And glasses clinked together.

"Emmett, take Rosalie's hands in yours," Edward said. Emmett did. "Put your hand on top of hers." Emmett did. Emmett and Rosalie looked into each other's eyes, tenderly. "This is the last time you'll ever have the upper hand." The room exploded into laughter.

"Here, here!" Jasper yelled, raising his champagne flute.

There were other toasts to the engaged couple.

I found myself relaxing when I had enough alcohol in me. I sat out on the balcony with Alice and Jasper and we started playing a game of blackjack. Several people joined us. I won a few times, but we didn't really keep count.

Everything was going well until we heard a screeching sound and a crash. We looked up and saw that a car had run a stop sign and there had been an accident. The car that had been going through the four-way stop had spun into the back quarter panel of a car that had been parallel parked… it was Jasper's car.

"Shit!" Jasper cried, standing up. "That's my _car!"_

"Oh, Jazz!" Alice cried. "Oh, Jazz!"

His beautiful white BMW, that he had saved up for since college, was sitting with a Toyota Camry wedged into it at a forty-five degree angle. Jasper spun around and dashed through the apartment. I saw him running across the courtyard to the street.

"Oh no!" I cried. "His car. Poor Jasper."

"They better have insurance," Alice said, shaking her head. "Come on, let's offer moral support."

We took our jackets and went out to the street to Jasper, who was attempting to calmly discuss insurance matters with the car that had run the stop sign. They had called a cop. I sat down on one the benches.

"This is going to take all night," Alice muttered. "The Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus are in town, and they're all down at the stadium, directing traffic for the teenyboppers."

"Oh no," I muttered.

It did take all night. Most everybody from the party was gone by the time the cops showed up and made their report. Luckily, the car that ran the stop sign was insured, but Jasper's back lights weren't working when he checked them out. The cars were going to have to be towed.

"Shit," Jasper muttered, climbing out after checking the brake lights.

"It'll be OK," Alice said, wrapping her arms around him. "We'll get a cab, and I'll take you to a car rental in the morning before work. We'll call a tow truck."

"Alice," Jasper muttered. She kissed his shoulder. "I love you."

"I called the tow truck, already," Edward said from behind me.

"Thanks, man," Jasper said.

"That's such a beautiful car," Edward said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. Can I take the three of you home?"

"That could work," Alice said.

"Just let me say good-night to the last guest," Edward said. "I'll get my car keys."

"Thanks," I said. Edward disappeared up the stairs. "That's really nice of him."

"He seems like a nice guy," Jasper said. "Being a pediatrician in training and all."

"Oh my God," Alice said. "You're kidding!" She giggled.

"What?" Jasper asked.

"I said that he had armchair medical advice," Alice said, giggling. "I need to apologize for that."

"Yeah, I think it would be wise," he said. Edward came down with a few stragglers.

"I'm ready to go," he said. "I'm parked down here."

I got up to follow him. "Which one is yours?" I asked.

"The Aston-Martin," he said.

"I've never seen an Aston-Martin," I said.

"Aw, man, Bella," Jasper said. "They're gorgeous cars." Edward clicked the unlock button on the remote, and the lights flashed on a car. It didn't look like anything special to me. Jasper was practically drooling over it. "I saw this car when we were parking. It's great. This is yours?"

"Yeah," Edward admitted.

"You doctors get paid too much," Jasper muttered.

"No we don't," Edward said, smiling.

"Let's sit in the back," Alice said to Jasper. "Bella, you ride up front." Alice and Jasper climbed in the back. Edward actually opened the shotgun door for me. I climbed in and put on my seatbelt. I felt better putting it on- it was a habit for me. I played with the door lock until I heard it click.

Edward climbed into the passenger seat. "Sorry about your car, again, man," he said to Jasper. "They pay you architects too much."

"Ha ha," Jasper replied.

"So, where to?" Edward asked.

"We live on Spencer Street," Alice said. "The North side. Jasper can spend the night at our place."

"Thanks, baby," Jasper said, kissing her on the cheek.

"Jasper, stop doing that, there are other people in the car, y'know," Alice joked. I smiled. She loved to kid him.

"Bella, are you doing okay?" Edward asked.

"Uh, sure," I said, surprised. "I've had a couple of drinks."

"Alcohol's only going to make the symptoms worse," Edward said. "You need to get to the cause."

"I know the cause," I said, darkly. "Please don't try to diagnose me."

"Really, Edward-" Alice said. "You don't know her."

"I'm just saying," Edward said. "You'll be happier if you can manage these anxiety attacks without prescriptions. I'm saying this as a doctor. Think about that."

I had been living on Xanax for years, now. And I was still having panic attacks. I realized we were at my apartment building. "Thanks for the ride," Alice said. "Come on, Bella."

I went to reach for the door, but Edward got out, and I realized he was going to let me out. I let him. It was kind of nice for a guy to help me out of a car. Most guys kept their distance from me.

"Thanks for taking us home," I said.

"Good night," Edward said to me.

"Perfect ending to a perfect night," Jasper muttered as we got into the elevator.

"I know your car getting creamed sucks," Alice said, squeezing his hand.

"Just let me mourn it, I'll act better in the morning," Jasper said.

"OK," Alice said. They kissed.

I looked away.

* * *

"Do you think that Edward Masen was checking you out last night?" Alice asked, brushing her teeth the next morning.

"Looking at me? The crazy, fuck-up girl with anxiety attacks party crashing at his apartment?" I asked.

"Bella!" Alice cried, taking her toothbrush out of her mouth.

"I'm twenty-four and still a virgin, please," I said.

"And you'll stay that way if you keep complaining," she said. "You've got class in an hour."


	4. Chapter 4: Chinese TakeOut

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

While I walked down the hill to the student center, I anticipated getting some coffee for once- from a clean cup that hadn't been washed in a dishwasher. I saw a familiar head of bronze hair glinting in the sunlight. Anxiety rose in my throat. He was talking to a girl, though, and she looked like a medical school student. I decided not to bother him. My good camera was weighing down my backpack, and I wanted to get it out and get a few pictures before class. That always calmed me down.

I passed them, trying to avoid his gaze. I went up to the coffee counter. "Can I have a venti dark roast?" I asked, setting down three dollars. The clerk quickly got my coffee. I saw that Edward was gone, luckily. The anxiety lowered itself. I ran down the stairs outside, only to trip and splash really hot coffee all over myself. And my camera!

I screamed out in pain. I realized it wasn't just the pain of the burn, but twisting my ankle, too. A few people rushed over to see if I was OK.

"Bella?"

I realized it was Edward. Of all people, Edward found me covered in coffee and sprawled on the ground. I pulled my burning hot shirt off of my skin, but not off of myself. I wasn't going to stand there in my bra in public. My arms and neck were turning red.

"Hi," I said. "What are you doing here?" I asked. He helped me up, but I couldn't put weight on my ankle.

"I work at the University Hospital," he said. "Come on, I'll take you to the ER."

"No, I'm OK," I said. "My camera!"

"It looks like a really nice one, too," he muttered. "I'm sorry."

"I've got another one at my apartment," I muttered. Although this one cost almost 800 brand-new. I sighed.

"You can't put any weight on your ankle, and I think your skin is going to blister," he said. "You need to stop by the ER to make sure it's not a serious burn."

"I will," I said.

"Do it now," he said.

"You order me around too much," I said.

"Here, I'll drive you," he said. "I'm parked really close by."

He picked me up and carried me over to the Aston-Martin and set me inside. "Look, you don't have to do this for me," I said.

"I could have called an ambulance for you," he offered.

"OK, fine," I said.

He got in the car and began to drive me to the University Hospital. "Sorry," I said.

"For what?" he asked.

"You were in a meeting or something," I said.

"No, I was just catching up with an old friend from medical school," he said. "I saw you trying to sneak by." I felt worse. "Bella, really, you're not really such a pain as much as you think you are," he said. "You'd be OK if you'd acted like you were."

"Alright, fine," I said. "Be my therapist."

"OK, it's none of my business, I'm sure," he said.

I realized I had just been really rude. "I'm sorry," I said.

"No, it's alright," he said. "Really, I don't know you that well. Here we are. I'll help you in."

"Thanks," I said.

Edward helped me out of the car and into the ER. They almost immediately took me in, once Edward returned my papers to the Triage nurses. "Thanks," I said.

"Take care, Bella," he said. "I have to go back to work."

"Thanks, Edward," I said.

Alice picked me up after they made sure I only had minor burns and my ankle was just sprained and not broken. "How did you do this?" Alice joked.

"I was trying to avoid Edward Masen seeing me," I said. "And I tripped with a cup of full coffee on hand and probably ruined my good camera."

"Oh, I'm sorry Bella," she said.

"Edward brought me to the ER," I said.

"Well, that was nice of him," she said.

"Yeah, but he tries to give me advice every time I see him," I said.

"Well, Bella, you keep getting paranoid," she said. "You keep acting like people don't like you."

"Well, they don't," I said.

"That's because you think they don't," Alice said. "It's a vicious circle. Look, Jasper and I are going out to dinner tonight, you want us to bring anything back for you?"

"No, that's OK, I'll fend for myself," I said.

"Alright," Alice said. "Just promise me that you'll try to eat dinner."

"I will," I said.

I spent the night hobbling around the apartment, cleaning, instead of making myself dinner. I tended to do this to myself. Nesting, as people called it. Even Dizzy got in on it, curling up in her favorite corner.

"You're improving, Bella, but maybe not as much as I'd like," my therapist, Amy, said. "I'd like to start you on Zoloft. Fluoxitine isn't doing it anymore. You're not gaining weight."

I ran my fingers over my forearm. "Another antidepressant?" I asked.

"I think it's time to try something new," she said.

The meds were getting less and less effective. My body was becoming more and more immune to them. They had been lifesavers when I started them, now the symptoms were coming back. I worried I'd be back where I was when I started them at the age of sixteen. I wasn't sure if I could tell Charlie. I was ashamed. I felt like I was failing.

Again.

* * *

I limped up to my apartment door, and went to unlock it. I heard voices conversing. I thought it was Jasper and Alice talking at first, but I realized it wasn't Jasper's voice. It was musical and rich. I unlocked the door.

"Hi, Alice," I said.

"Hi, Bella," she replied.

"Hello, Isabella Marie Swan," Edward Masen said, standing up. He had been sitting on the couch. He grinned at me with a sexy half-smile. He was in jeans and mint green polo shirt, setting off his bronze hair. I blushed. How did he know my whole name? That was embarrassing.

"Edward came by. You dropped your license in his car," Alice said, smiling.

Edward held up my driver's license with my lovely driver's license photo. The one where I looked surprised. "Here you go," he said, handing it back.

"Thanks," I said.

"Is your camera working?" he asked.

"No," I admitted.

"Sorry," he said. "Was it insured?"

"Yes, but the deductible was five hundred dollars," I said.

"Jasper's coming by with some Chinese for dinner," Alice said. "I invited Edward to stay for a beer, and then dinner and so..."

"Oh," I said. "OK."

"You don't want me to stay?" Edward asked.

"No, no," I said. "It would be nice if you'd stay, really. I'm just a mess right now." I had no make-up on, I was wearing an ugly, pilled sweatshirt with my paint-stained jeans with a hole in the knee.

"You look fine," Edward said. There was a knock on the door- I knew it was Jasper.

"I'll get it- Bella, sit down," Alice said.

I hobbled over to the couch and sat down. The cat avoided me and went straight to Edward's lap. I felt a little betrayed by my own cat! "So, Edward, you're really young to be a pediatrician," I said.

"I'm an intern in pediatric cardiology," he said. "I'm not quite on my own, yet."

"I see," I said.

"How's your ankle?" he asked.

"It's getting better," I said. "It was just sprained."

"That's good," he said. "So, your accent… you're not from around here… How'd you end up in Washington?"

"Long story," I said, quietly.

"Bella's from Riverside, California, originally," Jasper said, taking off his parka. He and Alice were getting plates out. "She grew up in Phoenix. She came up here in... fifth grade, was it?"

"Yeah, to Forks," Alice said. "That's where I'm from. That's where her dad lives." I was eternally grateful to them for saving my ass. I hated telling the story of how I came to Washington.

"Are you from here?" I asked Edward.

"No, actually," he said. "I'm from Chicago, originally. I came out here after medical school."

"So, your family's back east?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "My Mom and Dad are, at least."

"So, Edward, what got you interested in medicine?" Jasper asked, bring over a plateful of egg rolls and sauces. He set down a few fresh beers.

Edward chuckled. "I'm the fifth doctor in my family in as many generations," he said. Alice brought over the cartons of Chinese and chopsticks. "My father's a doctor, as is my grandfather, and so on. Plus, I like medicine."

"What made you want to work with kids?" I asked.

"I spent five years at a summer camp as a counselor," he answered. "Those little ankle-biters got to me."

"How do you know Emmett and Rosalie?" I asked.

"Ah, Emmett and Rosalie," he said, as if reminiscing. "They were childhood friends of mine. Emmett got a job out here, and Rosalie followed. I ended up a medical intern in Seattle, so…"

"You're best man in the wedding, right?" Jasper asked.

"Yes, that's right," Edward said. "You're going to be one of the groomsmen, too?"

"Yes," Jasper said. "Edward, you want another beer?"

"Not yet, I'm good," Edward replied. "So, Bella, what are you in school for?"

"I'm getting a master's in British Literature," I said.

Edward nodded. "My mother has a master's in British and Russian Literature," he said.

"Oh," I said.

"Bella, aren't you going to have an egg roll?" Alice asked, pointedly. I hadn't been eating like I was supposed to.

"What does she do with that degree?" I asked, steering the conversation back to Edward.

"She volunteers a lot," he said. "Her favorite place to work is at the battered women's shelter in downtown Chicago. I did a lot of work there, too, when I was in high school."

The conversation with Edward that night was nice. I found him interesting. I tried to stay as quiet as possible, to avoid annoying Edward, but I reminded myself that he told me that I was my own worst enemy. Alice had to go around pointing out my prints, pointing out that I had taken them.

At the end of the night, Edward had to go- he had a three day shift starting tomorrow. "I'll see you all later," he said.

"Take care," I said, hobbling beside him out the door.

"You too, Bella," he said.

I shut the door, and sighed.

I heard some snickering in the living room. "Yay, Bella's finally gone out on a date!" Alice cried.

"That wasn't a date!" I cried.

"Just you wait," Jasper said. "I think he likes you."

"Yeah, why else would he have stuck around for dinner?" Alice asked.

The very idea that Edward Masen, a successful doctor with a future who had his act together that actually liked me was kind of scary. That wasn't possible, was it?


	5. Chapter 5: Simply a Cup of Coffee

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**_A/N- Yes, Bella has an eating disorder in this fanfic, among other things. I thought I'd show it to you all, what it's like to live with one, the amount of guilt that it puts you through with worrying your friends and family._**

**EPOV**

I watched from a distance as Isabella Marie Swan sat at her table, alone, wiping it off, carefully, with a Clorox wipe from a small pack in her backpack. Then, she wiped off the dampness of the wipes with a paper napkin. She very carefully shined the water spots off her silverware, even between the tines of her fork. She carefully arranged her silverware on an unbent, unsoiled paper napkin, as if she were expecting a plate of food to be set down. I watched as she arranged her salt and pepper shakers in a particular way. She frowned, stole a glance around the dining room, and swapped out her pepper for one that had as much in it as the salt. She arranged them, perfectly, side-by-side, with the artificial sweetener packets box in the middle. She smiled, briefly, but not happily. She polished off all the salt, pepper and sugar on the canisters with a paper napkin. She set the sugar canister over to the side, then. She set her water glass down on a paper napkin, wiping up the condensation circle. It was a ritual for her. She rubbed her forearm, that strange way I had seen her do at my party, and smiled, smoothing her hair.

When the waitress stopped by, she set the coffee cup and saucer down, splashing a few drops of coffee down on the table, accidentally knocking it with her hip, sending Bella's carefully arranged pieces precious centimeters off. She lifted the coffee cup and wiped off the saucer with another paper napkin until it was completely dry. Paper napkins were Bella's best friend. Bella looked a little upset by this, but didn't say anything. She wiped off the offending coffee stain from the table, and started her ritual all over again, including the polishing of the canisters, although I thought it unnecessary.

She seemed to relax when things were in order. When it was done, she finally put some artificial sweetener into her coffee. The way she did it was interesting. The first thing she did was she picked up the little pink envelope. Then, she flicked it with her fingernails to make sure it was all in the bottom of the pouch. Then, she tore it carefully with the tips of her fingernails so only the ridges of the envelope were off. She emptied it into the bowl of the spoon, first, then stirred it into the coffee itself. She ladled a spoonful of the coffee into the spoon and carefully sipped it like soup. Then, she carefully stuck the torn off envelope bits into the pouch and then folded it into an even tiny square. I could see that she had been exercising and she looked a little green. Probably low blood sugar from hard exercise and no carbohydrates in her system for her body to run off. Coffee wasn't going to do it. And it was obvious to anybody.

Classic eating disorder. The rituals held off the panic attacks- and the rituals were so lavish they caused her to eat less and less, they were so exhausting. The weight loss was just a side effect of the OCD behavior. She blew onto the coffee to cool it some more. She waited for a few minutes until it was cooled off, just watching it. The coffee cup sat where a plate of food would have gone. She carefully took the coffee in like soup with a spoon. It was bizarre, at best, but I had seen it before. Lots of teenage girls who had predisposed heart conditions made them worse when they fell into eating disorders. I had to understand them in my field.

Something about her was in pain. At her apartment on Spencer St., I had dropped off her license, but Alice and Jasper had invited me in. I had commented on the different black-and-white prints and they walked me around to see the pictures. They were beautiful- the person who took them had a way of connecting with their subjects. You could see something personal in it. There was something about the artist in those photographs, too. The photographer saw something painful, but beautiful. And then, Alice informed me that Bella had taken all of those pictures- some with the camera that had been ruined.

I had to stop her from acting so strangely in public for now, although she was so good at making it look normal. Nobody in the restaurant was watching her. A part of me, after seeing such a personal side of her, felt as if I owed her something normal. I fought myself for a moment, but it felt like forever. I had to. I came over to her table. She didn't see me.

"Hello, Bella," I said, standing by her table.

She looked up, and her cheeks flamed. She had such a lovely blush against her pale, almost translucent skin. Her mouth opened, slightly. She actually looked pretty for a moment. My heart ached.

**BPOV**

I sat at the diner table and arranged the salt and pepper shakers perfectly side-by-side, the sugar right behind it. I needed a little something to keep myself from feeling so nauseated after my run this afternoon. I had done well today- no food, yet, just a diet coke, some water and an apple. I shouldn't have eaten that apple at all, too many sugars. But, it was better than eating a cookie. I should have been eating an ounce of lean protein, like broiled chicken, but I had given myself an apple, which resulted in extra laps at the track.

After the waitress served me, the coffee cup was at a perfect 45 degree angle, and the utensils were perfectly straight. My napkin was at a perfect perpendicular angle to the coffee cup and the salt and pepper shakers. I rubbed the lump on my forearm. I could finally began to sip my coffee through my spoon. I began ladling it through my spoon so I didn't burn myself by sipping it.

"Hello, Bella."

I looked up to see jewel-like green eyes. I flushed with embarrassment. I had been doing my stupid rituals while dressed in my fugly sweatshirt with a stain on it, my hair was fuzzy and looked like crap and Edward Masen had seen it. I wondered how much he had seen.

"Hi," I replied finally.

"Can I sit down?" he asked.

"Oh, sure," I said.

He sat down across from me. He had circles under his eyes and he looked tired. It had obviously been a long couple of days for him. "So, how have you been?" he asked.

"I'm alright," I said. "How was your three-day shift?"

"It was a three day shift," he said, shrugging. "Would you like to go out to dinner sometime?"

The idea of actually eating dinner in front of someone was frightening to me. I wasn't used to eating in front of people, but I rarely got asked out by anybody that was as sexy and fascinating as Edward Masen. I didn't have to actually eat. "OK," I said.

"Can you give me twelve hours to recover?" he asked. "Tonight, can I pick you up at 8?"

"Sure," I said.

"I'll see you then," he said, getting up.

"Alice, I have a clothing emergency," I said, dialing my cell phone once he was out of sight.


	6. Chapter 6: Firsts

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**_A/N- No, this title isn't meant to imply lemons- you dirty minds! Bella's going on her first date- ever- with Edward. And of course, get more of an idea of what it's like to be eating disordered and how it ruins all aspects of your life._**

**BPOV**

Alice stressed over what was sexy but not slutty, what said I was interested in another date, but not desperate. The truth was, somebody at my age not being de-virginized yet was pretty desperate. It was a low-cut hot pink halter dress with pink espadrills.

My ankle was better, now, but I knew that I'd have to be careful on these shoes. My skin was still a little pink from the burns, but in low light, you couldn't see it. Alice helped me with my make-up.

"Do you have your Xanax with you?" Alice asked, putting my blush on me.

"Yes," I said.

"Good," she said. The doorbell rang. "I'll get it!"

She dashed off to open the door. I listened. "Hi, Edward! She's almost ready," Alice was saying.

"Thanks," Edward said.

"Do you want to wait in the living room?" she asked. "Have a seat, make yourself comfortable."

"Yes, thanks," he said.

I took a deep breath. I hadn't been able to figure out an ulterior motive why he'd ask me out. I wondered if he'd expect me to go home with him. Panic welled up in my throat.

"I'm back," Alice said, coming back into the bathroom, picking up the eyeliner. "He looks so great."

"I knew it."

"Pink is such a good color on you, Bella," Alice said, stepping back to admire her handiwork. I stood up to admire myself in the mirror.

"Thank you Alice," I said. "Um, Alice..."

"Pink isn't as great as royal blue, but… we'll save that until… you know… you play your cards right," Alice said, wiggling her eyebrows, ignoring me."

"Alice, do you think... do you think he's going to ask me to go home with him?"

"What's wrong with that?" she cried. "Besides, I really want a good relationship for you. Is that so much to ask for?"

"No, not really," I admitted. "But, I'm not sure I want to just yet..."

"Oh, I get it. I tell you what... if you're not home within three hours and you haven't given me an update, I'll call you with a hysterical sob story so you have an excuse to ditch him, okay?"

"That's genius!"

"No, it's not!" Alice laughed. "Come on."

I stepped into the living room. Edward looked up. "Wow," he muttered. "Bella…"

I smoothed my skirt on my thigh. Edward didn't look that bad, himself. He was wearing a charcoal grey suit that looked like a designer had made it with a cobalt blue shirt. He was holding a gerbera daisy. "Hi."

"You look great."

"Thanks."

"Oh," he said. "I got this for you," he said, holding out the flower.

I had never gotten a flower from a man before. I took it. "Thanks, Edward," I said. "Let me put this in water."

Alice met me between the living room and kitchen. She had been spying. "I got it," she said, plucking it from my hand. "Go. Have a good time. Update me before ten."

"Thanks," I said. "I love you." We kissed on each other on each side of our faces.

"Wear my trench coat!" she hissed. "It'll go with the outfit."

Edward helped me into the coat.

"Have a good time, Bella!" Alice called.

"I will!"

We stepped out into the hallway and down to the staircase. Oh shit, I was wearing heels. Edward politely offered me his arm.

"I made reservations at a bistro in downtown. You'll love it," he said, before an awkward pause could set in.

"A bistro?"

"Yes. Great food."

* * *

I hated it when restaurants serve huge portions of food- and it seemed they all did. I felt terrible when I ordered shrimp scampi and they brought out a plate as big as my head. "How is it?" Edward asked with my first bite. I couldn't help it; it felt slimy in my throat. But, I had ordered it.

"It's delicious," I lied.

I managed to take a few more bites between our conversation before it felt like too much. I found myself talking about photography. Edward kept on asking me about it. It was easy to talk about it, a little too distracting from the food. I tried to do the bait and switch to make it look like I was cutting up the pasta and shrimp where I spoke or asked a lot of questions to distract him, but it didn't seem to work. My stomach was churning. I excused myself to the restroom.

I didn't want to throw up. I didn't like doing it. I'd eventually confess to either Alice or Amy out of guilt. I hated admitting it.

I leaned on the counter, my arms shaking. _God, Bella, you are so pathetic, _I thought, sweat beads gathering on my forehead. I was being normal. I was on a date with a very attractive doctor, yet I was thinking about throwing up a very nice dinner he was buying me. I would go back to the table with an empty stomach, low blood sugar and a bloated, splotchy face, water spots on my clothes from the splashback in the toilet and my make-up smeared, my eyes watery. He'd know. He was freaking _doctor_.

No. I had to hold it down.

I wiped off my forehead with a paper towel and went back into the dining room. The server was taking our plates away.

"Do you want dessert?" Edward asked when I came back.

"No thanks," I said, sitting down.

"No tiramisu? This restaurant as great tiramisu," he said. "You hardly touched your food."

_"No!" _I cried. _I touched enough of it and you'll never touch me, now- ever._ "I'm completely full," I stuttered, covering for my stupid outburst.

"Okay!" Edward said. "I'm not trying to push it."

The server suddenly returned- with a foil swan and the check. "Oh god," I muttered, embarrassed.

Edward grinned. "I know," he said, putting his credit card in the leather case. "I said you were going to take your leftovers home. I didn't know they were going to do that."

"I don't usually need a doggie bag," I lied. Normally, I just had them throw it out.

"He went to the trouble, Bella," Edward said. "At least leave the restaurant with it."

I'd look stupid not taking it. He was right. "Okay, I will," I said. "But I can't promise I won't throw it out at home."

"Fair deal."

I carried the stupid foil swan filled with most of my dinner out with Edward to his Aston-Martin. He opened the car door for me and let me into the passenger seat and I sat with the foil swan in my lap. "Okay, so I walked out with this, can we toss it somewhere?" I asked.

"I suppose," Edward said. "Didn't you like dinner?"

In my haste, I hadn't realized that I was putting his taste in restuarants down by complaining about having leftovers on a date he took me on. "I did!" I explained. "It was great, I just can't take a lot of rich foods, really. I was so excited about going out with you- I forgot- no, I mean, I go out a lot, but- I've been so busy since going to graduate school, I haven't, lately-" How stupid and awkward could I be? I just admitted nobody took me out to cover up for my lack of eating. Damnit.

"Bella, it's okay. I was excited about going out with you tonight, too. My life's pretty boring outside work these days," he said. "What about a movie next time?"

"A movie?" I repeated like a stupid parrot.

"Yeah," he said. "I'll call you."

"You're already asking me out on another date?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "I know it's a bit forward, but… Let me take a look at my schedule over the next few days and get back to you."

"Oh," I said. "Sure, yeah a movie." I could be pretty calm in a movie. We didn't have to fill up the quiet moments by talking or eating. I could come up wit ha good excuse not to eat popcorn or candy or coke. A diet coke was fine. Or maybe, if I was careful and paid attention, I could eat only some of the popcorn, a controlled amount- only one-hundred calories and dump the rest at my non-Edward side-

Wait, I was sitting here planning my food out on a first date. What kind of fucking loser did that? I realized we were already at my apartment. What was I supposed to say- uh- oh yeah."Thanks for taking me out tonight."

"Of course," he said. He got out of the car and helped me out. "I can walk you up to your apartment."

"No, that's alright!" I said, feeling a moment of alarm. Would he expect me to invite him in? What if Alice wasn't there? "Call me," I said, without thinking. When I realized what I had said, I wanted to slam my head into the bricks.

"I will. Have a good night, Bella."

In my apartment, Alice and Jasper were watching TV while she was hemming a pair of pants.

"How did it go?" Alice asked, jumping up, ecstatically. "You brought home food! What'd you get?"

"He asked me on a second date- before I even got home, but I don't think he's going to call."

Alice squealed and clapped. "What's in the swan, Swan?"

"Oh, I didn't even realize I bought this home!" I cried. "Shrimp scampi."

"Sounds good. You might as well refrigerate it," Jasper said.

"Yeah, it was really rich, though," I said. They were showing interest in the food- I could get them to eat it! "You should try it." I tried to shove it into Jasper's lap.

"We will," Alice said.

"I'm going to go to bed, I've got class in the morning."

"Alright," Alice said. "Good night."

"Good night."

I wondered what other stupid mistakes I made on that first date. God, I was going to die a virgin.

* * *

I got a phone call from Charlie the next afternoon. He had gone fishing with Billy. "How many fish did you catch?" I asked.

"Three good ones," he said. "But, I threw 'em all back."

"I'm sure, Dad."

"I heard from the Cullens that you went on a date last night."

"What!?" I cried.

"News travels fast in a small town. I ran into Esme Cullen at Newton's Outfitters," he said. "She was getting a mosquito pheromone machine. They live right by the river."

"I heard those work really well," I said, trying to divert the subject.

"Don't change the subject, Bells."

"So, I take it she heard from Alice," I said, my cheeks flushing.

"Who was it?" Charlie asked.

"Somebody I met through Jasper," I said. I realized how grown-up that sounded. I smiled to myself. Even if the date had been a disaster.

"Name please."

"Da-_aaad_!"

"I gotta watch out for my little girl!"

"Okay, his name is Edward."

"What does he do?"

"Why do you need to know?"

"I need to know that he's not a bum."

"Okay, fine, he's a doctor," I said. "A pediatric cardiology intern."

"Oh, okay," Charlie replied. "That's not bad. Are you going out with him, again?"

"He wants to go out with me to a movie sometime soon," I said. "Despite how stupid I acted."

"Already?"

"Yes," I admitted. "He seems like a really nice guy so far. But, I don't think he's going to call."

"Bells, maybe he doesn't think you acted stupid," Charlie said. "Have you ever consider that? He probably didn't think you were weird at all. You're a bright, beautiful girl-"

I cut him off. I hated hearing that. "Well, we'll just chalk it up to a learning experience for my next date. _If_ I ever get asked out again."

"Well, sweetheart, I'm glad you're finally meeting somebody," Charlie said. He was really saying _I'm glad you're finally acting like a normal twenty-something girl._

"Me too," I said. "So, when are you going to go out on a date, Dad?" I asked, switching the subject.

"Oh, nobody could ever hold a candle to your mother, sweetheart."

"Don't give me that!"

"I know," he said. "Just enjoy your twenties-"

I got a beep on my phone. I checked it and saw Edward's number. "Dad, I gotta go."

"What? What could possibly be more important than talking to your Dad?"

"It's- it's Edward."

"Oh," he said knowingly. "Talk to you later. I love you."

I hit the flash button. "Hello?"

"Hey, Bella?"

"Hi, Edward," I said. "How's it going?" Why did I ask him that? He could be calling to rub it in that he wasn't interested in that movie. Oh shit, oh-

"I'm alright, just a little worn out. I had a few minutes so I thought I'd call you, I'm almost off work. I've got a few days off after this shift is over tomorrow- do you want to go to that movie tomorrow night?"

I was stumped. He was actually asking me for a second date? "Sure!" I cried. Oops. Overeager. "Yeah, what time?"

"Thursday at six sound good?"

"Sure," I said.

"I gotta go- they're calling me back- we'll play it by ear, okay?"

"Sounds good."

Yes. He really wanted to take my on a second date!


	7. Chapter 7: Normal Girl

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

I was squealing and jumping up and down when I shut the door to my apartment.

"Did Edward call?" she asked.

"Yes," I said. "We're going to the movies!"

"Yes!" Alice hissed. "What are you going to wear?"

"Jeans," I answered. "It's always cold in the theatres, anyways."

"You have to have a good top on!" she cried. "You can't just wear a t-shirt."

"Oh no," I groaned.

Alice dragged me into her bedroom and started pulling out three-quarters sleeve tops and telling me about how flattering these were.

By the time Edward came to pick me up for the movie, I was in a royal blue three-quarters sleeve top (Alice made me wear it) and I had on black pointed-toe heeled boots. I didn't let Edward stick around for too long because Alice was jumping up and down too much. "That's a great color on you," Edward said. "Too bad we're going to be in the dark the whole night."

"I didn't think of that," I said, putting on my brown pea coat and lavender scarf. "Can I buy the pop corn?"

"No, I'm the man, I should pay for the date."

"We've been out before," I said. "I think I should be allowed to pay for something."

"You can pay me a compliment."

"Ha ha, you're funny," I said before realizing how bad that sounded.

He chuckled.

"Okay. In all seriousness, you look very nice tonight."

"Thank you," he said. He opened the car door for me.

As always, Kevin Spacey was amazing in this movie. The independent movie theatre didn't have stadium seats and the arm rests didn't come up- not that I minded. I found my hand grazing Edward's a few times. My heart skipped a beat when it did. I felt like maybe how a teenager should. After the movie was over, the weather had cleared up and it was early.

"Do you want to go out to the marina?" Edward asked.

"Sure," I said. I didn't know what was so great about the marina, but I found out once we got out there.

It was lit up with Christmas lights and there were people out, walking up and down the pier between the moored boats. It was still early enough that children were out with their families.

"So, Bella, I got the glossed over version of why you came to Washington," Edward said. "What's the real story?"

"We've only been out on two dates," I said. "Well, one and a half, technically."

"Doesn't my driving you home from the engagement party count?" he asked.

"Okay," I said. I shivered. I had forgotten my coat in the car. "My mother died, so after a year of living with some family friends, I went to live with my dad."

"I didn't know she died," Edward said. "I'm sorry about that." He slipped his jacket off and put it on my shoulders. "What happened?"

"She had breast cancer. Really young," I said. "She went to several doctors before anybody would do a biopsy. By then, it was really too late. They did all they could."

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said. "Man, what a way to ruin a date."

"You didn't ruin it," I said. "It's just what happened."

"It's terrible to lose a parent at a young age. How old were you?" he asked, holding me close for the warmth. He smelled good.

"Twelve," I admitted. "It's just me and my Dad, now. He was the police chief in Forks."

"Oh man, I'm dating a police chief's daughter," he muttered, shaking his head.

"Don't worry, he never discharged his gun on the job," I said. "At least, that's what he told me all the time."

"But he carried a gun on the job?"

"Yes, he did," I admitted. "He retired last year."

"Does he still have the gun?" Edward asked nervously.

"I don't know," I said. "I don't go through his stuff. I just do his laundry when I come home, cook and clean for him. He's a man's man. He mostly just goes out to fish with his best friend in La Push and watches ESPN all the time. I keep trying to get him to date, but I don't have much success. Don't be afraid of him, he's pretty easy-going. Because of Alice's big mouth, he already knows that I went out with you."

"That little pixie," he grumbled.

"Well, she's best friends with her mom," I said. "Her mom is like a second mother to me, too. She told Charlie about you when she ran into him."

"I guess all this talk about parents is difficult," he said.

"It's… okat," I said. "You want to know me, this is part of me."

"Bella," he said softly. I felt his hand in my hair. It was oddly comforting, despite the fact that I hardly let people touch me if I could help it. A boat in the distance honked its horn three times. I held onto the railing. I could hear gulls cawing and him breathing. I liked having him near me. He moved my hair aside, and the area where my shoulder and my neck joined was visible to him. I could feel his breath on that open patch of skin and I felt weak in the knees. His fingers grazed it. I closed my eyes and sighed. I just wanted to kiss him, but I didn't want to be that idiotic, that forward, that brash. I felt goosebumps shoot down my shoulders, my arms and my spine. "Bella, it's getting really late for me," he offered. "I've had a long three days. Can I take you home?"

"Oh, of course," I said softly, feeling a little let down.

He took me back to my apartment, and we had short conversations about our families, work, school. He helped me out of the car and walked me up to my apartment this time. As usual, Alice and Jasper were waiting up for me. Edward said a quiet hello to them, and had a quick beer with us before going home. Once Edward was out the door, Alice got on the phone. "Yes, Charlie, she's home in one piece, before midnight."

"Alice, damnit!" I cried, swiping for the cell phone.

"Charlie's just not here to make sure he's treating you alright," Jasper said. "We have to pick up the slack!"

"I'm going to take a shower and go to bed!" I snapped. "You nosy, gossiping bastards!"

The cat watched me get into the shower out of some morbid curiosity with water. I washed my hair twice and blow-dried it straight before going to bed.

I laid down to sleep until I woke up in the middle of the night with a panic attack.

I had ruined the date, telling Edward about my mother. He was never going to call again. Of course, I had done it. He had been debating kissing me, and then I went and ruined it- the more he thought about it, the more I freaked him out. I was the idiot, here. I had no prior dating experience. I was a loser to the ninth degree. I had contemplated purging in a public restroom on a date and now I was crying over my dead mother. So much for Normal. How much an idiot was I?

I got out of bed to locate my vial of Xanax. It was in my purse. I took one and waited for it to kick in. I had actually eaten pop corn on the date tonight in the movie theatre and hadn't even tried to control myself. That contributed to it. I looked like a fat pig.

Stripping down to my underwear, I stood on the scale that I hid under my bed and weighed myself. I was a pound heavier than yesterday. Alice didn't know that I hid a scale in my room. I would be so ashamed if she found out. She had thrown away her bathroom scale in college in an attempt to help me with my eating problems, and now, here I was, hiding a scale. There were packages of crackers and cookies and pudding cups and all sorts of candies and chips hidden all among my laundry and things. Because I was a pig and liked to gorge all by myself. Why couldn't I control my eating? If I could just be quiet and control my food, I wouldn't be alone. People would actually like me and I wouldn't be a loser. I wouldn't ruin dates and I might actually had a decent boyfriend.

Dizzy came out of Alice's room and jumped up on my bed as if trying to comfort me. She rubbed against my leg. I picked her up and cried as quietly as I could, blinking with her giant eyes. Well, atleast I had my cat. Damnit. I was going to turn into the old scary cat lady.

I put my pajamas back on and sat down with her. She meowed a few times at me and curled up in the bend of my knees. I turned out the lights once the Xanax started to take effect. I was back to being scary, crazy, lonely Bella Swan. Now, new and improved with a cat.


	8. Chapter 8: Flashbacks

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

I sipped my coffee and highlighted an important line in my book. It was a sunny day in Seattle, for once. I had gotten over ruining the second date- kind of. "Hi, Bella."

"Edward!" I cried, looking up. "It's nice to see you."

"Good to see you, too," he said, sitting down next to me. He was wearing his sunglasses and a light blue long-sleeved crew-neck shirt over khakis. "I just needed to stop by the hospital. I forgot my iPod in my locker at work and I was kind of hoping I'd see you. Did you have a good time on the marina the other night?"

"Yes, actually," I said. "I've lived here for six years, but never really seen what the big deal is about the marina before."

"It's really a cool place. We didn't get to really see any of the boats," he said. "My Dad loves boats. We have one in Chicago. Look, I'm sorry I had to cut the date short last night, but really, the exhaustion just hit me. I slept almost fifteen hours. I think I just need to rest more after those three day shifts."

So, it wasn't that I was a freak of nature and he wasn't seeing me for what I really was, just yet. Alice kept insisting that I wasn't a freak, just recovering from something really traumatic and it took time to get over that. I had been out with Edward twice- well, three times if you count Jasper's friends engagement party- and we hadn't done anything, yet. Not even kissed. We were on the fast track to being just friends.

"Those three day shifts have to be exhausting," I agreed.

"What are you reading?" he asked.

"Tolstoy," I said, flashing the cover. "He's very interesting. He had a great deal of influence on western culture in the twentieth century, despite being Russian. Like Dostoyevsky."

"Hmm," he said. "At first, I was sort of surprised you didn't major in photography."

"No, I thought I'd get a degree in something more practical," I said. "And so I chose _Literature_… It's a joke, Edward. Literature's pretty useless."

"Oh," he said, smirking. "I see. I was going to ask you out for coffee, but, you already have one."

"I've got class in a few minutes," I said. "I have to go."

"I'll call you tonight, if you want to do something," Edward offered.

"That sounds good," I said, trying to sound cool, putting my backpack on. He helped me with it and I brushed my hair out of my jacket collar.

"See you later," he said.

* * *

I couldn't focus during class. I kept thinking about Edward Masen calling me. I came home to find Alice shooing me away from her bedroom. "Okay, is Jasper in there?" I asked.

"No, he's not," she said. "He's coming over to take me out to dinner, though."

"Then why are you kicking me out?"

"Somebody hasn't heard of presents?"

My phone rang and I jumped. It was Charlie.

"Hi, Dad," I said, answering the phone.

"Are you ready to come down for the weekend?" he asked. "I've got a whole weekend of stuff planned with the Cullens and the Webers for your birthday, Bells! I can't wait!"

"I can't wait, either," I said, although I really didn't care. I didn't like birthdays too much. I never did, without my Mom around. And the fact that I was turning twenty-five and I still hadn't cashed in the v-card yet was making me even more of a freak than I already was. I dreaded the idea of having that conversation with Edward. Maybe it was best that Edward and I stayed just friends.

"How are things going with that Edward guy?"

"Okay," I said. "I went out with him again. He's supposed to call me and we're going to do something tonight."

"He's not putting the moves on you, is he?"

"No Dad, he's not!" I cried, exasperated. "He's a perfect gentleman. I think we're going to end up just friends."

"Oh," Charlie said, sounding disappointed. I think there was hope of seeing grandkids in his future.

I sighed. "Well, you can tell Mike Newton's mom that I'm dating doctors, now," I said. "That'll really piss Mike off." Charlie had never liked Mike Newton after I had nursed a crush on him in high school. He lead me on for a while, and dated Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley while I was waiting and waiting and waiting for him to ask me out. I was no good at flirting. Even Alice had started to despise him after all the attention he paid to me and then never actually asking me out, even when he wasn't dating Lauren or Jessica. Angela didn't hate anybody- she was the person that was so sweet that nobody could hate her, although she was irritated with Mike. I spent hours in Alice's room sobbing over Mike my junior year. Alice and Angela somehow held me together until graduation. I had decided in college that I just wasn't girlfriend material after that.

"Mike Newton got married last year, in Portland, I think," Charlie said. "That's what I heard."

My heart sank. Everybody around me was getting married or pregnant by now. Here I was, just struggling to get by with my panic attacks. "Well, Dad, Edward's going to call me," I said. "I'm going to keep my line free."

"Alright," Charlie said. "Can't wait to see you tomorrow."

"Me neither," I said. "I love you. 'Bye."

"I love you, too."

Alice came out of the bedroom. She had heard my whole conversation because she had her door open.

"Mike Newton got married to his Latin tutor," Alice said. "She's not that great. She's got a unibrow!" she crowed gleefully. "She has to get it waxed every week, and she looks like lonelygirl15!"

"Oh," I said softly, not getting into the meanness of it.

"Come on, cheer up, Bella," Alice said. "Mike Newton's gotten fat, too, according to Esme." I actually laughed at that. "I'll do your hair."

"Oh, I don't want to."

"You'll feel better."

I gave in and let her mess with my hair. After a while, she got bored and asked to do my make-up, too. Dizzy seemed to find us interesting. She sniffed the hot curling iron until it singed one of her whiskers and she zipped off, making us laugh. When my phone finally rang, she got to it, first.

"Bella Swan's phone, Alice speaking," she said. "Oh, hi, Edward!... Yeah, she's right here… No, actually, Jasper and I are packing for this weekend… yeah, it's Bella's birthday weekend, we're going back to Forks to celebrate, you should come!" I picked up the hairbrush off the counter and flung it at her, missing by a mile. "Really, you're off from work? That's great!... No, here, you can talk to her."

She handed me the phone with a smug look on her face. "Thanks a bunch," I hissed. "Hi, Edward."

"Hi, Bella," he said. "I didn't know your birthday is this weekend."

"Yeah, I hate birthdays," I said. "It's just going to be a small thing, we're just going to go to Port Angeles and have dinner, play some miniature golf and laser tag, probably."

"Am I seriously invited?"

"Well, there's not a lot of room in my Dad's house. You'd be sleeping on the couch," I said. "Maybe you could stay with the Cullens, they've got plenty of room at their house. Let me ask Alice." I covered the receiver. "Alice!"

"What?"

"If Edward came with us to Forks, could he stay with you?"

"I'm sure my parents would be okay with it," Alice said. "Let me call them and check."

"Can I call you back?" I asked Edward.

"Sure."

While Alice called her parents, I fidgeted nervously in the living room. "They said it's fine," Alice said, sticking her head in the room.

I dialed Edward. "Hi, Edward?" I asked. "You can stay with Alice's family in Forks this weekend."

"Okay, great- when are we leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning, around 8:30."

"Do you want to do something tonight?"

"Sure," I said. "Do you want to go back to the Marina and tell me more about the boats?"

"I'd love to," he said. "Six o'clock, okay?"

* * *

I put on my warmest sweater and a nice pair of slacks. Alice forced me to wear a nice pair of shoes because my hair and make-up were so done so nicely, too.

Alice promised that there would be plenty of time for questions for Edward on the drive to Forks this weekend, so she let us go without a lot of discussion. On the dock, Edward and I walked to the end. I regretted wearing heels by this time, my feet were killing me.

"Can we sit down?" I asked Edward.

"Of course," he said. "Those shoes have to hurt."

"They do," I admitted. He again, smelled very, very nice. It had to be his aftershave. "So, do you specialize in anything in pediatrics?"

"Yes, cardiology," he admitted. "It's pretty daunting to be in charge of a child's delicate heart. I thought about doing basic pediatrics, but it gets tough, though, I'd have to examine children who have been in abusive homes, and report back to the state." I shivered. He wrapped an arm around me, causing me to shiver more. "I know, I know… It's not quite things you want to discuss on a date, but, it's my job. What are you doing to do with your degree?"

"I want to get my Ph.D. Teach English at a University," I said. "I love fiction. So much. There's so many good books out there. It's a great escape, reading."

"Is that why you read?" he asked. "To escape?"

I hadn't expected a question like that. "I… I guess so."

"It's a controlled situation, it's not happening to you."

"Yes, but I internalize it," I said. "Edward, I didn't want to talk about this with you."

"But, it's the point of dating, Bella. We get to know each other," he said. I felt a bubble of panic rise in my throat. Getting to know me was scary. He'd run- screaming perhaps, if he really got to know me. That's the real reason I wanted him to stay with the Cullens and not with Charlie and me this weekend. "Bella, calm down."

"How can you tell I'm getting upset?"

"Your breathing," he said. "And the fact that you get so pale."

I tried to breathe. I hadn't brought my Xanax along because I didn't want to conk out with Edward. "Look, Bella, I know you've got some eating problems."

"What?!" I cried. The world suddenly caved in on me- I thought my heart had stopped beating for a moment. I thought I'd vomit. How did he know? I had been so careful not to say or do anything in front of him to let on- had I really messed up that badly? My skin flushed red all over. I felt hot.

"Among other things," he said. He grabbed my arms, helping me sit back down.

"How did you know?"

"The OCD behavior, the way you arrange your plates, the amount of food you eat in front of me," he said. "The way you rub your forearm when you're nervous. How you ran off to the bathroom after eating three bites of food on our first official date and then came back, looking as if you had had a panic attack. You wouldn't eat dessert, either. The fact that you're so thin, too. I notice a lot of things about you. That's why I haven't taken you out for food since then."

I gasped in panic. I couldn't breathe and tears flooded my eyes. The heat of my full-body blush wasn't going away. I was feeling nauseous.

"Bella, it's alright. I still like you. A lot," he said. "Please, Bella, don't cry," he whispered softly. His eyes glowed when I finally looked into them. "I don't know what to do when girls cry, really. I feel pretty useless, please…"

I couldn't help it. The tears flowed uncontrollably down my cheeks. He wiped them away with his hand. There was no relief in him knowing about my eating disorder. I was horrified and embarrassed. It was one of my worst secrets being on out for him. I felt like I was naked and on display in front of Edward, now. It was horrible.

Edward finally pulled me in close to him to sob onto the shoulder of his polo shirt. I was getting make-up everywhere. I was shaking so hard at the admission that I wasn't completely normal, not as normal as I'd like him to think I was. Who was I kidding?

"Do you need me to take you home?"

"Can you?"

"Yes."

He let me into the passenger seat, where I sat, trembling, shaking, as we drove home in silence. He walked me up to my apartment, which was dark. Alice and Jasper had gone out for the night. "I thought they'd be home, they always are when I drop you off," he said. "I'm not leaving you here."

I was so confused and weak at that moment, the idea of being alone with Edward scared me. "No," I said, breaking down into fresh tears. "I can't let you stay here with me, Edward! We haven't even kissed, yet!"

"I'm afraid to leave you alone," Edward said. "Look, Bella, nothing's going to happen. Scout's honor. Do you want something to eat? No- something to drink?"

"I'd like a Xanax, please," I said. "They're in my backpack."

"I'll get it."

He came back with the vial and a bottle of water. I took the pill. "It takes about twenty minutes," I said. He nodded. I paced for a few minutes. Edward followed me. Dizzy watched from the kitchen table until the Xanax kicked in.

"Are you feeling any better?" Edward asked.

"Yes," I said. "Just really sleepy."

"I'll call Alice.:

"No, she's out on a date," I said. "I don't want to disturb her. Really, Edward, I'm fine, now, since I took the pill. You can go."

"Just because you took a pill doesn't mean you're going to feel any better," he said. "Bella, really… You're interesting to me. You read, you're intelligent, you've got interests in photography, reading and like learning. I like that about you."

"I'm crazy, though," I said, sitting down on the couch.

"You're not crazy," Edward said. "You care a lot about your family, and you lost part of it. You're suffering trauma."

I felt so tired from the Xanax, I didn't want to argue with him. "I think I'm going to go to bed, now," I said. "You'll probably be bored to tears while I sleep."

"I'll find something to do," he said. "You've got a TV."

"Alright."

I got up and changed into my pajamas in my bedroom. I brushed my teeth and took my hair down. I was so tired, I'd just have to shower in the morning. I went into my room and fell asleep. I woke up around 11 when Edward knocked on my bedroom door.

"Bella?" I jumped a mile, kicking. I didn't recognized Edward's voice at first. "Bella, it's just me! Edward!"

"What?" I cried.

"Bella, Alice is on the phone… you left your phone in the living room," Edward said. "She wanted to talk to you." He held out my cell phone to me.

"Hello?" I asked, taking the cell phone.

"Bella? Is that you? What's Edward doing answering your phone?"

"Hi Alice," I slurred. "He's sleeping in the living room."

"Did you take a Xanax?"

"Yes."

"You sound like it," she said. "I was just calling to check on you since I'm spending the night with Jasper. How did the date with Edward go?" I looked up. Edward was gone from the doorway. I turned on the lamp, and he wasn't in the room.

"Poorly," I said, quietly, worried he'd hear me.

"What happened!?" she cried.

"I'll tell you later."

"And you're saying it went badly?"

"It did," I cried, sleepily. "He found out about… the NOS. He asked me about it, Alice!"

"Oh no! Bella!"

"He was too scared to leave me alone tonight without you here."

"Do we need to come home?"

"I'm fine now."

"Is Edward still coming with us tomorrow?"

"Let me check," I said, tossing the phone down. I went into the living room and found Edward sleeping on the couch already. "Edward?" I asked.

He stirred and sat up. "Bella?" he asked.

"Hi," I said. "Are you still coming tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course, why wouldn't I?" he asked. "I said I was."

"OK, just checking," I said. "Alice is spending the night with Jasper. Good night."

I went back into my bedroom. I found my phone, where Alice was yelling "Bella! BELLLAAAA!!"

"I'm back," I said. "I just checked on Edward. He says he's still coming."

"Why are you making him sleep on the couch! You've got a double bed in your room!" Alice screeched.

"Alice, it's late, I'm doped up and I want to go to sleep," I said. "Good night." I hung up the phone.

I had a nightmare about Jim that night. I was locked in the closet, without any water, the air was stuffy, and I sitting on old shoes that dug into my butt and hanging clothes were hanging over my head, itching my scalp. My right arm was wrapped in an ace bandage, but it still hurt so much that it moved me to tears whenever I moved it. I had to urinate so badly, but the door was locked. I had been in for so long, I didn't know how long, but I knew it was several hours. My hair was chopped short from my ponytail. I shivered, touching it with my left hand, feeling the rough-hewn edges. I sobbed, quietly. Renée had loved my hair. She had always dried it every night after my bath, curled it and would do it up for me before, even after all hers had fallen out from the chemo, which had been horrifying for both of us. My teachers and school always commented on how beautiful my hair was. I promised Renée I'd never cut it. And Victoria had just come up behind me in a rage and hacked it off one day when I had been crying because Jim had been spanking me. I had wet my pants after that. I hated wetting my pants. I was too old for this, but since all the closet punishments, I was getting worse and worse about it. It was humiliating. I tried to pretend it didn't happen. Especially at school. And today, I was missing school. I was supposed to be there, and I was supposed to be… my birthday. I squeezed my thighs together.

_Shut up in there. Goddamnit, shut up in there_!

I squeezed my thighs together. Harder. I shivered. The shoes underneath me squeaked.

The door flew open, the light blinded me. I screamed, and I felt my bladder empty itself.

* * *

I woke up with a start. I realized I had been screaming. "Bella!" The overhead light flipped on. "Bella-"

"Edward?" I realized I was in my own apartment, in my own bed- and Edward, the guy I had been dating, was here. I was awake, I had just woken up from a nightmare- a flashback. I had had another flashback in my dream- flashbacks that I hated.

"You were screaming."

I shivered. "I know," I said. "It's been a rough day. I told you that. And I hate birthdays."

"Look, I feel like I'm sort of responsible for you tonight," Edward said. "I'm staying in your room."

"No," I said, sitting down on the bed. I had just washed and moisturized my face. I was still shaking. He had just gotten off the phone with Alice. Alice assured him that everything was okay that I just needed some rest before going back to Forks. I was getting paranoid at the idea of leaving Edward alone with the Cullens, now. They knew everything and I was afraid of what they'd tell him. "Do you really want to go to Forks with me?"

"Yes, Bella, I do," he said. "I'm getting a chair."

"It's going to be really uncomfortable to sleep in."

"I'm sleeping in the bed, then."

"What!?" I cried. What if he somehow found my stashes of food? I'd be humiliated. He'd never stick around, then!

"It doesn't mean we'll do anything, Bella," he said. "Don't freak out. I've slept in the same bed as a girl and not done anything before. You trust me?"

He hadn't abandoned me, yet, and I had done nothing but freak out for the past twelve hours. "Alright," I said, climbing back into the bed. I had never shared my bed with a man before. Edward got in with me, and wrapped an arm around me to encourage my head on his shoulder. _Double beds weren't that large,_ I realized. _Especially with two people in one._

"This has been a stressful day," Edward said. "I don't blame you for having a stressful night. Sleep, now, Bella," he turned off the lamp. "Good night."

When I finally relaxed, I moved so I could hear his heartbeat better. I felt better. It was kind of comforting. I listened to him breathe, the _thump-thump, thump-thump_ of his heart beat, and I myself closed my eyes.


	9. Chapter 9: Welcome to Forks

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**_A/N- Remember what I said about Jacob being only a brother to Bella? In this part, remember this. And remember, I am a huge Jake/Angie shiper, too, they're really the only non-canon couple in this fanfic, but they fit together so beautifully well._**

**BPOV**

In the morning, I woke up- slowly. I heard Alice and Jasper entering the apartment. "Honey, I'm home!" Alice yelled.

I remembered that Edward was in the bed with me. I hadn't stirred once since he had been in bed with me. What an experience. I lifted my head. "Hi."

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Just fine," I said. "How about you?"

"Great," he said. "You are so beautiful when you sleep."

"Sure I am," I said, rolling my eyes, sitting up.

"Bella?" Alice asked. "We brought coffee! Are you ready to go…" She stepped into the doorway. "Hi, Edward."

"Hi, Alice."

"You know we were set to go at 8:30, right?" she asked. I looked over at the clock- it was 8 am already. We weren't getting off at 8:30, most definitely.

"Yes," Edward said. "I just got a little distracted."

I got up and ran to the shower.

There was a knock on the door. "Bella?" Alice asked while I washed my hair. She had come into the bathroom.

"Yes?"

"What really happened?" she asked on the other side of the shower curtain.

"I had a flashback last night."

"A flashback?" she cried. "That's why he was calling?"

"Yes," I said, covering my face with my hands, stepping under the shower spray, although she couldn't see me.

"Bella- you didn't sleep with him, did you?"

"By sleep with him, do you mean take a nap with him or… I just took a nap with him!"

"Okay," she said, sounding relieved. "I just worry about you. We just need to make better memories on your birthday, you know."

"Don't remind me," I said, rinsing the conditioner out of my hair. "Where is he?"

"He went back to his place to pack a bag," Alice said. "He's coming back."

"Okay," I said, softly, turning off the water. "Can you hand me my towel?"

After I dressed and dried my hair, Edward had come back to our apartment with a duffle bag for the weekend.

"We got coffee for everybody," Jasper said as I came into the room. "And bagels, if you want one. I didn't know what you wanted, we have several different kinds- cinnamon raisin, blueberry, sun dried tomato-basil, oh, here's a plain one, chocolate hazelnut…"

"Thanks," Edward said, taking a coffee. "I'll take the sun dried tomato-basil, if nobody minds."

"Okay, cool. I'm taking the blueberry," Jasper said. They started slathering on mountains of cream cheese on their bagels, talking sports. Alice had the chocolate hazelnut, and I pretended to have the cinnamon raisin. I took a bite, chewed some and slyly spit it back into my napkin, putting it back into my lap under the counter, repeating this process until about half my bagel was eaten. I certainly couldn't refuse food, but I certainly couldn't eat it either. I called this ritual "chew and spit" with my friends online.

After everyone had a few bites and sips of coffee, Edward announced, "I'm ready to go. Who else is ready?"

"Great, I'm ready!" Alice said, picking up Dizzy and putting her in her carrier.

"Me too," I said, getting up, tossing the rest of my bagel and the bloated napkin into the garbage can.

We went downstairs with our bags and loaded up the car. Dizzy meowled until we got into the car, and we let her out once we were moving. I gave her a benadryl because she was licking her fur too much. Alice attempted to give me part of the last bagel, but I could only force a few bites down. She was sitting too close by me to chew and spit. I insisted it was too much on my stomach to eat that much of a bagel.

Jasper and Edward got into a conversation about Emmett- Emmett was obviously the clown. Emmett had decided he was resident cartoonist at work and at every meeting, he drew crude, sometimes inappropriate cartoons. We all started laughing when Jasper had Alice got out Jasper's laptop and showed us the most recent drawing.

"He did that in school, too," Edward said. "Especially in band class."

"You were a band geek!?" Alice squealed.

"Yes, I was in the symphony," Edward said. "I was the resident pianist at our school."

"You pay piano?" I asked. "I didn't know that."

"I was all-state symphony back in Illinois," Edward said. "Emmett played the trombone. Never made all-state. Rosalie was a flutist- she did really well, got a scholarship in college- could have gone to Julliard. She wouldn't give him the time of day for the longest time until I talked her into going with him to the band banquet."

"Really?" Jasper asked. "How long have they been together?"

"Since they were fifteen," Edward said.

Our trip to Forks wasn't so boring. We didn't have to resort to singing awful songs off the iPod. Getting to know Edward in a group was nice conversation. I knew we were close when it started raining and Dizzy fell asleep in my lap.

"Why did you name your cat Dizzy?" Edward asked.

"Because when she was a kitten, she'd jump up on things, but was a little cross-eyed," I said. "She's stumble and fall off."

"And I always wanted to name my cat after Jazz legends," Alice said. "So, we came up with the idea of Dizzy after Dizzy Gillespie."

"That's cute," Edward said, stroking the cat's head. Dizzy's eyes opened and she purred in my lap, rolling over on her back so I could stroke her chest and belly.

"You're cute, did you hear that?" I asked Dizzy.

In Forks, Jasper pulled up to Charlie's house. I recognized the pale siding with the moss growing on it and the beige Toyota Camry in the driveway replacing old the Police Cruiser. My old red pick up truck was gone- it had been such a fixture at our house my last two years of high school. I picked up Dizzy and Charlie came to the door.

"Man, you guys are late," he said, coming out to hug me. "Happy birthday, Bella!" he said, hugging me. "I wasn't expecting Dizzy to pay a visit, too!" He took Dizzy from my arms.

"Yeah, we couldn't leave her at the boarder's," I said. "Dad, I want you to meet somebody," I said, taking Edward's hand. "This is Edward Masen."

"Hi, Mr. Swan," he said.

"Call me Charlie," Charlie said, extending a hand.

"Hi, I'm Edward."

"Hi, Charlie," Alice said, bounding out of the passenger seat. She hugged him.

"Good to see you, again Alice," Charlie said. "How are you, Jasper?"

"I'm good."

"Glad your car got fixed," Charlie said, knocking on the trunk.

"Me too," Jasper said. "Let's get Bella's bag inside."

Jasper took my duffle bag out of the trunk and took it upstairs to my room for me. Charlie, Edward, Alice and I settled into the living room, where I set Dizzy down.

"Welcome home, baby," Charlie said, kissing me on the cheek. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," I said. I took a seat beside Edward. Edward took my hand. It felt good- natural. Maybe I wasn't such a terrible dater.

"So, Edward, tell me about yourself," Charlie said. "You're a pediatrician?"

"Yes," he said. "A pediatric cardiology surgical intern at Seattle Grace University Hospital."

"That's where Bella goes to school," Charlie said.

"Yes, we've run into each other a few times there," I said. "Like when I sprained my ankle and burned myself with a giant cup of hot coffee. And ruined my good camera."

"She was fine," Edward said. "The camera's not."

"That's our Bella," Jasper said.

"Well, that camera was getting old," Charlie said. "Maybe you'll find an old one, like that antique one you found your freshman year of high school that got you started in photography."

"Her photography's really great," Alice commented.

"Oh yeah," Jasper agreed.

"I've seen a couple of her prints," Edward said. "She's shy about showing me."

"So, anything happening in Forks?" I asked, steering the conversation away from the subject.

"Nothing really huge," he said. "That I know of. Esme would be better up on the news."

"All the local gossip," Alice said, smiling. "She runs into Mike Newton's Mom a lot."

"Sounds like Esme," I said. "I can't wait to see her."

"Why don't you come down and see her?" Alice asked. "I know she's dying to see you. Let's call Jake and Angie and have them come over, too!"

We took Dizzy to Carlisle and Esme's house. They met us at the door. They had a huge house by the Sol-Duck River. Esme hugged me immediately before saying anything. "Bella," she said, softly. "Please tell me you're doing better."

I couldn't answer. She hugged me again. She was the woman who acted as my mother when I first came to Forks. I couldn't lie to her.

She was ready to meet Edward, though. "So, this is Edward?" she asked.

"I heard Alice has been telling you about me?"

"We're just interested because Carlisle's a pediatrician," Esme said, smiling.

"Hi, Edward," Carlisle said, extending a hand. "I'm Alice's father, Carlisle."

"Thanks for having me this weekend, Dr. Cullen."

"Call me Carlisle," he said. "If you could excuse Bella and myself, please…"

"Of course."

Carlisle and I went up to his study. We had a long discussion about my health and prescriptions (he always took a special interest in my medications and what they were doing for me, since he was my pediatrician when I moved to Forks) we joined the group in the living room. Carlisle and Charlie started a conversation about the baseball season, which the guys got into while Esme wanted to make lunch. Alice and I went to help her while we waited on Jake and Angie to come from La Push with Will.

Jake was a childhood friend of mine- my best friend when I came to visit Charlie- he was Billy Black's son, Charlie's best friend and fishing buddy. My other best friend from high school, Angela, had met him though me at a class party at First Beach our sophomore year, near the Quileute Reservation. It had been love at first sight, despite the fact that Jacob was a year younger than Ang, it took them almost two years before they acted on it. It was like they were destined to get married from day one. They did, when Angela got pregnant her senior year of college. Her father had gotten pretty upset, being a Lutheran preacher, but they got married pretty quickly. She had had the baby, Will, shortly after graduation. Will was almost two, now, and Angela was pregnant, again. They lived on the reservation, where Jacob had a very successful garage. Angela was trying to get her masters by correspondence courses. She was working on her Ph.D. in psychology.

We heard the sound of Jacob's SUV coming down the Cullen's drive, and I jumped up, excited. Angela was getting out slowly- her baby bump was proceeding her.

"Ang!" I cried.

"Bella!" she cried. She was incredibly tall, close to six feet tall, with dark blond hair. Jacob was a good match for her- he was about six foot seven or six foot eight. She could wear heels with him, even though she had a hard time finding them in her shoe size. She was like Alice's polar opposite. "Jake, get Will."

"I'm on it," Jacob said, climbing out of the car. Angela ran (well, waddled, being so pregnant) to me and hugged me.

"Are you feeling any better?" she whispered quietly.

"Well," I said, avoiding her eyes.

"So, who's this guy I hear about?"

"He's inside, if you want to meet him."

"Aunt Beeeeee!" Will squealed as Jacob set him down on the wet ground. Jacob's very good-looking. He's a continent of muscle and russet skin and he has a beautiful smile. I might have developed a crush on him had we not been such a good friends. He was more like a big little brother to me than anything. Once he became a teenager, we became best friends. There was never anything romantic between us, although our dads might have secretly hoped there would be.

"Auntie B's here!" Jacob repeated.

Will tottered across the lawn to me and I kneeled down to hug Will. I'm Will's godmother. "Hi, Will!" I cried, kissing his head. The toddler giggled and squealed as I hugged him. He had the same russet skin that Jacob had. "Let's go inside and see Charlie?"

"Yeah!" he cried.

I picked him up and carried him in. "Who's this?" Edward asked.

"My godson, Will Black," I said, bringing him into the kitchen. "Will, this is Edward."

"Hi, Will," Edward said. Will got shy and tucked his face into my shoulder.

I took Will's shoes off and Ang and I let him run around the Cullen's house, but we kept a close eye on him- he liked to pick up expensive things, and children and expensive things had a funny way of getting broken. I wondered how Angela and Jacob got any rest or thinking time to themselves with this kid around.

Lunch was basically sandwiches and potato chips. It was a lighter meal, since we were going to Port Angeles for dinner, which was bound to be a heavier meal. I considered how I was going to handle this meal- a half-full opaque cup that I could chew and spit the food into the juice or something while pretending ot take a sip, or chew and spit into my napkin or both? Or, I could swallow and then attempt to slip off to the bathroom to vomit. If I chewed it up well enough, I could go to the half-bath to wash my hands and just make myself vomit into the sink and wash it down, but I knew that wouldn't be any good if Alice insisted on following me after lunch. She was already suspicious after I hadn't eaten breakfast. I wanted nothing more than to go running along the river bank like I did as a kid to burn off those calories, but since the first time I was diagnosed, I knew it wasn't going to fly with anybody here. Or, I could just take my time with half the sandwich and refuse all the potato chips. I went with my last option.

After lunch, we spent the afternoon just sitting around the kitchen, chatting. Angela didn't leave my side chewing my ear off about pregnancy stuff, so I couldn't vomit anything out. I knew I should have just done a chew and spit into my red plastic cup. "We're having a girl," Angela said. "You'll be here when she's born, right? I'll make you godmother if you want."

I was finally brought back to the real world. Deep down, I knew why she was making me godmother to her kids. She thought it would give me a reason to get better. "You really want me to be responsible for both of your kids if something happens to you and Jake?"

She nodded.

"Are you sure that's a great idea?" I asked. "I can't even take care of myself!"

"Sometimes, you just need a little push, Bella."

Angela and Jake went home to put Will down for a nap, since he was getting cranky.

I went home with Charlie to freshen up before dinner.

"Are you going to be alright going out to a restaurant?" Charlie asked as I came out of the bathroom, wearing khakis, a blue sweater and a white collared shirt.

"Yes," I admitted. "Really. I've got my Xanax."

"I hate that you're on that," he said.

"I do, too," I said, spraying the air with perfume, walking through it.

Charlie ran a comb through his hair. "How do I look?" he asked, holding up his tie for me to do a double Windsor knot.

"Great," I said, doing the tie.

"I love you, baby. Happy birthday," he said. He kissed me on the cheek. "Nobody does a double Windsor like you."

* * *

On the way to the Cullen's house, Charlie asked, "How serious are you and Edward?"

"We're not that serious," I said. "Really."

"I'm just in Daddy mode," he admitted. "I waited forever for you to come to me, and then you did, and it was a horrible circumstance… You became my daughter, my whole life for so long. I'd get off from work, and I'd be antsy until you got into the cruiser after school. I loved having you around. I loved your cooking. Your stories about school, even. And now, I'm faced with the idea that maybe you're going to be moving on to somebody else, another man who'll be more important in your life. I'll never be ready for that."

"Dad, nobody can replace you."

"This Edward fellow-"

"He's nice and all, but we've been on three dates and we haven't even kissed, yet," I admitted. "Even the prudes don't wait that long to kiss when it come to dating."

"There's nothing wrong with being a prude," Charlie said hesitantly. Of course my father would say that.

"I wouldn't worry if I were you. We're going to be just friends really soon."

"Bella, I think you underestimate yourself," Charlie said. "I saw the way he looked at you at lunch. I was a young man in his twenties once, too, you know."

"I know," I said, smiling as we pulled into the Cullen's driveway.

As I climbed out of the car, there was a lot of comotion going on inside. Alice bounded out of the house and hugged me. "Happy birthday, Bella!" she cried. Jasper exited the house with a few wrapped boxes in his arms.

"Thanks, Alice," I said. "Why did you guys get presents?"

"Because we love you," Jasper replied.

Esme came out of the house with Edward behind her. Everyone was dressed like they were going to church, but not too nicely. We were going to be playing laser tag and miniature golf tonight.

"I'll ride with you and Charlie," Edward said, crossing over to me.

"Alice, why don't you ride with Charlie, too?" Jasper asked. "I'll go with your parents."

"We'll follow behind you, Charlie," Jacob said. He and Angela had left Will with his friends Sam and Emily.

"Okay," Alice said as Jasper loaded the presents into the trunk of Carlisle's Mercedes.

I sat in the backseat with Edward while Alice road shotgun with Charlie. The trip to Port Angeles was relatively uneventful. We rode along while Charlie got to know Edward by asking him questions. Edward held my hand in the backseat.

I actually felt comfortable, being surrounded by friends and family like this. The panic attacks seemed miles away. Everybody laughed when my stomach gurgled.

When we got to the restaurant, a camera flash went off in my face- Esme had the camera out. "Sorry about that," she said. "Candid!"

There was a room reserved in the back of the restaurant. We had a few drinks before dinner and then, we ordered. I found it easier to eat tonight. I knew this restaurant and the food- I was familiar with it. Carlisle insisted on paying for dinner, only once Charlie insisted on making sure he was going to pay for everyone to play laser tag and mini-golf.

I opened my presents- nice clothes, of course, mainly picked out by Esme and Alice. And then, the big present- some of my pictures, printed out and framed, from Angela and Jacob.

"Wow, you guys," I said, seeing the print.

"It's your best picture so far," Angela said. "That's why we framed it. Alice and Jasper picked it out and sent it to us."

"Thanks," I said, standing up.

"And this one," Edward said, sliding a wrapped box across the table.

"Edward, you didn't have to get me anything, we've only gone out three times!" I cried.

"Open it," Charlie said.

"Do you already know what it is?"

"Yes," Charlie said, smiling. "I think you'll like it. Although it makes my present look like crap."

"Aw, Charlie, I didn't mean to-"

"Okay, fine," I said. I tore off the wrapping paper. "I hope this is just the box," I said nervously, seeing a 14 mega-pixel camera on the outside of the box.

"Open it up and find out."

I gasped and tore off the rest of the paper and slowly opened it. It actually was a 14 megapixel camera- a professional grade camera, one of the best on the market! It was worth at least fourteen hundred dollars. "Edward! How… what?"

"You left her speechless," Jasper said. "Good job."

"I'll bet we'll be able to give back the rest of her presents, she'll be so enamored with this one," Carlisle said. Everyone at the table laughed.

"Normally, I couldn't accept a present like this, but… I really want it!" I said to a chorus of laughter. "Let me put it together!" I cried. I started taking the plastic off of the different parts and put the camera together. Luckily, the battery had a half charge. I was ecstatic.

Jacob and Angela had to get home- she was having lower back pain and the baby was kicking. I said good-night to her. Esme stopped off at Panera breads and picked up some bagels and some coffee grinds for us for breakfast tomorrow.

We went to the miniature golf course, and of course, Jasper and Edward had to have a few goofy picture poses with the windmills and pyramids with my new camera. After that, we went to laser tag, where we all got annihilated by Jasper and Alice, who teamed up and won.

"I want a rematch!" Edward complained while we got into the car to go home. "I had a good time tonight, Bella. Thanks for bringing me to your hometown. I've had a good time."

"You're welcome," I said.

"Hand check!" Charlie yelled, turning on the overhead light in the car. Alice spun around in the front seat, with a wicked grin on her face.

"Hey!"

Charlie laughed. "Just watching out for my baby."

"Ha ha," I said. "Like I'd do anything in the backseat of your car while you're driving, Dad."

"Does this count as our fourth date, then?" Edward asked.

"I suppose," I said. _I'm never getting laid,_ I thought, bitterly. It was only 10:30 when we got back to the Cullen's house.

We played a game of Nintendo Wii Bowling while having a round of beers. Charlie and I didn't get home until around one in the morning.

"How has your birthday weekend been so far?" Charlie asked on the drive home.

"Fun."

"Really? You've had fun?"

"Yes," I said. "A lot of fun. I wish everyday was like this."

"Just remember we love you so much," he said. "And that we'd do anything for you, Bells."

I crashed that night in my old bedroom after brushing my teeth and taking off my makeup. I felt kind of good, for once.


	10. Chapter 10: Bella's Story

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**_A/N- Even more dark stuff for Edward's knowledge of Bella's past. Sorry, it has a lot of medical discussion that would be awkward for most people who aren't in the medical profession, so bear with. Just look at it as being true to character._**

**EPOV**

I watched as Bella and Charlie's car drove off.

"She's looking thinner," I heard Esme say softly in the other room. I saw Alice sigh, uncomfortably.

"You want a beer, Edward?" Alice asked.

"Sure."

"Alice and I were just going to sit out on the porch for a few hours, unwind," Jasper said. "Why don't you join us?"

I went out on the porch with Jasper and took a seat. The Cullens had a nice, screened-in porch and an outdoor fireplace. Jasper turned on the fireplace and Alice came out with three beers.

"Thanks," I said.

"So, it seems we owe you an explanation for a few things," Alice said darkly. "About Bella."

"I like her a lot," I said. "But, after Friday night…"

"I know," Alice said. "I don't think I'm really the person to talk to you about this."

She got up and left the room.

"I feel like we owe you an account of it before Bella tells you," Jasper said. "The shock might be too much. We'd rather you know about it and end it now if you can't handle it."

"I can handle anything," I replied.

"Are you sure?" Carlisle asked. "We wouldn't talk to you about this if we weren't serious. How serious are you?"

"I gave her a camera," I said, shrugging. "I'm serious about her."

"If you say so," Carlisle replied. "You know about her mother dying of cancer, suddenly, right?"

"Yes," I said.

"Look, I'm going to go to retire for the night," Jasper said, getting up. He was a bit uncomfortable, I could tell. This left Carlisle and me alone on the deck.

"She was about ten when it happened," Carlisle said. "She was living in Phoenix and she wanted to stay there. She was happy there, her friends were there. Renée found a lump in her breast, but no doctor paid attention to it because she was so young. They just told her to come back in a year and see what happened. She searched and searched for a doctor that would do a biopsy, especially with a school teacher's insurance, but by then, when one did take her serious, it was stage three. They knew it was bad. Her mother had two close family friends, Jim and Victoria Davis. They had some ulterior motives, they thought that Renée had some money somewhere, I guess. That's what they said, later. They waited on Renée and Bella, hand and foot. They trusted them with their lives. They offered to let Bella stay with them when Renée was going through the worst of the chemo treatments, which didn't work in the end. When Renée died, she said in her will that Bella had the choice of living with Charlie or living with Jim and Victoria. Jim and Victoria lived in Phoenix, which was familiar to Bella, so Bella said she wanted to stay with them. It all seemed nice, until Jim and Victoria found out that Bella had nothing. Literally. Then, their true colors came out."

"I sort of guessed as much. I spent my childhood volunteering at the battered women's shelter in downtown Chicago with my mother," I said. "Bella acts a lot like them. I figured somebody somewhere physically hurt her. A lot. I didn't know it happened when she was a child. How bad was it? Did it cross over into sexual abuse?"

"She's blocked a lot of it out," Carlisle said. "Maybe there was some. When they found her, they had doctors examined her, but they weren't sure. She can't remember those things. She was only there for about eighteen months, but they almost killed her."

"What does she remember?" I asked, personally dreading the response.

"She remembered that they suddenly started just spanking her for no reason whatsoever," Carlisle said. "They started using a studded belt on her. Sometimes, when she bends over, you see the scars on the small of her back, still. Then, they started punishing her by locking her in closets for hours at time or forbidding her to use the bathroom except once a day. They wouldn't feed her for days at a time. Stuff like that. One time, when she was crying from the pain of Jim hitting her, Victoria just came up behind her with sewing shears and cut off her hair."

I felt sick. Bella's hair was so beautiful. No wonder she had it so long, now.

"Renée made her promise before she died, that she'd never cut her hair off, too," Carlisle said. "I heard this from Alice, second-hand information, if you will. And other things Jim would put cigars and cigarettes out on Bella's back, sometimes, too, when wouldn't stop crying after spankings. Those are some of the scars on her back."

"She has them all over her body," Carlisle said. "They were sick people. They said that they were home-schooling Bella, so they got away with pulling her out of school, but their neighbors called when they repeatedly heard her crying. A probably take an unnatural preoccupation with her as a physican, but she's like a second daughter to me. And the gossip goes around a small town fast."

"Please tell me these people are still in jail."

"They are," Carlisle explained. "They were tried and found guilty for attempted child murder and multiple counts of child abuse and neglect. Every time their parole hearings come up, Bella and Charlie go to give their account. Jim and Victoria never get parole. Every time, she comes back an emotional wreck," Carlisle said, taking a sip. "She has flashbacks for weeks remembering all those things."

"Tell me she went through some kind of therapy," I said, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Yes, she did," Carlisle said. "When she first got here, Charlie took off every Wednesday afternoon and took her to Port Angeles to a therapist, once she became better friends with Alice, Esme started taking her. She still has one."

"Good."

"Charlie sacrificed so much for her," he said. "Really, he did. Charlie loves her so much. He was so broken when he found out what had happened to her. He trusted Victoria and Jim to take care of her. When they showed the pictures of her, burned and bleeding and bruised in the court room, he broke down."

"Why does she rub her forearm all the time?"

"It's something she does for comfort," he said. "It's one of her OCD habits- it's a bone injury from when her arm was broken. It wasn't set correctly for two weeks, we think, and it calcified. I've checked it, examined the break a few times. She had a few operations to sand down the lump, but it's always going to be like that. She feels it when she's nervous or upset."

"How did they do it?"

"I think they slammed her arm in a door. Probably by accident, but they didn't take her for medical care immediately."

"But, she can't remember if she was sexually abused?" I asked.

"I don't think she wants to remember," Carlisle said. "I've never examined her this closely, but her medical reports say her hymen was broken."

"That can happen for multiple reasons," I said. "Normal things, like normal activity. Few girls have it left when they've started puberty."

"She didn't get her period until she was almost seventeen, and even then, it was abnormal. It still is. We all know that has to do with her eating problems."

"It's no surprise she's got them."

"Of course."

"What exactly has she been diagnosed with?"

"Off the top of my head, Severe Depression, post traumatic stress disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, eating disorder not otherwise specified since she's not quiet emaciated, but she's gotten so thin, lately, I won't be surprised if they label her with anorexia at her next appointment. There's been talk of Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder," Carlisle said, while Esme came out to the deck with a fresh round of beers. "Although she's never attempted suicide. Directly. I don't want her being labeled with anything else. She's going to have a hard enough time getting health insurance for the rest of her life, already."

"We love her like our own daughter," Esme said. "When Charlie couldn't be there to watch out for Bella, we'd invite her over. She was like a scared little rabbit or something."

"You were the one that took her to your stylist when the girls first became friends," Carlisle said.

"That Victoria woman did that awful hair hacking job, and Charlie didn't know what to do. He tried so hard, but he was dad, not mom."

"She was really the perfect daughter. Charlie won't tell you any differently," Carlisle continued. "The only trouble she ever caused was her own depression and not being able to deal with it."

"She really was perfect. The perfect student, the perfect dresser, involved in all the clubs, but she has a hard time, socially," Esme continued, taking a sip of beer.

"We didn't know she was going to have problems until subject came up one day when she was sixteen that she had her first period at our house and freaked out."

"We just thought she was genetically skinny, a picky eater," Esme said, "but when Carlisle and I sat down and discussed the situation, we realized how she had all these little habits. And how she wouldn't eat. She was always tired, and wouldn't go out to eat and had a whole list of things she wouldn't touch, but would cook for everybody. She can't ever admit to having to use the restroom. She was already showing classic signs of anorexia- Charlie couldn't see it, he didn't know what to look for. What single father does?"

"When we brought up the subject with him, he said, 'My daughter's too sensible for that! She's a perfect daughter! She doesn't have an eating disorder, she eats around me all the time!'" Carlisle said. "Then, when she'd come over to our house to hang out with Alice, and she'd want to take naps, but she'd refuse to eat at all when she spent the night, Charlie started listening to us. She'd fake eating around him pretty well. She still does it, sometimes. I saw her doing it tonight at dinner."

"Have you tried an inpatient program?" I asked.

"Twice," Carlisle said. "She'll do really well at first, until Charlie's meager insurance stopped paying."

"She's a perfectionist," Esme said. "Plain and simple. She can't stand it if things aren't neat and in perfect order. It's OCD."

"Exactly. She's failing at perfection. She's punishing herself for not being perfect," Carlisle said. "Her most vivid memories in life are punishment."

"She has a hard time remembering Renée, sometimes," Esme said. "We try to remember her on Renée's birthday every year."

"When is it?" I asked.

"In July," Esme said. "We have a very somber party, break out her pictures. She and Charlie get emotional. I cry some, too. Do you wish we weren't telling you these things?"

"No," I said. "It's easier to hear them from other people instead of her. She flipped out when I confronted her about her eating problems. She's not that experienced in relationships, is she?"

"She's never had a boyfriend before," Esme said. "I know her well enough that I can make a statement like that. I can honestly say that she's never been in a relationship."

"It's true," Carlisle said. "The flashbacks, the eating disorder. They've stolen her way from normal things in life."

"We were shocked when Alice said that she met you," Esme said. "I hope we didn't scare you away by telling you all this."

"She survived," I said. "When she's ready to tell me, I won't go into shock. Thank you."

"It's late- almost one in the morning," Carlisle said. "We need to go to bed, now. Feel free to stay downstairs and enjoy yourself as long as you'd like."

"Thank you," I said.

"Good night," Esme said, getting up.

I could go to bed, but I knew I wouldn't be able to get to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11: Never Been Kissed

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**_A/N- __Here's something to lighten up the mood of the story since the last chapter was so dark._**

**BPOV**

In the morning, the Cullens, Jasper and Edward came over to wake us up with coffee and bagels. I brushed my teeth and hair and went downstairs to meet them in my pajamas. Today was my actual birthday.

"Good morning!" Carlisle said.

"Hi," I said, jumping over the last step. I gave him a big hug.

"Happy birthday, Bella," he said, kissing me.

Edward was in the kitchen helping Alice and Jasper unload the bagels, laughing and chatting with Charlie. "Good morning, everyone," I said.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" Alice said.

"We got you something," Jasper said. He had a muffin on a plate, with a little birthday candle on it. "Here," he lit it up. "Happy birthday. Make a wish."

"Okay," I said. _That I finally get my act together this year_, I thought. I closed my eyes to concentrate on it, and then blew it out. Everyone clapped.

I ate part of the bagel, scraping out the inside when no one was looking. The crust would take more calories to digest than the inside and everyone was watching me from the night before.

Alice and I took Edward and Jasper on a tour of Forks. The high school was mostly deserted. "See, there's not that much to Forks."

"See what I grew up in?" Alice asked.

"Totally," Edward said. "You poor baby."

"Hey!" she cried, turning around in her seat.

"That's where we were forced to run laps in gym class everyday," I said, pointing at the track.

"Ugh, I hated that," Alice said, giggling. She almost hit a mailbox.

"Careful with my car," Jasper cried. "I just got it back!"

"Sorry!" Alice cried. "Well, we didn't run laps everyday, but we did and entire six week period where the gym teacher had us doing that. If she got bored and didn't plan a very good lesson, that's what we did."

"She had a death wish," I muttered. "I hated her. I laughed when she had to get a knee replacement surgery."

"That's terrible," Edward laughed. "But, I understand it."

"Let's get out and see if we can get inside!" Alice cried, parking the car.

She dashed out of the car towards the school before anyone could protest. Jasper followed. "Okay, I might as well," I said, getting the door handle.

Edward got out with me. We got out in the rain and ran up to the entrance to the gym. It was- of course- locked, but we were under an overhang protected from the rain. "Crap," Alice muttered. "Too bad. Let's try another door." She and Jasper ran off around the corner.

"Do you want to try another door?" Edward asked.

"No, not really," I said. "I hated high school. Don't wanna go back inside."

"The only thing that made high school bearable was Rosalie and Emmett."

"They sound like really good friends."

"Why did you hate high school so much?" he asked.

"My Mom had just died," I said. "I had this stupid crush on this guy… and, well… I don't want to get into it."

"Tell me about him," Edward offered, running his hands over that spot where my neck and shoulder connected.

"He was an idiot," I said, shrugging. "He knew I was crazy about him, but he lead me on. I look back, and I see how badly he treated me."

"Weren't you popular?"

"No," I said, turning to see him. "Why would you think I was popular?"

"Because you look like you would have blended in with the popular crowd," he said, shrugging. His hands rested on my shoulders. "Everybody says that you were good at everything."

"I was very introverted. I didn't get kissed for the first time until my freshman year of college," I said, shrugging.

"Was it any good?" he asked.

"No," I said. "I was drunk at a party. So was he. He tasted like beer and potato chips. I don't think I tasted much better because I had been puking off and on from the hard liquor all night."

He pushed a few locks of my hair out of my face in the light breeze.

I could smell him. He smelled liked shaving gel and aftershave and Dove soap. He gently- but firmly- pressed me against the wall.

My brain buzzed, my heart began to pound in my ears and I held my breath.

"Life isn't what you plan it to be, is it?" he asked. I shook my head. He was incredibly close to me- I felt him press himself against me, surprisingly, our bodies fit together. His breath smelled fresh, still, like the toothpaste he had just brushed with. I closed my eyes- and I felt his warm lips against my mouth. My hands shook at the very feeling of him being so close to me and snaked their way up his back. His hands cupped my face and held it there as he pulled away.

I sighed. "Edward."

"Now, you can say you were kissed in high school," he said, flashing that sexy crooked half-grin.

* * *

I was in a daze on the way home to Seattle, sitting next to Edward with Dizzy in my lap, our hands intertwined. All my fears of being alone and in "just friends"ville with Edward had melted away. This had been the perfect birthday weekend ever. I blushed when I caught him smiling at me.

Alice had to make sure all my things were packed before we left I was so spaced out. That kiss from Edward was so dizzying, I wondered if I'd ever be able to kiss him again without completely losing my faculties.

I felt close to Edward, even though it had only been a kiss. I hardly heard the conversation between the other occupants of the car.

That afternoon, we got back, and he and Jasper came upstairs with us to our apartment. "I wish you'd stay," I said to Edward as I unpacked.

"I wish I could, too," he said. "I have a three-day shift starting tomorrow morning."

"Another one!?" I cried. "But Edward-"

"I know, but it's the life of an intern," he said. "I've gotta go, Bella. Good night."

* * *

After Jasper left, I did laundry with Alice, and we watched some Sunday night TV. "He kissed me!" I cried happily, when we were alone in our living room, sorting out laundry. It was like I had never been kissed before and was sharing the news with my best girlfriend. "This morning!"

"When!?" Alice cried.

"By the gym," I said. "We kissed!"

"Oh, good, Bella!" Alice cried. "So, we didn't scare him away with all our yapping this weekend?"

"No, he's got a three day shift at the hospital tomorrow," I said. "He's probably at home, resting up for it."

"You know, piano players are good with their fingers," Alice said, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Alice!" I giggled. We were like two girls in junior high. It felt good.

"Can you see yourself with him, Bella?" Alice asked. "I can. I'd like to see you with him. Really."

I nodded. "I can."

"Hey, you got through two whole days without a Xanax!"

"You're right!" I cried. She high-fived me.

"That's awesome! Total win!"

"I even ate, too!"

I went to bed feeling pretty secure and happy. This was the best birthday I had had since Renée died.


	12. Chapter 12: Pizza and Beer

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

The next three days were difficult to be away from Edward. I wished for him to come back to me. I was ready to spend a night on the couch, watching movies with him and his hand laced into mine. Maybe not ready to sleep with him, but maybe kiss him again. If he'd have me. I left a message on his voice mail if he wanted to come over when he had a chance to rest up after work.

I secretly did a little dance in my room when Edward's number popped up on my caller ID. "Hello?"

"Hi, Bella."

"How was work?"

"Work went really well."

"Are you really tired?"

"Yeah."

"Do you need to rest?"

"Yes, but you could come over, if you wanted to," he said. "I really missed seeing you over the past three days."

"I missed you, too," I said, feeling secretly giddy. I hadn't screw things up this far, and I was becoming more comfortable around him.

"Have you used the camera, yet?"

"Oh, have I!" I cried. "A lot! I'll bring my laptop to show you what settings I've used, okay?"

"I'd love to see what you've done so far."

"Okay," I said. "I'll be over in a few minutes."

I packed up my laptop and camera and went out to my car. I was almost tap-dancing when I got to his apartment. I picked up the camera and my backpack, with the laptop, and I found the way up to Edward's apartment. I knocked on the door.

"Come in!" he shouted from the inside. Inside and he was sitting on the couch, leaned back, watching TV.

"Hi."

"Hi, Bella," he said, sitting up. "My day got just got so much better."

I smiled. "Can I make dinner for you?"

"Yes, that would be great."

I went into his kitchen and surveyed his refrigerator. The contents were pretty lame, molded or dried out. I looked at the milk carton and it obviously expired before my birthday. "Hey, Edward? When was the last time you went grocery shopping?"

"Sometime a few weeks ago."

"Oh."

"How bad is it?"

"All you've got is mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup and pickles and something that might have been milk at one time," I said, going back into the living room. I shook it. "It looks like cottage cheese, now. Would it count as making dinner if I ordered out?"

"Sure," he said, smiling. "Pizza or Chinese? Or order-out Italian? Thai food?"

"Um… I haven't had pizza in a while."

"What do you like on your pizza?"

"Vegetables, thin crust," I said, knowing that that was the fewest calories. I almost kicked myself- he'd figure that out.

"That sounds pretty good, actually," he said. "You make the phone call."

I sat down beside Edward, resting him head on his shoulder. I picked up my cell phone, and made the order, using his address. "So, what are you watching?" I asked, once I was done ordering pizza.

"I'm watching Court TV," he said. "It's a good relief from all the medical jargon I've been surrounded with for the past three days."

"I understand."

"So, show me your pictures."

"There's not too much to show, yet," I said, opening my backpack, getting out my laptop. "I've gotten a few good ones, though."

When I got up the photographs, we went over them until the pizza came. I had pictures of Alice and Jasper in our apartment, watching TV, talking on their cell phones, a picture of the city out my bedroom window, a few attempts a self-portrait on the quad on a sunny day on campus. I insisted on paying for the pizza, since it was my dinner to make for Edward. We were still pouring over them while we began to eat.

I found myself curled up against him, again. He didn't push me to eat more than I wanted to- I found myself eating almost two entire slices of pizzas. "I like that self-portrait, Bella," he said, pointing out the fourth picture of in the set that I had taken.

I liked that one the most. "Me too."

"I like the angles on your face here," he said. "How often do you let yourself get photographed?"

"Not that often," I said. "I prefer being behind the camera."

"Why?"

"I don't know," I said. I did know- I hated to see myself in an image. I was a disgusting blob who could do more work on herself.

"Why not try it?" he asked. "You're beautiful."

"Edward-"

"No, really," he said. "I don't know if you're told that often enough-"

"I don't really want to do that," I said. "Really, I rip myself apart when I see my own pictures-"

"You shouldn't," he said. "I can't take my eyes off you, sometimes."

"Edward, really-" He silenced me with a kiss. I gasped into the kiss. I wasn't expecting it. Again, he held my face. I closed my eyes, and leaned into it. He pulled away before I was ready. "Edward, why'd you stop?"

"Because you need to know that you're absolutely exquisite, Isabella Marie Swan," he said. My face got hot- I knew I was blushing furiously. I could feel his breath on my lips, still. "I just wish you'd accept it." He leaned in and kissed me again. My hands, now gripping his shoulders, found their way into his hair. Finally, I was touching that beautiful bronze hair of his. I could feel his breath and his cheek stubble against my face. It was intoxicating.

I felt his chest pressing against mine, he was leaning me back against the couch. I willingly complied. I had never kissed anyone laying down. I slipped an arm under his, and ran my hand down to the small of his back. For the first time, I felt something inside of me that told me it was okay to want Edward back. It was alright to blush a little in front of him- we already knew each other so well, already.

I felt his tongue trace my lips. I sighed and leaned back onto the couch cushion. I realized his legs were between mine. I took the opportunity to wrap my left leg around his. He moaned, softly. "Mmm, Bella," he sighed softly. "You don't know how tempting you are."

I opened my eyes. He was still so close to me. "I could say the same about you," I said, lifting my head to gain another kiss from him again.

Our hands roamed each other's bodies- unfamiliar territory for me. I liked the way his body felt under his thin cotton shirt. He was thin, but muscular in a wiry way. I wrapped the other leg around his- he jumped. "Bella, I don't think that's such a good idea," he said, propping himself up on his elbows.

"What?"

"I want to take things slow with you," he said, balancing on one arm and stroking my hair out of my face, his green eyes smoldering into mine.

"I don't want to stop kissing you, Edward!"

"You're demanding," he said, bending down to place a quick kiss on my lips. They tingled. "Can we at least sit up?"

"Alright," I mumbled.

He helped me up and wrapped an arm around me, holding me close. I tried to get up on my knees so I could straddle him, but he held me down. "We're taking it slow, right?"

I groaned softly, and sat down beside him, again. My lips found his, again.

Kissing Edward was turning out to be pure bliss. I hadn't known kissing could be like this, I found it faintly annoying and silly before. I hated watching people do it and reading poetry about it becaues I thought it was overrated. Now, I saw what all the fuss was about. He kissed my chin, and worked his way to my ear. I felt my breath hitch in my throat, and then I realized that I wasn't breathing. I couldn't catch my breath- he caught my earlobe in between his teeth. It felt amazing. He brushed my hair aside, and kissed that spot where my neck and my shoulder met. I found myself moaning. "Where'd you learn that?"

"I observe you," he said, his voice muffled. "It's my job as a doctor to notice things." I felt him lick the shoulder/neck spot. I felt bad, in a good way. It just felt natural to moan in response.

"Can I spend the night?"

"Bella, we're trying to take things slowly," he said, still buried in my neck. I pulled away a little to argue because he had slept at my apartment last weekend, but he caught my mouth in a kiss. "I'm afraid I could fall in love with you."

"You don't want to?" I asked, suddenly hurt.

"No, that's the thing, I don't want to do anything to ruin it."

"This isn't ruining it," I promised, coming back up for another kiss on his lips. I didn't want to quit this- I guess this was 'making out.' I wanted to take it a step further- I slipped my tongue into his mouth.

A sharp noise came from the back of his throat and he pulled back. I was afraid I had done something wrong. "You call the shots, love," he said, and smiled. He taught me, with exhilirating movements, how to kiss with my tongue. I had always thought french kissing was disgusting up to now. It wasn't when you did it with someone who you definitely was thinking about having sex with. Was I? I definitely was imagining it now!

We had two hours worth of blissful kissing on his couch before he told me he was simply too exhausted to continue.

We said goodnight and I promised to call him when I got out of classes tomorrow.

I almost skipped to my car. I went into my apartment all smiles.

"Bella?" Alice cried when the door opened. I forgot to call our usual greeting.

"Oh, yeah, it's me," I said.

"What happened tonight?" she asked, grinning.

"Oh, I just spent the evening with Edward," I said, going to my room. She chased after me.

"Oh really?" she cried. "What happened? What did you do?"

"Nothing!" I cried, laying out my pajamas and putting my laptop and camera back into the desk. "I tried to make him dinner, but he didn't have anything in his refrigerator, so we ordered pizza and watched TV."

"There's got to be a bigger reason why you're smiling so big," Alice pouted. "And you're not telling me!"

"How do I know you're not going to tell your Mom?"

"You know I won't!"

"Oh, we kissed," I said. "And he found this spot on my neck-" I pointed to the spot, "and my ear-"

"Oh my God, Bella! I knew there was a reason for the whisker burn!"

I gasped. "I've got whisker burn?"

"Yeah! I'll have to check and see if you have a hickey in the morning!" she cried, gleefully. "Use yellow-based concealer if you do, and make sure it's not oil base. Oh hell, I have concealer I can give you! Oh man, Jasper's going to laugh so hard when he hears this!"

"You said you wouldn't tell!"

"My Mom, yes," Alice said, smugly, dashing out of the room. "I didn't say I wouldn't tell Jazz."

I didn't care if Jasper knew I had some fun on the couch with Edward.

I flopped down on the bed and sighed. I was going to dream about nothing but Edward Masen tonight.


	13. Chapter 13: An Overnight Stay

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

The weeks that followed were heavenly. The few bad times I did have were while Edward was away. I loved being around him.

We decorated the doorway to his apartment with fake spider webs and carved a pumpkin at Halloween. The kids were knocking on the doors and we took turns answering. Edward was on-call, so he was wearing a pager, destined to go off at any moment. We handed out mini-snickers bars to the few kids that came by.

"Do you want to spend Thanksgiving with my parents in Chicago?" Edward asked me after a big group of kids left. "It's also the weekend that Rosalie and Emmett are getting married. Oh yeah, Rosalie's having a dinner party tomorrow night too, remember?"

"You have Thanksgiving off?" I asked. He was the lowest of the low when it came to the doctors in the hospital- rarely got time off on holidays.

"Yes," he said. "I know that means leaving Charlie on a holiday."

"Oh no!" I cried. "I love the idea! Let me call him and ask." I got out my cell phone and called Charlie. "Hi, Dad."

"Hi, Bella!" he cried. "What are you up to?"

"We're just having Halloween at Edward's."

"How's it going?"

"There aren't a lot kids around here."

"That's okay," he said. "There aren't a lot here, either."

"Dad, did you have any plans for Thanksgiving?"

"Well… we were just going to go over to the Black's in La Push, weren't we?" he asked.

"Yes, and I was going to make the green bean casserole and the candied yams."

"You _were_? Why do you ask?"

"Edward asked me to go to Chicago and meet his parents the weekend of his friend's wedding."

"Oh," Charlie answered after a long pause. "Well, you're a grown woman. You don't need my permission."

"I don't want to leave you alone on Thanksgiving-"

"Thanks for thinking of me, Bella, but I'll be fine," he said. "Oh, I'm just a lonely old man. Don't forget about me on Christmas."

"Oh, I won't, Dad," I said, chuckling. "Nice guilt attempt at a guilt trip."

"What did he say?" Edward asked when I hung up with Charlie.

"He's okay with it, as long as I don't forget him at Christmas."

"I don't think I'm going to be off at Christmas," Edward said. "You might as well make plans to go to Forks alone."

"Okay, then."

"I'll reserve plane tickets for Chicago," he said, kissing me. He went over to the computer and got onto Expedia. He called his Mom and the same time. "Hi, Mom… yes, Bella's going to come home with me for Thanksgiving and the wedding…. okay, great!… Yes, everything's fine… I can't wait for you to meet her, you're going to love her…"

I let Edward talk to his mother for a while, while I made some sleepy-time tea.

Edward and his parents talked for a while. They didn't talk often, but when they did, they had a lot to talk about. I felt a little weird listening to their conversation, so I turned on the TV and watched Adult Swim while he finished talking to his mother. The kids were done trick-or-treating.

"Edward," I said as he hung up the phone. "It's pretty late, I think I'm going to head home."

"Bella, why don't you stay here tonight?" he asked. He was asking me to spend the night? What about me calling the shots? "There are a lot of people partying tonight, it's not safe to drive," he said, making an excuse.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," he said. "Let me find some pajamas for you."

We hadn't progressed past first base. Taking it slow was Edward's middle name. The subject of sexual experience had come up- I had to admit that I had never had sex before. At first, it was mortifying, I had to take a Xanax, but then, Edward told me that it was nice- I wasn't used and I was pure. I felt so much better. He assured me that whenever it happened, it would happen. I liked the idea of making love to him. He was my ideal.

Edward came back from his bedroom with a tank top and a pair of pajama pants that were way too long. "I know these are too long," he said. "It's either these or boxer shorts."

"Let me try them on," I said, thinking I could roll up the waistband. "I need to take a shower, anyway."

"My bathroom is your bathroom," he said, gesturing.

"Thanks."

"There's an extra toothbrush in the first drawer to the right," Edward called as I stepped through the door.

I shut the door. I shut the door a few more times before it snapped, and then I twisted the lock. Then, I could undress.

His bathroom was pretty much a man's bathroom. It didn't have too much in the way of grooming products asides from what I considered the basics.

I took off my panties, realizing that I didn't have another pair with me. I sighed- I was going to have to either turn this pair inside out or go commando until I got back to my apartment. I needed to call Alice to let her know I was spending the night at Edward's, too.

I climbed into the shower, not used to the water spray that was heavier than mine at home. I noticed that Edward kept only shampoo in his shower. I twisted my hair into a knot so I could keep it out of the spray. I needed conditioner if I was ever going to be able to get a comb through my hair after washing it. I glanced around for a bar of soap or a soap on a rope. There was some Dove body wash but no pouf. I smirked. How manly.

I put on the tank top after my shower, and then the pajama bottoms. As expected, they were too long. I rolled up the waistband, hoping this would help, but still, there was still about a foot of fabric under my feet. I opened the door. "Hey, Edward?" I asked. "I don't know if this is going to work."

He saw me and chuckled.

"Let me get some boxer shorts out," Edward said. He came back with a pair of boxer shorts. They were cute- Halloween boxer shorts. With short little Halloween Jack-o-Lanterns.

"These are so cute!" I cried. "Do you actually wear these?"

"No!" he cried. "Okay, yes, I do."

"You do?" I asked, shutting the door. "Perfect for the season." I took off the pajama pants and slipped on the boxer shorts and rolled up the waistband. "Okay, much better," I said, opening the door.

"You look cute," he said. I let my hair down from the knot. "Looks better on you than me."

I shivered a little. "I need to brush my teeth," I said. I found the toothbrush that was still in the packaging. I opened it.

"Bella, what time do you need to be up?" Edward called.

"About seven," I said, taking the toothbrush out of my mouth.

"Okay, I'll set the alarm," he said.

I spit. I glanced at myself in the mirror. I was rubbing the lump on my right arm nervously. As much as I fantasized about having sex with Edward, getting from point A to point B was just hitting me. Making out laying down? I loved that. But I just wasn't ready for him to see me naked just yet.

I went into the bedroom, where Edward had changed into a pair of pajama bottoms- and nothing else. I hadn't seen Edward without his shirt on before. He was pulling back the covers. He had a perfect chest- pale, smooth planes, sinews running up his back and his stomach and shoulders. I could see the V-shape leading down to his hips. It took my breath away and I felt horribly guilty and scared, suddenly.

"The alarm is set," he said.

"Oh," I finally said. "I need to call Alice," I said, finally, going into the living room, where my cell phone was. Alice didn't answer her cell phone. I left a message letting her know that I was staying with Edward tonight.

I went back into the bedroom, where Edward was laying in bed, reading a book, his perfect chest on display. I climbed onto the bed nervously. "What's the matter?" Edward asked.

"You're just half-naked."

"Bella, I could say the same," he said. "You're wearing fewer clothes that I've ever seen you in." He patted the bed beside him. I climbed in.

"Edward, really," I said. "You're lacking a shirt right now."

"I don't sleep in a shirt," he said, closing the book. He kissed me. All coherent thought left my head. I laid on my back, while Edward turned out the lights.

"You wore one when you stayed at my place," I said, finally thinking of something.

He rolled over on his side to face me. "Worst night of sleep I had in a while," he said, smiling. "Can I hold you while I sleep?"

"You want to hold me?"

"Yeah," he said. "But you call the shots."

"Okay."

He slipped his arms around me. "Can you roll over on your side, too?"

"Like this?" I asked, rolling over so I wasn't facing him.

"Exactly," he said, wrapping an arm around my middle so my back was pressed to his chest. "You can sleep like this, right?"

"Sure," I said, although I didn't know how I was going to be able to sleep so close to Edward. I felt his hand in my hair- and I felt him bring up a few locks into his hand to kiss it.

"Your hair is so beautiful," he said. His complementing my hair brought back bad memories of Victoria and Jim. I reached up to touch it. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I replied. I had long since decided I loved Edward, but I was afraid to tell him. Afraid that telling him that would scare him away.

I fell asleep. In the morning, I woke to his hands brushing against the small of my back. I jumped a little.

"What's wrong?"

I didn't want to tell him about the scars on my back that he was so close to touching.

"It's almost seven, isn't it?" I asked, checking the clock. It was. I noticed my cell phone was blinking with text messages. I sat up and got out of the bed, reaching for my cell phone. It was Alice, she had text messaged me out of panic, she didn't know where I was, but the last one said that she got my voice message and was very embarrassed and was sorry.

"I gotta get showered," Edward said, turning off the alarm.

While Edward showered, I put on my clothes from last night, leaving his boxer shorts and tank top in the hamper. Edward opened the bathroom door to air it out while he shaved. I made some oatmeal and coffee.

"You're going to come to Emmett and Rosalie's tonight, right?" Edward asked from the bathroom.

"Of course," I said, although my own paranoia kept me from meeting new people, most of the time.

"Alice and Jasper are going to be there."

"Oh, okay," I said. "Good."

He came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. I had to work to turn my face away from him, but I was blushing bright red. I poured myself some coffee. It didn't quite taste right. "Hey, Bella?"

"Yes?" I replied.

"Can you help me pick a tie?"

"Sure."

In the bedroom, he was all dressed, except for his tie. His skin was smooth and firm from being shaved. He held up a red tie or a grey one.

"The grey one- it sets off your eyes."

"Thank you," he said, kissing my cheek.

"Let me put it on."

"You know how to do a Double Windsor Knot?"

"Yes," I said. I turned up his collar and wrapped the tie around his neck. "I learned when Charlie broke it wrist when he was checking my oil on my truck, once."

"You drove a truck?"

"Yes, it was this old red truck- I can't even remember what year it was, but it was manufactured in the 1950s, and my friend Jacob, the one you met in Forks, his dad used to drive it, but sold it to Charlie when I turned sixteen," I said. "He was my best friend when I was kid, then he met Angela. They were my best couple friends until Alice met Jasper. Well, anyways, Charlie was checking the consistency of the oil, and he didn't put the hood up right, and it fell on his forearm, breaking it. So, I had to do a lot of things for him, like tie his ties on his uniform for him for a few months."

"That's great," he said. "What happened to that truck?"

"Jacob was the best mechanic I ever had, but it didn't go over fifty-five," I said. "I took it with me to college my freshman year, but around my senior year, the transmission fell out while I was driving with Alice to Jasper's after a whole bunch of things happened to it. I ended up selling it to a Ford truck collector and buying that crappy little Accord, since it was nickel and diming me to death." I turned down Edward's collar.

He looked down at the tie. "Nice job," he said. "I'll call you when my shift is almost over, alright?"

"Sure," I said.

He kissed me on the cheek.

I had just spent the night with someone and it hadn't been a total disaster.


	14. Chapter 14: Get Me Into Trouble

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**_A/N- OK, here's the smut I promised. Well, it's not really that bad, but it should be fun, so break out your Guitar Hero and rock on!_**

**BPOV**

Alice, as usual, approved my dress for the night by the time that Edward and Jasper came by to pick us up. "I don't know these people at all."

"Take a Xanax with you," Alice said.

"I will."

"Edward will be with you, you'll be fine," she said. "And Jazz and I will be, too."

"I know."

"So, you've been really quiet about last night," Alice said, raising her eye brows.

"Nothing happened," I said, shrugging. "No sex."

"Boo," Alice said, sticking out her tongue. "We need to have a talk." There was a knock on the door- I knew it was either one of our boyfriends. She ran to answer the door while I got out the Xanax and adjusted the strap on my shoe. When I heard Jasper's voice, I called Edward.

"I'm on my way," he said. "I'm just running a few minutes late. Let Alice and Jasper go ahead."

"Okay, I'll tell them," I said. "Hey, guys, Edward's on the way. You two go on, he'll catch up with me."

"Okay, thanks," Alice said, hugging me. "See you there."

I put the dishes in the dishwasher while waiting on Edward. He called me from his car when he arrived.

"Hi, Bella," he said, as I climbed into his car. "I was just running late leaving the hospital."

"That's okay."

"You look nervous."

"I am," I said. "My stomach hurts."

"You'll love Emmett," he said. "Rosalie's a bit difficult to get to know, but she's great once you do. She's really got an amazing heart."

"I hope so," I said nervously.

"I'll be at your side the entire time."

"Well, Alice made me take a Xanax along."

"I wish you wouldn't," he said. "But, if it gets you though the night, Bella."

"I know."

Rosalie and Emmett didn't live much further from Edward than I did, but it would have been impossible for me to find their apartment. Edward helped me out of the car and helped me into the building. "Hi everyone," he said, entering the building. "I got held up at work."

Alice was sitting on Jasper's lap with a glass of wine, enjoying herself. I saw Emmett and Rosalie, and I felt like a Raggedy Anne doll; she looked like a supermodel, just as I remembered.

"This is Bella, Alice's roommate," Edward said. "You remember Rosalie and Emmett from the engagement party at my apartment, right?"

"Hi, Bella," Emmett said. He stood up and hugged me, right as Edward taking my jacket. I was taken off-guard, but everyone laughed. He had a great smile. "It's good to see you. You want something to drink?"

"Oh, I don't know, some water?"

"You're not really going to drink water, are you?" Rosalie asked, almost sneering.

"We've got a great port," Emmett said. "I'll get a glass for you." He ran off to the kitchen. He was like a kid with ADD.

"He's a bit hyper, sometimes," Edward explained. "I got him really hyped up about seeing you and Alice."

Emmett came back with a glass of wine and a glass of beer for Edward. "Try it."

I took a sip. "This is actually pretty good," I said.

"We were just talking about the video game _Guitar Hero_," Jasper said.

"Never played it," I said.

"I was hoping we could talk about something else," Rosalie said pointedly.

"I was trying to get Alice to try it," Emmett said.

"Yeah!" Alice cried.

"Have a seat," Emmett said.

Edward and I took a seat on the couch while Emmett turned on the Wii and hooked up the guitar controllers while trying to explain the game. Rosalie exited to the kitchen.

"Okay, let's try the easiest level," he said. "You can play this sitting down."

"I can believe you've got our guests playing _Guitar Hero_ at one of my dinner parties!" Rosalie yelled from the kitchen.

Emmett put the guitar on me. "Here, you try it."

My first attempt at it went extremely poorly, but Edward, Jasper and Emmett had a great time laughing at us and taking pictures of Alice doing her best rock star snarl and rocking out on the guitar. Another couple came, Penelope and Ben. My second game went much, much better, although Alice and I fared about the same. When Edward and Jasper took a turn at it, I expected Edward to do much better, but he didn't, really.

"Okay, I'm putting an end to this," Rosalie said, entering the room. "Give me the guitar." She put it on and played against Jasper, and beat the living crap out of him on the game. It was funny.

I had drunk a glass of wine by now, and my stomach was getting a bit queasy. "Okay, we're eating dinner, now," Rosalie declared, turning off the Wii.

I tried to eat dinner, but my stomach had other plans. I was feeling a bit hot. "Are you feeling alright?" Edward whispered.

"No, not really."

"Can I take you home?"

"I think I can make it through the rest of the night."

"Thanks," he said, kissing my cheek.

I sat through the rest of dinner, although I couldn't eat. Emmett gladly ate the food I didn't finish, much to Rosalie's outrage. She was more angry at Emmett than me. I felt pretty comfortable around Emmett, although I didn't want to admit that I felt like Rosalie didn't like me. I didn't understand- how did Rosalie and Emmett end up together? Edward said they were good together, they made sense together. Well, he had known them for almost fifteen years.

Edward took me home after dessert because I was feeling nauseated.

"You're not going to throw up, are you?" he asked.

"I don't think so," I said, holding my stomach. "Just drive carefully, don't swerve the car too much."

"I won't," he said. I didn't want to puke- Jasper said it was an expensive car. "So, what did you think of Rosalie and Emmett?"

"Rosalie didn't like me, did she?"

"Rosalie doesn't like anybody at first," he said. "Don't let it get to you."

"I'll try not to," I said. "Why are you friends with her, anyways?"

"We were friends as kids."

We hit a pothole in the road, and I felt acid, acrid bile come up in my throat. I couldn't force it back down and it came out- onto my dress. "Oh god!" I cried.

"Is there more?"

"This is so gross," I mumbled

"Bella, I'm a surgeon, you don't want to know what bodily fluids I've had all over me," he said. "Do I need to pull over?"

"Yes," I said. He pulled over and I got out of the car and bent over to puke. I must have had a stomach virus or something- I was throwing up, now.

"Is that it?" Edward asked, patting my back.

"Yes," I said. "I think so."

He helped me up and into the car, again. "I hope I didn't get it in your car."

"No, you didn't," he said, stroking my hair. "It's okay if you did, Bella, I've got leather seats." I could smell my own vomit, still. I was guilty of bulimia, too, and it didn't quite smell this bad, normally. It was the putrid smell of food that had overheated in my stomach. Edward helped me into my apartment.

I was feeling dizzy, now, I couldn't stand upright without clutching something. "Can you just stick me in my bed?"

"Sure," Edward said. "We need to get you out of this dress, though."

"Edward, no," I said, the idea of him taking me out of this dress still scared me. I didn't want him seeing the hanging skin on my stomach and fat rolls around my ribs and hips.

"The human body is a body, Bella. I'll just look at you like that if you're so nervous about it," he said. "What's the big deal about me seeing you in your underwear?"

"I'm not getting into it," I said. He carried me into my room and took my shoes off.

"I don't see how you women walk in these," he said.

"They look good," I said.

"They do," he said. He went over to my dresser. "What about these pajama pants?"

"They'll do," I said.

He got out a tank top. "Will this do?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. He put the pajama pants on me under the dress, while Dizzy came into the room and jumped onto the bed to watch.

He unzipped the dress. "Don't worry, I'll look up," he said. He slipped the dress off of me, and onto the floor. He felt around until he found the tank top and held it over my head. I put my arms through the arm holes, and he slipped it down my body, trying to keep his eyes on the ceiling. "Okay, you're in your pajamas," he said. I collapsed on him.

"You looked at me, didn't you?" I asked.

"Okay, just a little," he said.

"Edward!" I blushed as he carried me back to the bed and set me down. I could still smell my pungent vomit on myself, still. I gagged a little at the scent.

"Sorry! I couldn't help myself! You'll be okay?"

"Yes."

"Alright," he said, flipping off the lights. He came back with a bottle of water.

I tried to sleep, but the smell of the vomit was too much for me. This came so fast for me. I finally just got up to take a shower to get the puke smell off me. I took off my tank top when my legs collapsed underneath me.

"Bella! What are you doing up?" Edward cried, making me jump.

**EPOV**

I kept checking to see if there were any records of a stomach virus coming into the hospital, recently. I hoped it was just minor food poisoning. I checked for saltines and maybe some tea- that's when I heard something in the bathroom.

I went to check on Bella- she had left the door open to the bathroom, and she was bent over the side of the bathtub. She tugged her shirt off, but her legs collapsed beneath her. I ran to her side- I was afraid she'd break something. Anorexics tend to get osteoporosis as early as their 20s.

"Bella!" I cried. She jumped, like a deer in the headlights. She wrapped her arms around her almost non-existent breasts, although the bright light of the bathroom didn't hide the sharp angles of her ribs sticking out. "What are you doing up?"

"Edward!" she cried.

"What?"

"I thought you left," she said. I realized I had scared her.

"Alice and Jasper went out with Penelope and Ben and Emmett and Rosalie," I said. "I was worried about you. What are you doing? You're sick, you need to be in bed!" The truth was, she was much more fragile than most people- she was underweight, her heart was probably weak, so was her immune system, I'm sure. Getting sick and possibly dehydrated could do even worse things.

"I can't stand the smell of my own puke on myself any more," she said. "I need a shower. Or a bath." I had had a few fantasies of her, weighing a little more, in a bathtub, her leg drifting out over the edge, beckoning me to come near. I fantasized about her, weighing more a little too often. But of course, being that thin and that sick, she couldn't sit in a bathtub in hot water without raising the heat of her body. She was already a little feverish.

"You can't sit in bath when you've got a fever," I told her.

"I've got a fever?" she repeated

"It feels like it," I said, feeling her head. "You need to go back to bed."

"I can't sleep," she replied. She was getting her shower, whether I liked it or not. "Not smelling like this."

"Alright," he said. I began to undress. I didn't care so much if she saw me naked. Her legs had collapsed underneath her, and she was weak to stand in a shower without some support. I didn't trust myself to give her a sponge bath- no way.

"What are you doing!" she cried. She could be so hard-headed, sometimes.

"Bella, you've got two choices; stay up for a few hours, smelling like your own vomit and not being able to sleep, or letting me wash you in a shower."

"Can't we wait for Alice to get home?" she asked. Like any man, a completely inappropriate vision, like something out of a porno (that Jasper would not appreciate one bit) flashed through my head before I forced it out. Bella was so protective of her body, I couldn't see her being comfortable around anybody naked.

"You'd prefer for Alice to shower with you?" I asked.

"No," she admitted. I managed to find the shower switch.

"Just look at me like a doctor," she begged as I shed the last article of clothing I was wearing. I'm sure she was looking at me. I didn't care if she saw me- the way I felt for her, the sacrifices I was willing to make, I'd do anything.

"Isabella, I don't think I can, but I'll try," I said. I undressed her, savoring each inch of bare skin that became exposed. When I turned down the light a little, I couldn't see the angles of her bones through her skin so much. I picked her up and put her into the now steaming shower and stepped in behind her. She clutched her chest, but I needed to keep a grip on her to keep her steady, she was swaying so much. I slipped an arm around her middle. I could feel the bones of her hips against the juncture of my hip and thigh. Her buttocks were angular and so narrow, they were nonexistent. In my mind's eye, she wasn't a stick figure, she was healthy and happier. I felt a strange sense of love and compassion and pity for her all at once. I helped her get wet down. I found a shampoo for frizz control- Alice obviously didn't use this one- I assumed that Alice used the one for volume. I squeezed some onto her head- assuming she needed more than I needed- and began to lather up all of her hair. Her beautiful hair- it was so long, I had it between my fingers, in my hands... I'd never let anybody touch a hair on her head, again. I kept on looking down to make sure I wasn't getting an erection where she could feel it- and then, I realized, she probably hadn't seen a naked man before. Not up close. She might not be too well-versed on what we looked like. She was still a virgin, after all. She wasn't in the medical profession, either. Her breathing was beginning to relax, the Xanax was taking effect. "Do you use conditioner?" I asked, spying a matching bottle of conditioner from the same brand.

"Yes," she said. I helped her wash the suds from the shampoo out and started on the conditioner. She needed a lot.

"I didn't use enough," I said. "You've got more hair than me."

"I'd think so," she said. I went to wash it out, like the shampoo. "Wait!" she cried. "We have to wait for it to set it." I never washed my hair with conditioner, I didn't know how to use it.

"Okay," I said. "What do we do?"

"I usually soap up and shave in the mean time," she said.

"Okay," I said. Shaving her legs… that would be too close to her lower half. "I think we can skip shaving tonight." I picked up the bar of soap. She physically shivered against me. I had to stay in control, here. Her back tensed up when I lathered her back, shifting her hair over her shoulder. When I got down to the small of her back, her whole body seemed to lock up. Control. _Control._ I kept my mind on operations when I ran the soap over her hips, grazing her gaunt rear, down her legs. I turned her. She stared at my necklace, but she wavered, and lost her balance. I held onto her.

"Okay, there?" I asked, not really sure what to say. We were standing, naked, face-to-face. I had almost lost my composure.

"Mmm-hmm."

I soaped her shoulders, arms. It was like being in slow motion. She stopped being a starved down anorexic, and she became Bella. Bella with curves, in my eyes, breasts and hips, no ribs or shoulders poking out. She had a waist and a nice, round butt- I held onto her, from a distance, her eyes closed, lazily, as I ran the soap over her breasts. Her nipples began to harden, despite the steam of the shower. Was this really happening? She was getting excited at my touch? She was allowing this? Her breath stopped in her throat- I could hear it. She was getting turned on. I ran the soap very slowly over that little nipple. Oh, how I wanted to explore it with my hand, feel her. My thumb lifted off the soap to feel her nipple- I couldn't- no- I had said I wouldn't- and in that very second, I dropped the soap on the tub floor with a thump. She jumped, and her eyes flew open. She saw my erection and took a tiny step back. She stared, but she didn't run, didn't scream.

"I don't know if I'm going to be able to do the rest of you, Bella," I said, feeling a bit stupid. "I'm going to lose control. You might want to do the rest of this."

"Alright," she said, turning around. She kneeled to pick up the soap, and I couldn't help but see her ass- it wasn't so bony to me, now. She was beautiful. Amazing. It was an ass I wanted to cup, to smack, to bend her over. No, I had already messed up enough, tonight.

I had to keep myself in control. She wasn't ready to be seduced- this was just a moment between us. Like when I had been dressing her in the pajamas, I kept my eyes trained on a spot over her shoulder until she was done washing herself. I had screwed that up, too. If she wanted to see what I looked like, I decided to let her. It was up to her if she wanted to see me. She didn't have to look at me naked. I could feel her eyes on me.

"Are you done?" I asked.

"Yes," she said, softly. "Just my hair," she said. She leaned back, her hair into the spray of the water. I held onto her back, from the same distance as before, so she could rinse her hair out. I refused to look at her, again.

I helped her turn around so she could shut off the water. I helped her out of the tub. She almost fell over, again, while I got her towel and toweled her hair off, and then wrapped her up. Finally. The most private parts of her body were covered. Granted, she was still covered in glistening water, but she was covered. I, myself, needed to get covered. I grabbed the closest towel.

How ridiculous were we? I just wanted to pick her up and slam her onto her bed and start making loud, painful love to her without asking her, but I knew that bordered on being completely wrong. I needed to ask her permission. She needed normalcy and wild sex would be traumatizing. I needed to hear from her delicate lips that she wanted it. Instead, she said, "Thank you."

Shit. "You don't have to thank me," I said. "Come on, let's get to bed."

We left the bathroom, and I semi-carried her into the hallway to her room- only to run into slack-jawed Alice and Jasper. I looked at her- her whole body was turning red- her whole body really did flush when she was embarrassed.

I had been walked in before by former roommates. Big deal. But, I could see that Bella was horrified.

Alice's and Jasper's gawking was annoying- couldn't they just walk away, pretending they didn't see anything like normal people? No, of course, they had to tease her. They were more sibling-like than I assumed.

"What the hell?" Jasper asked. Alice began to giggle, much to my irritation. Ignoring them, I carried Bella into the bedroom.

"Please tell me that didn't just happen!" she cried, clapping her hands over her face. Her towel literally fell down. I don't think she cared, now. I had to take this experience down for her. I dug out some pajamas and panties- and I found my pair of boxer shorts. She sat on the bed, naked. In this light, her bones weren't so visible. She was beautiful. But, I couldn't! No, of course not.

"It's none of their business," I said.

"Trust me, Alice is my best friend, it's always her business," she moaned. "She makes it her business." I held up the boxer shorts.

"Just tell her the truth, then," I said, dressing her. "There's no shame in the truth."


	15. Chapter 15: Girl Talk

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

The next day, I was feeling better after drinking diet ginger ale and eating saltines. Edward had to go to the hospital for a three day shift, unfortunately. Alice had to go to work (which I was happy for, for once), but when I woke up, I decided to try to go to class, anyways. My plan was to avoid my apartment as much as possible. Alice text messaged me several times about what exactly happened in the shower, but I ignored her out of humiliation. Over the next few days, Angela had her baby- a girl named Wendi. I promised to come out and see her, but she asked if Edward's shower would miss me and I quickly said "Gottagobye, loveyou!"

I came home simply to get a change of clothes and some toiletries- I was going to spend the weekend at Edward's to avoid Alice and Jasper's inquiries, but right as I got in, I was ambushed- Alice deadbolted the door, and I was stuck in the apartment.

"Hi, Bella!" she cried.

Angela appeared from the living room. She had the baby with her.

"Do I get to hold Wendi?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"I'm going to nurse her in a second," she said. "But sure." She handed me the baby.

"Sit down! I've got a glass of wine poured for you in the living room!" Alice said. "We have all sorts of stuff to talk about!"

"Alice, really, the other night wasn't what it looked like," I said, feeling weak. My whole body was burning.

"Oh, we'll talk about it," she said, grinning. "We have a lot to talk about."

Maybe it wasn't about the shower. "So, what are we talking about?" I asked.

"Sex."

"Noooo, Alice!" I moaned, clutching the baby to me protectively. Esme had given me the sex education that the Forks school system hadn't given us, and it had been really thorough. I knew what got you pregnant and what didn't, what was good birth control and what wasn't, although I didn't have the chance to put it into action. I would have died if Charlie had tried to talk to me about sex.

"I'm not talking about birth control and that kind of stuff," Alice said. "I'm talking about the actual act."

"I don't want to talk about this," I moaned.

"Well, you are obviously further along than you're telling us," Angela said. "Come on, let's have an all-girl discussion."

I found myself- unwillingly- sitting down in the living room. There was a pile of books on the coffee table and a stack of _Cosmopolitan_ Magazines, too. And then, there was a wrapped package- I was afraid to ask what it was. "Okay, so, tell us what happened last night," Angela said. Alice opened her mouth, but Angela cut her short, "_your _version of the story."

"I got really sick after the dinner party, and I puked," I said. "Some of it got on me, and when we got home, I still smelled it on myself, and I was too weak to shower by myself, so, he washed me off," I said. "That's all. Nothing else happened!"

"It's okay if something did," Alice said. "You've been dating for two months. Three dates without sex is a long time."

Angela stared, slack-jawed. "You consider three dates a long time?" Angela asked. "I consider a month a long enough wait!"

"Well, yeah," Alice said. "How long did you and Jake wait?"

"Three years!" Angela cried. "How soon did you and Jasper wait?"

"The second date," Alice said. Angela gasped. "O-kay! We came here to talk to Bella about the shower she took with Edward last night."

"Slut!" Angela cried gleefully.

"Ang, shut up!" Alice cried. "We know that you know about birth control and the options and not getting preggers, but what we're trying to talk to you about is pleasing yourself- and him!" I groaned and clapped my hands over my face.

"It's pretty daring to shower together so early," Angela said. "Jake and I didn't shower together until we had been sleeping together for a year!"

"But don't try to have sex standing up in the shower," Alice said. "Unless you can take it bent over. It's already really slippery with all the soap and shampoo and conditioner."

"Oh, totally," Angela said. "It's better to try oral sex or try laying down when you're in there. Oh! Or bent over!" I sat there, my jaw open. Whenever Angela made a reference to sex, I always assumed she did it in the missionary position. She was the minister's daughter. She was so sweet and innocent. Although she drank, I had never seen her sloberingly drunk before. "What's the matter, Bella?"

"Are you guys experienced in having sex in the shower?" I asked.

"Oh, it's one of my favorite places," Alice said. "At Jasper's, at least."

"How did I not know this!"

"Hey, is that _Urge_?" Angela asked, picking up one of the books.

"Ang, that's porn!" I cried, holding Wendi closer to me. She began to fuss a little.

"No, it's not," she replied. "It's an instructional book."

"You've read it before?" I squeaked.

"Bella, do you need a Xanax?" Alice asked.

"I think so."

"I'll be right back."

"Here, this is a fun position, but it's really advanced," Angela said, flipping the book around as if she was reading a book to a group of children. My jaw dropped, I had to twist my head around to actually understand how it worked; I wasn't sure. Wendi fussed. "Actually, you should try something simpler, like the missionary, or being on top, first, until you're ready to try this. Or something else. Work your way up."

"Ang, I didn't say I wanted to _do_ anything like that," I said.

Wendi began to cry. Angela got up to take Wendi back. "Well, once you get used to it, you'll want to," she said. She was talking about sex like it was recipe for baking cookies for Will's preschool class.

I clapped my hands across my face. "Here, Bella," Alice said. She handed me a Xanax. I took it dry. "Should we give her the present?"

"What is the present, exactly?" I asked, not really wanting to know what it was.

"Well, it's mostly for you, but Edward can use it, too," Alice said, handing it to me.

I groaned, opening it. I pushed it away once I saw what it was- a vibrator- tossing it across the coffee table.

"This is for masturbating!" I cried.

"Couples can use them, too!" Angela cried. The idea of Angela using a vibrator- at all- blew my mind. Jacob was like my brother- what sister wants to think about her brother having sex or using a love toy on his wife? "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I don't know you at all!" I cried. "I _thought_ I knew you, but I _don't_!"

"These really help in certain positions," Angela said. "Just make sure you hide it in really good spots- Will found it, once, when he was one, because _Jake didn't put it away_, and I could have killed him."

"_Jake_ didn't put it away right?" Alice asked, giving Angela a look.

"Yes," Angela said.

"Your _child_ found it?!" I cried.

"Yes," she said. Alice burst out laughing. Angela picked up the present. She unwrapped it for me. "This one's like a rocket, so it doesn't look like a penis, it just looks like a cigar."

"Fun stuff," Alice muttered. "These are really great when he's gone or when he has a boys night and can't spend time with you."

The actual reality that Alice, who slept in the room next to mine, was using a vibrator when Jasper couldn't spend the night, actually made me feel like somebody had slapped me. My friends were perverts!

"Yeah, you said that Edward has three-day shifts at the hospital, doesn't he?" Angela asked. "I don't know what I'd do if Jake had to be away so many nights in a row."

I gasped.

"You couldn't tell I use one?" Alice asked.

"Well, I'm pretty doped up at night, I guess," I said sarcastically.

"Oh, did I ever tell you about the times that we stay after everybody goes home at the garage? And we turned off the security cameras and close the blinds-"

"Do you do it on top of people's cars?" Alice asked wickedly.

"Only of the cars of people we don't like," Angela said thoughtfully. "We stay off of our friends and family's cars. He gets really aggressive around people's cars that he hates that he has to work on. It's really funny when they can't figure out that it's my ass print on their hood-"

"I don't want to hear anymore!" I interrupted.

"We've never been able to talk about this with you before, Bella!" Angela cried. Alice was cackling. "I'm so excited, but you don't want to listen!"

"It hasn't happened, yet!" I cried. "Really!"

"You're kidding!" Angela cried. "We only held out for three years because we were still living with our parents and I was wearing that stupid purity ring. You've been with him for two months, and you still haven't jumped his bones?"

Alice snorted to herself. "Maybe we're doing this too soon," she said.

"Yeah, maybe you are," I said, my cheeks burning they were so hot.

"Alright," Alice said. "Let us know when you actually have taken the plunge. Until then, just take the vibrator back into your room and practice."

"I'm not going to use it," I said, defensively. The idea of masturbation seemed so ritualistically wrong to me.

"Sure," she said, smugly. "We'll see after a few more showers."


	16. Chapter 16: Bella's Song

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

"How was your shift?" I asked when I answered Edward's phone call.

"It was good," he said. "I'm tired. How are you feeling?"

"Better," I said. I wasn't keen on telling him about the whole visit with Angela in our apartment.

"What did Alice do when she confronted you about… the whole shower incident?"

"Can we talk about that later?"

"Okay," he said. "Can I come over tomorrow morning?"

"Tomorrow morning?" I asked. "You can't spend the night?"

"After the last time I saw you, I don't think it would be the wisest idea, Isabella," he said. "Unless you want to break some boundaries. And I'm quite tired, I don't want to be under Alice's nose, either."

"Alright," I said. "We can't go over to your place?"

"No," he said. "I'll bring bagels, though. Which do you like?"

"The Cinnamon Raisin crunch from Panera."

"Panera it is."

The next morning, I got up early, showered, washed my hair and put on some make up. I didn't put on too much, because I didn't want Edward thinking I had tried too hard. I hid the vibrator (which was still in it's hardshell plastic shrinkwrap) under my bed with my scale. I hoped Dizzy didn't find it interesting, like she did my underwear and socks and the food I hid around my room.

Edward was at my apartment at 7:30, on the dot, with the bagels and coffee. He was in a sweater and corduroys. I didn't realize that Alice hadn't moved her stack of _Cosmos_ and porno books like she had promised she would from the coffee table until he was in the foyer.

"Good morning," he said, kissing me. "You look beautiful."

"Hi, Edward!" Alice called brightly, coming out of her bedroom, all smiles. Edward blushed- but I was far past blushing at this point. "I'm off to work. Lots to do," she said, winking, slipping out the door. "Have fun, guys."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to look her in the eye again," he said, once she was out the door.

"You don't want to know," I said darkly. I was too embarrassed to tell him what had happened while he was working- and I wasn't going to let him into the living room.

"Once we've finished breakfast, I thought we'd go out to the University."

"Aren't you sick of it, by now?"

"Just sick of the hospital," he said. "But, I wouldn't be anywhere else, though. Except with you." He turned to go into the kitchen, which would take him through the living room, and I grabbed his shoulder. "I need to put my shoes on- can we eat in my bedroom?"

"Bella, I thought we were going to avoid tempting spots,"

"I thought it was my call," I said, guiding him back into my room, away from the living room. I was going to send a very angry text message to Alice.

I only ate half of my bagel crust before I told him I just couldn't eat anymore. I didn't have the all-out balls to chew and spit in front of Edward. I put my shoes and jacket on in my room while started on breakfast. "What are you doing?" I asked, seeing Edward loading the camera into its carrying case.

"Never miss the opportunity for a good picture."

Carrying our coffees, we went out to the Aston-Martin and went to the University. "You've never played the piano for me."

"It's always too late when you come over," he said. "I have to be aware of my neighbors."

"There's a music building."

"You really want to hear me play, don't you?"

"Yeah," I admitted.

"Alright, then," he said. "We'll go there, first."

We crossed campus from his designated parking spot and found the music building. After asking around, we found a practice room that wasn't reserved for another half hour that had a practice piano in it.

"So, what do you want to hear?"

I drew a blank. "What can you play?"

"Just about anything," he said. "Name something."

"Well…" the song _Blackbird_ popped into my head. Renée's favorite song had been _Blackbird_. "Can you play the song _Blackbird?_ The one by the Beatles?"

"Yes, I know that one," he said. "It's a bit simple, though it sounds better on the guitar. Forgive me for not warming up, first."

He popped his knuckles and took a deep breath in. He began playing. I didn't know that he was so good. He began to sing softly.

I rested my hands on his shoulders lightly, as he played. I stood there quietly, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Bella, are you okay?" he asked.

"That was my mother's favorite song," I said quietly, wiping my face with the back of one of my hands. "Play something else."

He began to play another song- _Clair de Lune_. Another song that Renée liked. He couldn't have known. I didn't want to tell him. It had been so long since I had heard it. I pressed my face into his hair to wipe my tears. He launched into something else- something I didn't recognize. "What was that?" I asked, when he finished.

"I wrote it for you," he said. Something inside me broke, a little bit- but not in a bad way. I felt uplifted, like a hard outer shell was breaking and a newly healed, yet tender, pink center inside me was rising out. "About you."

"Yeah?" I asked. A small chuckle emerged emerged out of my mouth through the tears and sniffles. Nobody had ever written anything for me before.

"Yes," he said, as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He lifted my fingers and pressed a kiss to them.

"I love it," I said. "It's beautiful."

"It's almost nine o'clock. We need to get out of here," he said. He took my hand and Edward took my camera and I took my backpack and we went onto the courtyard. It wasn't raining any more.

Edward began to fool around with my camera while I finished my second cup of coffee. I was still wiping away my tears. "You know, you outdid yourself, with that camera," I said. "I think Charlie got a little jealous that he couldn't give me something that nice."

"Hey, I'm just trying to get in your pants," Edward replied. I gasped. He began to laugh. "I'm just kidding, Bella. I just felt bad over your ruined camera."

"Hey, I ruined it," I said. "I was trying to do too many things at once. Besides, it's not a bad thing for you to try to get in my pants."

He laughed. "I thought we were going to take this slow," he said. "You're actually pretty funny when you catch me off guard. It's cute."

I could actually be funny. And cute. I didn't know this about myself. What a surprise.

* * *

"Honey, I'm home!" Alice hollered.

"Are you going to move those hideous books out of living room?" I called to Alice when she came through the door.

"Alice, you showed her these?" an unhappy voice asked. Jasper had come home with her.

"These and I gave her a present."

"What kind of…"

"Come with me and I'll show you."

"Ewww," I muttered. "Do you two need me to leave?"

The door to Alice's room slammed. Those books weren't moving and I had my answer. I did not want to touch them at all. I had spent an amazing day with Edward, too. He went with me to my therapist and we went to the bistro/coffee shop and had lunch. I just liked being around him. Damnit if Edward was doing another three day shift. I packed up my laptop and went down to the coffee shop to get some decaff so I could give Alice and Jasper some privacy.

While I was waiting for my decaff, I was clobbered by a huge, tall person.

"Bella!"

I turned around to see who my attacker was. "Emmett!" I cried. "Hi!"

"How are you?"

"I'm pretty good," I said. "Just giving Alice and Jasper some private time in our apartment."

"That's a lot nicer than I'd be to them," he said. "I can't wait for you to come to our wedding!"

"I've never been to Chicago."

"Does this mean it's going to be your first weekend trip with Edward?"

"Pretty much," I said. "He came to Forks for my birthday to meet my family, but stayed with some friends since our house isn't too big."

"Yeah, he and Jasper skipped out on a football game that weekend."

"My birthday wasn't that exciting."

"Did you like the camera?"

"You knew about the camera?"

"Yeah," he said, shrugging. "I helped him find it online. Did you like it?"

"I love it!" I said. "Where's Rosalie?"

"Rose is going crazy," he said. "I'm trying to spend as much time out of her hair as possible."

"Yeah, planning a long-distance wedding is pretty difficult," I agreed.

"Do you want to join me?" he asked, holding up his coffee cup.

"Okay," I said. I liked Emmett- I wanted to get to know him better, anyways. "You might have some dirt on Edward."

"Oh no," he said. "I've got some dirt on you- already."

"What?" I cried as they called my coffee order out.

"I heard something about a shower the night of our dinner party," he said. I gasped, my cheeks aflame. It was getting less and less embarrassing, but it was still horrifying in certain situations.

"From who!?" I hissed. "I'm going to kill Edward-"

"Not Edward!" he cried, laughing. "Jasper told me about it." He guided me over to a table.

I clapped a hand over my face, sitting. "There's a great explanation behind that, but it's extremely embarrassing to explain it."

"Oh come on, I've done it all," he said. "Okay, maybe not everything, but I've done most everything straight people can do."

"I caught a stomach bug that night," I said. "That's why we left early. I got so weak, I couldn't stand up on my own."

"So you decided to take a shower with him?" he asked smugly, grinning.

"No, I had started throwing up," I said. "I couldn't stand the smell on myself. He helped me get cleaned up. I didn't think it was that romantic."

"Well, when you mention vomit…"

"Okay, Emmett," I said, shaking my head. "Haven't you immortalized it in a cartoon, yet?"

He laughed. "So, you've heard about that, have you?"

"Yes."

I began to figure out that there was no embarrassing Emmett McCarty at all.

I called back to my apartment to see if Alice and Jasper were done with what ever they were doing around 10, and they were. "When are you going to come home and use that present we gave you?" Alice crooned. I groaned and hung up, although Emmett could hear her.

"What present?"

"Never mind," I said. "It was good getting to talk to you, Emmett. The next time I'll probably see you will be at your wedding. See you then."

"Yeah, bye, Bella."

I skipped out to my apartment.

* * *

"Honey, I'm home!" I called. Jasper was laying out on the couch in the living room, looking over one of the porno books, looking seriously relaxed and four beers on the coffee table. His hair was wet, too.

"We're not moving these books until you thumb through them," Jasper replied. "You can't seriously think you're going to coast through your first time without a little homework first, do you?"

"I'm a hands-on learner," I said proudly. What a quick, snappy comeback!

"Then you should get some batteries, Bella," Alice said entering from the bathroom, her hair wet, a wicked grin on her face. She snickered wickedly.

"You guys are never going to leave me alone!"

"Nope!" Alice said.

"We're going to have a god-damned audience," I muttered, stomping into my room.

Jasper and Alice laughed.

* * *

Clicking on the pictures on my laptop that I uploaded, I found pictures of me in the courtyard from this morning. Edward had taken them when I wasn't looking. I hadn't heard the camera going off. I was smiling, I looked happy, despite the tears. Yes, I was changing. I could feel it in myself.


	17. Chapter 17: Stopple Thy Mouth, Dame!

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**A/N- finally, a hint of lemons! Thanks to Debussy-this for betaing! She is also a writer here on ff dot net, so go check her story out, it's Paging Dr. Love- hot stuff with Dr. Edward. I just can't get enough of Dr. Edward, really.**

**_Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer owns, not me._**

**BPOV**

I planned Edward's first night home after his three-day shift perfectly; a perfect dinner, a relaxing back and foot rub, some relaxing music, and fresh sheets on his bed. I packed my pajamas, toiletries, and the groceries and went to his apartment after my class. I washed the sheets on his bed and started dinner. I felt so domestic when he finally came home.

"Bella, it smells fantastic in here," he said, hugging me. He looked exhausted. "All I want is a shower, dinner, and you."

"Good," I said. "I'm almost done with dinner. Go, get a shower."

"Too bad you're not going to be in there with me," he said, shifting my hair to the side to kiss the juncture of my neck and shoulder.

I shivered. "Maybe that's not such a bad thing," I said. "Go."

"Alright, alright," he said, going off to the bathroom. I finished the chicken Florentine and put the cutlery on the table. I turned down the lights a little bit. I couldn't believe I was getting exciting about eating, for once. I used to get scared of eating, especially in front of people, let alone, handsome men. I wasn't even packing Xanax for tonight- I only really used it at school, now, if ever. I was gleeful. I knew, deep down, that I really was in love. And I was secure. Edward accepted me, and it meant I wasn't as bad off as I thought. "You truly amaze me," a voice said, behind me. Edward was standing in the doorway, while I had the iPod speakers on- he was in the super-long pajama pants that I had tried to wear the first time I spent the night at his place, and a white t-shirt with dripping wet hair. The purple bruise-like shadows under his eyes were still there.

"It's just dinner," I said, my cheeks flushing.

"I know," Edward said. He kissed me. "I'm so exhausted I don't know if I can do much more than eat."

"That's okay," I said as we sat down. Dinner didn't last too long- Edward was so tired, he had a hard time sitting up. "Stay awake! I have other things planned!"

"I don't know if I can!" he called from the bedroom.

I put away the leftovers quickly- I'd clean the pots and pans in the morning. I took my pajamas and changed, quickly, in the bathroom. I left my bra behind in my duffle bag and took the lavender scented body oil.

Edward was trying his hardest to stay awake, he didn't have his shirt on. "Did you wash the sheets?"

"Yes," I said. "Do you like lavender?"

"I do," he said. "What do you have there?"

"Lavender body oil," I said. "Is it okay if I spend the night?"

"If you're ready for any possible consequences," he said. "Especially with body oil."

"I am," I said. "After that shower…"

"You call the shots. Is the body oil for what I think it's for?"

"A back rub," I said. "And maybe a foot rub, if you're good."

"You are too good to me," he said, flashing that sexy half-grin, as I climbed onto the bed, spreading out a towel.

"Roll over."

"Whatever you say." Alice had told me only to use a little bit of the oil at a time. I straddled his butt, and squeezed out a little bit of oil into my hand, rubbing them together before pressing my hands into the muscles of his back. His back was so tight, I had to really press into it. He groaned a little bit against the pressure, but by rubbing circles into his muscles, I felt his back loosen up. "I think I'm going to fall asleep in a moment, here," he said. "If only you weren't sitting on my ass."

"I'm almost done," I said. I got up and worked my way down to his feet. "I hope your feet aren't ticklish."

"Not at all," he said, yawning.

He groaned when I rubbed his feet. I knew I was working my way into his heart. "You better return the favor someday."

"I've seen the shoes Alice makes you wear," he replied, sounding as if he were talking in his sleep. I smacked his butt lightly. "Hey!"

"I think I'm going to have to give your whole body a massage," I replied, rubbing his calves. "You're tight all over."

"Can I just propose, now?" he asked. "I'll give you anything if you'll just do this for me every night of my life forever."

"Be serious," I said. "I require my proposals to be down on one knee."

"I'll do it in the morning," he said. I worked my way up his thighs with my thumbs. He had light, downy hair on his legs. I liked kidding around with Edward. "Okay, I feel like a limp noodle, now."

"Good," I said. "That was the plan."

"One last request, Bella- take your top off, please."

I panicked. "Why?!"

"I have mine off," he said. "I've seen you naked." He saw my fear. "Look, Bella, you don't have to if you really don't want to. I just want to hold you close." I had seen him naked. He was beautiful naked. I was... a mess. Right? I debated in my head for a moment.

He had seen me naked in the shower. His words had been _I'm going to lose control._ He hadn't done it dutifully, like a chore. Could he possibly desire me? A fat, lazy ass with tiny breasts and fat off my middle that I could pinch?

I took off my tank top, leaving me in nothing but my panties and the pink bunny boxer shorts. He looked at me, pressing his lips together and then, turned off the lights.

"Come here," he said softly. I ducked into his arm and left my head in the crook of his arm. How was I going to sleep? The sheets were around my stomach- he smelled so good right now and my breasts were in the air, tingling. "Bella," he whispered and leaned over to kiss me.

As his hand slid across my chest and rest on my breast I heard a low moan in his chest. I found myself sighing as well his thumb ran across my nipple- shocks across my skin. It didn't even sound like me- I didn't moan, did I? I was turning into a completely sexual creature with him. No, wait, I sure didn't look like one.

"Wish they were bigger?" I muttered dejectedly, feeling horribly inadequate.

"You're perfect, Bella," he said. "Well, I'd like you to gain a little weight." I frowned. He placed a kiss on my lips, erasing my negative thoughts. "I like the way your body is, though." He kissed me again.

"I like that," I said softly. I could feel him smiling against my lips.

"You've done nothing but amaze me, tonight, Isabella," he said. "I love you."

"You do?"

"Yes," he said, pressing another kiss against my lips. "And I'm not saying this to try to get you to make love to me, we don't have to, tonight, but… I really do love you."

"Edward Masen, you seem too good to be true," I said. "I love you, too."

Our lips met, again, opening to each other. Feel emboldened by his encouragement, I slipped my tongue into his mouth. Without removing his mouth from mine, he positioned me so I was laying on top of him and took my leg so it was wrapped over his hip. My heart raced and pounded. His hands rested on my butt, holding me there, against him. I sighed, letting my body mold against his, pressing my face to his shoulder, letting myself feel his perfect body. He still smelled like the lavender body oil and the fresh sheets. My breath raced, I traced his chest muscles with my fingers, delicately. "Bella," he moaned gutterally.

His hand slid between us, underneath my shorts, down my pelvis, and between my spread thighs. I gasped when I felt his fingers between my wet folds. I felt him moan deep in his chest. I didn't want to move- I was afraid I was going to screw up the moment. "Bella… you feel like…" He moaned. I felt myself get wetter. I blushed with embarrassment- it wasn't anything I was prepared for- and unexpectedly, I felt a small surge of moisture release itself out of my core.

"Sorry," I said, embarrassed. "I just do that."

"It's a good thing," he said heavily. "You feel like heaven." He ran his fingers up and down my folds. I unintentionally found myself grinding and moaning against him as he stroked.

"No," I finally said, realizing how stupid I must look, trying to sit up. He still had one arm holding me down.

"Don't stop, you looked absolutely beautiful."

"Edward-"

"Let me try it again," he said. "Please?"

"Am I supposed to look this stupid?"

"You don't look stupid," he said. "The look on your face was beautiful. Let me try again."

He ran his fingers back inside my folds and his thumb found the sensitive nub. He pushed his finger inside me, then- two of them. I cried out in pleasure- he knew exactly what he was doing- he knew how a female body worked. I knew now why women found doctors so sexy- their knowledge of the female anatomy. The world around me ceased to exist, just Edward and this enthralling rapture. I wondered if this was an orgasm- I'd never want to leave him. A thought that might have been scary before hit my brain- that I'd have preferred to be completely naked at a moment like this to give him easier access to me. I had missed it when he washed me in the shower. "Edward?" I asked between moans. "Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"Can we take off the rest of our clothes?" He paused and didn't say anything for a moment. "Nevermind-"

"You're calling the shots. Are you sure?"

"Yes," I said, sitting up. Getting off his hips, he helped me slide my panties and the boxer shorts off, he tossed them on the floor. His eyes ran over my body in the dark- making me nervous, but his gaze held nothing but love. He placed a kiss on my lips.

"You can undress me," he said. "If you want." I ran my fingers under the waistband of his shorts, which were peeking out of his pajamas. He lifted his hips so I could slide them and his pajama bottoms, off. I had averted my eyes to his member in the shower out of embarrassment, but we were undressed now, in front of each other, by choice. I took the length of him into my hand- I was surprised by the blood warmth, the hardness, the silkiness and the sponginess of it all the same time. He groaned. I pulled back, afraid I had hurt him. I had never held a penis in my memory before.

"Am I doing this right?" I asked shyly.

"Oh, no, go ahead," he said. He gave me a lop-sided grin and my insides melted like a hot fire was burning inside me. "I'll tell you if you're hurting me." I cupped his testicles- I was surprised by their heaviness, but he closed his eyes and leaned his head back. "That feels so good, Bella." He groaned, biting his lower hip, his eyes still closed. "So much for sleeping." I used my other hand to rub my way down to the end. It got longer and thicker and harder at the touch- I had never experienced this before. I rubbed my thumb harder into his dick. "Ow!" he cried. "Don't rub on it like my back, honey."

"Oh," I said, blushing slightly.

"Be a little more gentle, love," he said. "That's good," he replied, moaning. I wished I had read that book that Alice had left on the coffee table, now. This was Edward… I had heard enough to know how to do a blow job, I think. I was fascinated with the throbbing vein on the bottom of his length. The idea of oral sex on him didn't seem so disgusting, now. I bent down and took the head into my mouth, tasting the salty hot liquid that was coming out in a small bead. It was kind of salty and tangy, but not all together disgusting. He cursed and cried out my name. I knew to use my tongue, at least. His hand found its way into my hair, guiding my head. "Isabella!" he yelled. "Oh, Bella!"

"Yes?" I asked, sitting up. "Should I go back to the hands?"

"I think so," he agreed. "Unless you're ready to swallow." I began to rub his erection from the base of the shaft to the tip, rhythmically, quickening the pace, running my thumb over the hole where the clearer liquid was coming out. I guessed this was precum. His eyes squeezed shut and his back arched. He opened his eyes to watch me through his lashes for a moment, and then he yelled out and three ropey, white liquid spurts came out into my hand and my stomach. He was shaking.

"Edward?" I asked. "Are you okay?"

He didn't answer for a moment, just reached for the box of tissues on the window sill over the bed. He handed me a few to wipe off with. "I just had a sexual experience with you," he said. "I can die and go to heaven."

"You didn't even... _penetrate _me!" I cried. Then, I felt guilty. I was keeping a secret from him.

"The greediest part of me can't wait for that," he said, reaching for me to wipe off some of the semen on my breasts I hadn't seen. I laid down beside him, hugging him. "That was amazing for a first time." He got his second wind, and he suddenly flipped me over on my back. "One good turn deserves another," he muttered, feverishly. His kisses started at my collarbone, running down to my breasts, right over my nipples. I screamed out. He sucked on my nipple, running his tongue over the tip, one while playing with the other one with his fingers. I groaned, cried out and bucked underneath him in response. "So, you like this?" he asked between licking my breasts.

"Oh yes," I replied, digging my fingers into his scalp. "Yes, I do!" I yelled out from the burning sensation between my thighs.

"Put your legs around me," he said.

"Like this?" I asked, wrapping my legs around his hips, crossing my ankles behind his ass.

"Exactly like that," he said. He squeezed my breasts together as best he could. I realized what he was trying to do- get my nipples together, to touch- they weren't big enough. I felt him grab my lower back and then flipped us over, flipping our positions so that I was on top. My breasts were a little larger when they hung down- but only slightly. I put my hands on either side of his head. "Bella," he muttered, trying to squeeze my breasts together, again. The fire between my legs arched for release.

"I want you so badly," I uttered, enjoying the sensation of his tongue swirly on my nipples. "Fuck me, please!"

"Bella," Edward said.

"Edward, please, fuck me," I said.

He stopped, thinking. I realized I had ruined it by begging him to fuck me. "I'm not going to fuck you," he said. "I love you too much for that."

"But, Edward..." I whined. He flipped me over onto my back, again. I felt rejected and stupid, but his kisses worked their way up to my shoulders.

"We'll work on this and other things," he said softly. "I don't want this to be a tawdry, trashy experience for you. We can do stuff like that later. I want you to remember that."

"Oh," I said softly, feeling guilty. I wasn't even sure if this was going to be my first time.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said, not knowing how to phrase it. I pulled the sheet up over my breasts. I wasn't sure how to tell him I wasn't 100 per cent sure about my virginity or lack thereof.

"I want to make love to you, not fuck you," he said, kissing my shoulder, climbing under the covers. His hand found my stomach, and I wanted to shy away from him touching my fat. I wriggled a little, nervously. "Bella... don't shy away from me, now." His hand slid down the center of my pubic bone.

"Edward, I..." I muttered. "Oh!" I cried as his hand relieved the ache that had been building all night, rubbing my slit. He gently pinched my clit, rolling it between his fingers, then flicked it and massaged it in circles. I began to sweat from the sensation, speaking in only incoherent vowels as a dizzying fever built, clouding my vision. I felt his lips grazing mine as I felt his fingers enter me, again. "Edward, don't stop!" I begged, hoping he wouldn't. I wrapped and arm around him, pulling him closer until I felt it- an explosion and spasms. I could hardly breathe. "That was amazing," I panted.

"That's what you just did to me."

We both laughed, I sounded almost hysterical. I was hungry now, hungry for him. I wanted more.

"Can we go to sleep, now?"

"Can't we do it, again?" I asked, his hands rubbed my tummy.

"I'm spent, love. I need time to recover, unlike you."

"Oh," I said. "But, I can feel that again?"

"Yeah," he said. "It's possible." His long, slender fingers rubbed my clit, but it didn't send electrical shocks through my system right away. I frowned and grabbed his hand after a few minutes.

"It's not working," I said, tearing his hand away. "Stop before you get carpal tunnel." I felt like a failure.

"It's alright," he said. "I wasn't expecting you to-"

"Let's just go to sleep," I muttered.

"It's alright, you didn't know," he said, pressing a kiss to my lips before rolling me over onto my side. I was uncomfortable as he scooted up to my back. What would he think of my butt? I wriggled away. "I need to go to sleep, really, if we're going anywhere tomorrow."

"Fine."

"Don't feel like you didn't do well. Just know that," he said, his thumbs kneading circles into my lower back. "Good night. I love you."

* * *

That night, I had a nightmare. I never had nightmares when I slept in the same bed as Edward. It was the same one where I was being grabbed by Jim and beaten with his studded belt. Then, while I cried, he took out his cigar and he pulled down my pants and put it out on my hip to try to get me to apologize for some minor infraction, which he had- several times- but apologies weren't making him or Victoria any happier. I screamed in pain, and he shoved me in the closet. I could smell my own urine in there- they usually kept me there until I wet myself. My personal humiliation seemed to be the only thing that satisfied them.

I woke in a cold sweat in someone's arms. Panic took over my body- I forgot for a moment that it was Edward, not Jim. I felt naked and ashamed. Between dreams and waking, I was confused over reality. Then, I could remember Edward's scent, and I knew it was him in an instant. We had taken all of our clothes off while exploring each other's bodies tonight, before falling asleep, I barely remembered, an76d had fallen asleep spooning each other. I had acted so stupidly, begging him to fuck me like a prostitute. Was I any better than one? His arms tightened around me in a protective gesture. I worried that I had cried out in my sleep. I had, stupidly, not brought any Xanax with me tonight. Edward did not keep prescriptions like this in his apartment- it was too dangerous.

I was locked in Edward's arms, he felt me stir, trying to get out. I wanted to put some clothes on- I felt so vulnerable, so naked and disgusting, I didn't want Edward to see me, suddenly. He moved and sat up.

"What'sa matter?" he asked, sleepily. I couldn't find the words to answer. "Bella, it happened, again?"

"Yes," I said, unanticipated tears rushing to my eyes.

"I know," he said.

"You don't," I said. "I haven't told you, yet."

"Alice and Jasper told me a lot," he said. "That weekend in Forks."

I felt a heavy bawl rip through me. "It's the worst when I dream about it," I said, between sobs. "I wake up, and I can't remember what's real and what's not. It's like it's still going on." Edward pulled the covers over me and turned me over to face him. He held me so closely, that I could feel my body fitting into his. Every part of him.

"You felt like you'd never be happy again, right?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "Exactly. Nobody understands that. It's like I've got some kind of demon haunting me, and it made me think it was gone when I'm around you, but then the moment we get physically intimate, it came back out to terrorize me."

"Oh Bella… I could tell you all day long that nobody will ever do that to you again," he said. "But, I'm sure Charlie told you that for years."

"He did."

"I'm surprised you're not locked in your room in Forks, avoiding sunlight."

"How much do you know?"

"I know about the closets… the studded belts… your hair… the bathroom restrictions… the starvation… the burns on your back," he said. "Carlisle told me about the results of your medical exam that he saw…"

"Oh Edward!" I cried, bursting into harder sobs. "I didn't know you knew about that!"

"If I met those people in real life, I can't say I wouldn't try to kill them."

"Edward, please don't think I'm a liar about being a virgin," I said. "Really… I don't really remember if I was molested while I was living with them, but… I'm not physically a virgin. I'm not sure I want to remember if I am or not. I've been through twelve years of therapy and I'm still not normal, I don't want to go through twelve more!"

"Bella," he said, calming me down, until my sobs subsided. "Bella, trust me, it's not going to matter," he said. "From a medical standpoint, physical virginity is rare past a certain age, even if you've never had sex. I don't care about that. You're here, with me, now. We love each other. You remember that, right?"

"Yes."

"Good," he said. He stroked my hair. "Do you want to go back to sleep or get in the shower?"

"Can we try to sleep?" I asked. He held me and he stroked my hair. The panic attack began to ease itself in his arms, with his assurances.

"I love every second I spend with you," Edward said. "Even this one." I sighed and nuzzled into him. "Besides, if it bothers you so much, there's an operation to get your virginity restored."

"Really?"

"Damnit!" he cried, and chuckled. "I thought you'd say, 'Edward, I don't want to go through with an operation!' not be interested in it!" he cried. "I've had sex with a girl who bled, and it wasn't a nice experience for her. It was really painful for her."

"How old were you?"

"Fourteen," he admitted. "We were just stupid. We stayed friends, though. Still are."

"Who was it?"

He wouldn't reply for a moment. He sighed. "It was Rosalie." I felt a little betrayed. He was going to be in their wedding, soon. "We realized we only did it because she was only rebelling because her parents were divorcing. I only did it for her because she was my friend."

"Why are you still friends?"

"We were never really lovers," Edward replied. "She just asked me to do it for her. I don't know how, but we managed to stay friends."

"But, you slept with her!" I cried.

"We were just kids!" he replied. "Besides, I prefer brunettes."

"Edward?" I asked. "How many women have you been with?"

"I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that question."

"Tell me!"

"Seven," he said. "You'll make number eight."

I felt the pressure of my tears coming back up again.

"Bella?"

I burst out crying. "I'll never measure up to them!" I sobbed. "I couldn't even come twice in a row for you!"

"Who says you were supposed to?" he asked, surprised.

"I- you did!"

"I... okay, maybe I did say that. But, really, really experieced women."

I started crying even harder- he'd kick me out of his bed in a moment just to shut me up and get rid of me I was such a cry baby.

"Bella, can you get a hold of yourself? It's not that easy to do. It takes a lot of experience before you're able to perform like that. I shouldn't have mentioned it. It was stupid of me to say that. And I love you." Maybe Alice and Angela were right about those stupid books and the vibrator. My tears subsided. "But, I have the feeling they'll be nothing compared to you," he said. "Trust me on that. Now, go to sleep."

**EPOV**

She finally shared her body with me. I was in an almost panicked state of awe- such a special gift- and all this after knowing what she had been through. When I first touched her, the look on her face was so perfect- her eyes closed, her thick, dark lashes against her cheekbones, her beautiful, plump lips dropping into a lazy _o_ shape, her cheek against my chest, shaky, soft, high-pitched moans coming out of her mouth. All I could do was continue what I was doing. She did an adequate oral performance, but I had to stop her- my own excitement would have ruined it. Even though she was underweight and her breasts were shallow, her breasts jiggled seductively when she pumped my cock. I couldn't stop staring. And then, I couldn't help but laugh when she begged me to 'fuck' her. She got embarrassed afterwards, and I had to bring her off with my hand and she seemed surprised when she climaxed as if she never climaxed before. There was a look of shock on her face. I had to remind myself not to laugh unless she laughed, first, she might think I was laughing at her. She was cute when she came, but then, she was embarrassed. I assured her I loved her. And of course, the best of intentions left me feeling inadequate. She woke up screaming and then admitted she was ashamed of not being superwoman in bed and not knowing how to get off twice in a row.

My Bella had some dark resistance to her own sexual feelings. She seemed like she was ashamed of them, like she wasn't good enough- even with me. After tonight, I realized she was more interested in making me physically happy than herself. I worried that she felt dirty and I couldn't help her with it. The worry that she was sexually abused by those bastards the Davises deepened.

I held her as she slept, fighting sleep. I just wanted to watch her sleep, but most of the time, my own exhaustion got the best of me because I liked holding her. She spoke, most of the time, just gibberish, when it was memories, she said actual things. Things that sometimes scared me. Holding her while she slept, especially while we were naked, was beautiful. My desire to make love to her grew every day, but I didn't want to do anything she wasn't ready for. I wanted to make her happy. The way she'd look at me- with those huge brown eyes and those dark lashes- we'd be ready for anything life could throw at us. I wanted to believe that love was all she needed to get better.

Sometimes, I could imagine a life with Bella- she'd gain some weight and it would be magic- we'd be happy together. We'd have a beautiful wedding in Chicago where Charlie would walk her down the aisle. I had never dreamed of marrying a girl so quickly, but it was almost as if we were meant for each other. It just came to me one day while I was finishing paperwork in my office. It seemed to right. We'd have children a few years later- I knew she loved kids, after seeing her with her godson. We'd buy a house here in Seattle. She'd be one the lucky few that could have children after over ten years of anorexia. I was being ridiculous, eating disorder recovery wasn't that easy. The past four years of interning in pediatric cardiology taught me so. We'd spend years trying to save her life- I knew that was coming down the road, it was our inevitable future. I knew the dangers of her disease a little too well- and I knew that she ran a high, high risk of dying very, very young. She didn't know how much I knew, yet. I had our whole life planned out, but she didn't know it, yet.

That night, I woke up with her struggling out of my arms. In the strange spot between dreams and waking, her skin was clammy to my touch. She began to cry- I hated to see her cry. I didn't know what to do when a creature as beautiful and fragile as Bella began to sob uncontrollably. It was like all my dreams were evaporating- we had taken a step forward, and her tears were three steps back. That night, she confessed to me, in shame, that her hymen was broken and she didn't know how it had happened. I began to see into her soul, the reason why she thought she didn't deserve anything good- it was all her fault still, in her mind.

I loved her. And just wanted to put her back together, again with soft kisses and touches and reassurances.

**BPOV**

In the morning, we packed up for a weekend trip to Forks to see Charlie, among other people. I was still feeling crappy from the flashback, so Edward offered to drive. My little Honda Accord just wasn't as comfortable as his car. We stopped by my apartment for my medications before we left and to tell Alice she had the apartment to herself.

The trip down was relatively quiet and relaxing. I called ahead to Charlie to let him know we were on our way. He said he'd have soup and sandwiches ready.

I directed Edward once we got off the interstate, and we ended up in Forks right on time. Charlie met us at the door- something he only did on special occasions.

"Wow!" he cried before saying anything else. "Is this really an Aston-Martin?"

"What's the big deal about an Aston-Martin?" I asked, getting out of the car before Edward could come around to let me out.

"Yes, it's an Aston-Martin," Edward said, helping me out the rest of the way. "My Dad collects cars, this was my graduation present when I got out of medical school and got an internship in Seattle."

"Whoa," Charlie muttered. "Hi, Bells."

"I was wondering when you were going to say hello to me," I said, smiling. He stopped and hugged and kissed me.

"You drive this around Seattle?" Charlie asked.

"Yes, I have to be careful," Edward admitted. "I usually keep it in my building's parking lot. Do you want to take it for a spin?"

"Would I?" Charlie cried. Edward held out the keys and there was a gleam in Charlie's eyes like a little kid.

"I think you just made a friend for life," I said as Charlie hopped into the car, zipping out of the driveway.

"I forgot to get our bags out."

"He'll be back… eventually," I said. "Come on, let's not stand out in the rain."

I turned the TV off and we settled into the kitchen. Charlie had heated up some soup in the microwave and made some sandwiches- the best a bachelor could do. "I've got a whole lot to do," I said. "I have to go by the grocery store to pick up some groceries and make a few meals for the next two weeks and write out a detailed how-to list of how to make candied yams without blowing up the kitchen to take to Billy's for Thanksgiving, since I'm not going to be there this year. And, I have to make a few extra meals to put in Tupperware in the freezer, too. And then, I have to start on his laundry- and cleaning the bathroom is always a pain-"

"Bella, you're not his wife. I daresay that during the time between when your Mom left with you and you came back to him, he got along."

Those words came crashing down on me. Charlie always half-heartedly told me I didn't have to do those things for him, but I think secretly, he feared if he stopped letting me do these things for him, maybe I'd stop coming back. I did these things to assure him I'd keep coming back. That and, I didn't want him to do these things on his own because I wanted to assure myself that I had a place in his life, that was important to him, still.

"Besides, don't you want to visit Jacob and Angela? And what about Alice's parents? I'm sure they miss you."

"I guess you're right…" I said. "But, he'd be lost if I suddenly stopped doing all these things for him at once."

"Okay then, we'll go to the grocery store once he gets back," he said. "And you can clean the bathroom, but that's where it stops, okay? I want you to call Jacob and Angela and let them know you're home for the weekend. The Cullens, too."

"Alright," I said. I was busy talking to Ang when Charlie finally pulled in the driveway.

"I had a little too much fun there, Edward," he said, entering the kitchen, handing him back the keys. "Man, that's a nice car."

Edward just laughed.

"You guys waited to eat with me?"

"Bella, you'll be here at 6 with Edward for dinner?" Angela asked on the phone.

"Yes."

"Okay, great, I'll see you then," she said. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

We sat down at the table and started eating tomato soup and toasted turkey sandwiches. Charlie got out the goldfish crackers. "Dad, I'm only going to be able to cook a few meals for you and clean the bathroom this weekend," I said. "I can't do your laundry, though, and you're going to have to fend for yourself when it comes to food for Thanksgiving. We're going to be going to Jacob and Angela's for dinner." Panic rose in me that he'd be disappointed. I hated even the idea that Charlie would be disappointed in me.

"Oh, that's okay," Charlie said. He didn't sound disappointed at all. "Tell them I said hi."

"Oh, we will."

Edward and I went to the store, where I did some grocery shopping and picked up a few cleaning items he was short on. Edward helped me with the cooking, and I made a few things in the kitchen, considering Charlie's busy retirement schedule of fishing and poker. While Charlie and Edward got to know each other over a few beers and a game of college football, I cleaned the bathroom. I called Esme to say hello, and she invited Edward and me over for Sunday Brunch with Carlisle and herself.

By now, it was five o'clock. We needed to get ready to go to the Black's. I took a quick shower, not washing my hair, but put on some make-up, despite the fact that it was just Jacob and Angela we were going to visit.

I came downstairs, and Edward and Charlie were still watching the game- it had just finished after going into overtime. "Man, Bella, you missed it- what a great game!" Charlie said. "Are you off to see Jake and Angie?"

"Yes, I'm off to see Jake and Angie," I said, smiling. Charlie used those names for them out of affection. He liked them both- a lot. "Although, I'm running a little late."

"They're your friends, they'll understand," Charlie said. "just call them."

"We'll call before we start home," Edward said, putting on his jacket.

"Thanks," Charlie said. "Good night, kids."

"Good night," we both said.

I called Angela from the car. "We're running a little late," I said.

"Oh, that's okay, you're running on Jacob time."

"Hey, I run a very successful business, stopple thy mouth, dame!" Jacob yelled in the background. Angela laughed. I heard Jacob laughing, too.

"What's that all about?" I asked.

"I have news for you when you get here."

"Okay, good," I said. "Can't wait." I hung up. "She's got 'news' for me when we get there," I said. "She better not be pregnant again."

When we arrived on the reservation in La Push, I saw Will's face in the front window. He grinned when I got out of the car and tapped on the window pane. Jacob threw open the front door and came out to hug me. "Bella," he said, picking me up of the ground. "You look great. Really."

"Oh shut up."

"Oh, learn to take a compliment," he replied in the same tone. He smacked me on the ass. "Hey, Edward, how you doing?"

"Good thanks," he said, shaking Jacob's hand.

"Ang and I almost have dinner ready. We just have to put the baby down," Jacob said. Will was in his pajamas.

I picked Will up. "You're getting so big, Will!" I cried, kissing his head.

Will just giggled and buried his face in my neck.

In the house, Angela had Wendi in an automatic rocker while she sliced up a loaf of French bread. She had lost almost all the baby weight, by now. Wendi looked like she was going to pass out, although all the commotion was keeping her awake.

"Wow," I said, going over to hug to Angela. "Wendi's grown so much!"

"You look really great, Bella," Angela said. "Really- Edward's good for you," she muttered. "Hi, Edward!" she said, going over to hug him. "Good to see you, again! Bella, why don't you and Edward play with Will, some before we have to put him to bed, and Jacob and I will finish putting dinner together."

"Can't I help in the kitchen?"

"You don't want to miss out on bonding time with you godson, do you?"

Edward and I took Will into the living room, which was littered with toys and games and DVDs. We played with Will's train set. Will had so much to show me. Jacob put Will and Wendi to bed before dinner so we could have some adult conversation.

We sat down to dinner. Angela insisted on praying over the food- she always did. I let her. She was still a minister's daughter. We popped a bottle of wine and brought out a few beers for Jacob and Edward with dinner.

"So, what's the big news, Ang?" I asked.

"I'm doing a play at the La Push Little Theatre," she announced.

"I'm so proud of her- her very first audition, and she got a featured role," Jacob said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I'm playing Goneril in _King Lear_," she said. "I have to bleach my hair, but it'll only be for a month."

"I'm so coming!" I cried. "You have to tell me when it is!"

"January 4 through the 7, and then the next week after that," she said. "Jacob's turning into a theatre widow."

"I'm proud of her, still," he said.

After trying to eat some of the casserole, Angela and I sat out on the screened in porch and had another glass of wine while Edward and Jacob talked about the game in the backyard, while Jacob brought out an air rifle. I had the feeling Jacob was just displaying it as a minor threat, but he handed it to Edward to see if he could shoot a can off the fence on the edge of the property.

"Oh God," I muttered, embarrassed.

"He's just trying to protect you," Angela said quietly. "You've never brought home a boyfriend before. He just wants to make sure Edward's completely aware that he's not afraid to hurt him on your behalf."

"Edward jokingly proposed to me last night," I said in a low tone. I knew this conversation was one that we didn't want the boys hearing.

Angela gasped. "Really!" she cried.

"He wasn't serious," I said. "I was trying to do something nice for him after he had a three day long shift at work."

"What were you doing?" she asked, smiling.

"I gave him a massage," I said quickly.

"That's it?" she asked. I knew what she was itching to ask.

"I haven't made love to him, yet," I said, my cheeks burning. "I knew you were going to ask that."

"No, I was going to ask how far you had gone with him, yet," she said. "Like, first base, second base…"

"I never understood those."

"Jacob explained it to me, once, I thought it was hysterical," she said. "First base is kissing, second base is touching, third base is dry humping with your clothes on, and a home run is… well, use your imagination."

I knew that if I lied to her, I'd feel guilty and I'd eventually have to confess it. So, I might as well. "Does a blow job count as third base or a home run?" I asked. Her mouth dropped open. "I did that for him last night," I whispered.

"Oh my God! You've showered with him, given him oral, but you haven't had sex with him! What are you waiting for!?"

"I don't know! I could only..._ climax _one time with him, not twice in a row."

"It took me- look, haven't you been using the rocket?"

"No."

"What are you waiting for?"

"I can't believe you're encouraging me, of all people!"

"Come inside, I'll show you something with a banana for next time you get the urge to go down on him," she said.

"No!" I cried in horror. "I don't want to see you showing me how to do that!"

She started laughing. "No, Bella, I was just going to show you how to arch your neck so you could get it further down your throat. I wasn't going to demonstrate with it in my mouth. Haven't you been studying Alice's books at all?"

"God, no!"

"Bella, really, I'm saying this out of experience," she said. "You need to learn how to have orgasms if you're going to have sex with him, otherwise, it'll be really disappointing for both of you."

"I can't believe what you're suggesting!"

"There's no shame in it," she said. "Really. Just lock your bedroom door and get one of those books. You'll never have double-orgasms until you do it for yourself."

"I'd rather wait for Edward to do it to me."

"Bella, let me explain something," she said. "It takes practice on our end to know what does it, and if you're going to rely on him to teach you… Bella, it's going to take years to have good, long, fulfilling one if you never take matters in your own hands… no pun intended. Especially if he can't see you for three nights in a row. Is it really fair to drag him through that? It's a lot of pressure on him."

I couldn't believe a preacher's daughter, who was still so religious, was making masturbation sound so logical and necessary. Thinking about this subject was just getting me all hot and bothered, despite the burning tingling on my face and whole body from the flushing embarrassment of this conversation. "You're embarrassing the living hell out of me," I said. "Show me that trick with the banana."

"Let's go inside."

I followed Ang inside, and in the living room, she got out the banana. She demonstrated how to arch your neck to get more room in the back of your throat from the profile. I put the banana back before Jacob and Edward came back inside from shooting his air rifle.

Before we left around 11, Jacob walked us out to the car. "Bella, you've got my number on your cell on speed dial, right?" he whispered.

"Of course."

"You can always call me if you need anything," he said, hugging me, again. "I'll always look out for you."

"Thanks, Jake," I said. Edward had the passenger door open for me. "Take care."

"It was good seeing you, again," he said.

"You too," I said, going over to the passenger side. I made the call to Charlie letting him know that we were on our way home.

After I hung up, Edward said, "you know, I have excellent hearing."

"What?" I cried, my cheeks burning. I wondered what he had heard. "What did you hear?"

"Angela sure has a dirty mind for a preacher's kid," he said, laughing.

"I'm sorry I told Angela the details of what we did," I said automatically.

"Why?" he asked. "She's an experienced friend. It's not like Emmett and I didn't brag to each other about sexual exploits in undergrad and high school."

"Are you going to tell Emmett about me?" I asked.

"No. I'm too old for that shit. But, it would serve you right- telling Angela all those things!"

"I don't know what I'm doing, that's different!"

"I was just kidding. I don't mind."

"You gotta let me know when you're doing that!" I cried. "But you really don't mind that I'm talking to my friends?" I asked, surprised.

"As long as you're not telling everybody," he said. "And as long as you make me out to be Cassanova."

"Okay, chill out, I'm not going to promise that!"

"You love me don't you?"

"Of course," I said.

"So, what are these books? Can I see them?"

"No, you cannot see them!" I cried.

He laughed. "Why? No harm ever came from reading a book."

"You are incorrigible, Edward Anthony Masen," I said. He continued to laugh for a few more minutes. "Why do you find this whole situation so funny?"

"Because I'm a doctor, I just don't find any shame in sex, that's all," he said. "You're so repressed, it's hysterical, sometimes."

"I'm not repressed! A little sheltered because I had Jake around to protect me."

"I beg to differ," he said. "Jacob hates me."

"Why do you say that?"

"He's your brother, practically. Nobody's good enough for you," he said. "I could see it the moment he brought out his air rifle. He never missed a shot. He got the message through."

I got a text message from Alice- she said not to make a lot of noise in Charlie's house. I knew she was just egging me on, by now.

The front porch lights were on and the front door was unlocked. Edward's bags were missing from the living room- we couldn't find them. I made up a bed on the couch, since this was Charlie's house- the idea of me sleeping the same bed with him under my father's roof was horrifying in my own mind. Charlie was already asleep- he normally went fishing early on Sunday mornings with Billy, anyways. I was going to have to wake him.

I knocked on the door to his room. "Dad?"

"Huh?" he asked, groggily. "Bells?"

"Yeah, it's me," I said, opening the door. "Where are Edward's things? We left them in the living room."

"Bella, I left them in your room," he said, sounding slightly aggravated.

"But, Dad-"

"Alice has a big mouth, remember?" he replied. "Now shut the door and let me sleep. I'm meeting Billy at 6 to go fishing."

I shut the door, my cheeks burning. He knew that I was spending the night with Edward? The very idea was horrifying.

Downstairs, I found Edward, checking his email on his phone.

"Edward?" I asked. "Charlie put your bag in my room."

"Is that why your face is so red?" he asked, grinning. "Repression."

"Goddamnit, Edward!"

"Race you up the stairs."

That night, we slept in pajamas- Edward even slept in a t-shirt, just incase Charlie checked on us. I was so hot and bothered, I couldn't quite sleep. I found my tossing and turning was keeping Edward up.

"What's got you up?"

"All that discussion tonight," I said. "Between Angela and me."

"Oh, I see," he said, smiling, sleepily. "Go take a cold shower."

"Does that really work?"

"Yes, it does. Now, so I can go to sleep," he said. I scooted off the bed and went to the bathroom for a cold shower. I took it as cold as I could- I squealed as I stepped in. I stayed in only for a short time before I had to get out. I was shivering by the time I got back to the bed with Edward. He was all warm and asleep. "God, you're cold!" he cried when I climbed back in bed, dried off and in my pajamas.

"You said for it to be cold."

"It just has to be cool, not freezing."

"I don't know these things," I said, pressing my feet to him. He froze for a moment.

"Ah!" he cried. "Your feet!"

I pulled my feet away. "Sorry!"

"No, no," he said, sitting up. He took my feet in his warm hands and began to rub each of them until I had some feeling back in them, and then kissed my toes. "Anything else?"

"My hands," I said. He picked up my hands and rubbed them, like he did my feet.

"Anything else?"

"Me," I said, smiling. He wrapped his arms around me, and laid down on top of me.

* * *

In the morning, we got up around 9 am. The Cullens were expecting us at 10. After having three showers within the last twenty-four hours, I didn't bother with showering again. Edward came downstairs in a button-up shirt and he handed me a tie. Without a word, I did the double Windsor knot for him. I put on a pair of khaki pants and the set of pearls that Charlie had given me for my undergrad graduation with a blue button-up top.

He almost missed the turn off to the Cullen's house. Esme met me at the front door, hugging me. "You look so good, Bella!" she whispered in my ear. She hugged Edward. "It's good to see you."

"Good to see you, too."

Carlisle came down the stairs. "Ah, Bella! You're looking well."

"Everybody says that," I said. "Do I really?"

"Yes," Esme said.

"Edward, so glad you came to stop by," he said.

"Come on, I've made some Bloody Marys," Esme said.

In the kitchen, we had brunch and Esme told us a little bit about the local charity scene. Mike Newton's marriage was already on the rocks, rumor had it. It was funny, but a little part of me didn't feel gleeful any more at Mike's misfortune. Esme had gotten to see Angela and the new baby a few times. Carlisle was Wendi's pediatrician, so he had examined the baby a few times, already. I told them the news that I was almost done with my first graduate degree, come May. Then, if my scholarship lasted, I could go on to work on my Ph.D. I was already accepted at the same university to do so.

Brunch was relatively uneventful. We got home to pack up our things, and Charlie had gotten back from fishing.

"Hey, Dad, did you catch anything good?"

"Yes, actually," he said, holding up his proud display- a fish about a foot long. I clapped.

"Do you need me to cook that for you before I go?"

"No, I can take care of it, Bells," he said. "I'm sorry you two have to leave like this. Have a good Thanksgiving, honey."

"Don't say that like I'm not going to talk to you between now and then," I said. "I'm going to call you."

"You better," he said. He hugged me and kissed me good-bye. I climbed into Edward's Aston-Martin and we sped off back to Seattle.


	18. Chapter 18: A Woman's Guide

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer owns, not me.**

**_A/N- If you haven't read "Guilty Pleasures" by Bombshellchic on LJ, you're missing out. That's where I got a lot of the titles for the books that Alice supplied. Warning- masturbation. I know some people don't find it too tasteful, but come on, we all do it._**

**BPOV**

When I got back to my apartment, Alice wanted to do laundry and go over the weekend's events.

"Well, Edward's things mysteriously appeared in my room while we were at Jacob and Angela's," I said.

"Oh yeah, speaking of being at Jake and Angela's, I heard about the conversation Angela had with you," Alice said. "I know I've been teasing you a lot, but really, she's right. About a lot of things."

"Even Edward heard about that," I said, blushing, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"There's no shame in knowing what you're doing," Alice replied. "Look, if you need the apartment to yourself the next few nights, I'll be happy to vacate to Jasper's place."

"Actually… That'd be nice."

That night, since Edward was back at the hospital for another three-day shift until Wednesday, I asked Alice if I could have a night alone. She didn't crack jokes, just said sure and packed a bag.

After Angela's insistence that I try the books and the rocket, I fed Dizzy to keep her busy and climbed into my bed in a long night shirt. I took the rocket out of the package, and got the necessary double A batteries, but didn't use it right away. I leafed through _Wet_, a book about having sex in the water, but it was ridiculous. I had already showered with him, twice. I picked up _Good Sex: A Woman's Guide to Losing Inhibitions_ and leafed through that. It was embarrassing at first, but then, kind of exciting. Would he find me dirty and perverted if he found out I did this? I hoped not.

"Please, Edward, don't hate me for this," I muttered.

I studied each picture and felt arousal burning between my legs with each turn of the page.

Back in my room, I took off my panties. I didn't normally wear a bra to bed, because I didn't normally need one. Under the covers, I felt my legs and carefully felt my way in between my thighs. I wasn't sure what to call it. I tried to ignore that I even had this area of my body. It was time to accept it. I thought that men just put up with it. I personally found my own vagina disgusting.

_Well,_ I reasoned with myself, _if men found it as disgusting as I did, they'd all be gay._ Edward seemed pretty eager to touch me. I had only masturbated a few times in the middle of the night, between sleep and waking, and I felt thoroughly ashamed afterwards. I remembered the way it felt when Edward touched me the other night. I finally decided to just take off my top. I was naked under the sheets, now. I picked up the rocket, grimacing, turning the end. It buzzed, embarrassingly loud in the silence. I was going to have to turn on the radio next time I did this if Alice was around. I nervously ran the rocket under the covers.

I tried first to stick it inside me. It didn't quite work that way- I was too tight for it. I liked it best when Edward stroked my clit. Okay. There was a start.

The pulsating tip quivered against my... um lips? I cringed. Oh god... he was going to hate me if he found out I was doing this. He'd never find out, I'd beg Alice.

Okay, I had to think of myself, here.

I imagine myself with him, naked, again. Only this time, I was beautiful, thin, had hard muscles on my stomach and a toned rear end. Edward was, as always, beautiful. My pubic hair wasn't so ungroomed, I had taken Alice's advice and gotten a wax... yes, that's it. I was perfect. His lips grazed mine, and I gripped his middle as his fingers went into my cleft. He strummed me, his fingers trembling. "Oh, Bella, you're so beautiful," he whispers. I moan in response. He penetrates me, and it hurts, making my eyes water, but his hand keeps on stroking along... oh yes, and he starts pumping... god yes... yes, it feels so good!

It happened. Only for a second. It was like a small waterfall was opened inside me, my vision became hazy, just like what he had done for me. My veins were on fire. That was... endorphins?

Wow.

How was I ever going to get my homework done, now, when I could do for myself? Why I had waited so long?

* * *

"How was your night alone?" Alice asked, coming in the door.

"What, no _Honey, I'm home_?"

"You know I know what you were doing," she said. "How did it go?"

"Better."

She squealed. "You moved the books!" she cried. "So, you're using them! It only took you three weeks!"

"I'm so proud," I said. "Don't ever tell your parents. Or my Dad!"

"I won't, I won't."

"Too bad I didn't have any of this information Friday night."

"You didn't fool around at Charlie's?"

"No way!"

"Why not?" she asked. "Forbidden, exciting-"

"My room isn't that far from Charlie's," I said. "How embarrassing would that be to wake him up in the middle of the night to _that_?"

"So, what's this I hear about a blow job?" she asked. She smiled wickedly. She could be downright evil, sometimes.

"Where'd you hear about that!?"

"Where do you think? Ang."

"I'm gonna kill her!"

"Relax, we're friends, I haven't told anybody else," Alice said airily. "When did it happen?"

"The night before we left for Forks."

"Oh," Alice said, a hint of smugness in her voice. "You're going to be banging in him in no time."

"Alice!"

"Come on, it's funny!" she cried. "Ang and I were discussing taking bets."

"I don't know Angela nearly as well as I thought I did," I muttered.

"Well, I'm going to take a shower and get an early night's rest. Just so you know, that rocket is waterproof!"

Mt first reaction was to cry _ew! _and to be a prude, but then, I thought about how fun it would be to orgasm in water. Hmmm...


	19. Chapter 19: Meeting Your Mother

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

The night Edward got off from work, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I did another night of dinner and a massage, although we had to get him packed for the weekend, too. He was too tired to stand for another shower, so I ran a bath, despite his complaints that he hadn't taken a bath since he was little kid. He got in, still complaining. He had a huge bathtub- one that came up to his shoulders when he sat down in it.

"Quit your whining," I called. "Mine at my apartment doesn't hold that much before the emergency drain begins to suck the water out."

"Aw, poor baby," he replied. "Get in with me, if you're so deprived."

"That sounds like a good idea," I said. I went into the bathroom, taking off my clothes, and climbed in behind him.

"Okay, this is tolerable," he said as I wrapped my legs around him. I felt so grown-up, having a relationship with someone where I was doing something so mundane, but so private, with another person. Nudity with Edward didn't bother me anymore. He neither looked at me like a doctor nor like I was a piece of meat, but with love and fascination and desire. He treated me like I was a special and beautiful and precious. I hoped he'd never know how disgusting I truly was- the way I was so horribly scarred by what the Davises did to me. I picked up the washcloth to scrub off the lavender oil his shoulders, and he laid back on me.

"Don't fall asleep," I said.

"I'm not falling asleep!"

"Sit up, I need to get this oil off your back."

He complied. I scrubbed away, happily. "Sometimes, between Jasper and Alice and us, I think there are no secrets."

"Why do you say that?"

"Jasper alerted me that the books that Alice swore not to move were actually moved in your apartment."

No. Oh GOD no, he knew about me masturbating? NO! I splashed him, hoping confidence would shut him up. "Hey, that's none of-"

"Oh no, it's _so_ my business, Isabella," he said. "I'm finding out tonight." He picked up my foot and began to rub the sole. I stopped scrubbing away on his back and pressed the heel of my palms to my eyes. He laid back on me.

"I'm so embarrassed," I murmured, my whole body burning.

"Why?" he asked, turning to face me over his shoulder. "Weren't you thinking about me?"

"No, I was," I said, trying to look away, laughing out of embarrassment.

"Good."

"I think it's disgusting."

"I think it's really hot."

"You think masturbation is hot?"

"No, just you doing it is hot," he said. "I'd love to watch you."

"What?" I was shocked. I realized he was slyly grinning at me.

"Will you do it for me tonight?" he asked. I wouldn't be able to do that. No, I couldn't bring myself to climax with him watching me.

"No!"

That half-smirk creeped across his face. "Maybe we're not advanced enough for that. But hey, everybody does it."

"They do not."

"They do too, trust me."

"Are you saying you do it?"

"I was a teenage boy once, Bella," he said, turning back around. "I've taken a lot of cold showers since I met you." I had always thought that he had no reason to touch himself- he always had over-eager nurses and woman throwing themselves at him, they'd have satisfied all his sexual needs, wouldn't they? "What's the matter?"

"I just... I just thought that whenever you needed it, there was a woman there for you."

"Bella's that's ridiculous. If I had willing woman every time I wanted to have sex, I'd probably have a serious STD by now. I'd have never gone to class. Do you even understand how much a teenage boy thinks about sex? It's embarrassing."

"I've heard the statistics, but..."

"You think I'm so different?"

"Well... Maybe," I said. "After you lost your virginity at age 14."

"My mother wouldn't give me an allowance unless I cleaned my own bathroom and washed my own sheets," he chuckled. "There just came a point in time when she just couldn't take the mess and couldn't subject the cleaning lady to it. Besides, I didn't have sex again until I was in college."

I couldn't believe I was talking about such a taboo subject with Edward- maybe he was telling me these things to calm me down because he could tell I was embarrassed. And he was fine with me doing this- he was laughing. He liked that I did it. It was normal? Amazing. And he wanted to watch me... my body. As it was, not the toned, perfect thing I had imagined in my mind. I felt so secure and calm. With him.

"I'm so nervous about meeting your parents," I said, trying to change the subject.

"They're going to love you."

"Isn't that what all couples tell each other?"

"Charlie likes me," he said. "That was a huge hurdle."

"He likes your car," I said as he switched feet. I moaned softly. I wondered what Edward had told his mother and father about me… that I was a huge mess and had been almost killed when I was 11 by abusive guardians after my mother died. And that I was possibly molested, but I couldn't remember. I was the fucked-up masturbating technical virgin from the backwoods of Washington state's Olympic Peninsula. How horribly pathetic. I'd never live that down. I felt my muscles seizing up.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked, no longer kidding around with me.

"What do your parents know about me?"

"That you're a wonderful person with a good heart that loves taking pictures and reading and taking care of her bachelor father, even though he's three hours away," he said. "That's what they know for sure."

"What else?" I asked, feeling the air choking in my chest.

"Are you asking if they know about Victoria and Jim? Yes, Bella, I've told them, but not in detail."

That didn't calm me down at all. What if Elizabeth Masen thought I was poor anorexic nutcase before she even met me? What if she thought I wasn't good enough for her son, being a small-town police chief's daughter? I grew up relatively poor. I had no special talents like Edward did. Edward was a doctor. He had gone to undergrad at Dartmouth and medical school at Vanderbilt University, following in his father's footsteps. I had stuck close to home, going to a state school. His father had a multi-million dollar pediatrics practice in Chicago before he retired. There was a reason Edward drove an Aston-Martin and not a shitty little 1992 Honda Accord with rust on the hood and torn seats like me. My clothes that I had packed were from Stein Mart, Target and Old Navy, not nice stores, like Anne Klein Loft or Alice's favorite, BCBG: Max Azaria. I'd look so ridiculous at Thanksgiving dinner. My dress for the wedding was from Marshalls, it had been half-price. Elizabeth Masen was probably going to be in real diamonds and in a real designer dress from a Chicago department store. I had never had a boyfriend before. I wondered if that had come up in conversation between Edward and his parents. Everybody knew everything about me just by looking at me- they'd know I was anorexic, they'd know I was anxiety-riddled, they'd know I was still a virgin at the age of twenty-five. What made me think I could venture outside my personal safety circle? My own idiocy. I was an idiot. A big, fat, blubbery, insecure, demented idiot with huge, thick lips and bug-like eyes and a spare tire of fat circling her middle and hips- ugh- what was I thinking-

"Calm down," Edward said. "Really, Bella, it's not as bad as you think it is. My mother is so excited to meet you."

"Edward, I'm not going," I said, pushing him away, getting out of the tub.

"Bella, that's just a panic attack talking."

"No, Edward, really," I said, toweling off. The dinner we had just eaten gurgled in my stomach. I wanted to vomit, but Edward was there, watching me, and he'd know what I was doing. "I can't go, now."

Edward got out of the tub. "Look, I'll get a Xanax, and we'll sit down and we'll call my parents even though it's late- really, they want to meet you!" he said, an edge of franticness on his voice. I couldn't believe my own insecurities were doing this to Edward. I wrapped the towel around myself and walked into the bedroom to get dressed. Edward followed me. The room seemed to close in on me.

"Bella, really, just calm down, listen to me," he continued. "You're not going to do yourself any good backing out at the last minute. Just tell me what the real problem is."

"I never thought about how insignificant my upbringing was before," I said, tears flushing to my eyes. "And now, I'm going to meet your mother. She's a doctor's wife! Edward, you don't know how women can act with each other!"

"Are you saying my mother's going to be cruel towards you with no real reason?" he asked. He sounded cold when he said it. "You don't know her."

I gasped. I hadn't realized I had just insulted his mother. I had just said she'd be a bitch. "No, not at all!" I cried. "It's just never been so glaringly apparent that I'm not good enough for you! I'm sure she's got a girl that you grew up with in mind… and the entire wedding planned out… And here I am, some poor girl from a small town in rural Washington State, stealing her son away-"

"Bella, that's already happened," he said darkly. "We went through that when I was in high school, and that girl broke my heart. My parents let it go, and let me go my own way after that."

I began to root through the clothes I was planning on wearing on the plane tomorrow so I could tug them on. "I just insulted your parents," I muttered.

"Is that why you're putting on street clothes?" he asked. "Come on, my parents both grew up poor- poor enough to know what it's like to go without. My mother's not a narcissistic, judgmental person, Bella. They'll like you."

"I doubt they were _that _poor," I said, buttoning up my jeans. I didn't want to be naked in front of him any more.

"My dad had to get a job at a factory at the age of sixteen after school to support his mother after his father died," Edward said. "And my great-grandmother used to have to make my mother's dresses when everybody else was buying them at department stores because my Ukrainian grandfather was so busy drinking all the time."

"Oh God!" I said, feeling guilty. Edward had never told me how poor his parents were. And I went around feeling so sorry for myself all the time... I must have looked psycho.

"Bella, you're not low-class- that's what would set them off, if I brought home a girl without any manners. Now, can you take off your clothes and get ready for bed with me?" I sighed, feeling heavy sobs wrack my body. I only got a job when I was in high school so I didn't have to ask Charlie for money to go out shopping with Alice and Angela on the weekends in Port Angeles or for books or camera equipment. I didn't know poor. I didn't know _need_ verses _want_. Edward wrapped his arms around me. "Let's just re-evaluate this in the morning. I love you and I don't want to be at this wedding with out you. I don't want Rosalie's trashy bridesmaid friends throwing themselves at me." I sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'd rather have you throwing yourself at me."

I found myself laughing through tears at his comment about the bridesmaids. I wriggled out of my jeans in frustration- I was gaining weight again, damnit. They weren't fitting like they used to- and I climbed into bed with Edward. He turned out the lights and stroked my hair. After a few minutes, Edward got up and got a Xanax for me out of my things so I could calm down. I finally stopped crying and sniffling.

"I'll call my parents, even though it's almost eleven there," Edward said, returning with his cell phone. He dialed and put the phone on speaker. I was glad we didn't have video calling standard in America, yet, because we were both naked in the dark. "I'll show you they're good people that will give you a fair chance."

"Hello?" a mature female voice answered.

"Hey Mom, it's me," Edward replied.

"I have caller ID, Edward," she said, chuckling. "Are you all packed up and ready to come back to Lake Forrest?"

"Yes," he said. "Bella's here with me."

"Hi."

"I was wondering what that sniffling was," she said. "Are you sick, darling? I hope not, I can't wait to meet you!"

Edward elbowed me, gently. "She's just got the sniffles. What are you doing up this late, Mom?"

"I've been finishing up some of the prep work for tomorrow's Thanksgiving dinner," she said. "We did a lot of work at the domestic violence shelter today, since we're not going to be spending Thanksgiving there, this year. I hope you're excited, I'm making your favorite- green bean casserole."

"I love to make that," I said, without thinking.

"She usually makes it for Thanksgiving at her father's," Edward said.

"I've got all the ingredients, if you want to do it," Elizabeth said. "I don't want you feeling left out, dear."

"I'm sure I won't," I said. I wanted to kick myself- how rude of me to say that! What did she think of me, now? "It's your kitchen."

"Have you gotten to meet Emmett and Rosalie, yet?" she asked.

"Yes, that's where we met, the Seattle engagement party," Edward said. "Bella was there- she's a friend of a friend's."

"Emmett's really funny," I said. "He's a good guy."

"I beg to differ," Elizabeth said. She chuckled.

"He got me into a lot of trouble," Edward explained.

"Oh, I see," I said. Edward went into a whole story about the time that he and Emmett got busted on the beach for fireworks by the Lake Forrest PD when he was 15 and was brought home. The cops found a porno from Emmett's older brother's collection in Emmett's backpack. It was a funny story because Emmett kept trying to talk the cops out of taking them home to their parents and ratting on them with some really funny explanations. In the end, the cops confiscated the fireworks and the porn, and dropped them off with the parents, explaining what had happened. Edward had been grounded for few weeks, but Emmett had been grounded for a month.

"We thought Emmett would go into law after that," Elizabeth said. "Imagine our surprise when he applied for Architect School at UT."

I realized my panic attack was gone, but I was extremely tired, now. "Mom, I think we need to get to bed. Sorry to keep you up so late," Edward said.

"Oh, any time!" she said. "We'll be there at noon to pick you up from O'Hare, sweetheart. I can't wait to meet you in person, Bella!"

"You too," I lied, although I was feeling better. I was only spending two days with her, and then we were going to the hotel in downtown Chicago for the wedding.

"I love you, Mom," Edward said.

"I love you, too," she said. "'Bye."

He ended the phone call. "See? Mom already likes you. What were you so worried about?"

"The Xanax is taking over," I said.

"Good, you're doped up and don't have any clothes on, so I can have my way with you," he said. He was back in a good mood. I smiled, relieved.

**EPOV**

"Good, you're doped up and don't have any clothes on, so I can have my way with you," I said. A shy smile passed her lips and I saw her teeth catch her lower lip as I positioned myself over her. I smiled back. She had had a panic attack earlier and I had to talk her down. I could see straight into Bella's soul. She was afraid of people seeing her and realizing how different she was and not understanding. She had been misunderstood her whole life- she was lucky to have Alice, Jasper, Angela and Jacob. Yet, I loved her individuality. It was part of loving a person- loving their pasts, feeling pain at the ways they had been wronged.

I had five days with Bella, and the next three, I was going to be very, very busy. I needed personal time with her. She needed my comfort.

She looked up at me- she was no longer the anorexic girl with bones sticking out of her paper-thin flesh, but my Bella, the woman that I knew she was on the inside. She was beautiful, irresistible. I kneeled between her legs and bent them, kissing her knee. I could tell she was putting on weight. I began to kiss my way up her leg.

"Edward," she sighed when my hand grazed her breast. She took my hands by the wrists, and held them to her chest for a moment. I half-heartedly fought her for control of my hands again so I could cup her breasts and stroke them with my thumbs. She wasn't relenting, although I didn't want to overpower her. Oh, how I wanted to take her, but she wasn't ready. "Forgive me?"

"For what?" I asked. I slowly ran my fingertips up the insides of her thighs- she moaned. Her hips began to grind into a better position to me. I slid down her torso and kissed her stomach. For a moment, my lips grazed a line in the ribcage that was poking out. I looked up at her breasts were almost flat against her ribs. Accidentally grazing her bones woke me up to reality. No, I couldn't treat her like a sickly, frail entity. She craved normalcy. Or at least, was looking for it.

I kissed her sunken belly button, dunking my tongue inside it. She smiled, contentedly. Lifting her hips, she flipped me over. I held onto her hips to keep her face near mine.

"I love you," she sighed.

"I love you more," I said. I cupped her butt, but let go- I could literally feel the bones of her hips. When I was with her, in my mind's eye, her butt was cute and round, not bony and cold. "Are you cold?"

"Just a little," she admitted. I grabbed my shirt that I had been wearing, (on and off, trading for my scrubs every few hours) for the past three days and put it on her. She sat up on my hips, tugging the shirt around herself.

"Sorry it's dirty," I said.

"Don't be," she said, sniffing the collar. She smiled. She had forgiven me for this argument tonight. "It smells like you."

"You look so incredibly sexy right now," I said, taking her head and lowering it to kiss her. She did look completely hot in my shirt, nothing else. I left it open so I could still see and touch her body, slipping my hands between the open shirt flaps and holding her hips. She sighed as I slipped my hands up her body, towards her breasts, ignoring the protrusion of her ribs. I tried to cup them, but they were too small. She leaned forward, slightly and they fell into my hands. It was odd fooling around with an anorexic- certain small things had to be paid attention to in order to make up for the differences in her body. She wasn't like other women. If I let myself think about it, I felt like a pedophile, like I was screwing around with a twelve-year-old boy- her lack of breasts and her nonexistant hips, but it was all offset by her ropey muscles on her stomach. I couldn't keep her covered up if I ever wanted to sleep with her- she wasn't stupid, she'd figure it out. I had to slip back into seeing her as the woman I loved.

She moved so she was directly on top of my dick and began grinding. I guess all that masturbation was paying off- she was learning something- and it was driving me insane. I groaned- her wet sex was on top of mine.

"How's this?" she asked, rubbing.

"That's fantastic," I moaned. I rubbed her nipples, which were hard enough to cut diamonds. I felt myself getting harder and harder as she continued to breathe faster and faster. I was going to come if she continued. If she came, I was just going to blow my load, right there.

Biting her lip, closing her eyes, I watched in the dim darkness as she slipped a hand between those dark curls between her legs. If she brought herself off, I was going to fucking lose it. This was as close as she was going to get to masturbating for me tonight, it was better than I expected. It was a peace offering of sorts- an apology for the direction things had gone tonight. I was just kidding when I told her to do it for me. She was so beautiful when she climaxed, normally. "Edward," she mumbled, sighing. A high-pitched sigh came out of her mouth. She was getting off. Her lashes opened, and she looked at me, stopping for a moment.

"Don't stop," I uttered. "Please, don't stop what you're doing…"

She nodded and continued, biting her lip in concentration. I groaned, trying to sustain myself. She gasped, suddenly, and I realized she had just come- quickly. She didn't know how to hold out a long orgasm, yet. She sat on top of me, breathless, still surprised. I smiled and took the hand that had been between her cleft and stuck her fingers in my mouth. I closed my eyes when I tasted her sweet tang- she tasted heavenly. "I don't know what I was doing, there," she said softly, getting up off me.

"Love, don't get off me just yet," I said, softly, trying to hold her on top of me. She bent down to kiss me. She paused, tasting herself on her own lips. She smiled.

"Ew," she muttered in response to her own taste, giggling.

"Hey, you kiss me all the time after blow jobs," I said.

"Let me try to get you off," she said, climbing off my hips. She kneeled between my knees and took my cock between both hands- and began pumping. Her shallow breasts jiggled, hypnotically, like before. I was transfixed. "How's this?"

I could only grunt in response. My vision was blurring because all the blood in my body was going to my dick. I almost jumped up off the bed when her mouth found the tip. Her tongue swirled around it and over the slit. I cried out. Her mouth came off and cupped my scrotum. She had been studying. She had her ass in the air, the hem of my shirt skimming the top of her buttocks, and I noticed that her neck was arching.

"Oh shit," I mouthed as she took my dick back into her mouth and shoved it all the way back into her throat. I laughed and groaned as she held it down, seeing her lips around my cock. It felt amazing as she rubbed her tongue around the base. I realized that a normal girl isn't able to hold it down that long- she could control her gag reflexes a little too well- bulimia- oh god- I grabbed her hair and gently tugged her up. "Bella- love," I said softly. Deep-throating became a complete turn off, suddenly. She pulled it out, her teeth painfully grazing the end. I cried out in pain.

"Edward, you don't like that?" she asked.

"Not for that long, love," I said. "Don't keep it down that long. And watch your teeth."

"Okay," she said, going back to pleasure the head with her mouth and tongue. "Mmm?" she asked, raising her eyebrows, her mouth full.

"Good," I groaned, stroking her hair. She began to suck, a little too hard, bobbing her head, her cheeks becoming hollows. "Bella, not so hard," I groaned from the pressure. The pressure became gentle, just enough to be pleasurable. She alternated, teasing my slit with the tip of her tongue and running her tongue around the base of the head, pumping the shaft with her hand. I was losing coherency, fast, so quickly, I came in her mouth. "God, Bella, I'm sorry," I said, softly, reaching for the box of tissues I kept by the bed. I handed her one. She took it and spit out my come and wiped her tongue off.

"Am I getting better?" she asked, like an eager schoolgirl working on a class project.

"Yes," I said. "You just have to watch the teeth… and don't suck so hard."

"Sorry, I just got over eager," she said, moving back up my hips.

"Don't be sorry," I said, running my hands over her waist, gripping her hips so that her torso was exposed from under the white dress shirt. I had to do something nice but not overboard for Angela and Alice. But right now, Bella was my focus. "Why don't you let me try that on you?"

"Oh no, that's gross!" she cried.

"It's really not," I promised as she laid down beside me. She had kissed me after I had licked her fingers she had just pleasured herself with. "Let me try… just this once?"

"No."

"You'll like it."

She thought about it for a moment. "Okay, just this once, let's try it. And if I don't like it, you can't do it, again."

"No pressure," I muttered, moving down the bed between her legs.

"Yeah, no pressure," she said, rolling her eyes.

**BPOV**

I laid down on the bed, my back completely flat, my legs bent. I covered myself with Edward's shirt, but he pulled it open at my stomach. Ugh, my stomach. "Calm down," he said, playing with the area between my belly button and my pelvis. He pressed his lips lightly down them but skipped my pubic area and kissed my knee. I was so glad I had a wax job. "You're too tense. Close your eyes. Just feel."

Closing my eyes, I inhaled, and felt his breath on my inner thigh, hoping he wouldn't see my cellulite in the dark. He loved me, but I doubted his love for me. I was just waiting for him to run screaming. I shivered as I felt his kisses going up my inner thigh.

"Oh Bella," he murmured, his words muffled as he reached my core. His mouth was so _hot_. Ungh! "Bellaaaa," he groaned, I could feel his words... what as odd sensation! I groaned back. He began licking vigorously, his tongue slightly rougher than his lips against my lips.

"Oh!" I cried out. It felt like electrical shock currents. "God, god, god!"

"You like it?" he asked, kissing against my thigh.

"Yeah," I said. His tongue pressed into my core and my hips involuntarily bucked into his face. He wrapped my legs around his head.

"Were you wrong?" he asked, retracting his tongue.

"Yes," I moaned, grabbing at his scalp. He flecked his tongue over my clit, nibbled a little, and then his lips encased it and he started sucking. I didn't know I could moan so much. "Don't ever stop." He held my hips down and then started circling my nub with his tongue. He did strange patterns I couldn't predict with his tongue- long, luxurious swipes, quick flicks, long sucks. A finger slipped into me and I felt my walls clench around it involuntarily, causing me to cry out. "Edward!" I cried out, clenching my fingers into his hair as I went over the edge, sitting up in the bed.

He didn't stop, but continued as I began to come, making me come again. I screamed out in a mixture of pain and pleasure that he relieved. He slipped a second finger into me and stretched them out as my walls clenched in response. He began to pump them in and out and lick my bead with tiny swipes as my orgasm slowly ended with trembling and shaking. I finally let go of his hair with my hands and unlocked my shaking legs from around his head, and then, it happened...

He kissed his way up my body, gently, holding me when he got to eye level. His lips found mine- I could taste myself on him- they melded into mine. "God, I love you," I sighed, tucking my head into the hollow beneath his chin. He squeezed me to him.

"I love you too, Bella."

**EPOV**

Sometime in the night, I woke up to her shouting, "No! Stop, please!" sounding like a scared, crying child.

This wasn't uncommon. The nights that we spent together, practicing foreplay, I noticed a pattern; Bella woke, usually crying and screaming from a nightmare. I had started to test out my theory. Her nightmares usually happened the nights I brought her to climax, after she went to sleep. The nights she didn't orgasm, no nightmares.

As always, I clamped my arms around her, uttering soothing words, "Bella, Bella, shh," I said, holding her still, which wasn't so hard to do, given her diminished size. I pressed kisses to her temple and ears and forehead. She eyes darted around until she focused on me.

"Oh, Edward," she sobbed.

"It's okay," I said. "Come here. Tell me about what was going on." It was a technique my mother used on me when I was a child to get me over my nightmares.

I listened to her raspy breaths. "I don't remember," she said. I wasn't sure if she was lying to protect me or if she really couldn't remember.

"I love you, Bella," I said. "You don't have to be scared of anything with me. I'll never harm you."

I wish that were true.


	20. Chapter 20: My Kind of Town Chicago Is

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

The next morning, after another shower we got dressed and caught a cab very, very early, to go to Sea-Tac.

"I'm so glad this is a one-way flight, not an indirect," I said. He kissed my forehead.

"Here you go- two first-class tickets to Chicago," the attendant at the check-in counter said.

I gasped. "You made first-class travel arrangements? I've never flown first class!"

"Everything has to be first class for my Isabella," he said, taking my hand. I gripped the camera that I was carrying on the plane with me and we started towards the metal detectors.

I had never been on a first-class seat in my life. When they called for us, I jumped up and Edward followed, taking my hand. On the plane, he let me have the window seat. They gave us bloody marys once the plane took off. I didn't finish it, because I was worried I'd puke at one point in case of turbulence.

The flight was four hours long, but it didn't seem so bad with Edward and a Xanax. Few people were flying today, because it was Thanksgiving Day. I felt bad for Alice and Jasper- they were trying to fly tomorrow to Chicago. They wanted to go to Forks to spend Thanksgiving with her parents.

O'Hare was huge. I almost got lost on the way to the baggage claim. After that, Edward wouldn't let go of my hand until we saw his father.

Edward definitely didn't take after his father at all- I had seen the pictures of him. He tall and wiry, like Edward, but he had thin, dark hair, cropped short. Edward told me all the time that the joke in the family was he wasn't related to his father at all, just by looks. Edward Senior hugged my Edward.

"Son," he said.

"Dad," Edward replied.

They hugged. They definitely had a good father-son relationship. "So, this is Bella," he said, turning to me. "Hi, I'm Edward Senior. Just call me Ted."

"Okay," I said, nodding. He shook my hand. "Nice to meet you."

"I'm afraid we're running a little behind on dinner. Your mother had to go into town and help a little at the DVS Thanksgiving dinner," Ted said. "She'll be home, soon, though."

"Do you normally do that, every year?" I asked as we approached the baggage belt.

"Yes, normally, especially since Edward can't come home."

"I feel a little guilty disrupting your plans."

"Nonsense!" Ted cried. "Edward had somebody special for us to meet, we weren't going to make you work on Thanksgiving day!"

After claiming out suitcases and garment bag, we went out to the parking garage. There was so much snow, I couldn't believe it. We didn't even get this much snow near the Pacific Ocean. I put on my coat and a scarf and hat, but I was still cold.

"I warned you, it would be cold," Edward said. I followed him and Ted through the parking garage until we found Ted's car- another strange car I had never seen before.

"What kind of car is this?" I asked.

"A Bentley," Ted said.

"Why does that name sound familiar?"

"Because rappers like these cars a lot," Ted admitted. "I liked them before rappers did. This one was my present to myself when I retired."

"It's pretty."

"Bella doesn't know much about exotic cars," Edward explained.

"Hey, now!"

Edward and Ted laughed.

The whitened streets of Chicago faded into the grayish muck on the interstate. From the backseat, I watched as only a few cars whizzed by. "This is life in Chicago," Ted said. "Snow, snow and more snow. I'm hoping Edward will come back here when he's done with his internship."

"Maybe," Edward said.

"I'm going to call my Dad to tell him know we got here."

"Tell him I said hi," Edward said.

I called Charlie's cell phone and he sounded a little distracted. He was happy that I was there alright, and told me to have fun this weekend. I told Charlie I loved him and said good-bye. I could hear a college football game going on in the background.

We got off the interstate and off onto a small town that looked more like a village. There were no signs over eight feet tall, I noticed. I saw a GAP, but I only knew it was GAP from the windows. That was weird. "This is Lake Forrest, my hometown."

"It's so…"

"Quaint? Yeah, there are no signs out," Edward admitted. "The city has an ordinance to keep large signs from being posted. You have to know where something is, you can't rely on seeing it from the car- aw man, the Arcade closed!"

"That's where Edward used to hang out with Emmett when they were kids," Ted explained. "And wasted how much of my money?"

"I mowed lawns all summer," Edward complained.

We pulled into a pretty house that looked like something out of a movie set with the decorations and snow. The driveway and the walks had been shoveled and salted. "And this is our house. Our house is your house."

"Thanks," I said, unsure.

I got out and followed Edward and Ted into the back foyer. I took off my boots, and a pair of beagles came running up to meet us.

"Ted, is that you?" a familiar voice called out. Elizabeth Masen appeared wearing an apron. She was a little thinner than I remember from the pictures, but I could definitely see who Edward took after. His mother- she had the same bronze hair, with a strand or two of gray, and green eyes, and almost the exact same face with a womanly softness and a few extra lines. She walked right past him and smiled at me. "Bella, I'm Elizabeth Masen, Edward's mother. Call me Liz."

"Of course," I said, although I was nervous. I gave her my best smile, although I was sure it was a nervous one. She hugged and kissed me- I was taken a little off-guard.

"It's nice to meet you," she said, looking into my eyes.

"You too."

"I know I've said this a hundred times already, but I've been looking forward to meeting you so much," she said. My cheeks burned. She chuckled. "You blushed just like Edward said you would! I didn't mean to do that to you, dear!"

"Hi, Mom," Edward said. "I'm just the person you carried in your womb for nine months and gave birth to."

"Edward, honestly," she said, finally looking at him. She smacked him on the shoulder. "Come here and give your mother a hug!"

"Mom," he said, softly, hugging her.

"You're looking really worn out, son," she said. "Why don't the three of you come inside and warm up? I've made some stuffed mushrooms and tiramusalata for appetizers."

I followed Edward into a giant living room that was more rustic and manly than anything. There were some appetizers set out on the coffee table. "Have a seat, we'll get the luggage," Edward said. I sat in front of the food while I listened to Edward and Ted drag our suitcases up the stairs. I had had stuffed mushrooms before, but never this tiramusalata. It looked like a creamy-colored whipped pudding.

"Is this that coffee-flavored dessert?" I asked when Edward came back into the room.

"No, it's a Greek caviar," Edward said as we sat on the couch. Ted turned on the flatscreen over the fireplace, and turned on the game. "Hey, Dad, did we get this from the Pappases?"

"Yes," Ted said, not taking his eyes off the TV.

"The Pappases own a restaurant chain here in the Midwest," Edward explained. "They give us stuff all the time."

"They're going to be at the wedding, too."

"Have they threatened to break plates and yell 'Opa' yet?"

"You know it."

"Because everybody wants to be Greek," Ted and Edward said together in perfect Greek accents. I smiled.

"Edward, can you turn on the fireplace? It's a bit chilly in this house."

"Yes, Dad, of course, Dad," Edward said, getting up.

"I know, you're home five minutes and we're already ordering you around," Ted joked. "Next time, don't bring guests home."

I tried the tiramusalata, and it was actually delicious. I had had caviar at the Cullens before, but I hadn't liked it at all. When Edward and Ted started doctor talking, I felt a little lost. "I'm going to go get to know Liz and help in the kitchen," I said, getting up.

In the kitchen, Liz was chopping up vegetables. "Oh, hello, Bella, how is everything going in the living room?"

"Edward and Ted are talking about colonoscopies and blood sugar levels," I said.

"Oh, I know," she said. "Nothing is disgusting once you've been through medical school."

"What needs to be done?" I asked, taking an apron.

"You're not going to let me just talk without doing something, will you?" she asked. "Alright. The green bean casserole needs to be made."

"OK," I said. "I can do that. What else is on the menu today?"

"Well, I've got a turkey in the main oven. I've made twice baked potatoes, Ted's favorite, and I'm working on Granny's salad," she said.

"What's that?"

"It's got peas, bacon, mayonnaise, another family tradition," she said. "And then, we've got the candied yams, sourdough rolls, and for dessert, I just gave in and ordered a cake." Just the very mention of all that food was making me nervous. Someone knocked on the door. "Edward said that you're a picky eater, so don't feel like you have to eat a lot to impress us." She said it so off-handedly, I knew that she didn't know about my eating disorder. "I'd rather you be comfortable her than concerned with being a good guest."

"OK," I said, relaxing a little.

"Edward does nothing but tell us about you," Liz said. "Well, you and his job. The two great loves of his life. I'd much rather hear about you than medicine-"

"Ted! Liz! Why you never come to see us anymore!" an unfamiliar voice rang out. He had a Greek accent. The dogs started barking and yipping.

"It's George and Nicky," Liz whispered. "Let's take a break from cooking. You'll want to meet them."

"George, you old dog, I just came over on Monday to see your new grandson!" Ted replied. "We've been getting the house ready for Edward to come home."

"Where's little Edward?" a Greek woman asked.

"Right here," Edward replied. Liz and I went into the foyer just in time to see tiny little couple with curly salt-and-pepper hair taking off their coats hugging Edward.

"Edward, all grown up, being the big doctor, now," the woman said, who I assumed was Nicky. Nicky took Edward's head in her hands and started spitting on him, just like they did in _My Big Fat Greek Wedding_. Edward just smiled and let her. "When you gonna come home and let me cook for you? I know you took busy this weekend, but I see Tedward's car, and I realized that he's back from the airports and I say to myself, we gonna have to go see Edward before he go off to be best man at the wedding-"

"Thea Nicky, I hate to interrupt, but I want you to meet somebody," Edward said, taking my hand. "This is Isabella Swan. Just call her Bella."

"Hi," I said.

"_Bellas_. Oh, such a pretty name," she said. "But what about my Georgia?" Everyone laughed.

"Georgia's fourteen, Thea," Edward said.

"But she gonna need a good doctor to marry her!" Nicky cried. "She not gonna marry a Greek, that's for damn sure."

"She gonna be at the wedding?" George asked.

"Of course she gonna be at the wedding! Why else he bring her here?" Nicky cried, smacking him upside the head. They launched into an argument in Greek. "Anyway, we come to drop off Ouzo. You can't have a good party without Ouzo."

"We haven't finished off the last bottle of Ouzo you gave us, yet," Liz said.

"You gonna finish it off," she said. "and we bring Dolmathes."

"Oh, Thea Nicky's Dolmathes," Edward moaned. "The best."

"I've gotta get back to the kitchen," Liz said.

"I help you," Nicky announced, inviting herself into the kitchen.

"I want Greek neighbors," I whispered to Edward, going into the kitchen.

We congregated in the Masen's kitchen. I put the green bean casserole in the oven. "You make the green bean casserole?" Nicky asked me. "Put sliced almonds on top. Make it extra good. You so skinny-" she grabbed my collarbone, which was protruding from my v-neck sweater. "I snap you like twig!" I jumped and backed away.

"Thea!" Edward cried.

"What? People not eat in Seattle! No good food! Go to the _Eccelsia_, they feed you real food every Sunday," Nicky ordered. "I gonna send you food in Seattle. Let's have some Ouzo!"

"No, really, it's too early," Liz said.

"It's never too early for Ouzo," Nicky said, opening up the cabinets and taking out some whiskey tumblers. She poured a double shot's worth of Ouzo into the glasses without asking for me. "You ever had Ouzo?"

"No, actually."

She thrust the wineglass in my direction. "Here you go, _Bellas."_

"Are we toasting to something?"

"We think Edward never gonna get married!"

"We're not engaged, Thea."

"You come over tonight for coffee," she said, knowingly. "I tell you if you gonna get married."

George and Nicky had to leave after we took our shots of Ouzo. It tasted like black licorice sticks.

Edward hugged me. "She's a bit overpowering, sometimes."

"Why do you call her 'Thea Nicky?'"

"'Thea' means 'Aunt' in Greek."

"Are we really going over for coffee?" I asked, putting the dried onions and slivered almonds on top of the green bean casserole and putting it back in the oven.

"Yes, she wants to read our coffee cups," he said. "It's a Greek tradition."

"I think fortune-telling is a load of bunk," Liz said. "But, she's so funny when she does it, I can't help but let her go ahead and tell my future."

"She's a laugh riot," Edward said. "She means well. She's crazy about Emmett."

"They're kindred spirits," Liz said.

"That's because they've both got ADD," Edward corrected.

"Bella, I can get the green bean casserole from here, if you want to get freshened up and dressed for dinner," Liz said. "Or should I say _Bellas_."

"Okay," I said, getting up. "But, I don't know where my things are."

"We haven't given her a tour of the house!" Liz cried, smacking her forehead. "Edward, can you take care of that?"

"Sure, Mom," he said. "Come on, Bella."

He took me around the house, explaining which rooms they used the most often and which ones they didn't. The Masens had a beautiful house. He took me upstairs and showed me the bedrooms. I shouldn't have been surprised, but my suitcase and camera were in Edward's bedroom, and it was a surprise to me.

"I can't believe your parents have already put me in the same bedroom as you."

"If you're not comfortable with it, you can always sleep in one of the guest bedrooms," he said. "Although, it's an unfamiliar environment, I'm worried you'll have a flashback, and if I'm not there…"

"Okay, I'll sleep in the same bedroom as you."

"Alright," he said, kissing my forehead. "I'll be downstairs helping Mom set the table."

I changed into the dress I picked out for Thanksgiving and brushed my teeth. My make-up needed a little bit of a touch-up, too. I text messaged Alice to tell her things were going okay, so far. Before going back downstairs, I put on my pearls. I could smell the food, but it was making me nervous. I took a Xanax to keep calm.

Downstairs, Edward was putting out the good china and silverware while Liz and Ted were putting the different dishes out. "Your green bean casserole turned out very well, Bella," Liz said.

"You look lovely," Ted said.

"That's a beautiful necklace," Liz said.

"Thanks," I said, touching it, delicately.

"I'm going to say a prayer, if that's alright with you, Bella," Ted said.

"It's fine," I said, although I hadn't been raised particularly religious.

Ted said a quick prayer of thanks, and we got our plates. Thanksgiving was always so stressful on me. The amount of food out on the kitchen counter was overwhelming. "You don't have to eat everything you put on your plate," Edward whispered into my ear as I stared at the food, trying to decide on how much to eat. "Mom and Dad won't be insulted if you can't eat it all. That's the point of Thanksgiving- over eating." Edward's lips grazed my ear. Why did we have to sleep in the same bed but not have any physical sexual contact tonight? I sighed, goosebumps showing up on my skin.

"Can you make my plate for me?"

"Of course," he said. He set small amounts of food out for me on my plate. We went to the dining room. Edward had made sure that all my silverware was clean, spotless, as was my wineglass. Ted gave me some wine. I waited for everyone to sit down before I even picked up my silverware.

The conversation was light, but I couldn't concentrate on it. I carefully arranged my silverware and my wineglass in relation to my plate. If I could just control it, the food couldn't make me gain weight. But, I had to eat something or the Masens would think I was crazy. The Masens didn't know I was ED-NOS. I wasn't sure I wanted I wanted them to know, though. I thought I was doing so well. If I could just take one bite of each thing on my plate… the juice from the gravy was blending into the yams. The yams were ruined, now. My food couldn't touch if I was going to eat it.

"Bella, are you feeling alright?" Ted asked.

"Mmm-hmm," I said. I realized everybody was half-done already and I had only had two bites.

"You haven't touched your plate," he said.

"Bella, if you can't eat, we understand. You've had a long day, traveling can upset the stomach," Liz said.

Edward's hand grazed my arm in a comforting gesture. I should have known better than to come here like this. My eating disorder, another demon, was popping up, thinking it was being funny, at a moment when I needed the most normalcy. The Xanax just wasn't doing it for my panic attack. I wished I had a Valium or something.

"Can I be excused from the table?" I asked, standing. I didn't wait for a response. I went to the bathroom and sat down on the floor. I just wanted to go to sleep until the meal was over. Either that, or just eat. I wished it was just easy. I wished food didn't bother me so much as I rubbed the lump on my forearm.

The Masens were great people. They had Edward for a son. I didn't deserve Edward, really. I didn't deserve to be spending Thanksgiving in such a nice house in Chicago with such lovely people.

A part of me still believed that I deserved that Victoria and Jim did to me. If I didn't, why was I still suffering like I was?

Edward knocked on the door. "Bella?" he asked. "Can I come in?"

"Yes," I said. The door opened. Edward helped me up. He didn't say anything, but held me. I sobbed, quietly. "I've got a Xanax," he said.

"I already took one."

"Oh," he said. "If we just told Mom and Dad… they've probably already figured it out, by now. They know me a little too well."

"No, we can't!" I cried. "They'll think I'm an anorexic nutcase. They'll think I'm terrible for you."

"They won't think that," he said, softly, picking up my hair to kiss it. "They'd never treat you like that. Do you need to lay down?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Alright."

He took me upstairs and up to his room. I pulled back the covers and he took my shoes off for me as I laid down on the bed, and kissed my big toe. "Edward, that's gross!" I cried. "I've been walking around on these feet!"

"I love these feet. I love you and everything about you."

"You can't say that," I said. "That would mean you love my eating disorder."

"I love who you are right now," he said, gliding up over my body. He kissed my shoulder and then my fingers. I brushed his cheek with my other hand. "Just try to rest," he said, getting up off of me.

**EPOV**

"How is she?" Dad asked as I came down the stairs.

"She's just feeling a little under the weather," I said. "This is the first time we've flown anywhere together."

"We're not stupid, Edward," Mom said. She ran a hand over my cheek. "You can't hide things from us."

I felt my muscles tense. "Mom..."

"You don't have to say anything," she said. "She's just like the women and children we saw every week at the DVC. Edward, she's such a kind soul, but… really, is she really ready for a long-term relationship?"

"Mom," I began.

"Son, just think about… if you were marry her and have a child, what kind of parent would she be?" Dad asked.

I knew that was a rough question. Bella was sweet and kind, now, but the stress of her panic attacks, her depression and her eating disorder would be such stress on a family if she continued to suffer from them.

My mother just sighed and put more leftovers in the fridge. They knew me better than anyone. "How bad was it, Edward?" Mom asked. "These people?"

They wanted to know about Victoria and Jim. "I don't even know that much about Victoria and Jim."

"Does she block it out?" Mom asked.

"Yes."

"No good can come through a mystery," Dad said.

**BPOV**

I woke up a few hours later. I brushed some of my teeth, again, changed clothes, and went downstairs to see if dinner was over. Edward was watching the game with Ted, and Liz was knitting. Everyone looked up when I entered the room. I rubbed the lump on my arm.

"Hi, Bella, hope you're feeling better," Liz said. "Are you?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"Are you knitting?" I asked, sitting beside her.

"Yes," she said. "Do you knit?"

"No," I admitted.

"Would you like to learn how to?"

"Sure."

She got out a new set of knitting needles and a ball of yarn. She showed me how to cast on and then, she taught me the difference between the purl stitch and the knit stitch. "Your first piece is not going to look professional at all," she said. "Don't expect it to. It takes a while to learn."

"Okay," I said, focusing on swapping out the loop for the second needle.

"Good," she said. "You're getting it."

I made progress with my knitting before Nicky called, asking Edward when he was coming over with his lovely girlfriend for some coffee. I put on my coat and Edward and I went over to Nicky and George's house.

It wasn't just like _My Big Fat Greek Wedding_, but the inside of their house had been filled earlier with their kids and their children.

"Welcome to Thea's, _Bellas_," Nicky said. "You call me Thea, you understand, yes?"

"Yes."

"Here," she said. "Sit. I serve you coffee."

She came out with the thick, creamy coffee in clear, white cups. Edward and I both drank the coffee while Nicky talked to us. She took my coffee cup when I was done, and turned it several times in the saucer in a certain direction, leaving it upside down. "I read your coffee cup, I tell your future," she said, as if I didn't know about it.

"Okay."

We waited for a few minutes before she turned the coffee cups over to try to read them while we talked about Edward's job and Seattle. She glanced into mine. She muttered something in Greek, and crossed herself. "Let's look forward," she said. She started reading. "Things aren't going to go the way you wanted… You gonna be a proud mother, though."

With all the starvation I had put my body through, most of the doctors said that I'd never have children. I had never had a period two months in a row- ever, not since I had gotten my first one at age 16. Even Carlisle said it.

"You're only going to have one great love in your life, and you gonna get married," she said. I looked over at Edward, and he squeezed my hand and smiled.

"Little Edward, let me see yours," she said. She picked up his coffee cup, looked into it and slammed it down on the table. "Yes, you gonna get married to _Bellas_."

Edward tried not to laugh out loud. "Thea you didn't even look at it!" he cried.

"You already have a ring!" Nicky said. "That's all I had to see."

"Thea," he said.

"I don't have to look any more, I already know," she said, putting the cup aside.

Nicky started asking where in Chicago we were going to have the wedding- she recommended a place in the Greek District to have our reception, was telling us that we needed to have a Greek Wedding, and what colors my bridesmaids would be wearing. Edward and I were both laughing by then.

When we went next door to the Masen's, Liz and Ted had gone to bed.

"So, what are Emmett and Rosalie doing right now?" I asked.

"Rosalie's probably losing her mind right now," Edward said. "Emmett's probably staying a safe distance from her. I have to go to the bachelor party tomorrow night. I can't take you with me."

"That's okay, I think I can entertain myself," I said. "And Alice will be here by then."

"That's true."

Upstairs, I showered while Edward changed into his pajamas. In his childhood bedroom, I found him laying in the bed, yawning. "I love you," I said, climbing on top of him. "There's so much I want to experience with you."

"Would you want to have kids with me?" Edward asked.

"Edward, about that…" I said, laying down on top of him, putting my head onto his chest. "I can't have children."

"Are you saying that Thea Nicky is a kook?" he asked.

"She means well," I said. "But, I've been told I can't have kids."

"It is because of the eating disorder?"

"Yeah."

"That's actually unknown," he said. "The doctors who told you that are saying you've got little chance of having children. That doesn't mean your chances are zero. Your chances are zero if you've had a part removed or have been thought menopause. You don't have endometriosis, do you?"

"No."

"Then, you've got a chance," he said. "God, I wish we were in a hotel right now."

"Me too," I sighed. "Don't you get bored not being able to have sex, yet?"

"We'll get there," he said, patting my back.


	21. Chapter 21: The Longest Night

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

The next morning, I helped Liz and Ted pack up their things for the wedding. They too, were staying in the hotel with us, for the wedding. Liz had made some breakfast for us before we left.

I was feeling more and more comfortable with the Masens. I called Charlie to see how things were going back in Forks. Charlie was going to watch even _more_ college football and drink beer today. He'd stay busy. The traffic was terrible- Ted took us through the backstreets to avoid the day-after-Thanksgiving sales.

Edward's whole day would be filled- he had the rehearsal wedding this afternoon, and then, the rehearsal dinner, after that, the bachelor party. Alice and Jasper were coming in this morning. Tomorrow was going to be the big day; the wedding announcement had been put in Chicago Sun-Times last Sunday. I didn't know how rich Rosalie and Emmett's families were until Edward told me that they'd be covering the whole wedding. We checked into the hotel. It was beautiful- it was restored, but modern at the same time. It was lovely. I knew that Emmett had had a hand in picking this hotel.

Edward had reserved a really nice hotel room for us. Luckily, it was a few rooms down from his parent's. I called Alice's cell phone and left a message. She probably hadn't landed in Chicago, yet.

Ted and Liz took us out to eat. I felt comfortable enough to eat, now. We had sushi, which wasn't bad, calorie-wise. I only had three rolls.

Alice called me while I was in the middle of lunch. She said that she and Jasper were on their way to the hotel. I couldn't wait.

Back at the hotel, I took a quick nap while Edward checked his email. When Alice called, I woke up and went downstairs to meet her and Jasper. I noticed how stiff I was getting.

"Alice!" I cried when she came in, wearing a giant peacoat and hat. She ran up and hugged me.

"How did Thanksgiving go?"

"It went," I said darkly.

"We'll talk about it."

"So, what do you think of Chicago?"

"I'll tell you if I can ever see it under the snow."

When Jasper checked in, and we went down to the bar, where I called Edward to let him know that Jasper and Alice were here. I rubbed my shoulder and elbows. "God, what's wrong with me?" I muttered.

"There's less fat on your joints than the rest of your body," Edward whispered. "Your joints are freezing. A simple solution is to _gain weight_."

"You're irritating me."

"When do we have to be at the church for the rehearsal wedding?" Jasper asked.

"In about an hour," Edward said, glancing at his phone.

"Let's make this drink quick, then."

"We better, Rosalie can be a real bitch when things don't go her way. I'm sure she's a complete bridezilla right now," Edward said.

"Can I stay here at the hotel, then?" I asked.

"You're coming to the rehearsal dinner," Edward said. "You're not getting out of it."

"I'm staying with Bella," Alice announced.

After having some drinks, Edward and Jasper caught a cab to the First Methodist Church, and Alice and I went to her hotel room so she could change clothes. We ended up in my room, watching TV and I relayed all the horrifying events of Thanksgiving Day while I started knitting. "Edward says that his parents don't know," I said.

"They know by now, Bella," Alice said. "Really, they must."

"I'll die if they do!"

"You thought you'd die if Edward found out, but Edward finding out has been one of the best things to ever happen to you," Alice said. "You've changed so much- for the better- since you've fallen in love with Edward. This is his family. If they know- all the better."

"I want them to like me."

"They know a lot more about him than you think, just by looking at him," Alice said. "When you come to my house, doesn't Esme know what's going on with you without even asking? I don't even have to tell her. His parents know that there's something up with you, that Edward's holding something back about you."

Edward called me around 6- Alice and I had to meet them at Japonaise at 8 for the rehearsal dinner. Alice and I changed clothes and called a cab. I couldn't believe how cold it was, now.

The restaurant was pretty- a _nouveau Japanese_, as Alice called it. Edward and Jasper met us at the door. "Welcome back, girls," Edward said. "Bridezilla's on the rampage."

"You bet," Jasper said. We went to the backroom, where the wedding party was milling around. Rosalie was sitting at the main table, with a group of blonde bridesmaids surrounding her, who looked like carbon copies of her, but had comforting smiles. Rosalie looked like she had just been screaming at someone. She was a bit scary, sometimes.

Edward and I were supposed to sit down at the far end of the table, but Emmett cut us off. He clobbered us in a huge hug at once. "My favorite doctor… and his favorite patient."

"I'm _not_ his patient."

"You look really good, Bella," Emmett said, pulling me into a hug.

"Hey, hands off my woman," Edward said.

"Alright, alright," Emmett said. "Just trying to cop a last feel before I take the long walk."

"Don't let Rosalie hear you talking like that."

"Rose has her sorority sisters to keep her entertained," Emmett said. "Are we ready for tonight?"

"You know it," Edward said.

The rehearsal dinner started off well, but Edward and I started talking to some of the other guests at the party after the toasts were over.

I met Rosalie's mother, who looked like Rosalie's older sister from a distance, but up close, I realized how much botox and how many face lifts she had had to look like that. She had been remarried, so Liza Hale was actually Liza Spencer. I met Rosalie's bridesmaids. There was only one brunette among them, and they asked Alice and me to go out with them to the bachelorette party. Alice bounced up and down at the idea, but I didn't like the idea at all. I just wanted to go back to the hotel room and sleep until Edward came back, except he'd probably be drunk as a skunk. I wasn't going to leave Alice alone in an unfamiliar city with people we didn't know. I agreed to go out with them.

I said good-bye to Edward and they had a limo waiting out front. Rosalie was brought out with an awful-looking veil on and a giant, goofy-looking button that said something obscene.

"So, Alice, Bella, what sorority did you rush?" one of the blonde bimbos asked me.

"Oh, we didn't do sororities," I said.

All the eyes in the limo looked at us like we had just sprouted antlers. "We're practically sisters anyway," Alice scoffed. "We didn't want to be separated."

"Okay," blonde #1 said.

"We have French Champagne!" blonde #2 announced, holding up a bottle. They all squealed so loud it hurt my ears. Alice never screamed that loud. The only one that seemed a little too good for it all was Rosalie. They passed out the flutes and popped the cork. I took a sip at the first toast- it was good stuff. I downed it one chug after that.

"Bella, slow down, you were always a cheap drunk," Alice warned.

I held onto her when we got to the Karaoke bar. Each of the blondes took turns trying to sing slow, meaningful ballads, absolutely ruining them. I wanted nothing more than to hear Edward sit down at a piano and play _Blackbird_ instead in an empty room and to be sitting in his lap in our underwear. Rosalie looked pretty annoyed the whole time. I hardly noticed because the champagne made my head swim. Alice and I got up and sang _Harper Valley PTA_, which nobody seemed to get.

At one point, I heard a few of them talking about diets. One of them (I couldn't remember which number I had name her) said, "I just wish I could be anorexical for a few months, that would take care of everything!" And then, they laughed. I felt sick at that comment. I hated people who thought they could turn it on and off like a switch and not feel the emotional repercussions. I took another flute of champagne.

More and more people bought us drinks and took pictures for us. I looked like a complete drunk, I'm sure. When we finally got back to the hotel, I found that Edward wasn't home, yet. I managed to get into bed without breaking anything.

I vaguely remembered Edward coming back, completely drunk, stumbling into bed, apologizing for his drunkenness. In the morning, we woke up with huge hangovers. "What did you end up doing last night?" he asked.

"Drinking too much, singing Karaoke."

"I'd have loved to hear that," he said, getting up.

"All I wanted was to hear you sing and play piano," I said. "In nothing but our underwear."

"Hopefully not in a room full of people."

"Of course not!"

"I need to sleep off this hangover," he said. "I gotta be at the church, dressed, ready to go at 2."

"Get back in bed with me."

"I don't want to expose you to my morning breath," he said, getting out his toothbrush and toothpaste.

I groaned. That was so sweet. And I was going to expose him to my own morning breath. I got up and brushed my own teeth, too, beside him. I held his hand as we climbed back in bed.

"This is alright," I said, climbing under the covers.

"I know this Thanksgiving has been rough on you," he said. "I'm sorry."

"You meant well," I said. "That's what counts. I'll be better next year. I promise."

"I'm gonna hold you to that," he said, his hands finding the bare skin of my stomach under the hem of my t-shirt, his lips finding mine. "My parents really like you. They want you to come back with me- soon. Like maybe Easter?"

"Will it be warmer then?"

"I'll keep you warm," he promised, his hands sliding up my rib cage.

Edward had to get up and get showered around noon in order to get to the church by 2. I slept until around two anyways, only getting out of bed for a few bottles of water, despite knowing I was missing out on getting a good workout in the hotel's gym that I desparately needed. Liz and Ted came by around 3 to pick me up. "You look beautiful," Ted said, helping me into my coat.

"Thanks."

We stopped by Alice's room to give her a ride to the church, too. "Hi, everybody!" she cried, stepping out. She was all bright and chipper.

"Was that really you I went out with last night?" I asked.

"You and champagne don't go too well together," she said. She never seemed to get hangovers. "Hello, Dr. and Mrs. Masen!"

"Hello, Alice," Ted said. "Can I help you with your coat?"

"Actually, if you could hold our wedding present," she said, holding out the white-wrapped box. I helped her put on the coat. We went out the door.

Edward and Jasper met us in the church's foyer, dressed in their tuxes. I looked into the church doors- it looked like one of those weddings you see in a movie. There was a string quartet and tons and tons winter flowers and veils and ribbons. All the weddings receptions I had been to had been in gymnasiums.

"You look beautiful," Edward said as I took off my coat. "And you were nervous."

"I know," I said, blushing.

"You made a big mistake," he said, holding my hand. "You should never look better than the bride."

"Edward, shut up. You're laying it on pretty thick."

"That's my girl." We both laughed. "Besides, I prefer brunettes."

"We need to be seated," Ted said.

"Let me seat my Mom," Edward said, kissing me on the cheek.

He took his mother's arm and escorted her into the church, Ted following. I almost followed them in, but Alice grabbed my arm. "What are you doing?" she hissed.

"I'm sitting down!"

"In a wedding like this, you have to wait for one of the groomsmen to escort you to a seat."

In all the weddings I had been to, I had just followed my friends to a seat. Edward came back. "I don't want to seat you," he said. "That means we'll be apart." I swooned.

"Okay, you two are making me gag," Alice replied. "It's a Protestant wedding, it's not going to be that long."

"I'm wondering if things'll get better or worse," Jasper muttered.

"What?"

"Nevermind," Jasper said, dragging Alice into the church.

"I have the feeling they've got a bet going," Edward said. "Come on, I'll seat you with Alice and my Mom."

When the wedding started, Rosalie came through the doors looking like an angel in her dress, on her father's arm. Every eye on the church was on her. I stole a glance back at Emmett, and for once, that goofy grin was gone. He actually looked serious, for once.

The wedding wasn't too long. I followed Alice's lead, realizing I was completely socially stupid here. Edward escorted me out of the church.

The reception was in the hotel where we were staying- which meant we could drink all we wanted. Alice and I got some cosmos. We weren't seated with the Masens- we were seated with a bunch of older women who cooed about how pretty and young we were- maybe a subtle hint that we weren't supposed to be around any other single men. The women were Emmett's relatives- his family was originally from East Tennessee. I knew that Emmett had gone to UT, they explained to us that their family was from Sevierville, TN. They were old southern biddies, basically.

Nicky Pappas attacked me once I met all of Emmett's single female relatives.

"He give you marriage ring, yet?" she asked, elbowing me. I burst out laughing. "_Epimoni_- patience! He gonna give to you!"

"Thea Nicky, this is Alice Cullen, she's my roommate in Chicago," I said, tugging on Alice's shoulder. "Alice, this is Nicky Pappas, Edward's childhood neighbor."

"Hi," Alice said. She gave her best grin.

"Alice! You best friend with _Bellas_?"

"The very best," Alice said.

They shook hands, but Nicky took a look at her. "You getting married?" she cried.

Alice sighed, but smiled. "Yes. Jasper- the blonde groomsman- he proposed to me on Thanksgiving Day."

I gasped as I realized there was a rock on Alice's hand. "Alice! How could you not tell me!"

"Congratulations, _koukla_!"

"We were going to keep it a secret until we got back to Seattle," she said. "That's why Jasper wanted to ride alone in the car with my parents on your birthday- he was asking my father for permission to ask to marry me."

"He did?" I asked. "And it took him almost two months to do it?"

"Carlisle's been getting on him about it," she said. "He kept loosing his nerve."

"Have you made any plans, yet?"

"Just that you'll be my maid of honor," Alice said shyly.

"Oh, Alice, of course!" I cried, and hugged her.

"Oh_ Bellas_!" Nicky cried. "You gonna be such a beautiful bridesmaid!"

We were interrupted by the wedding singer announcing the entrance of the wedding party. After everybody ate, they began the first dance.

Right as they were going to start dancing to a nice, classy slow song, it was suddenly interrupted with _Rocky Top_. A bunch of semi-drunk southerners started cheering. Rosalie looked as if she'd die. At least she got the father-daughter dance.

Alice got up and started dancing when the dance floor was opened to the guests. By now, the seating arrangements were being ignored and people were sitting wherever. Edward came over to me while I was getting a refill on a drink, placing a kiss on my temple. "Have you been having a good time?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "Guess what I just found out?"

"What?" he asked.

"That Jasper proposed to Alice on Thanksgiving."

"You're kidding," he said. "No, you're not, I should have seen this coming."

"I'm going to be the maid of honor," I said, excitedly. "I'm supposed to keep it secret until we get home, but I can't hide things like this from you."

"Another wedding… great."

"So, I guess this tux isn't going to waste so soon."

"I've been keeping a secret, too."

"What?"

"I've been about to burst from this… but Rosalie's expecting," he whispered in my ear. "Don't tell anybody. They're waiting until after the honeymoon to announce it."

"Cross my heart," I said, grinning.

We went to my table, and I sat down on his lap. He held my hand and I leaned on his shoulder while we watched the different couples and groups dance wildly. He leaned down and brushed a kiss to my lips.

I heard some whispers and giggles from behind us. Emmett's single relatives weren't watching the dance floor, but Edward and me. I couldn't blame them- Edward was really beautiful. When it came time for the cake, I watched as Rosalie and Emmett cut it- I felt… a pang of jealousy. It had been years since I had eaten cake, and when I had, it had been by myself and on a binge- I had vomited it all up out of guilt.

For years, I had held onto my eating disorder. When everything else felt like it was out of control, I could rely on that one bit of lack of control. I allowed the demon to go crazy. It was part of my identity. It was part of who I was. I wasn't a photographer, I wasn't a daughter, I wasn't a best friend, I wasn't a Literature graduate student, I wasn't Edward's girlfriend. Not really. I wanted to be all those things, now. But, I was an eating disorder, deep down in my soul- it made me special, different- it took me away from being anything else. I wanted to leave the demons behind suddenly. Being myself, without an eating disorder, without the demons wasn't so scary, now. I was tired of being Jim and Victoria's victim.

I held onto Edward's arm as I watched Emmett smear Rosalie's face with icing. She looked cross for a moment, then smiled. She was beautiful. They were beautiful together. I wanted to be beautiful, with icing covering my face in public, and people to tell me I was, too.

Even though I hated dancing, I let Edward take me out onto the dance floor. I didn't have much experience at ballroom dancing, but it was so easy with Edward. I could absolutely give up everything in the world for him suddenly.

That night, after the wedding was over, blowing bubbles and ringing bells for Emmett and Rosalie on their way to the limo, I had a few drinks with Edward, Alice and Jasper in the hotel bar.

Afterwards, I took Edward's hand and lead him into our room. I ran our card through the lock, listening for the click. I opened the door and we slipped in. I pulled him close to me, and into a kiss. I felt almost feverish.

"I love you," I whispered into the kiss. "I just want to make love to you tonight."

I heard the sound of my dress's zipper coming down under my arm. "Anything for you, love," he said, his hand grazing my thigh. I groaned softly, wrapping a leg around his. He pressed me against the wall- I arched my back against it. Why did I wait so long? I wrapped the other leg around him. "Bella, if we're going to do this, you're going to have to get down. We can't get our clothes off if you don't."

I begrudgingly unwrapped my legs from around him. "Just a moment," he muttered in my ear, and went to his shaving kit. When he came back, he had a condom, tossing it on the nightstand. He started tugging my dress off, leaving me in my bra, underwear and pantyhose. I pressed a kiss on his jaw, then undid his tie. I felt his hand cup my breast through my bra, making me moan. Despite the lack of coherency in my brain, I undid the buttons of his vest. So many buttons! I groaned in frustration.

"Why do tuxedos have to be so complicated?" I muttered.

"So I can look sexy," he replied. In the dark of our hotel room, with a few lights reflecting outside from the street, I laughed. In the shadows, I could see him smirking. "Something changed in you tonight," he said, stroking my face. "I just want to make you happy."

"I want to make you happy, too."

I started with the vest, then the tie. He was wearing suspenders under the vest- I unbuttoned his shirt, feverishly, then his pants, letting them pool at his feet. He kicked off his shoes and socks- he was down to his underwear- he pulled his undershirt shirt off and while he did so, I unhooked my bra in the back. I had seen him completely naked several times before, but tonight... complete nudity was the point of no return. I couldn't back down once those shorts came off. I thought of being that bride, with Edward, the normal girl, not the walking eating disorder, all alone. I took a deep breath and his shorts were down at his ankles, revealing his member. I had held it, sucked it, stroked it... it wasn't so scary.

He began rubbing my nipple. I groaned, arching against him. When he did that, I was going to believe anything he told me. He rolled my nipple between his fingers.

"Edward," I sighed, stroking his hair. "I love you."

"I love you more," he said, rubbing back and forth, still. His head dipped down and took my nipple into his mouth, his tongue flicking over it, sending shocks of electricity through me, biting and sucking, pushing me down onto the bed. He slipped an arm under the small of my back, and lifted my hips. His fingers tore at my stockings and thong, causing runs.

"Sorry, I think they're done for," he said, holding up my pantyhose.

I smiled. "It's okay," I said. He lifted my foot, and kissed the instep.

"I'll buy a few pair for you," he muttered. He kissed it again, up my leg. I was so glad I had shaved my legs.

"Only if they're thigh-highs," I muttered.

"I've wanted you for so long, Isabella…" His hand pushed my legs apart and he settled between them.

"Stop calling me that," I murmured, softly, bringing him close. His fingers lazily ran up the inside of my thigh, and I shivered.

"It's such a beautiful name," he said, his mouth finding my collarbone. "And you're so beautiful. It's just fits."

He rolled me over on my side and moved up behind me, then pulling me on top of him. I felt his fingers part my lips and stroke. I arched my back, grinding my hips into him.

"Edward, shut up about how beautiful I am and all that crap," I said, resting my head on his shoulder.

"When are you going to start believing that I can't find anything else in this world any more beautiful than you?" he asked, his fingers strumming me, his hips grinding into mine, just like in my fantasy when I was alone with myself. "I love you. More than anything else in the world."

He put on the condom- I had no idea how to do it. I rolled over off of him and onto the bed on my back.

"Relax, or I can't get in," he said, rolling over onto me. I laid back on the bed, and opened my legs, nervously and he laid on top of me, on hand on the side of my head, the other on his shaft, holding it. "This might hurt," he warned. I nodded, biting my lip. I felt a sense of dread and excitement all at once. He took a deep breath, squeezed his eyes shut, and positioned himself at my entrance.

A whole flood of emotion entered me- fear, insecurities, acceptance, greed, desire- and so many other things I couldn't name.

I gasped- it didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would, but it wasn't comfortable. Edward stayed still for a moment while I got used to the sensation of stretching against him, although I knew it was killing him not to move. I repositioned myself a little in an attempt to relax a little, wrapping my legs around his hips, allowing him to start thrusting against me. We started moving together, awkwardly, at first, but eventually got it. He pulled a little bit, and I felt my walls clenching against him, causing… a friction? I began to dig my nails into his shoulders as he pressed into my chest. I lifted my hips in an attempt to take more of him into me.

"You feel... so... good..." he moaned. He looked almost high.

"I've wanted you."

"You gotta stop doing that," Edward said as my hips bucked.

I paused, and tried to hold my hips still so he could thrust into me, but the hot, burning ache built in my pelvis. I couldn't stop.

I thought I had experienced it while fooling around with him before, but this felt much, much, better. I wrapped my legs around his hips, crossing my ankles behind his butt.

He grunted, slowly, the waves of each thrust, each time I lifted my hips to him building into something. "Oh, Bella- Isabella!" He stopped for a moment, and cried out. "I'm sorry," he said softly, collapsing onto me. He came without me. It definitely hurt, but there was relief in it. "I'll make it up to you."

"No, don't," I said, grinning. "We'll do this again, right?"

"Oh, of course," he said. "Is that a question?"

I ran my foot down the length of his calf. "No," I admitted.

"You'll probably be sore," he said, kissing my forehead. "I'm sorry."

I ran my hand through his hair- the roots were a little damp with sweat. "Did I do alright?"

"You were amazing."

"Can we just stay here?" I asked.

"No. We have to go home," Edward said, holding me, stroking my face. "But you do look so beautiful right now." His hand covered my hair and he kissed me, again. "I don't want to leave here, either."

"Me neither."

"So, how was your first time?"

"Perfect. Absolutely perfect," I replied. "It just hurt a little."

"It'll get better."

"Angela wasn't kidding," I said. "Can we try again tomorrow?"

He picked up my hair and kissed it. "If you're feeling better, I'd love to," he said.


	22. Chapter 22: Trying to Be Normal

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

I fell asleep quickly, but sometime in the night, I woke up screaming and crying and clutching my hair. Edward was there, comforting me as if he expected it. "What was your dream about?"

"I was standing there, I didn't have my clothes on," I said, wiping my face. "I was screaming because the water Jim put me in was too hot, so he pulled me out and took off his belt- I was scalded because he made me sit down in the water- and I had blisters after that- and Victoria came up behind me and told me to shut up and-"

"That's the night she cut off your hair?"

"Yes," I said, twisting my own locks into a ponytail over my shoulder. Edward lifted the rope of my hair and kissed it protectively.

"Nobody will ever do that to you, again."

"She called me... she called me a cunt," I stuttered, blushing in the darkness. "I was a child, naked in front of two adults, and she hacked off my hair- it was humiliating and- and-" He grabbed his tuxedo shirt and slid it over my shoulders. "I'm sorry, Edward, I didn't mean to wake you up-"

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"I woke you up!"

"So what?"

"I love you," I muttered, sliding into his arms, kissing his shoulder. "I'd do anything for you."

"I'd do anything for you," he said.

We tried to sleep, but I couldn't. Every time I got near sleep, I jolted myself out of it, grabbing my hair to make sure it was still there, waking Edward. We finally got up and took a long, hot, relaxing shower together.

The shower stall was dark, swirled marble with nine shower sprays- you walked in, and there was three in front of you, three on either side. It was operated by buttons.

He washed my hair, paying a lot of attention to my roots. He very carefully rinsed it for me, keeping the suds out of my eyes. By now, he had figured out that I liked conditioner in my hair. As it set in, he rubbed Dove body wash into my torso and limbs. I felt so safe, suddenly, so comfortable.

"Are you sore?"

"A little," I said, as he rinsed me off. "It's not too bad." He pressed kisses along my shoulders as the hot water jets sprayed off the body wash. My back felt so good under the power of the jets. I stood up on my toes and kissed his lips.

After we were done, we got out of the shower stall and he ran a bath for me while he finished packing our things. I sat in the heat of the water, warming up from the chill of Chicago that had sunk into my joints, trying to think about other things. I guess I was officially a woman. I had had sex for the first time. That was a major milestone in any woman's life. My hair started to dry I sat in the bathtub so long. When I finally got out, our things were packed- I pulled out my clothes for traveling home. He had gotten some coffee for us.

Ted and Liz were downstairs when we went to check out and have breakfast.

Edward went to check out and I got some food.

"I'm so glad you came to visit, Bella," Liz said as I sat down and had some scrambled eggs with her. They were rubbery and overcooked. "I hope you come again."

"Chicago was an adventure," I said. In more ways than one.

Liz smiled and chuckled. "I'm sure it was."

Edward sat down with a plate full of food. "So, we're checked out. Bella, you didn't forget anything, did you?"

"No, I think we got everything."

"I think we should come visit when Bella graduates," Liz said. "Bella, we really want to come visit Edward in Seattle, but he's never home."

"I told him medicine would be a demanding profession," Ted said, sitting down with a plateful, too. "He didn't listen to me and become a yacht racer or pianist."

"Dad, I never had any interested in sailing," Edward said.

"You could have gotten into the Julliard," Ted said.

"I love medicine. I love seeing children on their death bed come back to life," Edward said. "And I love knowing that my hands had something to do with that. Music and pianos are still my passion, but only as a past time."

"Do you even have time to write your music anymore?" Liz asked knowingly.

"He wrote a lullaby for me," I said.

Liz's and Ted's eyebrows flew off their heads.

"So, let's hear it," Ted said. "There's a piano right there."

"Okay," Edward said, getting up.

"Let's see if he lost a note or two," Ted muttered to Liz.

Edward proceeded to play my song- brilliantly. Everyone in the lobby stopped to listen and comment. The concierge ran over to him as he got up and they had a conversation. Ted just laughed. "It happens every time!" he cried. "Whenever he plays publically, somebody asks him to play at their business for something."

"Could he really have gotten into Julliard?" I asked.

"He got a full scholarship offer," Liz said. "Turned it down to go to medical school."

"That's something I didn't know about him."

"He's a bit embarrassed by that," Liz admitted. "We never had to pressure him to practice."

"I can only imagine how he's going to raise his children," Liz said. "One instrument each, I'm sure. And a sport."

"His was yachting?"

"Yes," Ted said. "He used to love boats. If he had time, he'd probably do it, now. Something else takes up all his time."

Liz winked at me. "He loves you a lot. You're really special to him," she said.

* * *

The flight home was excruciatingly long. We took a cab back to Edward's apartment and did our new favorite thing before unpacking. I climbed on top of him and he grabbed my hips, holding me over him. "Ready?" he asked.

"Mmm-hmm."

He gripped his member and pushed in. "Oh!" I cried, still surprised by the feeling.

It was still a slightly uncomfortable stretch, but I was beginning to get used to it. "Love, you feel so good," he moaned. "Move for me." I began to move up and down on him, his hips arching up to me, I could see his clear-defined abdomen muscles flexing with each one of my thrusts. We found our rhythm much more easily this time. "You look so good, Bella," he muttered. "I love you..."

"I love you more," I whispered.

He gave me that sexy half-grin with his eyes half-closed. "Oh God," he muttered, panting, gripping my hips, his thumbs rubbing circles in my lower stomach. I ground against him. "Oh God, oh God oh God, ohGodohGodohGod- oh, Bella!" His hips arched into mine and I realized he came inside the condom without me. "Sorry," he muttered.

"It's okay," I said, bending down to kiss his lips. He sighed as I pulled back and off of him. He rubbed his forehead. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just sleepy," he said. "I always get tired after you make me come." He tweaked my nipple.

I got up out of bed to make a protein shake and sort some laundry for Edward and myself. I was going to get better, I knew it. I wasn't going to let myself succumb to this disease. Edward was going to do another three-day shift starting tomorrow morning, so I thought I might as well take his stuff home and do it for him. He was trying to find a position to sleep in.

"Should we tell Alice or just let her wonder?" I asked.

"I think we should let her squirm," Edward said, as I got back in the bed. I was going to do laundry with Alice tomorrow night.

"That'll be fun," I said, resting my chin on his chest, playing with his nipple. He liked that spot.

He yelped. "Isabella, how do you expect me to sleep when you do that?" he asked.

"Okay, I'll stop."

I let Edward sleep, although it took a while for me to stop thinking and close my eyes. In the morning, I was sleeping so hard that Edward sneaked off and showered without me. I woke up to the smell of coffee. I saw him, dressed, his hair drying.

"You showered without me!" I cried, sitting up.

"Yeah, you were sleeping so soundly," he said. "I couldn't bring myself to move you."

"You suck!"

He chuckled. "Have a cup of coffee with me before I go to work," he said.

I put on his robe and we had some breakfast together. I still had a hard time eating, but I was determined to get past it all.

Edward kissed me good-bye and left for work. I had to catch up on some reading for my classes. I had one this afternoon. I packed up Edward's laundry and mine and went home. Alice had already left for work.

Alice's books and my rocket called my name. God, how was I ever going to get my degree finished, now that Edward was in my life?

That night, when Alice got back, she looked at Edward's laundry.

"You're kidding," she said. "You're doing his laundry for him?"

"No, I'm not kidding," I said. "He's never home, I thought I'd do something to help him out. Free up some of his personal time."

"Are you ever going to have sex with him?" she asked. "Because if you haven't done it with him and you're doing his laundry, that's like asking why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free?"

"You'll just have to guess," I said.

I got most of Edward's laundry finished with mine. Jasper was out with the boys tonight, so Alice and I sat around the living room, folding clothes and playing with Dizzy, who had gotten out of boarding.

"You know, I was thinking about moving in with Jasper, if Edward asks you to move in with him," she said.

"Really?" I asked. "I don't know if Edward wants me to live with him, just yet. But, if you want to live with Jasper, let me talk to the office, there's a one-bedroom opening up in a few months. I could probably afford that."

"I'm sure Edward wants you to live with him," Alice said. "Why wouldn't he? You're over there most of the time that he's not at the hospital."

"I'll just have to bring him over here sometime, then."

* * *

Edward and I messed with Alice for a nice, long time- almost a whole week. I wouldn't give up the secret until Alice and I went home to Forks and visited Angela in La Push. We stopped at Charlie's.

"Bella, is that really you?" he asked when Alice and I came in the door. "I almost didn't recognize you!" He stood up and hugged me- hard.

"Oh, Dad," I said.

"I can't even feel your ribs!" he cried, squeezing me. "What's happened, here? What's gotten into you?"

I heard Alice smirk, almost imperceptibly. I shook my head at her over Charlie's shoulder. He was exaggerating- I had only gained two pounds. He let me go. "Things are going really well for me."

"Do you want to go out for dinner in Port Angeles?" he asked. "Just a father-daughter dinner?"

"Sure," I said. "I'm gonna go see Angela in La Push with Alice, okay?"

"Where are my manners? Alice, honey, I didn't even see you!" He hugged Alice.

"Your daughter's appearance is pretty surprising, lately," Alice said. "I don't blame you."

"We're going to get going," I said, taking my bag upstairs.

In La Push, at Jacob and Angela's house, I got out, and there were other Quileute women getting out of their cars with kids about Will's age. It was Angela's day to watch them. Once Angela got the kids outside, playing, and Wendi was nursing, she said, "You cashed in the V-card."

"Yes, I did," I admitted.

"I'm gonna kill you!" Alice cried. "How could you keep it from me all this time?"

"I could tell just by looking at you," Angela said. "You've physically changed, Bella. You're happier."

"Really? Everybody's saying that."

"I knew it!" Alice cried. "Damnit!"

"How was it?" Angela asked.

"A little painful, but after that, it started to get fun. I just like being close to him."

"This sucks," Alice said. "I was holding out that you'd wait until after Christmas!"

"How much money are you out?"

"Oh, it's not money," Angela said, grinning. "Not money."

"I'm baby-sitting," Alice spat out. "Jasper and I have to baby sit twelve total hours for free for Angela and Jacob."

"That's awesome," I said. "What if Alice had won?"

"Jacob would be putting the tinting in the windows of Jasper's car and a new stereo system over the weekend," Angela said.

"Ang, can you set up a video camera in your living room?" I asked. "I am laughing at the very idea of Alice and Jasper trying to wrangle your children."

Angela laughed. "Good idea."

"That's evil, Bella," Alice said.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. "Hmm… I need to think about getting Edward a Christmas present…"

"Oh, you need to outlaw dick-in-a-box," Angela whispered so the kids couldn't hear. "Ben Cheney did that to me while I was still a virgin. He had no penis whatsoever to speak of."

Alice and I burst out laughing. "I forgot about that!" Alice cried.

"Me too!" I cried.

"I didn't know at the time," Angela said, shrugging. "I'm so glad I've only been with one person. And I really lucked out." Wendi began to fuss a little. "She's just tired, she needs to be put down for a nap."

"Gee, I'm really tired, too… from lugging this rock around!" Alice said, changing the subject, holding up her left hand.

Angela gasped, seeing the ring. "Let me see!" she cried. Alice stuck her hand under Angela's nose so she could see a little better. Wendi gurgled. "Baby, shut up," Angela said sweetly, to her baby. Alice and I giggled. "Wow! So, it's going to happen?"

"Yes. You'll be one of my bridesmaids, right?" Alice asked. "I asked Bella to be my maid of honor, you can be my second in command, just incase anything happens, God forbid. I'm going to ask a girl from work to be one, and Jasper's little sister to be the other bridesmaid."

"Of course!" Angela cried. "When is it?" Wendi decided to start crying. Angela had to put the baby down for a nap, finally.

"We haven't decided exactly, yet," Alice said. "But, we're talking about a June wedding."

"That's plenty of time to plan a wedding," I said.

"No, that's really not, not with the budget my parents are talking about," Alice said.

"I don't know anything about planning weddings," I admitted. "Where are you having it?"

"Dad wanted to have the reception in the backyard, under a giant tent with a chandelier, but Mom doesn't want to go through the stress of our house having 350 people in our house and having to set up all the lighting and tearing up her backyard and risking having somebody fall in the pool, drunk," Alice said. "There are a few places in Port Angeles, but they're kind of tacky, so we're probably going to go with Seattle. It'll be easier for Jasper's relatives from Texas to fly in and stay, there are better venues."

"Are you going to invite Thea Nicky?" I asked.

"Who's Thea Nicky?" Angela asked, coming out of the house, sans Wendi.

"Nicki Pappas was this crazy little old Greek lady-"

"Who was Edward's neighbor growing up," I added.

"She found out that Jasper and I were engaged, and she said that I should have the wedding in Chicago and she started planning it for me," Alice said. Angela laughed.

"What's even better, is she walked in the house with Ouzo and started spitting on Edward. Really," I said.

"_Spitting_ on him?" Angela cried.

"She was pretending to spit on him, Edward said it was spitting on the devil, that's what Greeks do when they start to think good thoughts about somebody they love," I said. "It's warding off the devil. It's also good luck."

"Oh," Angela said. She started laughing.

"She even read my coffee cup on Thanksgiving to tell my future, supposedly," I said. "She even called Edward 'Little Edward' because his father is Edward Senior,-"

"Tell me, Bella, is that what Edward call his penis?" Alice asked.

Angela and I almost fell over laughing. Angela had to run back into the house to pee. "There's nothing little about Edward," I said, sticking up for my man, once I had my faculties back.

"Oh, how would you know?" Alice scoffed.

"You know what else is weird? I think Liz is a little bit psychic, too," I said. "I think she knew I had come to Chicago a virgin but left a woman."

"I don't believe in that stuff," Alice said.

"I do," Angela said. "You should see some of the stuff accomplished on the Vision Quests that our teenagers see in the tribe."

"Well, I'll never forget the date of Rosalie and Emmett's anniversary," I said. "That's for damn sure."

* * *

I called Edward from Charlie's house. He was working a weekend shift. He had to be exhausted by now. He sounded happy to hear from me. "I can't wait for you to get home."

"Yeah, one day," I said. "Do you want to tell my Dad hi?"

"Sure," he said.

"Let me put the phone on speaker," I said, holding my phone out.

"Hi, Charlie!" he yelled.

"Hey, Edward," Charlie replied.

"He's watching the recap of the game," I said. "I couldn't tell you who."

"Guess who asked me to be a groomsman at his wedding?" Edward asked.

"No way!"

"Yep," he said. "Look, I gotta go, but just know I love you."

"I love you more,"

"I don't know if that's possible."

"Bye, Edward."

"Bye, love."

"Can you two get any more gag-worthy?" Charlie asked. "Are you ready to go to La Bella Italia, Bella?" His idea of a joke.

"Yes."

I got in Charlie's car and let him drive. "Well, your best friend is married and has a kid. Your other best friend is planning a wedding," Charlie said. "How serious are you and Edward?"

I groaned. "Dad, I don't think it's going to be a problem."

"I need to know so I can start saving for a wedding, if needed."

"If the subject comes up, I'm just going to suggest Vegas," I said. I knew Charlie didn't have it in his retirement fund for a big society wedding. Masen's friends wouldn't smile at a backyard barbeque in a redneck town like Forks with white crepe paper and carnations and Party City decorations. I could only think of how smug Rosalie's expression would be at that.

"Don't do that!" Charlie cried. "Get married by Angela's dad, at least!"

"Edward's parents would probably contribute," I said. "Dad, I know you wouldn't want to accept any money from them."

"No, I can pay for my own daughter's wedding," Charlie said darkly. "Don't go to Vegas. That's what your mother and I did. It was the kiss of death and I regret it so deeply. Have a long engagement and get married for the right reasons."

"Alright," I muttered.

"So, now you've met his parents," he said. "What were they like?"

"Really nice people," I said. "They... understood."

"What happened?"

"I had a really bad panic attack the night before we left," I said. "I thought I was going to die."

"But, what were they like?" Charlie repeated. "To you?"

"They were really nice to me, actually," I said. "Edward didn't tell them about all my problems."

"How was Thanksgiving dinner?"

"Thanksgiving dinner…" I sighed. "Bad."

"I'm sorry, baby."

"Edward said they didn't know."

"They know, Bells, trust me," Charlie said. "By now, they know." I groaned. "I know, it's just part of the disease. I never thought I'd have to understand something like an eating disorder until my daughter had one. But, I can't believe you're doing so well. It's like that weekend in Chicago did a lot of good for you."

"It did," I said, smiling to myself.

"I didn't think that Edward would be so good for you," Charlie said. "He spends all that time in the hospital, but you come back, looking like this. Something's changed."

"Dad, I want to get better, now," I said. "I had to really want something more for myself."

"Like a family, a house, a big wedding?"

"No, Dad, to be normal," I said. "To be a photographer, to have friends, to be able to go out to eat and have a normal conversation and not have to take a Xanax. I don't think that's too much to want, but it seems like it."

"I know," Charlie said.

In the restaurant, I sat down with Charlie. My efforts to eat like a normal person were even harder. I had a hard time when my food started to touch. Charlie just asked the server that I get an extra large plate so that my food didn't touch each other, but the juices started blending together, and I just couldn't finish it.

Charlie took me back home and I finished some of the cooking for later that week for him.

The next morning, I finished cleaning the bathroom while he was doing some Sunday morning fishing and I did some laundry before Alice picked me up for Sunday brunch with her parents.

"I can't believe that's you," Carlisle said when I walked in the door.

"Why is everybody saying that?"

"Because you're carrying yourself completely differently," he said, hugging me.

After brunch, Alice and I went back home to say good-bye to Charlie and pick up my bags and cook some of his fish last minute and stick it in gladware containers. Charlie hadn't caught anything, so he as in a bad mood. "Have a good trip home," he said. "Take care."

"I will. I love you, Dad," I said, stepping out the door.

"I love you, too. Don't forget- reheat on medium heat, not level ten, okay?"

"Okay, let's go," Alice said, turning over the engine of her Volkswagon Beetle.

Charlie gave me an extra squeeze. "I love you so much, Bella."

I climbed into Alice's car. "I've got things to do before Edward gets home," I said, thinking about school.

"Me too," she said. "Do you feel like we had a good weekend?"

"Yes."

* * *

"Christmas is going to suck without you," I said, standing up under the showerhead, wiping my mouth.

"I know," he said. "We'll have our own Christmas." He patted my butt and I jumped- he hit the bone. "Sorry."

"I've got something special saved up for your present,."

"Please, don't let it be embarrassing," Edward muttered as I soaped him up with his Dove body wash. He didn't use poufs because of the mildew that grew in them, which was nice, because I could use my hands. Normally, that was very sensual and exciting, but I just wasn't excited at all tonight.

"It's great," I said, softly. I realized how unenthusiastic I sounded. But, I really meant it. My back really hurt, lately. "Really."

"Did Alice help you pick it out?" he asked.

"No," I said. "She didn't have anything to do with it."

"Okay, can you stop focusing on my ass?" he asked. He reached over and turned up the cold water on himself. I realized I was cupping his perfect, firm ass a little too much.

"Sorry," I said. I put heavenly-smelling body wash away and got under the water to rinse out the conditioner out of my hair. He helped.

"Love, you feel a little feverish," he said. I never talked to him if I was feeling sick or tired, because he tended to over diagnose me.

"I'm in the shower with you and it's burning up in here."

"Well, I guess so," he said. "You just look really tired."

"You wear me out every night we're together," I said. "Hey, I got my grades for this semester this morning," I changed the subject.

"How'd you do?" he asked.

"Really well."

"That's my girl," he said, kissing me. "One more to go."

"I don't know what I'm going to do after this," I said. "Maybe teach high school English or something somewhere. I said I'd take a year off from school."

"We've talked about photography."

"Photography doesn't pay health insurance," I said, ringing the last of the conditioner out.

"Maybe if you got pregnant, I could get you on my insurance."

"Very funny," I replied. It was becoming and inside joke between us. "Charlie and Jacob would hunt you down and kill you. Us rednecks in rural Washington like our guns."

"Rednecks," he muttered, shaking his head. "What about Jasper?"

"He's too liberal and anti-gun," I said. "But, he'd still be pretty upset. One of his own groomsmen. Well, maybe he'd borrow a gun from Dad."

"Shotgun wedding," Edward muttered. "We'd beat Alice and Jasper to the altar."

"I don't think Alice would appreciate that," I said, squeezing out my hair.

"You know I'm just kidding."

"I know," I said, I climbed out of the bathtub, careful not to pull back the shower curtain.

I was driving out to Forks tonight, alone. Alice and Jasper were at his parent's house in Olympia. My phone was ringing- it was Charlie, wanting to know if I wanted to go Christmas Caroling with the Police Department and their families. Although I wasn't much for music, I said yes. I was supposed to go wedding dress shopping with Alice in Port Angeles on Friday, too. I wished Edward was coming to Forks. He had such a beautiful singing voice.

"I can't wait to see you," Charlie said, sounding excited. "You sound a little tired, though."

"Don't worry about me. I just got done with the semester. I'll be better when I get home," I said. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, Bells."

I tugged my clothes on and began to dry my hair so it didn't frizz. My lower back hurt so much, it was difficult. I just left the ends of my hair wet. Edward shaved and got out of the shower by now. I went into the bathroom and did his Windsor knot on this tie for him. "I'm going to miss you, Bella," he said, kissing me. "I can't wait until I'm done with these three-day shifts."

"Me too," I said softly. "When are you doing to get to take a vacation? Let's plan one for my graduation- somewhere quiet, cheap-"

"Quiet doesn't come cheap, Bella," he said. "Unless you want to go camping."

"No," I said. "I am not the outdoor type."

"Okay," he said. "I'll do some planning before you get home."

He kissed me before picking up his briefcase and putting on his coat.

I stopped by my apartment to pick up Dizzy to take with me and a few presents and a few bags. I had to pee really bad before I left, but when I got to the bathroom, I didn't actually have to. I felt a little shaky by the time I got all my stuff and Dizzy's carrier into the car. I got a diet coke and got on the interstate. Dizzy curled up into the back windshield and curled up defensively. She ran off when I turned on my iPod through the cassette player and focused on driving through the rain. The speakers were vibrating. My vision started to blur a bit. I needed to get my vision checked, again, it was already horrible. I was told my eating disorder was making it worse. I stopped a few times to go to rest stops, but nothing seemed to come out.

I turned off the interstate and got onto the highway to get to Forks. My pelvis was killing me by now, the vibration of the road was making it worse. The rain was turning into sleet and the roads were slippery. The pain was distracting me.

Dizzy got into the front seat beside me. I reached over to pet her- she was finally calming down. "We're almost to Charlie's," I said. Dizzy purred. "I really want to get there, too." She climbed into my lap while I drove.

I just wanted to lay down and nap for a minutes, but I had about fifteen minutes before I'd get home. Then, I'd crash on the couch.

The pain in my pelvis was worse and worse. I rubbed my lower abdomen, hoping it would provide relief, but it didn't. I groaned, my vision blurred for a moment, as I crossed a small bridge. My car fishtailed on the black ice- and I lost control.

It all seemed to happen in slow motion. The car spun around in a circle into the shoulder, hitting a tree. My pelvis screaming in pain. I screeched, as did Dizzy. The car slammed into a tree, and I heard a crunching sound. Oh god, my car!

Shaking, I assessed the situation. Where was my Xanax? No, I couldn't take one, now. I had to keep my system clean until I got to the hospital of I'd get charged with DWI. My phone was on the passenger side floor. I undid my seatbelt and picked up the phone. I picked up my phone, dialing 911.

"I just wrecked my car," I said, shaking, tears running down my cheeks. "I just crossed the Aris Creek bridge and I lost control."

"Are you alright?" the operator asked.

"I'm not bleeding, I don't think any bones are broken," I said. The idea of my car- my mode of transportation was destroyed. I didn't have the money to buy another one. Oh God, how was I going to get through this semester without a car? How was I going to get to Charlie's house every other weekend?

"What kind of car are you in?" she asked.

"A Brown 1992 Honda Accord."

"We'll have someone out there in a few minutes."

I sat in the car and cried for a few minutes. I picked up a scared Dizzy, stroking her. My car insurance rate was going to go up like crazy.

"Miss?" A light was being shined in my eyes. A man in an EMT uniform was standing outside my car door. "Miss, do you know your name?"

"Yes," I said, sitting up. "Bella Swan."

"Charlie Swan's daughter? What day is it?" The light came out of my eyes. He opened my car door for me.

"December 24th," I said.

"Good, do you know where you are?"

"I was driving from Seattle to Forks."

"Good," he said. "We're going to take you to the hospital to make sure you're okay."

"What?" I cried. I had a major disdain of hospitals due to my condition. They blamed everything on my eating disorder. "No, I don't need it!"

"It'll only take a while," he said. "You might have whiplash, so we just want to get you checked out."

"What about my cat?"

"We got him," he said. "We'll take him to the hospital until somebody picks you up. We got the carrier."

I called my father while they strapped me into the gurney and loaded me into the ambulance. Dizzy was meowling in the carrier. I groaned when they tightened the straps around my stomach.

"What's wrong?"

"My stomach hurts."

He pressed against my stomach. "Here?"

"No, lower," I said. He lowered his hands and pressed lower. I gasped.

"There?"

"Yes," I said. "And my lower back. How soon are we getting to the hospital? I have to go to the restroom."

"You're running a slight fever, Bella," he said. "Have you taken on a new sexual partner, recently?"

"Um… yes…" I said. "Don't tell my father."

He chuckled. "You might have a UTI."

"A what?" I asked. It sounded familiar.

"A Urinary Tract Infection," he said. "It's normal in girls who've taken on a new sexual partner, recently. We call it 'the honeymoon syndrome' because virgin brides get it in the first year of marriage, usually."

I groaned. "What's going to happen if I have this?"

"You'll take antibiotics," he said. "Are you on any medications?"

"Fluoxitine, Xanax, Yaz- you know, the birth control," I said. "And I take Roserem occasionally, for insomnia."

"Just remember that antibiotics make birth control ineffective."

"You're kidding!"

"No, I'm not," he said. The ambulance siren went off.

Charlie and Esme were waiting in the ER for me. "It's Christmas Eve, and you do this to your poor father?" Charlie asked, throwing his arms around me, kissing my temple. I knew he was just trying to joke to make me feel better.

"I'm fine, Dad- really," I said. "Esme, you're probably skipping out on all sorts of stuff that you need to do today-"

"Bella, you were in an accident, I need to be here," she said sharply.

"We just need to examine her," the EMT said, helping me through the Triage.

In the examining room, Charlie, Esme, and I waited and waited and waited. They sent me for a CT scan. Carlisle came by to check on me while we waited on the results. I was surprised they were letting the resident Pediatrician see me and not the resident ER doctor. Most of the doctors around here traded off to help each other out, since there were so few. "So, what happened?" he asked.

"I was almost home, and I went over the bridge over the Aris Creek, and it had ice on it," I said. "I fishtailed, and lost control of my car. I'm okay, though, just a little shaken up."

"You don't look okay," Carlisle said.

"I bumped my head," I said.

"She's running a fever," Esme said. "I can feel it when I touch her."

"Charlie, can I examine her alone? Esme, honey, you might want to be in here for moral support. Is that okay, Bella?" Carlisle asked, making it sound like he needed to examine me without my hospital robe on. I nodded.

"Sure, of course," Charlie said, picking up his jacket, slipping out the door.

"Bella, do you know what a UTI is?" Carlisle asked.

"Kind of," I said, rubbing my face, embarrassed.

"I'm looking at the report from Kenneth," he said, referring to the EMT. "Your symptoms indicate a UTI. You know what causes it, right?

I blushed. "Yes, too much sex," I said, covering my face.

"Just making sure you knew," he said. He sounded so understanding. Esme was trying to conceal a smile. I groaned, avoided Esme's eyes.

"Bella, we're relieved," Esme said, smiling. "Normal people in their twenties have sex. You weren't. We were worried your body dismorphic disorder was keeping you from having relationships."

"We let Alice and Jasper sleep in the same bed in our house when they first started dating," Carlisle said. "Why are you so embarrassed?"

"We really like Edward, you're really changing for the better being around him," Esme said.

"I hope so," I said. "Charlie doesn't know I'm sleeping with him, yet."

"You'd be surprised what an observant parent notices," Carlisle said. "You said you're on Drospirenone," he continued, "I'm going to prescribe a five-day antibiotic. Just know that your birth control isn't going to work this month." My face burned. "You know to get tested for STDs every six months, don't you?"

"We're monogamous," I said.

"You never know," Carlisle said. "Especially when you're not using condoms." I seriously thought I was going to die. Esme patted my leg. I looked at her, and she smiled, comfortingly. "Didn't you tell Edward about your symptoms?"

"No, he tends to over-diagnose me," I said.

"I don't blame him," Esme said. "Carlisle did the same thing to me when we first started dating." Did that mean… Oh god, it was embarrassing to think about my surrogate parents having sex at all.

"What are we telling Charlie?" I asked.

"I'm not bound to tell him anything," Carlisle said, shrugging. "You're a legal adult, over the age of 18. You tell him something."

"I'm not a doctor!"

"Okay, you can tell him you've got strep throat if you're going to lie to your dear old Dad," Carlisle said. Leave it to Carlisle to put a guilt trip on me.

"What he doesn't know isn't going to hurt him," I said.

"Strep throat doesn't always hurt," Esme offered.

"Okay," I said.

Carlisle went over the different ways to keep from getting UTIs (even more embarrassment) and finally let Charlie come back into the examining room. "She's good to go. Enjoy your Christmas Eve, Charlie. Come by tomorrow night for some drinks."

"We will," Charlie said. "Merry Christmas!"

I told Charlie that I had strep throat. "Caroling is out of the question!" Charlie declared. Big loss.

After filling my prescription, I laid down while Charlie went to get my bags out of my wrecked car and to wait on the wrecker to tow my car away. That night, Charlie let me sleep while he went to the Forks PD Christmas party. I went downstairs to watch TV and work on my knitting. I called Edward and left a message on his voicemail.

"Hey, it's me, just calling to let you know that, um, I've got a UTI. Just letting you know for fun, because, I'm having a blast right now," I said. "I got into a car accident today, and Carlisle, of all people, examined me in the ER and we had a talk about safe sex. Don't worry, they still like you, even though you're banging their surrogate daughter. I'll call you in the morning, I'm just a little stiff. I love you, bye."

Then, I called Alice.

"I've got a UTI."

"A UTI!?" Alice howled.

"Say it a little louder, Alice."

"Honeymoon Syndrome?" Jasper asked in the background.

"Yeah, yuk it up, you guys."

"It's okay, everybody's drunk downstairs," Alice said. "Do you remember when I got it with… Never mind…"

"Nice, Alice," Jasper said.

"Just drink cranberry juice," Alice said.

"Your parents had a sex talk with me in the ER," I said. "Can this day be any worse?"

"Oh man, I bet you almost died!" she cried, gleefully. "What did Charlie do? Is he polishing off his old gun?"

"He thinks I've got strep throat."

"Step throat of the vagina!" Alice snickered. She was a little more smashed than I thought.

"Okay, Alice, I'll catch up with you tomorrow."

"Okay, I love you, bye."

I curled up on the couch with Dizzy and watched _A Christmas Story_ for a while, and got out a warm water bottle to press against my lower abdomen.

Charlie came home while I was asleep on the couch.

"How was it?" I asked, waking up.

"Good times," Charlie said. "Good times. We're going bowling on New Year's Eve."

"Good, so you've got plans."

"Yeah, so you can stay in Seattle, do something with Alice and Jasper, and if Edward's not working, do something with him," he said. "Bella, do you need some Tylenol?"

"Tylenol? For what?" I asked.

"I just thought... The water bottle... Nevermind. Sorry."

"Oh," I said, my cheeks burning tomato-red- it was at my feet by now. He thought I was getting my period. If only that were it. "I'm going to bed. Good night, Dad."

"'Night, Bells."

I went upstairs and I had just taken a shower and gone to bed when Charlie came into my room with my cell phone that I had left in the living room. "Bella, Edward's on the phone," he said, handing over my cell.

"Bella?!" Edward cried. "You were in a car accident?"

"Yes."

"Do I need to come to Forks?"

"No!"

"Are you in pain?"

"Just a little," I said. Charlie watched me. "My neck and back are a little stuff. My lower abdomen is sore, too." I glowered at Charlie and gestured to tell him to leave me alone. He left the room.

"Does he know? Has he said anything?"

"No."

"Then I'm _fucked_," he said. It was the first time I had ever hear him use that word- ever. He never used vulgar terms. I sat, slack-jawed. "There's a chance Charlie's going to kill me for deflowering his only daughter."

"Just trade him the Aston Martin."

"Are you drunk?"

"No!" I cried. "Look, I haven't confirmed anything. He doesn't know it, yet."

"Wasn't he in the ER?"

"No, it was just Esme and Carlisle," I said. "He thinks it's strep throat- that's why I'm on antibiotics."

"Well, that excuse will last for a while," he said. "I get so overeager with you, I'm sorry, Bella."

"It's okay."

"Just get some rest, take it easy, and drink cranberry juice."

"That's what everybody says," I replied. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he said. "Merry Christmas, Love."

"Merry Christmas, Edward."

I hung up and fell asleep.


	23. Chapter 23: Our Holiday

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

Christmas was nice between Charlie and myself, although I couldn't turn my head at all because my neck was so stiff. We had a few nice, special presents. I made Christmas breakfast for him. After that, we went to Christmas in La Push at Billy Black's.

Will attacked me, but my neck was so stiff, I couldn't bend over to pick him up at all. Angela stiffly hugged me. Edward called me on one of his breaks to wish me Merry Christmas. We had a long, coded conversation, since I was feeling better from the waist down, but not the waist up. Angela and I had to communicate through code about what was going on, and when she got confused, I had to spell it out on my cell phone on a text message to her, and she understood.

We went home to Forks so we could go to the Cullens for Christmas dinner. Alice and Jasper were there, too, finally.

"I hate my future in-laws," Alice said. "Really, I do. I can't believe you love the Masens so much. I wonder if she's really this nice."

"God, I hope so," I said.

We went down to the basement to play Guitar Hero on the Wii- one of Alice's Christmas presents. We were determined to beat Rosalie at Guitar Hero, someday, probably while she was eight months pregnant and couldn't reach the controllers. I didn't know how I was going to pass my classes this spring, this game was so addictive. That, and I was beginning to enjoy sex with Edward- a lot. After my neck got worse and worse, I finally agreed to let Charlie take me home.

The next day, I laid on the couch, keeping Charlie company while he watched college football bowl games, while reading some of my old books until my arms got tired holding them up. Carlisle offered to get me a neck brace, but I thought it looked ridiculous, and I said no to it. I couldn't do chores at all. I felt useless. Alice and Jasper came over to help me pack up my things and then took me back to Seattle that afternoon. I couldn't wait to see Edward when he got off from work. I slept most of the way home, on pain meds.

I was still sleeping off pain meds when we got home. I groggily followed Alice and Jasper into the apartment. Jasper carried my things in for me. I laid down.

When I woke up, Edward was there, in the dark. "Hi, Love," he said, softly, laying beside me. "How are you feeling?" He stroked my face.

"I feel like there's two metal rods between my shoulders and my head," I said. "I can't turn my head."

"Oh, Love," he said softly.

"How are you?"

"Really tired," he replied, his lips grazing my ear.

"I've got an infection," I said. "Don't touch me."

"It's not contagious," he replied. "I can hold you, can't I?" his breath grazed my ear. I sighed.

"I suppose."

"What was that sigh for?"

"My Christmas present for you is now ruined."

"What's your Christmas present for me?"

"Edward, let's be honest, I don't have a lot of money," I said. "You do. So, what do you give the man who's got everything?"

"Anything with a little thought behind it is good," Edward said. "Roll over on your stomach, I'll rub your neck for you." I rolled over on my stomach, and Edward began to massage my shoulders. He had such strong hands. "Where's that lavender oil?"

"At your place?"

"Don't tell me, you bought lingerie to wear for me, that's your present?"

"No!"

"Good," he said. "Because I don't care about lingerie, I prefer you out of it." I groaned when he pressed his thumbs into my spine. It was still sore.

"Your present is under the tree."

"I'll get it," he said, getting up from the bed. He returned to the bed. "Can I turn on the light?"

"Yes," I said. He turned on the lamp kindly. My eyes adjusted.

He tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box. "Don't tell me, it's a sweater."

"It's too heavy to be a sweater."

He pulled back the tissue paper. "Aw, Bella," he said, softly. I had framed one of my photographs of Edward and myself, sitting on a bench on campus. We were staring at the street, the camera had us in profile. I was slumped down, and Edward had his arm around me. It was in black and while. Inside, I had some tickets to the symphony for the end of January. "This is great!" he cried. "You didn't have to spend too much on this, and I love it!" I grinned. "Hey, I could use a shower."

"I prefer the shower in your apartment."

"Let me pack your things."

Our Christmas together was sitting on the couch, while the fireplace blazed along, merrily. Edward made tea for me, and kept me covered in a throw blanket and an ice pack on my neck. "I went a little overboard," he said. There were several wrapped boxes under the tree.

"Which one's mine?"

"Several of them are yours," he said, picking them up. He sat down at my feet, setting the largest box down on my legs. "Do you need any help?"

"I don't think so," I said, carefully lifting the paper so it didn't tear. I don't know why I did this, I never tore the wrapping paper, although that was kind of the point. I never saved it and reused it for art projects or anything. "Please, tell me it's not another camera."

"It's not."

It was… a cedar drawer. I recognized it from Edward's dresser. "Edward, is this a drawer from your dresser?"

"Yes," he said. "Because I want you to feel like you can leave things at my place."

My heart filled- I felt so happy at that. "Really?"

"The look on your face says it all."

I had always packed a bag and left with it, not leaving a single article of clothing at his place on purpose. I grinned. "This is the best present, ever!"

"Better than your birthday present?" Edward asked skeptically.

"Okay, this is as thoughtful as my birthday present," I said. "Let's not rank your presents."

"Good. Here's the next one," he said, picking up another present. I carefully took the wrapping paper off. "You can tear it, you know."

"I know," I said, sighing. His next present was a velvet box, too big to be a ringbox. I opened it- it was a white-gold necklace with a small, tasteful diamond heart. "This is beautiful!" I cried. "Edward, it's too much!"

"You'll always have my heart," he said, that sexy-half smile passing his lips.

"Will you put it on me?"

"Of course, love," he said. I sat up stiffly, picked up my hair, and he fastened the necklace for me, kissing the juncture of my neck and shoulder, his favorite spot on me. "It looks beautiful on you. Are you ready for your next present?"

"There's more?" I asked. "This is my second present, I only got you one!"

"You got two for me," he said. "The drawer from my dresser doesn't really count."

"Edward, I don't really have anything more to give-"

"Bella, just the fact that you love me is more than enough," he said quietly, kneeling down in front of me, setting down another present at my side. "I'll spend my whole life being grateful that you're in it."

The last present was a small box- I shivered- it could be a ring box. I had thought about being Edward's wife. The very thought of being his wife excited me greatly. We had discussed marriage and we both wanted children, although my eating disorder had left my reproductive system shot. Although Renée had never been a feminist, she had never been "owned" by Charlie either, I had never quite accepted it, myself. The idea of belonging to Edward, taking on his name, it all just seemed to be like such a fantasy, a dream come true. It was too early, though; our families would tell us we were jumping into things too soon if we got engaged now, even if it was a long engagement.

Opening the box, I was quite surprised to find a key. "Is this a key to your apartment?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "I want you to feel like you can come here any time you want, even when I'm at work. I'm not going to leave the spare key under the mat anymore, there's been too many robberies in this neighborhood, but I don't want that keeping you from me."

"Edward, this is the best," I said, softly. "Can you get my keys so I can keep it on there?"

"Sure," he said, getting up. He retrieved my keys, and then, a card.

"Edward, what is this?" I cried. "This is present number four!"

"The key was so cheap, it doesn't count," he said. "This is present number two."

I opened the card- there were four plane tickets to anywhere in the country through Delta Airlines at anytime. "What are these for?" I asked.

"If you ever want to get away, preferably with me," he said. "Anywhere you want."

"Like Chicago, maybe?" I asked. "To see your parents?"

"If that's where you want to go," he said. "Or, if you wanted to escape to Florida for a weekend. We could go and reserve a hotel room with an ocean view. Or to New York City. You said once that you've never been there."

"I'd like that."

"And this," he said, setting another present down at my feet. "Last one, I swear."

"Oh no," I said, giggling nervously. "What is this?" I carefully unwrapped it- it was an iHome iPod player. I smiled. "This is perfect."

"I'm so glad," he said. "I love you, Isabella."

"I love you."

* * *

I had a day of rest, and Edward took perfect care of me. There was no sex, just a few relaxing showers when Edward rubbed my neck and shoulders. On the third day, Edward had to go back for another three-day shift, much to my aggravation. At least, we'd have New Year's together. Rosalie and Emmett were hosting a New Year's Eve Party, and we were invited. I went home to rest, waiting for Alice to come back from work. She had been invited through Jasper, too.

I finally finished my antibiotics the night Edward got off from work, although I wasn't feeling much better. I was stressing out about what I was going to wear to Rosalie and Emmett's party because I didn't like the way any of my dresses were hanging on me.

Edward and I had our best conversations in the shower really.

"I just can't believe how bad I look in all my clothes," I complained.

"That's because they're all children's sizes," he said. "Children's clothes aren't meant to look good on grown women. If it really bothers you, we can go out for something new. I'll buy it for you."

"No, you just bought me an ass load of things," I said, not caring how crass I sounded, rubbing my face. I felt so gross and fat right now. "No way."

"Bella, really, it doesn't bother me," he said. He sounded a little annoyed.

When I got out of the shower, I dried off. There was Edward's bathroom scale. I never really had the chance to step on it because he kept it in the linen closet. It was out there. I always weighed myself naked, and here I was, naked, although my hair was still wet. I'd have to take off a pound for water in my hair. I tentatively stepped on the scale.

102.

That meant I weighed 101 pounds. I cried out.

"Bella?"

Edward had pulled the shower curtain aside.

"Bella, what are you doing?" he cried, getting out of the shower.

"I'm over one hundred pounds," I moaned, covering my face. I felt hot tears flushing my eyes. "It can't be! I can't be this huge!"

"One hundred and one pounds isn't huge, Bella," he said. He wrapped his slick arms around me. "You know you're not supposed to get on scales… Look, you're still the smallest woman I know."

"I've gained fifteen pounds," I moaned. "I can't believe it. I can't have gained that much weight! _How_ did I gain this much weight? I must look like a blimp!" I babbled.

"Bella, I'd love you, even if you really were a blimp," he said.

I cried hysterically. "I need a Xanax. And a towel! You can't look at me like this! I have to go for a run- now!"

"No, no meds," Edward said. "No exercise. We'll get through this."

I wrapped my arms around my stomach to cover up my offending stomach and cried. Edward held me while I sobbed. "Do you want to sleep?" he asked after I had a few minutes to cry.

I nodded weakly.

After he dried off, I dressed in my pajamas, which was a rare thing in Edward's apartment. Edward came to bed, naked. "Come on, Bella," he said, seeing me in pajamas. I crossed my arms and tucked my chin. "Fine, if you're going to be that way." He dressed in pajama pants, too, and climbed into bed with me, but turned his back to me.

Around three in the morning, I woke up to a sickening pain in my stomach. Edward's arms had enveloped me in the night. We hadn't had sex since before Christmas, but I was physically hurting so badly. I held my lower abdomen while Edward's sleeping arms held me tightly. I had to pee badly. "Edward," I said softly, stirring.

"Huh?" he replied groggily.

"I have to go to the bathroom."

"Leave the door open."

"No!" I cried sharply.

"Bella, you're in a fragile state of mind right now."

"I'm not peeing where you can hear me."

"Oh God, doctors never hear people pee," he said sarcastically. "Bella, I'm just worried you're going to throw up. I'm not going to watch."

"Okay," I said. His arms let me go.

I went into the bathroom, leaving the door open enough so he could hear if I puked. I finally got a chance to pee, but my stomach didn't feel any better. I looked down at my panties, and saw a dark splotch in the crotch.

"Oh no! Oh shit!" I muttered.

"Bella?"

I hadn't had a period in over a year. What a day. I had gotten over 100 pounds and my period, too. What else could go wrong? I pulled my panties back on. I couldn't tell Edward about this; it was too humiliating. I hated talking about anything below the waist in general with him, even though he was a doctor. Why hadn't I spent the night at my own apartment tonight?

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward appeared in the doorway while I was washing my hands.

"I need my cell phone," I said. I had to call Alice for tampons. I didn't have a car, and I didn't want to borrow Edward's car when I was bleeding.

"What for? It's three in the morning."

"I need to call Alice for something."

"She's probably asleep," Edward said. "Can it wait until the morning?" I had a horrible vision of bleeding all over Edward's sheets while he was sleeping there. I never carried tampons because I never needed them. My cheeks flamed at the very idea.

"No, it really can't."

"What is it?" he asked. "I'd like to think I'm close enough to you that I can take care of anything Alice can take care of."

"I can't tell you," I said, rubbing my face.

"Why not?

"It's bad."

"You're keeping secrets?"

"No, it's not really a secret," I said. "I just don't want to talk about it with you…"

"You can tell me anything," he said. "I know you too well."

"It's too embarrassing."

"What is it?" he demanded. "Bella, I'm beginning to think I can't trust you anymore!"

My breath caught in my throat. Edward couldn't trust me? No, it couldn't be true. I loved Edward.

He took my shoulders. "Bella, look me in the eye," he said. I took my hands away from my face. "What is it?"

I took a deep breath. _Just say it and get it over with. _"I've got my period," I blurted out.

His face cracked into a smile. "That's all? No wonder you've been in such a bad mood today!" he cried. He chuckled.

"Goddamnit, don't laugh at me!"

"Why do you always get all shy about talking about medical things?" he asked. "It doesn't bother me at all."

"I told you about that STD!"

"What STD?" he cried sharply. "When did you get an STD and from whom?"

"The UTI!"

He burst out laughing. "Bella, that's not an STD!"

I started to cry. "Stop laughing at me!" He only laughed harder. I shoved him out of the bathroom and shut the door. He laughed for a while longer while I sat on the edge of the tub embarrassed, crying.

"Bella, I'll go to the store for you," he said through the door. "There's Tylenol in the medicine cabinet."

"You're going to go buy _tampons_?" I cried. The idea of man buying tampons just seemed ludicrous to me. Normal men like Edward didn't buy tampons.

"Yes," he replied. "Anything else you want, too. I'm not letting you in my car right now, my upholstery's expensive."

"Oh, ha ha," I replied, opening up the medicine cabinet. "Your upholstery is leather!"

I went into the kitchen to pour a glass of water to take the Tylenols. My stomach was aching so badly, I just wanted to curl up. I went into the living room, but I knew I couldn't sit down on the couch. I laid in the fetal position on the hardwood floor. I used to do that when I used to fast, it would ease the hunger pains. It helped a little with the period cramps.

"Love, I'll be back as soon as I can," Edward said, dressed in jeans and a fleece sweatshirt. He pulled on a jacket. He kneeled down on the floor to cover me up in a throw blanket. "I know this seems horrifying, but really, it's funny. You'll laugh at this in a year."

I just groaned in response. He kissed my head.

**EPOV**

I still wonder how one single girl can think that her period is such a shameful thing. To somebody who hasn't been around her and seen her struggle, this whole thing seems really stupid. But, she had never once complained about her period before, had never turned me down for sex or sexual activities in the past three months.

It dawned on me that she didn't normally get her period. I wondered how long it had been since she had gotten her period, last. It was amenorrhea- loss of her period from low body weight.

I didn't laugh so much on the way to Wal-Mart when I thought about why she hadn't had a period in so long and was so ill-prepared. This past week had been one bad thing after another for her. No wonder she hated weighing this much. It seemed to bring along so many bad things- a UTI (well, that was my fault, really), her period, and lots of self-doubt. It was easy for her to blame food, but I wouldn't let her.

I was going to face down the aisle of doom for all men and buy everything. Everything- I was going to buy everything to make this period more comfortable for her.

In Wal-Mart, I found the tampon aisle. At three-thirty in the morning, there was nobody there. I didn't know how heavy her period would be, so I bought a multi-pack. She probably wouldn't know how to gauge it, either. She was laying on the floor in my apartment right now, trying not to bleed through on any upholstered furniture. I found some pads- overnight, just to be safe. Midol would be useful, who knew what kind of aches and pains she was going experience- bloating, fatigue, back aches, irritation. She was having cramps right now, anyways. I wasn't sure how well Midol was going to work on her- some women needed prescriptions. I got some Icy Hot patches so she didn't have to be attached to a wall with the heating pad I kept for my back injury from my car accident from high school.

The middle-aged woman who checked me out didn't give me a weird look or ask any questions. She hardly saw the items I set down on the counter. She was more engrossed in _US Weekly_. "Have nice day, thankyouforshoppingatWal-Mart," she called after me. What a big deal, buying feminine hygiene items. The aisle of doom wasn't that scary. Bella was probably in a terrible mood still.

I found Bella curled up in the same spot on my living room floor. "Bella?" I said, helping her up. "I think I got everything."

"Oh, Edward," she said. "I love you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm sorry I've been such an ass tonight."

I was surprised to put it mildly. She was a sweet enough person that she couldn't even be in a bad mood even for that long before feeling guilty. "I grew up around Rosalie, I understand," I said. She stood up on her toes and pressed a kiss to my lips.

I went back to my room and got into my pajamas. Nobody was getting any tonight. She appeared in my room, changing out of her old pajamas and into a fresh set of mine.

"I love you," she said, tears falling down her face. She was emotional tonight.

"What brings that on?" I said. Well, she had her period.

"You even bought me Icy Hot heating pads," she said, laying down practically on top of me. "And Midol!"

"What did I tell you the first time we went to see my parents?" I asked, blushing slightly. "I just want the best for you."

She rolled her eyes. "You're so corny, sometimes." Well, I could be. With her.

**BPOV**

I laid on the floor in the darkness for about twenty minutes. Edward was extremely brave to do this for me. Yes, I was being a pain in the ass. What a wonderful, courageous man to purchase tampons for me. How many men would actually do that for me? Charlie never did it. Charlie hardly knew that I had my period, didn't want to, even though he was a great father. I loved my Edward. He was the greatest man I had ever met. In a moment where I was going to fall back on my crutch, my Xanax today, he didn't allow me to take one. And I got through it. There was hope for me yet, and Edward proved it to me. I didn't deserve him. I loved him more than ever over something so stupid. I was going to apologize for being so stupid so far tonight.

Edward returned with a Wal-Mart bag. "I think I got everything," he said. He helped me up and handed me the bag.

"I love you," I said. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm sorry I've been such an ass tonight."

"I grew up around Rosalie, I understand," he said. I kissed him on the lips.

I went to the bathroom and opened the bag. He bought a Tampax multipack, Always overnight pads, a box of Midol, extra strength, and a box of Icy Hot heating pads. I started to cry. He was so great. I owed him after tonight.

After taking care of myself and putting on the heating pad, I changed pajamas and went back to bed. Edward was already there, back in his pajamas. I put all the things he had bought for me from Wal-Mart in my drawer in his dresser.

"I love you," I said, tears falling down my face.

"What brings that on?"

"You even bought me Icy Hot heating pads," I said, wiping my cheeks, laying down on top of him. "And Midol!"

"What did I tell you the first time we went to see my parents?" he asked. "I just want the best for you."

"You're so corny, sometimes."

**EPOV**

Bella's hair was down and curled and was wearing her blue dress that made the red come out in her hair. Weighing over 100 pounds, she looked amazing. I hoped people could see her like I did.

"I'm ready," she said. She was wearing my heart pendant necklace- Alice was going to bring a set of rhinestone earrings for Bella to the party tonight. "And Rosalie's just a little round in the tummy after her honeymoon."

"Exactly," I said. I took her hand and I helped her into my car. I turned on the newest Bella mix on my iPod.

"I'm not taking my Xanax with me," Bella said. "I'm not using it anymore."

"Really?" I asked. "Is that really safe?"

"I don't need it as much I as think I do," she said. "I got through last night without it."

"I'm proud of you, Bella."

"It's my New Year's resolution," she said as we pulled into Rosalie and Emmett's parking lot.

I helped her out of the car and to the elevator, taking her hand. "Have you ever had sex in an elevator?" she asked.

"You'd have to stall the elevator, Bella," I said.

"That would cause a panic attack for me," Bella said. "But, it would be fun!"

"I doubt we could do it during that," I said. Damn, she was getting horny tonight.

"How old is this building?"

"You'll have to ask Emmett," I said. "I can't really remember."

The elevator dinged. I took her down to Emmett and Rosalie's condo. The door was open and people were already there. Rosalie was in a dress that concealed her pregnancy pretty well.

"Hi, Edward… Bella," she said, opening the door.

"Hi, Rosalie," I said.

"Hi," Bella said. Emmett attacked Bella with a giant hug out of nowhere.

"Bella, you look so great!" Emmett yelled. He had already had a few drinks.

"Shh," I hissed.

"Thanks, Emmett."

"You guys want a beer?" he asked. "We got MGD, Miller High Life, Heineken, Miller Light, and Bud Light, for the pussies."

"Sure, a Heineken," I said. "Bella, you want one?"

"A Bud Light?" she asked. Emmett laughed. "Well, I'm a girl." Bella replied.

"Coming right up," Emmett said, shoving past Rosalie.

"I'm just your wife," Rosalie snarled.

"Is Alice here? She had some earrings for me."

"Yeah, she's in the bedroom, I think," Rosalie replied.

Emmett returned from the kitchen with our beers. "Thanks, Emmett!" Bella said, accepting her beer. She went off to the bedroom to find Alice.

"Thanks, man," I said to Emmett, taking the beer.

"Come on," Rosalie said, nodding towards the kitchen. She was still putting together food for the party. I followed her.

"What's up?"

"Are you still stringing that poor girl along?"

"What about her?" I asked, feeling defensive.

"She's obviously nuts," Rosalie said. "Nobody in their right mind does that to themselves!"

"She's not crazy," I said. "Rose, you don't even know her."

"Edward, you're getting involved with somebody who's got an ass load of mental issues," she said, her eyes narrowing. "How can you even make love to that pile of bones?"

"She's not a pile of bones to me," I snapped.

"She needs serious, professional help."

"What do you think I am?" I replied, getting annoyed.

"You're a heart surgeon, Edward. I'm talking about a psychiatrist," Rosalie said. "She needs to be in a clinic or something."

"It's just like you to push my buttons, Rose," I replied. "You don't know her. You haven't even tried."

"You're a real class act, Rosalie," a voice said from the doorway. Jasper was standing there, with a beer in hand. He looked disgusted, glaring at her. "I think Alice and I will be leaving. Thank you for a lovely evening." Rosalie glared back at him.

I don't know how much of the conversation he had heard. I knew that he loved Bella lot to stick up for her like that. I hated to do this to my friends, especially Emmett, but I knew I couldn't stay.

Why Rosalie was trying to plant seeds of doubt in my mind, I didn't know. Maybe she cared about me enough to not want to see me hurt, but I had no idea why she was going about it in such a brash manner, being so offensive. Of course, Rose never did anything nicely. I had already set aside money for an engagement ring, although nobody knew about it. I was determined to make Bella my wife.

Bella came out of the bedroom with Alice, wearing the earrings. "Bella, I think we're going to be going," I said.

"I'm going, too," Jasper said, taking Alice's hand. "Edward, you want to come with us?"

"Where are you going?"

"My place," Jasper said.

"Why? We just got here!" Alice cried.

"We're going now, Alice," Jasper said.

"So are we, Bella," I said.

"Okay," Bella said, uncertainly. "I'll get our coats."

"Where are y'all going?" Emmett cried.

"We have to go," Jasper said. "We can't stay."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah, ask your wife," Jasper muttered. Emmett looked like he was going club Jasper. Bella returned with the coats.

"Okay, I got the coats," she said. "Bye, Emmett- sorry we didn't get to stay very long. I'll see you around, huh?"

"Of course," he said, hugging her.

We went back to Jasper's apartment. When we got there, I figured out that Jasper had told Alice what Rosalie had said about Bella.

"Okay, is somebody going to tell me why we bailed on Rosalie and Emmett?" Bella asked.

"Rosalie was being an ass," I replied.

"She's pregnant, give her a break!" Bella cried. "Ooops…" I clapped a hand over Bella's mouth.

"I was waiting for somebody to confirm it," Alice said. "That dress was doing an _okay_ job of masking it, but I could tell."

"Yeah, she was pretending she got pregnant on the honeymoon," I said. "You didn't hear that from us, though."

"Our secret," Alice said. "Everybody have a seat, I'll get some beers."

"I'll get out the Guitar Hero," Jasper said. "It's not much, but it's New Year's."

My phone rang. It was Emmett. He had had a bit to drink and there was a lot of noise in the background. "Hey man, I'm sorry. Will you come over? Please? My wife is sorry, too."

"Let me consult," I said. "I honestly don't know."

"No, really, Eddie, I really let Rose have it," he slurred. "She had no fucking business talking shit about Bella like that. Bella's a great girl, just a little misunderstood. She's just pregnant and the hormones are pissing her off."

"Bella's pregnant?" I asked, just to mess with him.

"No, Rose is pregnant!" he shouted into the phone. "You know that!"

The noise in the background died. "Now, everybody at your party knows it, too," I said.

"Oh, shit," he muttered.

"God _damnit_, Emmett!" Rosalie cried in the background.

"Gottago," he said, the line went dead. I burst out laughing.

"What just happened?" Jasper asked.

"Emmett just blew Rosalie's big secret," I said. "That couldn't have gone better if I had planned it."

"I could hear everything he said," Alice said.

"Should we go back?" Jasper asked. "To witness the chaos?"

"No," Bella said. Alice had poured her a glass of wine. "I really don't want to drive around Seattle in the middle of the night on New Year's Eve."

"The couch folds out, if you guys want to spend the night," Jasper offered.

After we played some Guitar Hero, Alice and Jasper were pretty drunk. We missed the New Year's Ball Drop. It was just Bella and me. Alice managed to find pajamas for Bella and myself to sleep in while I pulled out the couch.

"I kinda figured out what Rosalie said," Bella said. "She just doesn't like me."

"She's just cranky," I said. "She's been hiding a pregnancy, you would be, too."

She curled into my shoulder. "I guess so," she said. "I love you. Edward," she sighed through her thick, perfect lips, closing her eyes, those thick, dark lashes fluttering shut. "Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, Love," I replied.


	24. Chapter 24: Making Plans

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

I drove Edward's car to Port Angeles to see _King Lear_. He was exhausted from the three day shift, but still wanted to see Angela's play. We stopped to get some flowers for her, and Edward insisted on buying roses. When we found the theatre and met Charlie, Carlisle and Esme there. I explained what I remembered about _King Lear_ from my undergraduate Shakespeare classes, and we entered the house. The show didn't have much of a turn out, surprisingly. I was a bit disappointed at that. Angela came out in the opening scene with her hair dyed angel-blonde. She looked like a movie star.

Angela amazed me; I forgot how fantastic she had been in our high school's drama productions. She wowed everyone. The actors were perfectly cast- even the girl playing Cordelia couldn't have been older than 16, but she was so good at Iambic contameter, we hardly noticed.

After the show, the cast mingled with the audience in the lobby, and I gave Angela the roses.

"I'm so glad you could make it, Bella!" she cried, hugging me. She had changed out of her bloody last costume quickly for curtain call. "These are so beautiful! Thank you!"

"You were so great," I said.

"I thought I'd be lost, but I actually loved it," Charlie said. He gave her a hug.

"You were brilliant," Edward said, hugging her.

Angela beamed. "We're going out for a drink or two," Angela said. "Does anybody want to come with us?"

"I'm beat," Edward admitted.

"I'm an old man, nobody would want to go out with me this late," Charlie said. "Come on, Edward, you can catch a ride home with me. Bella, feel free to go out with Angie and the cast."

"Thanks, Dad."

I waited in the lobby until Angela had changed out of her costume and into her street clothes and told me the name of the restaurant where we were going. I didn't know where it was, so she offered to ride with me to give me directions.

"So, how are things going between you and Edward?" she asked.

"He's amazing," I admitted, turning on the engine. "He bought tampons for me at three in the morning when I got my period for the first time in a year."

"You're getting your period again?" Angela cried. "That's great!"

"Well, it's okay," I admitted, rolling my eyes. "It's not the best. It means I can't have sex for four days a month."

"Well, everybody needs a break," she said. "Even me."

"Doesn't rule oral out."

Angela laughed. "It's so nice to be able to talk about these things with you!" she said. "All this time, I felt like I couldn't say anything, but now… now, we're yapping it up about sex and the stuff that happens with it."

"Can you believe it?" I said. I bit my lip, thinking about if I should tell her this. "He's brought home his scrubs from the OR."

Angela squealed. "That's great! Role playing! I love it! Does he wear the mask?"

"Yes, it's hot," I said, envisioning those green jewel-like eyes.

"That's the restaurant," she said, pointing. I pulled in to the parking lot. It wasn't that far from the theatre.

"I can't believe I'm hearing this out of you."

"Honey, when you've been to a hospital twice to give birth, you figure out that your body is no longer you own. Especially after you have kids who want to find out how everything works down there," she said. I realized that there were men from the cast with their noses pressed against the restaurant window, staring at the Aston Martin. "We need to get into the restaurant. Lear and Edmund are going to come on themselves if we don't get out of this car."

"Ang!" I cried. "Stopple thy mouth, dame!"

"Jacob says I'm the queen of dirty talk," she replied, shrugging, innocently. I burst out laughing. "That's not the worst thing I've ever said, either."

"You, talking dirty?"

"Yes, I'm pretty bad," she admitted. "I just hope my kids can't hear us," she whispered. We burst out laughing as we got out of the car.

There was already a huge set of tables put together for us on the inside.

"Hi, everyone, this is Bella Swan, one of my very best friends in the whole world. She's visiting from Seattle," Angela announced. "She's also my son's godmother."

"Hi, Bella, great car!" one of the guys from the cast said.

"It's my boyfriend's," I said, taking off my parka. "I don't know that much about it, other than it's rare and expensive."

"He must be rich."

I shrugged. "He doesn't flaunt it."

The four straight men in the cast wanted to go out and drool over the Aston Martin. I didn't understand what the huge deal was over the car, so I let them. They were practically licking it at one point. Angela came to life, they laughed and laughed and laughed about Albany, who was an awful actor. The cast had a wonderful camaraderie. Angela had been having a great time.

"Are you the best friend who lost some kind of bet and had to baby sit her kids?" the girl who played Regan asked me.

"No, I'm the other best friend."

"Angela had some great stories about that," she said, cracking up.

"Holla!" the whole cast chorused.

They forced Angela to tell me that Jasper had a complete freak-out moment when Wendi managed to get some of her baby poop around the front part of her diaper and into her belly button, and he freaked out- running out of Wendi's room, holding her out with straight arms, screaming bloody murder- and almost dragged Alice and Will to the ER because he thought her intestines were leaking out through her belly button. I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. Alice managed to stop him, insisting that Wendi just needed a diaper change really badly and that there was nothing wrong with her, she had just been rolling around too much in her crib and her poop was too loose.

Around midnight, Angela and I had to leave. I had to take Angela back to the theatre to pick up her car so she could drive home. "I had a blast tonight with your friends."

"Maybe you should do some community theatre, Bella," Angela said. "If you don't want to act, work backstage."

"I've got to get a job, soon," I said. I had never acted, just been a stagehand in high school.

"Well, of course," she said. "Good luck with that. Good night." She kissed me on the cheek. "Thanks for the flowers. I'm so glad you came to see me."

"I am, too," I said. "Good night, Ang."

When I got home, everything was quiet. I slipped into my room, where Edward was asleep already. I changed into my pajamas and climbed into bed as carefully as possible to keep from waking him, although I did.

"How was the night out?" he asked groggily.

"A lot of fun," I said, kissing his bare shoulder gently.

"Good," he said. "I'm glad you're having fun. You should go out more with people other than Alice more."

"You want me to?"

"Yes."

"Did you and my Dad have a good drive home?"

"He's a good guy, your Dad," he said. "He loves you so much."

"What did he do?"

"Nothing!" he cried. "We just talked about well you're doing, now. He's so proud of you."

"Just because I'm getting fat?"

"No," he said. "Bella, you're far from fat. Because you've changed. You're not so scared. I told him you've given up Xanax. He's crossing his fingers. I told him not to say anything to you about it. He doesn't want to jinx it."

"I understand."

"Love, I'm really tired, can we go to sleep?"

"Yes," I said. "Sorry to keep you up."

* * *

My sixth week without Xanax was getting harder and harder. Edward had told me time and time again that Xanax was a valuable street drug. It was horrible, but the only people who knew about it were Edward and Charlie. And he was proud of me.

Right after Valentine's Day, Ted and Liz came out to visit for a few days. We were taking them home to Forks to meet Charlie.

Liz immediately hugged me when they came out to the baggage claim. "I didn't recognize you, Bella," she said. I was up to 105 pounds by now. It was difficult to get through, sometimes.

"I'm so happy to see you."

"Have you been working on your knitting?"

"No."

"Well, you've got an excuse," she said. "School and all."

Ted and Edward were greeting each other and discussing something medical. I went to help Liz with her bags. Ted came back with a huge box.

"What's this?"

"Thea Nicky sends some Greek food," Ted said. "Because, apparently, there are no good Greek cooks for you and Edward out here."

We stopped at Edward's to refrigerate Thea Nicky's cooking. I was surprised it all got over here in one piece. She packed so well, nothing broke and spilled.

After that, we got on the road. I tried to knit in the backseat with Liz while Edward and Ted sat up front talking about medical practices and gross things that I tried to tune out. We stopped in Port Angeles, where Charlie, Carlisle and Esme met us at La Bella Italia for dinner.

"Finally, I get to meet the Masens," Charlie said, extending a hand. "Charlie Swan."

"Hi, Ted Masen, this is my wife, Liz," Ted said, shaking his hand.

"Hello," Liz said.

"Carlisle Cullen, this is Esme, my wife," Carlisle introduced himself.

"They're my second parents," I said. "They were there for me while Charlie was working."

"Nice to meet you all," Liz said. "Thank you so much for keeping us."

"Of course," Carlisle said. After the meal, we went home to Forks to the Cullen's house. Alice and Jasper had come home, too. They were finishing up some wedding plans.

"Hi, Bella!" Alice cried from the kitchen. "Hi, Edward, did you guys have a good dinner?"

"Yes, we did," I said.

"Oh hi, Dr. and Mrs. Masen!" Alice cried.

"Oh hello, Alice," Liz said. "Nice to see you, again."

"Hi, Alice," Ted said.

We sat down to have drinks and a nightcap before Charlie, Edward and I left for the night.

"So, Dad," I said, as Edward took a shower upstairs. "What did you think of the Masens?"

"I wasn't sure what kind of people they were when I met Edward," he said. "But… they make me a little nervous. They've got a lot of money, Bells. They gave their son that car- and Liz was wearing the kind of diamond ring I could never give your mother, didn't you notice?"

"I was nervous about that, too," I said. "I almost bailed on the trip before I went to meet them, but they're so nice, I don't even notice Liz's diamonds. She doesn't wear a lot of jewelry, anyways. They don't flaunt their money, really."

"I thought doctors didn't make that kind of money anymore."

"Not these days," I said. "But, Ted has a lot."

I heard the shower turn off upstairs. "I never thought I'd see the day when you'd bring home a boyfriend," he said. "And now, you've brought home his family."

"Dad, don't get nostalgic on me now."

"I know, I know. Look, Billy and I are fishing tomorrow morning at six. Maybe you should think about bringing the Masens to First Beach- they'd like it."

"OK," I said. "I'll bring in up with Edward."

"Once Edward's out of the bathroom, I'm going to bed," he said. "Good night, Bells," he said, kissing me.

"Good night, Dad."

I picked up the living room and washed a few dishes that Charlie had let pile up in the kitchen. I didn't know what he'd do without me. Even though it was late, I called Angela's cell phone and left a message about possibly meeting at First Beach in the morning. I couldn't leave Forks without trying to see Will and Wendi. Wendi was developing her personality, now, and she was very observant and happy. We had called Will "Will the pill" until he was two, and then, he got nice. Normally kids had the terrible twos, but it was the reverse with Will.

Edward came downstairs as I was finishing up the dishes. "Does Charlie go fishing every Sunday morning?"

"Yes," I said. "I think we should take your parents to First Beach. He might be out there."

"That's a weird name."

"I think it was named after someone," I said. "But, Angela will be there."

"Good," he said. "Is she doing any more plays?"

"Yes," I said. "She got the part of Bianca in _Kiss Me Kate_. She's kept her hair really blonde since _King Lear_. Jacob keeps on about his hot blonde wife." I felt him move my hair aside and kiss the spot between my shoulder and neck.

"How is that?"

"I love that," I said. "But, we're in my Dad's house."

He groaned softly. "We should have stayed in Port Angeles in a hotel," he grumbled.

"Charlie would be insulted," I said. "I just need to brush my teeth, and I can come to bed."

"Okay, I'll meet you there."

I got my toothbrush and toothpaste and brushed my teeth in the kitchen sink since Charlie was still in the shower. I went back up to my bedroom, where I found Edward, laying on his side, flipping through my old high school year books.

"Oh, don't look at those!"

"Come on, it's interesting! I didn't know about all the things you did," he said. "Yearbook, newspaper, Spanish Club, Beta Club, Phu Mu Alpha, National Honor Society, Drama Club, Volunteer Society, man, you did everything!"

"It's only because Angela wanted me to," I said. "I wouldn't have half the scholarships I have now if she hadn't dragged me along to all those things."

"Aw, look, you were a homecoming princess!" he cried. "I'd have never expected that!"

"Angela and Alice went around behind my back, getting the entire senior class to vote for me," I said. "I was so mortified when I had to compete. Forks High was a small school."

"That's classic," Edward said. "The three of you were really cute. I saw the triplet picture from homecoming week your freshman year."

"Oh, that," I said. "We used to dress up as triplets once-in-a-while when we were little. It was funny because we'd never pass for triplets."

"Alice had some crazy haircuts as a kid."

Haircuts. Why did he have to say that? "So did I," I said quietly.

"Bella…" Edward said.

"I've been growing my hair out since then," I said, touching my hair. My own hair was down to my butt, now.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," he said. He kissed my hair. I turned to him and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"I know you didn't mean it," I said. He pressed a feather-light kiss to my eye.

"You've got a break coming up, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Why don't we use those tickets to go to somewhere?" he asked. "Get away from all this rain?"

"I'm just worried about Charlie."

"I know."

"But, it's nice to have someone to make plans with," I said, thinking about going away with him.

"Yes, it is," he agreed, pulling back the covers so I could get into bed. "I think about the future."

"What do you think about?" I asked, climbing in. He kissed my chin and then the corner of my jaw.

"I think about marrying you," he said. "And starting a family."

"Edward, I really doubt I can carry children."

"Don't you want children?"

"Yes," I said. "But I seriously doubt I can have them."

"So, we'll adopt."

"No judge is going to award me a child," I said. "And no foreign country is going to look at my mental history and allow me to adopt one their kids."

"So, we'll arrange a private adoption," he said. "Lots of people do it. Or, we'll find a surrogate mother. We'll have the money for just about anything in a few years. Or we'll find a pregnant college student that wants to give up their baby, and pay for an adoption. It'll work out."

"That's nice to think about," I said. "… that there's a good possibility that I'll always have you in my life. And I'll have a family one day. I never thought that would be an option for me."

"Of course," he said, playing with the heart pendant that he gave me that I still had on. I never took it off, even in the shower. "I love you so much, I didn't know it was possible, Isabella… Sorry, I know you hate it when I call you that."

"I don't hate it," I said. "Only you can call me that, though."

"Alright," he said, kissing my forehead. "Only in private, though."

"Yes," I agreed. "Only in private."

"Good."

He held me, and I could smell the Dove body wash and his shampoo. It was so comforting to me. I stroked his coppery hair and smiled. This moment as completely happy.


	25. Chapter 25: My Worst Nightmare

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

I woke up to Edward's arms around me. "Babe," I said, stirring. He groaned. I had to pee and his arms were locked around me. "Babe, I gotta get up."

He picked up his arm and let me up. I climbed out of the bed- he was smiling with his eyes closed- I ran to the bathroom. When I was done, I went downstairs to see if Charlie had left, already. It was only 9:30- he was already gone. I went to get his clothes from the hamper and start a load of laundry.

The coffee was cold. I dumped it out and brewed a fresh pot and began to make some eggs. I knew Edward liked egg whites scrambled with a little bit of sharp cheddar cheese.

I jumped a mile when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Gotcha."

"Edward, you scared me!" I cried, turning around. "How'd you get so quiet! This house creaks and groans with every move I make."

"It just takes simple observation," he said, moving my hair aside to kiss his favorite spot on my shoulder. It wasn't a quick kiss, either. His lips didn't leave my shoulder. His arms and circled around my middle, pressing me to him. He had the morning wood, of course. I moaned softly, the goosebumps running down my shoulders. This was my father's house, though. I couldn't fuck Edward under this roof.

"I need a shower," I muttered.

"Your Dad's not around," he said. I felt his fingers running under the waistband of my pajamas. I leaned into him greedily. He had the morning wood, of course. No wonder he was trying so hard with me this morning. "He's not due back for a while. Isabella, I haven't touched you in a week." His fingers drifted under the hem of my tank top.

"Edward… Oh, that's nice," I sighed. His cold fingers worked their way up to my breasts. I moaned, again. There was no way I was going to be able to turn him down, now. "Let's do it, here."

"Whatever you say," he replied, his breath tickling my ear.

My pajama pants pooled around my feet. "Here on the counter," I said. He helped me up. The eggs were going to be ruined, and I didn't care. I reached over and moved the skillet off the eye.

"No, the shower."

"What?"

"No, not on here, we'd leave too much evidence," he said. His fingers moved the hem of my panties down just an inch.

I wrapped my legs around him and he lifted me off the counter, holding my butt.

"You just had one last night," I said as he carried me up the stairs.

"My hair dries fast," he said, setting me down on the tile. "Get in," he said, taking off my top. He tugged off my panties. "You look amazing," he sighed. "I'll be back in a moment," he said, kissing my cheek.

He went back to my room. I turned on the water and climbed in.

I sighed. I had second thoughts. Especially in my father's house.

I was in the shower for a lot longer than I expected. I tugged the curtain aside- Edward had left the door open. I didn't have any of my things- my shampoo, conditioner, my body wash. I heard some voices over the spray of the shower. Oh God, Charlie was home! I raked my mind- I had left eggs out on the stove, Edward was going to go get my shower things, which I did not have right now, Edward had taken the rest of my pajamas and panties, and… oh lord, I had left my pajama pants on the kitchen floor in the act_._ And, the shower door was open. It wasn't going to take an idiot to connect the dots, and Charlie was a police officer, he used to solve mysteries for a living. For the most part, he loved Edward, but deflowering his only daughter, I figured he wasn't going to take that well.

Slipping out of the shower, I reached out to shut the door, but Charlie appeared.

For the second time this morning, I jumped a mile and screamed, as did Charlie. I was soaking wet and naked. In a flash, he turned around. "Bells, I'm so sorry," he said. "I didn't see anything, I swear!"

"No, really, it's okay," I said, climbing back into the shower, my whole body flushing a tomato red. I thought I was going to pass out. He hadn't seen me naked since I was eleven and in the hospital, in a semi-catatonic state, while the medical examiners were taking photographs of me for evidence. I didn't really remember it at all, luckily. I'd just pretend all the obvious evidence hadn't been all over the house. I heard the door shut. "Dad?" I called. He was gone.

"Bella?" the door opened few minutes later, while I used Edward's shampoo and body wash. It was Edward. "I brought your things."

"What just happened?"

"Charlie came home a little earlier than I expected," Edward said. "Sorry."

His hands appeared by the shower curtain, with my conditioner. "Did he say anything?"

"Nothing yet," he said. "I'm holding my breath."

"I'm gonna die."

"Don't, I've already left your clothes for you."

"Gee, thanks."

When I got out of the shower, dressed, and my hair dried, I went downstairs, and Edward was drinking a beer, while Charlie watched a basketball game. Edward threw me a look. He didn't normally drink this early.

"Hey, Bells, sorry about that," Charlie said.

"Dad, I'm sorry, I just leave the door to the bathroom open sometimes at my apartment and-"

"You don't have to explain," Charlie said. "The fish just weren't biting this morning. And I didn't see anything! Really!"

"Mom and Dad are ready to go to First Beach," Edward said. "Angela called your cell while you were in the shower, and she wants to meet us with Will and Wendi and Jacob."

"Okay," I said. "Bye, Dad."

"Have a good time, Bells."

Edward and I got in the car.

"Was it awkward in there or was it just me?"

"He seemed really normal."

"You got my pajamas out of the kitchen, didn't you?"

"Yes, of course," he said, as we pulled into the Cullen's driveway. I walked right in.

"Hi, Carlisle, Esme!" I called, entering. "Are Ted and Liz ready to go?"

"Yes, we're ready," Liz said. She was standing in the kitchen in cropped khakis and a white sweater and navy blue straw hat. Edward grew up around water and boats, she obviously knew her way around the water.

"So, is this like a regular beach or what?" Ted asked.

"There's more rocks and driftwood than a regular beach."

"I can do that," Ted said, hugging me.

"Good morning, Bella," Carlisle said, coming down the stairs. "Edward."

"Hello, Carlisle."

"Good morning, Bella," Esme said, coming up from the basement. "I'm going to go up to Seattle for a few days to help Alice with some wedding stuff. Is it alright if I stay with the two of you?"

"Of course," I said.

"Good. I'll see you there," she said, kissing my cheek.

We took Ted and Liz to La Push. Angela and Jacob were there with their kids on the beach.

"Aunt B!" Will ran to me. "Aunt B!"

I picked him up. "Hi, Will!" I cried, kissing him. "Liz, Ted, this is my godson, Will Black. He's my godson. Will, this is Miss Liz and Dr. Ted. Say hi." Will got shy and tucked his head into my neck. "He's a little shy at first," I said.

"He doesn't get it from me," Jacob said. He was carrying Wendi in chest-front carrier. She gave me a gummy grin.

"This is Jacob Black, Will's father. He was like a brother to me growing up, and now, he's married to my other best friend, Angela Black."

"Hi," Angela said, extending her hand.

"Angela's going to be the other bridesmaid in Jasper and Alice's wedding."

Liz zeroed in on Wendi. "Who is this!?" she cried.

Wendi studied her as Liz tweaked her little feet. "This is Wendi," Jake said. "My daughter."

"She's so cute!" Liz crooned.

"Dropping hints, Mom?" Edward kidded.

"You better marry Bella first, son," Liz replied darkly. Everyone laughed.

"So, tell me more about this reservation," Ted said. "We don't have them back east."

Jacob went on about his people and the land. I trailed behind and took some pictures. Will began to warm up to Ted and Liz, he even held Liz's hand while they walked. I took some pictures.

I got some beautiful pictures of my friends and family.

Jacob built a bonfire out of the driftwood, blazing pretty colors in the flames. Wendi fell asleep on her father's chest, while Will got a little cranky around naptime. I showed them the tidepools with the fish and turtles, too. At the end of the day, we had some beautiful memories of the beach.

Back at my house, we spent the evening by the fireplace, having a beer and a glass of wine with Charlie, listening to Ted and Liz tell stories about all the trouble Edward and Emmett got in trouble in as kids. He blushed the whole time. Edward and I made dinner.

Edward took his parents back to the Cullen's house while I cleaned up the kitchen.

"Need some help, Bells?" Charlie asked, entering the kitchen.

"That's okay."

"No, really, let me help," he said, taking a plate and a dishcloth, drying it. Charlie was always a man of few words. We worked in silence for a few minutes. "You know, Bells, it's okay if you need to pay attention to your own life and not come back for me so much."

"Dad, really, I like taking care of you."

"I always knew this day would come when you were born," he said. "Every father dreads this. When you stop being the most important man in your little girl's life."

"Dad-"

"No, really, Bella. I wasn't sure, but, I am, now. Meeting Edward's parents, it's pretty clear that he wants to progress in his relationship with you," he said. "We even talked about him proposing to you. I gave him the okay."

"You did?"

He looked away from me, out the windo and nodded. "Yeah. It was the hardest 'yes' I've ever said in my whole life."

I felt hot tears gather in my eyes. "Daddy-"

"But, it took me a while," he admitted. "He had to promise a lot of things. Like a fair prenup. I just wanted to know that he'd always take care of you before I gave him the okay."

"Even if he does marry me, you're not going to be any less important to me."

"Bella, when your mother left with you, I fell apart personally," he said. "I went about my life, did my job, paid my bills. I secretly hoped that she'd come back, as would you, but that all ended when she died. I didn't want to push you back into my life, but you chose to live with Victoria and Jim. When I got that call that I had to come to Phoenix to get you, I was horrified. When you finally came out of shock, I picked you up and held you, and you cried. And you just cried and cried. And a part of me was secretly happy because you needed me. Maybe I fed into your insecurities for a while, but in my heart of hearts, I know it wasn't right. When you became more physically independent, I let you take care of me because I was being selfish. It was hard to let you go, and I haven't been too good about it. You haven't been too good about it, either. Yeah, I do resent Edward a lot, but not because he's a bad guy or because he can't give you a good life. But, the thing is, Bella, I'm supposed to outlive you. What happens then? You need to have somebody to live on with. It's hard for me to admit that I'm not superman."

"Are you sick?" I asked through my tears.

"No, honey, I'm not," he said, taking my shoulders. "But, one day, I might be. I don't want to stand in the way. Sometimes, I feel like I do."

"I love you too much to ever leave you alone."

"Maybe I need to start dating," Charlie said. "Reverend Weber has a Middle-Aged singles group I'm going to start going to."

"You're actually going to start dating?"

"Well, hopefully."

"Oh no," I said, wiping my tears. "Dad, this isn't in response to what was going on this morning, is it?"

"Bella, you don't really expect me to believe you're not sleeping with him, do you?" he asked, picking up another plate. I blushed, and bent down into the sink.

"I thought all fathers wanted their daughters to stay virgins until they got married."

"We're not particularly religious, Bella," Charlie said. "You're an adult, a single woman in a big city. As long as you're monogamous, responsible, and not recording yourselves on video, I don't care. He's not mistreating you, he's not cheating on you, as far as I know. I'm letting you sleep in the same bed as him in my house, aren't I?"

"I thought you only did that because you didn't want to wake him up on the way out the door when you're fishing on the weekends."

"Well, that's part of it," he said, chuckling. "Just please, out of respect, don't have sex in my house."

"I won't," I said, my face still burning.

* * *

I spent the week with Esme, Alice, and the Masens in Seattle between my classes. Alice, Esme, Liz, and I picked out my bridesmaid dress for her wedding. She chose a dark purple for her wedding colors.

"She really does look good in the basic colors," I heard Liz say to Esme while Alice and the salesgirl were helping me out of the dress. "With the red in her hair."

"Have you seen her in royal blue?" Esme asked.

"She wore it on Thanksgiving. Amazing color on her," Liz said. "Does she look good in white?"

"Did you hear that?" Alice asked, grinning.

"Shh," I replied. I had immediately told her and Angela about Edward asking Charlie's permission to propose to me and they were excited. I told them they could both be my maids of honor, I couldn't possibly chose between the two of them.

Alice tried on her dress; it was a strapless trumpet-shaped Monique Lhulliuer with a purple sash. It looked amazing on her as they pinned up the hem for alterations. She was a little disappointed that she couldn't wear a big giant ballgown she was so tiny, but she looked elegant in this selection. "I always wish I had a daughter to do things like this with," Liz whispered, seeing Alice, thinking I couldn't hear her.

"Cross your fingers," Esme whispered.

Alice's eyes caught mine in the mirror. I smiled back. We had been conspiring that Edward might propose to me in the next year. We already talked about a future together, which I had told Alice about.

I had a list thing I had to buckle down and do for Alice's wedding. I had to plan the bridal shower, the bridesmaid's luncheon, and a toast at the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. Liz actually gave me a book called _The Maid of Honor's Handbook_.

I wasn't quite sure my friendship with Liz was normal. Alice despised her mother-in-law-to-be, but Liz and I were getting along. I worried that Liz would turn into somebody I hated someday.

Back at Alice's and my apartment, we got the mail and went out for lunch.

At the restaurant, Alice freaked out. "Bella, look at this," she said, handing me a letter she had just opened.

"What is it?" I asked. I read the paper- our building had been under new owners since Christmas. Alice and I hadn't thought anything of it, but we had been out of contract for over a year. We had been living in that apartment for four years, now. And now, they wanted us to sign another contract for our place- one year was the only option they were giving us. If we didn't sign another contract, we'd have to move out by the end of March or they'd triple our rent. "Unbelievable," I said.

"What is it?" Esme asked.

Alice and I explained what was going on, by the terms of this letter.

"Just talk to your land lords," Liz said. "See if they'll make an exception in your case, since, Alice, you're getting married and moving out in June."

"We'll have to," Alice said.

"I've never seen such strict landlords," Esme said.

After lunch, we made an appointment to see our new landlords to explain our situation. I couldn't afford our apartment by myself.

Our new landlords wouldn't relent. "We have to be homeless between now and my wedding!" Alice whined.

"Why don't you move out to Jasper's right now," I said. "And I'll find my own place."

"You really want to put yourself through that?"

"Of course, you'll help me move."

"You better!"

* * *

After searching for an affordable single bedroom apartment (I even resorted to studio apartments), Edward asked me to move in.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"You practically live with me when I'm not working," he said. "You haven't replaced your car, you drive mine. Let's get it done before March. You're going to have the last part of your semester to work through in April and May and then Alice's wedding to deal with in May and June. And then, all through this, you're going to have to get a job."

"Good point," I said. I had to call Charlie on his cell to let him know that I finally found a place to live. I knew he was home, but his phone kept on going to voicemail. This was big news and it irritated me that he wasn't available, so I kept on calling him. "Dad?" I asked when he answered the phone.

"Bells, I'm kind of busy right now," he said, almost whispering.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm kind of on a date."

"What?!"

"I can't talk now. I'll call you in the morning," he said. "'Bye."

"Edward!" I yelled. "My father's on a date!"

"That's great!"

"No, it's not!" I pouted. "I want to know who he's out with! He said I can call him in the morning, but not right now. Do you think he's having her over tonight?"

"So what if he is?"

"I'm just going to die!" I cried. "I just can't imagine Charlie having sex! He's too old!"

"I don't think he's going to have sex like we do, Bella," Edward said. "He's probably got a bad back, he's not that flexible."

"Ew," I said. "You've never had to deal with a parent dating."

"I haven't, but Bella, neither have you," he said. "Besides, it doesn't mean he's sleeping with her on the first date. Maybe he's being old fashioned. I hope."

"We had an entire discussion about how we're not a particularly religious family and he doesn't quite expect me to be celibate," I said. "He probably was dropping hints to prepare me."

"Do you think he thinks about us committing the actual act!" Edward said. "No, probably not! He probably doesn't want to! Don't you think about it!"

The stubborn part of me didn't want to admit that Edward was right.

I couldn't think about anything but my father being out on a date. My father wasn't a romantic person- he rarely did gentlemanly things like Edward did, unless I elbowed him and hissed directions. He didn't kiss women, he didn't open doors, he didn't have a woman looking at him in a romantic way. He was my Dad. A normal, sports-watching, fly-fishing old man who didn't have much to say, unless it was very important. He had a little bit of a gut when I wasn't cooking for him and grey in his hair. Did women think he was... _distinguished_? I couldn't sleep that night.

Around five-thirty in the morning, I climbed out of bed to tug on a pair of boxer shorts and called Charlie from the kitchen on my cell. He had been asleep.

"Okay, Bella," Charlie said groggily. "Why are you calling me this early in the morning?"

"Because you went out on a date last night and didn't tell me!" I pouted. "Who is she? Is she nice? Does she have a job? I want to make sure she isn't after you for your retirement pension!"

"Oh Bella," Charlie said, chuckling.

"Why are you laughing?!"

"Because you sound just like I did when you first started dating Edward."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do," he said. "Now you know what it's like."

"So, who is she?" I asked. "How long have you been seeing her? How many times have you been out with her?"

"Her name is Courtney," he said. "She teaches English at Forks High."

"I don't remember an English teacher named Courtney at Forks High."

"She just started teaching there a few years ago."

"How old is she?" I asked, feeling suspicious.

"I don't know, maybe her late 30s, she's divorced," he said. "It's impolite to ask a lady her age."

"Did you meet her at Reverend Weber's singles group?"

"Yes," Charlie replied.

"What did you do last night?"

"We went to La Bella Italia."

"Don't you go anywhere else?" I complained. "When do I get to meet her?"

"When she's ready to introduce me to her kids."

"She's got kids!?" I cried. I sounded like a whiney child. "What ages!?"

"Twelve and fifteen," Charlie replied. "Boys."

"Dad, you can't be a stepdad!" I cried. "That means you'll have to support them! And you're retired!"

"Bella, we've only gone out on two dates," he said. "It's not marriage. Besides, her ex-husband is still an active force in their lives."

"There's an ex?"

"Bella, come on," he said. "Why were you calling me last night, anyways?"

"Because Edward asked me to move in with him."

Charlie paused. "I'm officially awake, now. Bella, I need to tell you something- why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

"Dad!"

"He needs something to chase after. Is Edward up, yet?"

"No."

"Wake him up."

"Dad, I'm not going to do that!"

"Yes, you are," he said. "Go, wake him up, we need to have a discussion."

"No."

"I have his cell phone number," Charlie said darkly.

"Bella, what's going on?" Edward asked sleepily, walking into the kitchen.

"Ah, I heard him right now," Charlie said. "Give him the phone. You have no excuse."

I begrudgingly gave Edward the phone. "It's my Dad."

The one thing about cell phones is that you can hear them from a few feet away. "Edward, make sure that Bella can't hear what I'm telling you," Charlie said.

"Sure thing," Edward replied, retreating to the bedroom. I sat in the kitchen, pouting, until Edward reemerged with the phone. "Okay, Charlie and I had a discussion," he said. "He's agreed to let you move in with me for a period of time."

"There's a limit?"

"Yes," he said. "He knows that you've got a lot going on between now and June. You have until August to find a new place to live. We discussed a few other things. He just wants you to get through the next few months, get a job, and then move out. Unless he goes through with a proposal that you're not supposed to know about. Okay?"

"I can handle that."

"I love you Bella. Don't do anything stupid."

_Too late for that,_ I thought. "I love you too, Dad."

"'Bye."


	26. Chapter 26: Surprises

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**BPOV**

Rosalie had warmed up to me, some. I understood her protective feelings over Edward- it was odd- almost brotherly, like how Jacob and I felt towards each other, but had never had sex. Nobody was good enough for me in Jacob's eyes. He still didn't like Edward, really. I suppose the same was true for Rosalie and me, but she was a little more defensive towards Edward with me, whereas, Jacob sized Edward up, and then basically told him he'd break his surgeon hands if he ever cheated on me.

We went to see Rosalie and Emmett and their new baby, Sarah, at the hospital. Rosalie had come through like a trooper, no epidural, no cesarean, she gave natural birth to an eight pound, six ounce baby without drugs, just Lamaze. Rosalie was some tough shit, I decided.

I put a pillow under a long, high-waisted tunic top and walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, how do I look pregnant?" I asked.

Edward looked up from the groceries he was putting away. "Beautiful. I'd love to see you pregnant with a fat stomach. Do you want to practice?"

I shrugged. I opened the refrigerator and picked up a banana. I ate it in the living room, taking the pillow out, but I was still hungry for some reason. I went back to the kitchen and got a sliced pickle and joined Edward in the living room.

"You just ate a banana," he said.

"I know."

"That's just weird. Doesn't it taste wrong?"

I almost shrugged. "No, not quite." I stood up, wanting another one when I caught my reflection in the mirror over the bar. I stood in stillness, gazing at myself.

My stomach wasn't nearly as concave as it usually was. I hadn't noticed it because I had bought bigger jeans to _grow into_. My pants hadn't been tight as of late. "My stomach is fat." I noted.

"You really think your stomach is getting fat?" he asked. "I'm not seeing it."

"Yeah, nothing else is," I said. "Am I gaining weight?"

"Probably. I'll check," he said. "Get on the scale." I got on the bathroom scale backwards so I couldn't see the number. Edward looked for me "You've gained two pounds. Isabella, let me see your birth control compact." I went to the drawer and found the compact. "You haven't missed any days, have you?"

"No, none."

"You're supposed to be getting your period this week," he said. "You're not, are you?"

"No," I said, feeling sick. We both knew what this meant.

"Just sit tight," he said. "I'll be back in five minutes."

It wasn't five minutes, but he came back with two different brands of pregnancy tests. I took both of them and we left them in the bathroom. Those three minutes were the longest in my whole life.

"What if I am pregnant?" I asked. "Talk to me, it'll calm me down."

"This is happening to me, too."

"I know."

"Bella," he said. "I've been chickening out for a while, but… we've talked about getting married… I bought the ring last month. I know this isn't the most romantic proposal, but I'm not going to let you go through this alone."

"We've got two minutes before we know for certain Edward, don't propose to me because you think I'm pregnant-"

"I'll marry you regardless of what the test says," he said. "Look, I asked Charlie for his permission to propose to you."

"Yeah?"

"Really," he said. "You don't see surprised."

"Well... Charlie told me about it already."

"Okay. Let me go get the ring."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, he got up and got the ring from the extra bedroom. "Okay," he said, opening up the ringbox, showing me the ring. It was so beautiful- a princess cut ring with sapphire sidestones. I grinned.

"It's beautiful."

"I'd have proposed, regardless of what he said. Do you want to do this traditionally?"

"Yes," I said. I had once told him I only took my proposals on one knee. He kneeled in front of me. I knew that the pregnancy tests were ready, but I was going to ignore them for now. They could wait for Edward to propose to me.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you make me happier than any man alive," he said. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes," I said. Although it wasn't a hugely romantic proposal, I had tears gathering in my eyes.

He took the ring and slipped it onto my left ring finger. I admired it's beauty. "You picked a good one," I said.

"See? I knew it. We didn't even have to ring shop together." He helped me stand, and we kissed. "Let's check those tests."

In the bathroom, we looked at the pregnancy tests. I picked up the first one. "Positive." I held onto his hand and set it down. I picked out the second one. "Pregnant."

"Let's keep this a secret," Edward said. "Just until we've told everybody we're engaged."

"Okay," I said. "I'm fine with that."

He took my face in his hands. "Don't be afraid. This is a good thing. You were told you'd never get pregnant." There were tears in his eyes. He kissed me.

"You're right," I said. "You're right."

"Let's go see my parents for Easter to tell them about the engagement," he said.

"I'm fine with having the baby before we get married," I said. "If you are. I think. Charlie is going to have a fit."

"Don't remind me."

"What do you want to name the baby?" I asked, suddenly excited, the fears floating away.

"Isabella."

"Be serious."

"I am serious."

* * *

I called Charlie the next morning to tell him the news. He laughed, telling me that it was about time Edward got on it and proposed. "Is something going on?" Charlie asked. "You sound a little nervous."

"No, no, I'm just excited," I said. "I never thought I'd ever get married."

"I'm happy for you, Bells," he said. "You know, the morning you called me about having a date, and you told me you were moving in with Edward, I said to him, 'You asked for permission to propose to my daughter, but you haven't done it, yet. You're moving in with her, now, and there's no ring on her finger. Get on it, son.'"

"Dad, did you really say that?"

"Yes, I did."

I laughed. "We're going to Chicago to tell his parents," I said. "This weekend. Sorry I'm not going to be there."

"Easter's always a bust, anyways. So, it's the best time for fishing."

"Are you going to see anybody?"

"You mean like Courtney? No," he said, chuckling. "We've decided to be friends, that's all."

"Oh," I said, trying to mask my enthusiasm.

"I'll make plans for Easter, Bella, don't worry," he said. "I love you. Have a good time in Chicago."

"I will."

I spread the news to Esme and Carlisle, and then to Alice and Jasper. They were- as expected- happy for us.

Over the three days Edward worked and I finished classes. I made doctors appointments to be referred to a specialist high-risk pregnancy OBGYN specialist after I got back from Chicago. I packed our clothes for the trip that night, and Edward and I were a bit sleepless.

In the shower in the morning, Edward helped me in and washed my hair for me. "Are you going to do this for me the whole time I'm pregnant?"

"Yes," he said. "Every time I'm home."

"You're going to shower with me even when I'm huge and fat and nine months along?"

"You'll be one of those basketball girls," he said. "You'll look like a teenager with a basketball up your dress. You won't be fat." He squeezed out some conditioner for me. "How's this? Am I pulling your hair?"

"No, it's fine," I said. He squeezed out some body wash into his hands and began to wash me. He started with my stomach. His palms continued to stroke my stomach for a lot longer than normal. I smiled, and held his hands there. It was him, me, and our baby. I wasn't scared, suddenly. Nothing could hurt us here. I just wanted to stay here with Edward. But, we had to interact with people and go to school and work.

"Your stomach is all hot," he said. "I guess it's normal, though."

"This is nice," I said, holding his wrists, lightly, right where they were.

* * *

Chicago was slightly colder, but much windier. Liz and Ted picked us up.

"So, you finally proposed?" Liz asked, right off the bat. Mothers notice everything.

"Yeah," Edward admitted.

"I saw that ring from a mile away," Liz said. "Oh, Bella, I'm so happy!" She hugged me. "Have you made any plans, yet?"

"Let's go to lunch," Ted said. "We can talk on the way."

"I could eat," Edward said.

"Me too," I said. Well, I needed to eat for the baby. I was determined to have a healthy pregnancy- lots of exercise, to eat right and to get lots of freshair. This baby would be raised on organic food, I'd breastfeed, show it healthy eating and exercise habits and would be taught to love her body if she was a girl and if he was boy, he'd learn by example from his father to never mistreat girls and always be a gentleman. I had already bought a Yoga Pregnancy video to work out with and _What to Expect When You're Expecting_ was my new bible. I already loved my baby and was ready to make a complete recovery. My baby was more important than being thin. I was going to win over the eating disorder simply so I could be the best mother in the world. Nothing was more important than my baby.

We stopped at Uno's Pizza- I hadn't had pizza in months. "My mouth is watering," Edward said. "Real Chicago Pizza."

"We have Chicago Pizza in Seattle."

"That's not real Chicago pizza," he scoffed. "Just a bland imitation."

"What kind do you like?" Liz asked. "These boys love the supreme."

"You haven't had a real Chicago Gyro, yet!" Edward cried.

"Tomorrow," I stated.

"Edward, don't push her to eat," Liz chastized.

I hardly got half a slice down it was so huge. I told Liz that Edward and I hadn't even set a wedding date, yet, which was true. All Edward and I had decided was that it was going to be quick and extremely small. We didn't tell his parents this.

After lunch, we went home to Lake Forrest. I was surprised to be able to see the lake from the street. "I didn't know you could see the lake from here!"

"Yeah, I told you we were close to the beach," Edward said.

In the house, I had to go to the bathroom and when I got out, Edward and Ted had gotten our bags into Edward's room. Edward took me down to the beach for a walk. When we got back, Liz and Ted were sitting in the kitchen, making a salad. "So, you two have been stringing us along for a few hours, now," Liz said. "You're pregnant, aren't you, Bella?"

I was stunned. My cheeks flamed. I looked at Edward. Edward was stunned, too. "I swear, I didn't tell anyone."

"He doesn't have to tell me anything," she said. "I know my son. And Nicky told me I was going to be a grandmother, soon- _very soon _were her words exactly."

"These kinds of things happen," Ted said. "Good thing you're engaged. Have you told Charlie, yet?"

"No," I said. "But, he knows we're engaged."

"So, what's the plan?" Ted asked.

"We're going to get married after Alice and Jasper's wedding," Edward said, taking my hand. "We don't want to steal their thunder."

"Understandable," Ted said.

"How far along are you?" Liz asked.

"I don't know, less than a month," I said. "I'm going to a high-risk pregnancy gynecologist."

"Alright," Liz said softly.

"Very good," Ted agreed.

"I'm doing Pregnancy Yoga and I'm trying to do only low-impact cardio and only light weightlifting."

"She's gaining weight," Edward said. "She's gained three pounds since we found out. I have a good feeling about this pregnancy- and I think we're doing everything right."

"I'm going to breastfeed," I said. "And we're going to feed the baby organic baby food- I'm even looking into how to make it, but so much has happened in the last two weeks."

"Sounds like you two have grand plans," Ted said, sounding almost sour.

"It's not that we're not happy for you," Liz said. "I just... this isn't the order I wanted you to do this in! I wanted you to get married and better since you started trying to get pregnant-"

"This was an accident- the best accident ever!" Edward interrupted. "They convinced Bella she couldn't have children-"

"So you didn't use birth control?" Ted shouted.

"Goddamnit, Dad!" Edward shouted back. Ted seemed to have hit his button and set him off. "I'm a doctor for Christ's sake- do you think I'd be that irresponsible-"

His tone scared me. "Edward, stop!" I cried. I couldn't breathe suddenly. "Please, everyone, stop yelling."

"I'm sorry, Bella," Ted said. He wasn't apologizing to Edward, I noticed. Liz got up and sat down beside me, stroking my head with her cool hand.

"It's alright, Bella," she said softly.

"We _did_ use birth control," I said. "I was on Yaz and when I had to go on antibiotics, we were really careful. I swear. I'm just happy I'm pregnant, really. We've talked about private adoption because I thought I couldn't have a baby. But, I am scared. Like any new mother, this is so scary for me."

"I'm scared to death, too," Edward said.

Ted sighed. His expression hadn't changed. "Bella, do you really think you're emotionally ready for a baby?"

I felt tears spring to my eyes. "Ted, shut up," Liz said. "Nothing in the world can ever prepare anybody for a baby except actually having one. We're just worried about your mental state, dear-" It was like being slapped in the face with cold water.

"Mom, don't talk to her like that," Edward snapped.

"I love Bella I never got to have," Liz said. "I want what's best for the both of you and yes, I do want you to get married. But, I look at Bella's illness and my own personal experiences with post-pardum depression and my own problems with carrying a child, all sorts horrible scenarios go through my mind-"

"What could she possibly do to our baby that's so awful?"

"Edward, when you were six weeks old and got jaundiced and wouldn't stop crying, the thought of ramming you into the corner of the coffee table crossed my mind," she said. "I took your nap times to cry. And while I was pregnant with you, I thought I was a tough enough to be able to handle post-pardum, but apparently not."

"You're the one that's always telling your friends no two pregnancies are alike," Edward said.

"Don't you think worst-case scenarios are running through my head?" Liz asked.

"Do we have to fight about this?" I asked, feeling the nerve.

"Yes, we do!" Ted cried. "We need to fight this out!"

"What do you want us to do?" Edward snapped. "Abort this miracle baby? This could be Bella's only chance! You're getting her upset, too, this isn't good for her! Just yell at me with her out of the room, alright? She doesn't need this!"

"No, Edward," I said. "We're in this together. It takes two to make a baby. Anything your parents have to say to you about our child needs to be said in front of me, too."

* * *

I never thought I'd hear so much arguing and screaming, but in the end, Liz and I were both crying and she said to me that she loved both of us- a lot- and would come out to Seattle if I needed help with the baby at all. For the first time, I thought she was being overbearing and obnoxious.

Edward took me out to dinner away from his parents since they were still mad at him- us. When we got home, I took a hot shower and got into bed with Edward.

"You know I love you," he said. "This is my parent's pattern. They scream at me until they feel better when I've screwed up."

"We didn't screw up," I muttered. "If we got pregnant, we did something right."

"They were screaming at me more than you."

"I know. It's going to be Ragnarok when Charlie finds out."

Edward tried not to laugh, but he chuckled. "Yeah, it will be."

There was a knock on the door. "Hi, kids," Liz said, sticking her head in.

"Hi," we replied.

"Edward, can I talk to Bella alone?" she asked.

Edward hesitated, but got up. "Alright, Mom," he said.

He left me alone with the woman who was convinced I couldn't have a baby and be a mom.

"Bella, I know things got pretty heated in there," she said. "I'm sorry. When you went out for dinner, I realized that I probably made you feel like I had no faith in you to be a good mother. I do, though. I just keep on thinking about the worst case scenarios. And how desparate I felt when I went through post-pardum and how you might feel all the time."

"I'm doing really well, Liz, I swear."

She tucked some of my stray hairs back behind my ear. "I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Or Edward or the baby. I do love you, Bella. I know it didn't seem like it tonight. But we knew he had the ring since February," Liz said. "And I was so excited when he told me that Charlie gave him permission to marry you."

"I'm doing really well, I promise," I said. "I just have to keep up with my therapist, get a job after graduation, and keep up communication with everyone."

"And you'll tell me if you're having a hard time, won't you?"

"I will."

"This is my grandbaby. You know we're scared, too. But once I got past the fear that something would go wrong, I realized how much we loved the two of you, and how much we love this baby, too." If she said anything to make me cry it was that. "And I don't want to be one of _those_ mother-in-laws. Like Alice's."

I wiped my eyes. "I'm sorry. I felt so betrayed when you said you were afraid I'd hurt my baby."

"I know," she said, crying. "I'm so sorry I said that."

"It was on your mind."

"Yes," she agreed. "Don't ever feel like you're a bad mother because you have those kinds of thoughts, though. There's a reason for it and you're not a bad person. And know that I'll understand it and I'll be on the first plane to Sea-Tac if you need me."

I started bawling. Just that she was willing to be so motherly towards me. "I love you, Liz," I said.

She wiped her eyes. "I love you, too, Bella."

She hugged me, holding me for a few minutes while we both cried. For a moment, I was reminded of what it felt like when my own mother held me. And I knew Renee would be alright with my choice.

* * *

My bridesmaid dress for Alice's wedding was getting slightly tighter in the middle, but I didn't tell Alice, although she seemed to know something was different. Charlie was a bit distracted- he was, apparently, the ladies' man. He had dates three nights a week, but was able to make time to come up for my graduation.

"You've got a wedding to plan, Bells," he reminded me as he took a picture of me in my graduate hat and gown at the stadium.

"I know, I know."

Alice and Jasper's wedding went beautifully. "So, when were you going to tell me?" she asked as I helped her into her exit dress- the one she'd go to her honeymoon in.

"You knew it?"

"Yeah," she said. "How could I not?" We both cried a little and hugged. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," I said. "We didn't want to steal your moment."

"Oh please," Alice said. "You're pregnant if you're pregnant. It wouldn't take away from me at all." I felt my eyes tearing up again. "I better be godmother."

"Shut up, you know I owe my firstborn to Angela."

"I know. But Bella, tell me you're being careful with the baby. And you're going to get better."

"I am. I'm seeing a high-risk pregnancy gynecologist specialist, I'm doing pregnancy yoga, and- and I'm eating. A lot. If I have to gain weight for this baby, I will."

Alice suddenly sniffled. "Bella, I'm so proud of you. Who knew it would take getting knocked up to make you get better?"

We both laughed. She got me crying, too. "I love this baby more than anything I've ever loved. And I know I'm going to be okay, now."

"I love you," she said. "And I'm going to love this baby. So much."

She hugged me and we cried together. "Does Charlie know?"

"No, not yet. Please don't say anything. Edward and I were joking that it would be Ragnarok when he found out."

"Ragnarok?" she laughed. "I won't."

We went out to the reception hall and Alice danced a few more songs with Jasper. Edward was sneaking a glass of champagne when I found him. He tried to pretend the flute was someone else's at the table.

"Okay to drink in front of me," I said.

"I just wanted one drink," he sighed.

"You're not having a baby." He held out his arms and I slipped into his lap. He kissed me on the cheek. "Alice asked me if I'm pregnant."

"What'd you tell her?"

"The truth. We cried and she's excited for us."

"Good," he said. "Because Jasper's pervy uncle who has a thing for pregnant women is watching you."

"He is not-"

I was interrupted by the screech of a microphone too close to a speaker. Alice was standing on the stage with Jasper, holding his hand, and holding the microphone right as the music was pulled by the DJ. "Hey everybody, I'm sorry to interrupt the music, but I just realized that we haven't thanked our maid of honor and her fiance, who have been so wonderful through all this and been such a great help. They're getting married, soon, and..." Alice burst into tears again and Jasper pulled her closer by her shoulders. "I can't think of any two people who deserve to be happy more than them."

I started crying, too.

We wished Alice and Jasper off with bubbles and birdseed. Alice hugged me before getting into her car. "I'll call you, okay?" she whispered into my ear. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I said back. "Get pregnant on your honeymoon- we can raise our babies together."

"Sure, sure," she said, laughing. She hugged Angela and they cried together for a moment and then we all three hugged and cried. She climbed into the limo and waved good-bye to us. "Bye!"

I began to sob seeing Alice riding off to her life with Jasper. This was it- I was the last pregnant one.

"You're not pregnant, are you?" Angela asked.

"What?!" I cried. "How'd you know?"

"I heard you and Alice crying. It's alright. Have a boy, Will needs a little brother to boss around," Angela said.

"Don't tell Jake."

"Why not?"

"Because I want my baby to have a Daddy growing up."

She laughed. "Oh, Bella, he knocked me up in college. If he came after Edward, I'd pour sugar in the tank of the car he's trying to restore and lock him out of the house."

We went back to the reception hall to pick up our purses and a few centerpieces and I saw Charlie waiting at my table, his hands in his pocket, nervously jiggling the change. "Hi, Dad," I said.

"Can I ask my little girl for a dance?" he asked.

The pregnancy hormones made me cry- again. "Of course."

Among the departing wedding patrons, I took my Daddy's hand and stepped on his feet as we tried to dance along to the last song of the night.

"This is the last time I'm going to get to dance with you before your own wedding," he said. "Please don't go to Vegas, Bells. I really want to give you away."

"Alright," I said. "I won't. We'll have something small and intimate."

"Can we have the reception in my backyard?"

"A backyard barbeque with white crepe paper decorations would be fine with me."

"I'm glad you're so easy to please. Thank God you're mine. For now."

"I'll always be yours, Dad."

* * *

As we got home that night, I took the orchid and lily centerpiece from Edward and set it down on the kitchen table. It was over three feet tall. Alice had really expensive tastes and Carlisle and Esme were too happy to accommodate her at her wedding. The idea of a backyard wedding ceremony at Charlie's house was growing on me.

"I don't know what we're going to need that centerpiece for," Edward said.

"This is a memory!" I cried. "Let me enjoy it for a while! I wasn't even able to drink at the wedding!" I made slow dive for him. "Let's make another one?"

"And you used to complain about me being the corny one."

I kissed his chin- and then, undid his tie and the top button of his tux. "Bella," he groaned. My hand slipped down his pants. I pressed the flat of my palm against his groin. I caused another growl out of him. "How fast can we get out of these clothes?"

"Pretty fast."

His pager went off. "Damnit," he said, limping over to get it.

I put my hand down on the table under me- I felt the mail under my hand. I started to sort through it while Edward called work to check up on a patient to see if he'd have to go in.

There was a letter for me from Arizona State Penitentiary in Flagstaff. I ripped it open with shaking fingers, my heart racing.

Victoria was up for a parole hearing.

"Edward!" I cried. "Edward!" I interrupted him. He wrapped an arm around me, and looked at the letter, reading it.

"Just a second," he said to the nurse. He read over the letter. "… Just keep her on the heart monitor until I get in the morning, let me know if anything funny shows up. Thanks." He stroked my hair. "Okay, good night." He hung up his cell phone and took my face into his hands. "If she gets out, we'll get a restraining order."

"No, I have to go and speak out against her," I said. "It'll make it tougher for them to keep her there. To make her serve the rest of her sentence."

"Bella," he said. "Is that really what's best right now?"

"Yes!" I cried. "What if they got to our child?"

Edward didn't speak for a moment. "We'll go."

* * *

They only gave me a week before the hearing. It was going to be the day that Edward and I planned to go down to the courthouse and get our marriage certificate. We had to get married by the state before we could get married by a church or it wasn't official. Edward and I cancelled our marriage and called Charlie and told him about the hearing in Phoenix. He came up to Seattle to meet us to go to the airport.

While waiting for Edward to return with coffee for Charlie and himself, and a bottle of water for me in the terminal.

"What's up with water instead of coffee?" Charlie asked.

"I'm just not drinking caffiene," I said, shrugging.

"Bella, you're not pregnant, are you?"

He wouldn't cause a scene in an airport. I knew Charlie. He'd have time to get mad at us but the plane trip could give him time to calm down. I hated to lie about something so big to him, too. "Yes, Dad, I am."

"Bella-"

"It was an accident. The best accident I've ever had. We were careful, but it happened and I can't just reverse it. I'm being really careful. I'm not going to gain too much weight-"

"Are you really sure you should be having this child? With your health?"

"Are you suggesting I have an abortion?"

"Bella, the truth is, I don't think you can carry a child. I'm afraid it'll kill you and the baby."

"Dad!"

"No, really, Bells," he said. "Think about it. I'd rather you have an abortion than lose you."

"I can't do that," I said. "This might be the only chance I ever have at having a baby. Besides, Edward's a doctor."

"He's a surgical intern that leaves you alone three days in a row," Dad said. "What's going to happen when you have the stress of a job?"

"Edward wants me stay home and to work on a book of my photography," I said. "And do my own photography show. Alice knows people that are willing to show my prints. I've always wanted to do that."

"Bella, there's still going to be stress in life, no matter what you do," he said. "Don't think that being a stay-at-home-mom is going to be easy."

"I'm not saying it will be, Dad," I said. "Edward goes to work and does something that makes him happy every day. He brings children with no chance of living back to life. That makes him immensely happy. He wants the same for me."

"Life isn't always fair," Charlie said. "Do you think I wanted to be a small-town cop and a dead-beat dad?"

"You weren't a dead-beat dad!" I cried.

"I sat on my ass when I should have demanded you," he said, frustrated. "And I'm still paying the consequences! Especially today."

"Dad," I said. "You don't want me making mistakes, but, this isn't a mistake. I feel it deep down."

* * *

In Flagstaff, we got to the prison. It took two hours of waiting before they even put us through the metal detectors. After the metal detectors, they called us into the hearing room. There was the parole board in a very empty room. They weren't allowed to talk to me, the same as when I was 18 at Jim's first hearing at his prison, or when I was 16 and Victoria's first hearing.

I found myself rubbing my forearm, the lump. Panic was seizing me. The very idea of seeing Victoria again scared the ever-living hell out of me.

Victoria was escorted out by female guards. They had her shackled. She was in orange. I finally got a good look at her.

Nightmares make monsters scarier than they were in reality.

Victoria was closer to my height. Her hair was longer, frizzier, it hadn't been cut in a while. It was in a ponytail and it was streaked with silver. She had aged– a lot- in jail. Something about her was harder. Her eyes were hard. They always were.

They called the hearing, and I saw Victoria's eyes on me. Solitary confinement had made her a bit twitchy. Her eyes looked crazy.

They asked for Victoria's testimony. "These past fourteen years have seemed like a lifetime. I am sorry for what I did, but it wasn't my fault. I want to be a contributing member of society."

It was never her fault. I had been a pain in her ass. She never once apologized to me. In my mind, it was still my fault.

They lead her out and called for witness testimony. They called Charlie first. "I'm Charlie Swan, the father of the victim. I put so much trust in Victoria and Jim because I wanted Bella to be happy, and I thought she would be if she stayed in Phoenix. She doesn't apologize to Bella, as if she's not guilty of anything. I still worry about my little girl, even though she's twenty-five, now. She's still suffering from the things Jim and Victoria did to her. She couldn't sleep at night without screaming for years. She still does, sometimes. She lives with depression, anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, an Eating Disorder. What Victoria Davis did to her happened fourteen years ago, but it it's still happening, now. When your child is sick, and it can't be fixed with a pill, you feel it's happening to you. Only worse, because I'm always afraid that she'll die because of this. No parent wants to bury their own child. And that's a reality I'm facing because Jim and Victoria fooled us so well. And she's still not apologizing to Bella and taking responsibility for her actions. I don't think she's paid her debt society. I don't want to see her in society ever again, personally, because I think she'll never admit she did anything wrong to my Bella."

I was in tears at my father's words.

They let us rest for fifteen minutes. Charlie hugged me and let me cry for a few minutes. I hardly got myself together when the hearing reconvened. They asked me for my testimony.

I found myself babbling in front of them, in tears.

They brought Victoria back in. "Victoria Woodward Davies, in light of the testimony presented today, we've decided to deny your parole," the head of the parole office said. "You'll come up for parole again in another seven years. Until then, you will return to serve your term."

I watched as Victoria was sent back. Charlie and Edward were relieved. I wasn't.


	27. Chapter 27: Nightmare

**_Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me._**

* * *

**_A/N- Here's where the most severe account of child abuse occurs. Consider yourself warned._**

**BPOV**

My nightmares returned. Stronger than ever. They were the worst on the night that Edward left for work. Alice, worried, spent the nights with me, or I spent with night with her, when Edward wasn't working.

Our wedding was, as we were planning, going to be a quick affair at the courthouse. Liz and Ted came to town to see the marriage. It couldn't be called a 'wedding' because a wedding is a big, lavish event. What Edward and I were doing was signing a marriage license. We'd have the baby and then the backyard wedding barbeque at Charlie's on a sunny weekend. I had to pick them up at the airport because Edward wasn't off from work until ten. Liz told me that Nicky was sorry she couldn't make it, but she was sending Pasticcio and spanikopita and ouzo, saying that I could have 'just a sip, it's good for _Bellas_.'

I set Liz and Ted up in the study/guest bedroom. We had a long day tomorrow.

"You're looking pretty pale, Bella," Liz said.

"I'm always pale."

"You're on a prenatal vitamin, aren't you?" Liz asked.

"Yes, of course," I said. "And a few others. I'm glad you're here, Liz."

She smiled, and rested a hand on my shoulder. "I am, too, dear," she said softly. She stroked my hair. "Has the baby kicked, yet?"

"No. I keep waiting for it. The doctor said I won't feel that until probably the fourth month."

"When can we find out the sex of the baby?"

"Fifth month," I said, rubbing my stomach. "Six weeks to go."

She sighed nervously. "Are you excited about tomorrow?"

"Yes, very. I can't wait."

"Me either."

I picked up Edward from the hospital and we went back to our apartment. Liz and Ted had already gotten to bed. Edward and I started to unwind. "You've been on edge ever since we got back from Flagstaff," he whispered. "You've woken up screaming every night since we've gotten back."

"I know," I said. "Maybe it's the stress of the wedding." I thought I'd be really excited and happy when I got married. And this was Edward. _My_ Edward. I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I was supposed to be happy, but for some reason, I wasn't. "I'm marrying you, it's going to make me happy forever."

"Anything for you," he said, kissing me. "Come on, let's go to bed."

I took a shower alone before bed. After drying my hair carefully, I changed into my pajamas. Edward was already in bed with the lights out.

"Bella," he said softly, as I climbed in. "We're going to start the rest of our lives together tomorrow."

"I'm so glad," I said. He wrapped his arms around me. His hands rested on my stomach. His hand slowly rubbed, gently. His touching me didn't alleviate my impending feeling of doom for the first time.

* * *

I had a terrible dream. I was naked, in a bathtub, tears sliding down my face. There was an incredible pain in my pelvis. I felt my bladder letting go. Blood was swirling in the water, around my ankles. I had my knees up at my chin, I was holding them to my body, protectively. I was sobbing. I wiped my cheeks with my hands.

"Sorry, sweetheart," Jim said, gently. He stuck his fingers in the water to rinse them off. I gagged. "It's time to get out of the water." He picked up me up, moving me, I struggled against him, it hurt.

* * *

I cried out in pain. I was in a familiar place- Edward's strong arms were around me. They were holding me close. I was in a cold sweat, though. "Bella?"

"Oh God, it was him, again," I muttered, searching for words. "Jim was there," I sobbed. I felt something sticky and wet between my thighs- oh God, had I just wet myself in bed with Edward? I had lost control of my bladder in the dream… no…

Before I could even feel between my legs, Edward said, "Bella, you're bleeding." I reached down and felt the wetspot disbelievingly. When my hand came back up, it was blood. I felt faint. "You might be having a miscarriage- you shouldn't be bleeding this much. Stay calm, I'm calling an ambulance." I tried to get out of bed, but he kept me down. "Don't move," he said. He got out of bed and reached for his cell phone. He called the ambulance and turned on the light. My lower abdomen hurt terribly and the room was so stuffy. I had to keep still. Sweat beads accumulated on my forehead.

"Edward?" Liz came running into the room. "Bella? Why's there blood on you, son?"

"She's having a miscarriage, Mom," Edward said. "I called an ambulance." Suddenly, I had gotten overheated.

Liz grabbed my hand. "Be still, Bella, honey." There was a bright red stain on Edward's pajamas. "Edward, get your father."

Edward ran to the other room.

"Miss Liz, it's so hot in here."

"I'll take the blankets off," she said. She removed the blankets off of me so I didn't have to move. My vision was splotchy- I couldn't see anything but blue and red circles in my vision.

"I'm losing my baby," I muttered. "This was my one chance."

"You'll have lots of chances, Bella."

"Not me," I said, tears running down my face.

"Stay calm," she said. "I know it's hard right now. Thea Nicky said you'd have a baby."

"I thought you said it was a load of bunk."

"Sometimes she makes shit up, but she saw everything with you," Liz said. There was a touch of comfort in her voice.

"Bella?" Ted asked. I felt a hand on my face. "She's clammy."

"My vision's splotchy."

"Take her blood pressure?" Edward asked.

"It's probably dropping," Ted said. "What brought this on?"

"A flashback," Edward said.

**EPOV**

Bella laid in the ER like a weak little doll, sleeping. She was recovering from the drop in blood pressure and blood sugar. All I knew was, she had had a flashback. Today was supposed to be the day we were getting married. We were in the ER, instead.

She had a heart murmur. The finally confirmed it in the ER. Charlie's meager health insurance made it next to impossible for her to see a cardiologist. Hell, I'd treat her myself, if I had to, even if it was a liability and I'd get disbarred. I should have seen this coming. Her stomach had already started to deflate. The ER doctor blamed her for not weighing enough to support the baby, too. She hadn't gained enough weight fast enough, either. He said it like she was guilty of something. Just blame her, like she didn't have enough on her conscience already. I felt like I was guilty of something, too. I had no business getting her pregnant. We hadn't been as careful as we could have been. We should never have relied on one method of birth control. She was still learning from me when it happened and her menses weren't regular.

Jasper and Alice had burst into the ER waiting room. Alice was in tears when she saw me. "Oh, Edward!" she cried, rushing into my arms. It was all I could do not to cry, myself. "Is she alright?"

"She's resting," I said. "I don't know about 'alright.'"

"Can we see her?"

"When she wakes up," I said. I wanted to be the first thing Bella saw when she woke up from the codeine-induced nap she was taking. She had been six months without a Xanax and the first thing they did after the miscarriage was dope her up. Charlie, Jacob and Angela were on their way up from Forks.

Dad came around the corner with hospital coffees. He handed me one. In my grief, I forgot to reintroduce Alice and Jasper to him. "I'm going to go sit with her for a while," I said. Dad nodded.

In the ER, I found Bella, again, sleeping in a darkened room. It was a private room, not a curtained-off cubicle, thank God. Again, I berated myself for not seeing this whole thing coming. I should have been more careful when she got pregnant. Taking her to Flagstaff to testify at Victoria's parole hearing was a mistake. Charlie's testimony did a beautiful job- it was enough. She hadn't needed to be there, truthfully.

Bella's thick eyelashes fluttered. "Bella," I said softly.

"Huh?" she replied through sleep-thickened speech.

"It's me."

"Of course it's you," she replied. Her eyes crossed for a moment while she focused on my face through the pain medication.

"Bella, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," she whispered. "I remembered something awful last night." Her eyes closed groggily.

"What, love?"

"About Jim… I remember how I broke my… how come I didn't bleed our first time together," she said. "Jim used to bathe me... And he put his fingers in me."

I took it in. And that one simple statement caused me to vomit. There was no other reaction. She called my name out of concern and fumbled around to call a nurse. "Edward, it happened to me, not you!"

"The hell it didn't!" I cried. "This is happening to me right now!"

"Dr. Masen?" the ER nurse asked, poking her head in the room.

"He's just gotten sick," Bella said. "Is there anything you can do for him?"

"I can get a cold pack for him."

"I don't need it!" I growled.

"Get his parents," Bella said.

The nurse ran out of the room.

"Edward, that wasn't necessary."

"You don't know what's necessary!"

"Please, calm down," she pleaded.

"I can't!"

At that moment, Mom and Dad came in. "Edward," Dad said, trying to keep me calm.

"Jim molested her," I said, my vision still blurring.

"Oh God," Mom muttered.

"Edward!" Bella snapped.

"We'll call the police," Dad said, sitting down. He looked incredibly tired. "And a lawyer. There's a chance the statute of limitations ran out in the state of Arizona." Bella whimpered. "Just rest until they get here, Bella. Edward, let's go home for a few minutes."

As I took Mom and Dad to my apartment, my temper rose. It was my worst fear. I wanted to kill Jim although I couldn't physically get to him. It would be a mistake to ever go to his next parole hearing. We all suspected he molested her, but Bella had never remembered any of it before. Having to see Victoria set it all off.

"Edward, please, calm down," Mom said as I raced through a yellow light. "Nothing good ever came from fear and anger."

"How could this have happened?" I sputtered. "She was just a kid! As if they didn't steal enough from her! I want to kill him. I just want to _kill him_-"

"Edward!" Mom cried. "I know. I feel like it's happened to my own child. I love her like my own."

"We share your pain, son," Dad said. "It's okay to mourn. But, two wrongs don't make a right."

"It's easy to say in this situation," I snapped. "For you."

"I was looking forward to today," Mom said. "So much. She's such a wonderful person. She makes you so happy and this baby was such a wonderful thing. It's natural for you to be defensive of her. It's alright to be angry right now. But we have to be strong for her, not out of control."

"Mom, I don't know if I can be."

**_

* * *

A/N- I hope I was respectful in my description of what happened, but not overly graphic. I didn't want to ruin this story with graphic sexual abuse, suddenly, when I've pretty much just left the sexual situations to your imaginations. If you can't tell, I've delved into my own little goodie bag of horrors from my own past to write this story. As the old saying goes, write what you know..._**


	28. Chapter 28: Little House

**Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer owns, not me.**

* * *

**BPOV**

I sat on the couch, in my pajamas. My camera sat, untouched by my cold cup of coffee. I hadn't left our apartment since I had signed the affidavit. We were waiting on the Phoenix DA's office to see if they'd pursue these claims. My lawyer said that the first thing the defense would do was try to insist that it was implanted or created memories. Jim would never admit to it. He never admitted to hurting me- ever.

With the realization that I'd be put under attack at the trial, I was scared to death at the idea of actually going to trial. Edward insisted that I do it. There was little if any evidence, and most of it was my word against Jim's. I had to describe it all in front of an entire jury of people. I was horrified at just telling this story in front of a female police officer, and then my lawyer, but having to tell it again in front of an entire jury? Why?

I spent all day just wrapped up in my panicked thoughts of anxiety over this. I'd go days without eating, sleeping or showering before Edward got home. He'd try to get me to shower, but I didn't want to take my clothes off in front of him anymore. Sex was not in the picture at all, now. I knew he'd see that I was losing weight. I knew I was losing weight, I could feel it.

Esme, Angela and Alice would come by to visit while Edward was at work.

"The light in your eyes is gone," Esme said. "I love you, Bella, but we have to work through this. We can't lose you."

"I'm sorry," I said, crying.

Edward, Charlie, Angela, Esme, Carlisle and I went down to Phoenix for the second time in three months; I had to testify, my affidavit wasn't good enough. Alice couldn't get off from work, otherwise, she would have come.

The day before, the judge allowed me into the courtroom without anybody there, except Edward, Charlie and the judge himself. They let me get familiar with the bench and the courtroom, like when I was a kid. It was an effort to help me get comfortable in the courtroom so it wasn't so hard to speak out when giving my testimony. I had seen it before on _Law and Order._ It didn't calm my nerves.

The next day, Jim was there, in a blue jumpsuit and chains. He glared at me the whole time.

The prosecution badgered me and brought me to tears very easily. They brought up my mental health record and my miscarriage. They made it sound as if I was too crazy to be believed and I was bringing this up because I felt guilty because I had miscarried.

They called other witnesses- the doctors who examined me as a child, the neighbors who saw me literally disappear into the house, Charlie and my psychiatrists. They were both questioned on both sides. Charlie broke down on the stand. My heart broke when he said, "I'm a police officer. I see stuff like this all the time. I'm supposed to protect my community against felons like this, but I couldn't protect my own child."

The judge let us take a break after that. Charlie insisted he was fine, but his shoulders shook violently. I held my father outside until he stopped shaking.

"Bella," Edward said. "They're going to bring me on the stand."

"Okay," I nodded.

"I don't want you in the courtroom for this portion of it."

"No, I'm staying."

"Bella, you don't know what Jim's attorney is going to ask me," he said. "He wants to verify how the sexual abuse affected our relationship- they'll going to be asking me really personal questions."

"How personal?"

"Like... if you were a virgin or not our first time together, my previous experiences and how you compare... they might even ask about... sex."

"Edward, no! Don't tell them about that!"

"Bella, they're going to ask some questions about our relationship. It might be easier if you didn't hear what I have to say," he said. "The way they're going to ask things, I might not have a chance to explain what I mean without the judge striking it from the record."

"We love each other enough," I said, shaking my head. If he had something to say about sex with me I could take it.

In the courtroom, they brought Edward to the stand, much to my anxiety to testify about our life together.

"So, you are Isabella Swan's fiancé?" my lawyer asked.

"Yes," Edward said.

"What is your name and profession?"

"My name is Edward Masen, and I am a Pediatric Surgical Intern that specialized in Cardiology," he said. I could see the line between his eye brows- it was from worry.

"Relax, Dr. Masen," my lawyer said. "How long have you known Miss Swan?"

"It will be a year in August," Edward said, nodding. I could see he was tapping his foot beneath the stand nervously.

"How long have you been engaged?"

"Since April."

"Have you been engaged before?"

"No."

"Would you consider your engagement a traditional one?"

He faltered. "What do you mean by 'traditional'?"

"Like, did you plan out your marriage, when you'd have children, etc.?"

"I did have her father's permission, I consulted with my parents first, but I wouldn't call it 'traditional.'"

"Why not?"

"Because we suspected that Bella was pregnant when I proposed."

"You weren't certain?"

"No, I wasn't."

"But, you're a doctor."

"Yes."

"Did she turn out to be pregnant?"

"Yes, but," he sighed, nervously, "she... miscarried the day we were supposed to get married."

My lawyer nodded. "So, we've established that your relationship has been sexually active with her. Does she have any strange habits during sex?"

My whole body was aflame. I didn't even want to look at Charlie, I'm sure he was horrified at that question. Why did that have any relevance to this? Tears burned my eyes. How could they humiliate me anymore in this trial? Even my own lawyers? "Yes," he answered.

"What happens?"

"She wakes up crying later if she orgasms."

I looked up at Edward. His face was red and he was staring down at the floor, still tapping his foot. I cried after climaxing? I... no wait... yes, it was true. I'd usually wake up from a nightmare, crying. I was horrified that he had held back this information from me. I usually was so eager to please him, I forgot about myself.

"Dr. Masen, tell me... do you make her orgasm every time?"

"No, I try to avoid it, sometimes to keep her from waking up, crying." He looked up at me, his eyes... _pleading_ for forgiveness for all that he was telling a room full of people. "It's usually preceded by nightmares."

"Can she remember these nightmares?"

"She says she can't, but she talks in her sleep," he said. "She's usually begging Jim to let her out or to stop touching her... I don't think she wants to remember, but a part of her won't let go."

"Your Honor, that's speculation from the witness," the defense lawyer interjected.

"Stricken from the record," the judge said.

They asked Edward a few more questions before the prosecution rested. I saw Edward's posture tense up and the line between his brows knit together when the defense got up to question. After they had gotten done with me, I knew they weren't going to go easy on Edward.

"_Doctor_ Masen," the lawyer began, staring down at him. "You are only an intern?"

"Yes, that's right."

She asked a few questions about where he grew up, verified the tax bracket his parents were from, had questions about how he paid for medical school, pointing out that he came from old money without actually making either of them say it.

"You live in a 2,400 dollar a month three-bedroom two-bath apartment in the historic district of Seattle. Tell me, how does a surgical intern make that much?"

"I have a trust fund," Edward said.

"Ah, so you come from money, yes? What does your father do?"

"He's a doctor as well. Yes, my family has a lot of money," Edward said.

"So, you'd call yourself Old Money?" she finally asked. "Yes or no."

"Yes," Edward sighed. I knew what she was doing- trying to make me look like a gold digger- another blackmark on my character. Edward only got a portion of his trust fund every year through a financial advisor. His apartment, his utilities, his bills were all paid through that financial advisor and he met monthly with his accountant to sign all the checks. I knew this because I had been with him several times to start understanding his financial status if I was going to be his wife and to understand our prenuptual agreement.

"How did you meet Isabella?"

"She came to an engagement party I was throwing two of my oldest friends," Edward said.

"Oh, okay. So, was she a friend of the bride?"

"No."

"Okay, so she was a friend of a groom's?"

"Not then."

"That's not what I asked. At that time, was she a friend of the groom?"

"No," Edward sighed. I wanted to curl up and die.

"Objection, your Honor, this has nothing to do with the case," my lawyer said.

"I'm going somewhere with this," the defense lawyer said.

"Sustained, continue," the judge said. I knew how this looked, how they were making _me_ look. It sounded like I was manipulative party-crashing gold digger at a rich doctor's apartment in an attempt to get lucky, and I hadn't done that at all. Alice had forced me to go along with it.

"You met her in August, right?"

"Yes," Edward said.

"And what day was it that you gave her a present for the first time?"

"Her birthday."

"On the medical records, her birthday is recorded as September 13th, correct?"

"Yes."

"That's less than two months after you met her, right?"

"And what did you give her?"

"A camera."

"How much was it worth?"

"Around fourteen-hundred dollars," he said, shrugging. "I got it on discount off a website because her good one had been ruined-"

"I didn't ask you that, Dr. Masen," the lawyer said snidely. "She claimed to be a virgin when you first met her, didn't she?"

"Yes," Edward said, looking annoyed.

"Did she bleed the first time you had sex?"

"_No._"

_"_Objection," my lawyer stood up. "We're trying sexual abuse by James Davis, this is a subjective question, your Honor. Hymens can be broken from everday activities, I can subpoena gynecologists and plastic surgeons that can testify towards this."

"Sustained," the Judge said.

"Dr. Masen." The lawyer went on to her next set of questions. "She's anorexic, yes?"

"Yes," he said.

"And you've seen her develop comorbidities pertaining to the illness?"

"Yes," Edward sighed.

"She has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and anorexia nervosa, right?"

"Yes."

"Yet, you got her pregnant."

"Not on purpose!" Edward snapped.

"Yes or no?"

"Yes, she got pregnant," Edward sighed.

"Alright," she said. "Were you using birth control?"

"Yes," Edward said, exasperated. He was this close to losing his temper.

"What were you using?"

"The pill- Drospirenone," Edward said.

"Is there a chance she missed one pill?"

"Yes," Edward said. "She's on a lot of pills."

"You say it's a lot of pills, so why did you trust her to not miss any?"

"I thought she could handle it."

"You left birth control up to her in your relationship?"

"Yes. I thought she could-"

She interrupted him. She wouldn't let him defend himself. "So, you let a young woman, who had a history of mental disorders, take care of something so important, something that would affect her health drastically?"

Edward paused. "Yes," he admitted. He had told me when I told him I wanted to go on the pill that he trusted me to handle it, that I was well enough. I had been so proud, despite the fact that it was a secret, and it had seemed like such a relief. Now, I wasn't sure of my own motivations. Had I messed up my own prescription to get pregnant? I wasn't sure, suddenly. How honest _was_ I? Was that what they were trying to do- make sure the jury doubted my character?

Then, they brought out to the photographs as evidence of me as a child when the medical examiners first found me- the naked pictures of me as a child. It was okay to take pictures of a naked child, as long it had "evidence" and black boxes over my vagina, but they didn't bother to cover my nipples since I was mostly flat-chested then. I hardly remembered it, only in bits and pieces. They had to photograph my naked back and hips to show the wounds. And my busted lip and bruises. That was it.

The jury went on to deliberate. It took them three hours.

To my surprise, they found Jim guilty. For some reason, I didn't feel vindicated. Not after all the humiliations we had all been through.

There were no reporters with flashbulbs and questions outside the courthouse, just bright, sunny weather. Did anybody care about what had just happened? It didn't seem like it. I felt alienated from Edward and even more from Charlie. So much of my private life with Edward was opened up to public record. My whole body flamed just to think of it. Why hadn't Edward told me that he saw a correlation between my orgasms and my nightmares before? I felt betrayed.

I didn't want to ever come back to Phoenix. Ever again.

**EPOV**

I came home from my three day shift to find that the mail had not been checked from our box. A good indicator that she hadn't left the apartment since I had last been here. Alice and Jasper were trying to come over to visit to get her to go out- I got the feeling that Alice was having a difficult time handing this any longer personally, and this was having a hard time handling it for herself. I had tried to help Bella, but my love had done more harm than good, especially during the trial. I should have told her- I was mentally taking notes when we made love and not telling her. I let her overwork herself to bring me to climax without worrying about myself to avoid the nightmares and crying spells. How selfish was I?

I unlocked the door. She had left the lights and the TV on. I found her, laying on the couch, her eyes glazed over. Nothing had really been moved since I had left except a couple of water bottles and a few wadded up tissues. She didn't respond to me, anymore. I doubt she even heard me walk in the door, as if she were asleep, but her eye were open. A moment of panic seized me, one that attacked me every time I saw her like this; was she dead? I touched her arm- bony, but still slightly warm. No rigamortis. There was a decaying smell about her- like her kidneys were shutting down or her liver was failing or her digestive tract was eating itself from the acid. It was awful, sometimes. I wondered if she was dead, sometimes, until her eyes blinked. I breathed a sigh of relief as her eyes blinked at me- finally.

And still, she looked thinner. And thinner. She seemed to be in a sleep-like state when I'd find her, but I knew it was either she was sleeping too much or not enough. Her beautiful, full lips were pale and there were purple circles under her eyes. I found long, mahogany hairs all over the floor everywhere. Her hair brush had to be combed clean twice a week, so much of it was falling out. It was becoming ratty, thin, unkempt. She rarely showered anymore (not even with me), she had yet to find a job or put any more work into her photography book that started off so promising. We had started fighting about things like how she'd never pick up after herself any more or never wanted to go out because she was tired and her response was always a tearful "because you're never here for me, Edward!" It didn't make sense at first, but then it started to. I wondered if she was using laxatives while I was gone- if she was, she was hiding the boxes extremely well. I knew she wasn't leaving the house to go for extended runs. Her Yoga DVDs were collecting dust on the entertainment center. I had heard her throwing up several times, caught her a few times as well. She never called me at work because the few times she did, she was crying over something that I found little or stupid, and then, she'd shriek at me. She finally stopped calling or coming by all together.

The relationship that made me rush to get out of the hospital once was becoming a burden to me. I felt like I was carrying her, while trying to get over my own grief of losing a pregnancy, I was risking losing her all together. I feared coming home to her because I worried she was dead, but still, I rushed to her. I heard her say in muttered, private phone conversations, "I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll go back to Forks and live with Charlie." It was like a knife being twisted inside me. She wanted to leave me, but didn't know how, after our child died. It was like living with a ghost. Charlie's tone was tight and harsh with me, now- I had measured his daughter's sexual ability, humiliated her in a court room, and told a devistating secret- my dick made her cry. What a twisted secret. He wouldn't even look at me or Bella when we walked out of the courthouse in Phoenix. What father wouldn't hate me for that?

To top it all off, she preferred sleeping on the couch these days. She didn't want to share a bed with me after her birthday. It had been so promising on her twenty-sixth birthday.

_I had come home to her showered, dressed._

_"Bella, did you clean?"_

_"Mm-hmm," she said, smiling, nervously. "Can we go out?"_

_"Of course, love," I said, fighting back tears of joy. I couldn't deny this Bella anything. This was the Bella I wanted to see again. "Let me take a shower." She smiled back._

_I took her to a restaurant, where she smiled and chattered and charmed me and the server._

_"You know," she said, slicing up a pork chop with mint jelly. "I really think I'm going to finish that book," she said, waiving the tiny slice of meat around with her fork. "I work on it today- really, I did- don't you think the picture of the Marina is one of my best?"_

_"Yeah," I agreed. Before I could say anything else, she shoved three of her fire-roasted potatoes onto my plate without asking._

_"You should try these, they're the best," she said. "I found a list of literary agents- hey, do you think we should have Emmett and Rosalie over sometime? I've been dying to see baby Sarah."_

_She begged me not to embarrass her by telling the server it was her birthday, so I didn't._ _Cake was a "bad food" and a big step._

_We went out to the marina to watch the ships and she told me about grand plans about how this birthday was really going to turn things around and gain weight and get better. We made plans to honor our lost child and she asked me if I wanted to go forth with wedding plans, and I said yes. We talked about having a child in the future, when she was better. She wanted a family, now. I wanted to bring up the subject of a high-risk pregnancy obstetrician, but she was talking a mile a minute and wouldn't let me. There was time, I thought. We have all the time in the world to talk about this._

_I was excited- I could live with a woman like this. In my excitement, I didn't realize that she was pulling all her old tricks at dinner- distracting me, not letting me ask questions, moving her food around onto my plate, cutting hers up so it looked like she had eaten, putting uneaten food on to her salad plate._

_As we got home, she held my hand in the car, it was quiet. "This reminds me of when I used to spend the night with you while I was living with Alice," she said. "I used to get so nervous."_

_"I know," I said. "I'm so glad you're feeling better. I love you." The physician in me should have known better. Depression doesn't just end like that, in a blink. I told myself this was different, we were different because our love was special._

_It was like reexploring each other up the staircase to our apartment- she was frail and bony and sinewy, again, her ribs sticking out under her thin cotton dress and thick corded cardigan. I unlocked the door, and carried her in._

_"Mmm, Edward," she sighed, kissing me. "Do you still love me like this?" she asked, unbuttoning the top part of her dress, exposing almost flat breasts._

_"I'll always love you," I promised._

_"Really really?"_

_"Really really," I said. I lifted her feather-light frame up and carried her into the bedroom and set her on the bed, pressing kisses to her. I had loved her when she was underweight, ignoring the blatant joints and bones. I could love her, now- she had forgiven me. That was all that mattered._

_"I haven't taken the pill in a while," she admitted. "Can you go get a condom?"_

_"Of course," I said, loosing my tie, ripping it off. I tore my clothes off between the bathroom and the bedroom, finding her in the bed, having done the same. She stood up, reluctantly, and came to me, like two familiar ships, passing in the night, our mouths met and then, something about her became harsher, almost demanding. This was the new Bella. We had just been through several major traumas. I could love her through them._

_As I kissed her, I reached for her breasts. They had become almost nonexistant with her weight loss. They were almost round on the bottom before the miscarriage, but now, they were almost gone. They were still breasts, though. The nipples stuck out. My thumbs grazed them and she moaned, but it was a different kind of moan from the one I was used to. She suddenly scratched my back with her jagged nails- so much so, I wondered if she was drawing blood in doing so. I cried out in pain._

_It never dawned on me that this was becoming rough sex until almost too late._

_"Oh, I missed you," she moaned into our kiss. "Edward, fuck me in ass."_

_"No," I said. I'd never fuck her in the ass- ever. I had never done that on anyone, I never would. "You're kidding, right?"_

_She smiled, embarrassed, and looked away. "Yes," she said. She sank down to her knees and took me into her mouth. The sucking immediately was too hard._

_"Bella- Bella!"_

_"Hmm?"_

_I struggled for a moment. Her eyes looked up at me, her cheeks red. I had humiliated her at the trial. God, how could I ever forgive myself for that?_

_"It's your birthday," I said. "What do you want to do?"_

_She smiled nervously. "Um... Would you take me bent over?"_

_"Of course," I said. It was a position we had tried before and enjoyed, but it had been in a much gentler situation. If the only way to obtain her forgiveness was to go to the moon and bring back green cheese, I'd do it._

_She climbed up on the bed, facing away from me. I climbed up behind her, on my knees as she went down on her hands, her butt sticking out. I didn't even have to spread her cheeks, she was so thin. Grabbing her hips with my left hand, I took my dick with my right and pushed straight into her. We both cried out, but because she was so dry it was painful. "Ow!" she cried. I pulled out and she settled down on her hip and looked at her._

_"You're too dry, love."_

_"I never thought we'd need KY."_

_"There's no shame in it. Let me check the bathroom," I said, getting up, limping over. I checked around the bathroom. I knew we had no KY jelly. I found a tub of vaseline. How disgusting, but it would do at a time like this. I limped back into the bedroom. "Vaseline," I said, wrinkling my nose. "It'll do."_

_"Okay," she said, taking it, putting it on and then reassuming the position_

_Rubbing my cock a few times, I gripping her hip again, and pushed in, again. This time wasn't so bad. I had to push the thought of having to use lubrication to simply make love to her out of my mind to continue. We never needed lube in the past. She grunted with every thrust. "You like that?" a sinister side of me asked._

_"Harder," she breathed. "Hurt me." The rhythm increased and the sound of our bodies slapping together filled the room, the back of her pelvis poking my hips, sure to leave bruises. "Oh, God, Edward!" she moaned. "Pull my hair."_

_"Bella-"_

_"You said- anything- I- want," she breathed with each thrust. I had said so. I had never beaten her or knowingly caused her pain before. Hesitantly, I tugged on her hair. "Harder," she moaned. "Harder, Edward! Don't be a pussy, goddamnit!" with that, I grabbed a handful of her hair and jerked her head back, causing her to cry out, arching her back, causing her scars in the arch in her back to wrinkle in the excess hanging skin that had no fat to fill it. I felt the walls of her vagina close in around me. "Hit me."_

_"What?" I asked, letting go of her hair. A handful came out with it._

_"Hit me hard," she snarled, looking at me over her shoulder. I pulled my arm back to strike her, open-handed, on the ass. "Spank me, come on!" she snapped. Before I could swing, I looked her in the eye and I saw something I didn't like- I couldn't explain what it was. Something along the lines of self-loathing, disgust- in herself._

She blamed herself for what happened...

_My arm dropped and my penis went flaccid inside her._

_She saw my reaction and a look of sheer terror, then embarrassment flashed across her face._

_"I just can't hit you, Bella," I said, pulling out._

_"But," she sputtered, spinning around to face me. "But you said- anything- WHY, Edward? Why can't you?"_

_"I won't do that to you," I said, harshly. "Just like I won't lock you in a closet for days at at time, I won't spank you with a studded belt and I certainly won't be the one that cuts you off from society."_

_I sat down on the edge of the bed, dejectedly, realizing what a wall was between us. For a fleeting moment, I felt the disgust, the self-hate she suffered. "Edward," she said, sounding tearful. "I never said you were keeping me from people."_

_"No, you're the one doing it to yourself," I replied._

_Shrinking back from me in shock and humilation, she grabbed a blanket and ran out of the room, wrapping herself in it._

_After that night, she slept on the couch and later, I found her in the bathroom. She had figured out a way to lock the bathroom door- by opening a drawer so it blocked the door from opening. I could hear the quiet sobs that she tried to conceal as I knocked on the door, begging her to come out. "I'm fine, Edward!" she replied in the best normal voice she could. We both knew she wasn't._

All my attempts to apologize for my brashness, to reconnect with her failed. I had meant what I said. What I should have said was _I love you too much to do that. _It came out like an accusation. I beat myself up, internally, thinking, _You dumb shit, look what you did!_ She wanted to run from me, now._ I_ wanted to run from me, but I had no where to go. I should have held her and told her I wanted things the way they used to be, but I couldn't. She never looked me in the eye anymore. I'd come home from work, kiss her hello, and we'd have a few strained conversations. I'd tell her what I was doing- taking a shower, making dinner, going to bed- all in hopes her frail figure would join me. She spent all her time on the couch, never moving. I wanted my Bella back. I wanted to hug her and kiss her and cry with her that we were going to be alright, as if there would be a magic moment where she'd decide to get better. It hadn't happened, yet.

"Bella," I said, now that she was awake. She glanced up at me, then looked away. "Are you coming to Chicago with me?" It was my father's birthday this weekend.

"No," she said, her eyes bleary. "I'm staying here." Christ. The extra 1st class plane ticket was going to waste.

"Bella, I love you," I said. It was no use arguing. Bella was not going to change her mind. She would probably spend the weekend in tears, locked in the bathroom, afraid for Thea Nicky to see her like this. I wasn't sure I could see her, even.

"I love you too," she mouthed, staring at the floor. She could not say it to my face.

Taking my cell phone, I went outside.

I called the people who knew me better than anyone.

"Edward? I knew you were going to call tonight."

"Hi, Mom," I said. The words sounded like a scared teenager, not me. The tears welled up in my eyes.

"How is she?" Mom asked.

"Mom, I..." I began. Finally, the tears spilled down my cheeks. "It's bad, Mom."

"Son," Mom said gently, the way she did when I was a child with a skinned knee before pouring alcohol on it, making it sting. "Son, listen to me."

"She's not coming to Chicago," I blurted out. "I'm afraid to leave her alone. I have this recurring nightmare that I'll walk in the door and find her corpse laying on the couch with flies and maggots all over her. She never showers anymore, she sleep on the couch, she never picks up after herself, she never works on her book, she doesn't care about getting a job-"

"A miscarriage is difficult to live through," Mom said quietly. I couldn't argue- Mom and Dad knew all too well. "We knew she was in a fragile state when you started seeing her, son. She's a good girl, but... Your father and I agree she needs rehabilitation."

"No," I said. "Charlie's insurance is about to drop her. It's shitty insurance as it is, they'll only pay for six weeks."

"We need to act swiftly, then," Mom said.

"No, no interventions," I snapped. "She won't go if we do that."

"It doesn't have to be like on TV," she said. "Take a day off from work, but leave the house like you normally do. Call everyone that knows about her problem that loves her. Saturday night. We'll all be there."

"Dad's birthday- his plans-"

"Dad and I can change our plans for Bella," Mom said. I hated it when she referred to my father as 'Dad' and not 'your father' or 'Ted,' like I was kid. "Stay calm, Edward. You can't do this on your own."

"Mom, I'm a professional-"

"A professional surgeon. You don't know the ways of the mind," she said. "You don't know_ all _the ways of the heart, son."

I composed myself and went back into the apartment.

The bathroom door was cracked open, and she stood, the water in the shower running, in her panties and that was it.

She was worse than before. This had to be the thinnest she had ever been. I could only see the profile of her frail form as she pinched the excess skin around her concave stomach over the tendons. There was no fat to fill it out, but she looked at it with disgust. I wanted to go to her and pick her up and beg her to eat and it just wasn't that easy. I was failing her.

She saw me, staring at her, in the mirror. She frantically slammed the door.

She'd die, soon.

**BPOV**

"Isabella," Edward said softly. I looked down into my coffee mug. My polished spoon floated beside it, it was a perfect forty-five degrees from the sugar canister. I hadn't listened to a word he had been saying. "Are you listening?"

"I'm sorry," I said. "I wasn't paying attention."

"You've got to eat," he said. "Your brain is going to start cannibalizing itself."

Out of my irritation, I wanted to shout at him that he wasn't a neurologist, but this was my Edward. I didn't want to take advantage of his love and understanding. I loved him so much, although I couldn't understand why he loved me back at all. He took such good care of me, despite the fact that I couldn't take care of myself. The last time I had eaten solid food was about three weeks ago- it had been half a sandwich. I had been able to eat protein milkshakes at my best, once to three times a day. They tasted terrible, but I didn't believe I deserved any better. While Edward was gone, I found myself craving food he had thrown itI was nothing more than a stupid, ugly girl. I hurt people unnecessarily.

I had stopped wearing the heart pendant and my engagement ring. I tried to push Edward away, give him subtle signs that I wasn't right for him. There was a trophy wife somewhere out there that would do a much better job of satisfying him and going out with his friends and being social, instead of staying at home, watching TV and feeling sorry for herself. My photography projects were laying unfinished on my laptop's hard drive. I didn't have the energy to work on it, but I had all the time in the world. The antidepressants weren't doing anything for me anymore. The last time Edward and I had attempted to make love had been on my twenty-sixth birthday. The experience was horrifying- I couldn't even bear to think of it. I had been so stupid, asking Edward to physically hurt me so I could get off. I was so humiliated, I could hardly stand to look at him anymore.

I couldn't stand for him to see me naked, either. Once I had been so used to him seeing me naked, he used to appreciate it, but now, there was a look of pain in his eyes when he saw the bones poking out of my skin. My elbows were larger than my forearms, my knees larger than my thighs. My mouth looked permanently drawn, like a mummy's, all the time, my teeth showing garishly.

I knew I was utterly thin and disgusting-looking, but a part of me felt like I didn't deserve anything better. That was the reason why I refused to go through with any wedding details any further, too. For some reason, Edward still insisted that he wanted to marry me, but I wanted nothing more than to break the engagement, although I had nothing left but to go home to Forks if I did. I had no job, no savings, Alice and Jasper were newlyweds, I couldn't crash on their couch if I broke up with Edward. And going home to Charlie, the first thing he'd do would be to freak out like mad. I hardly talked to him, simply because I was afraid to hear his thoughts on my sexual misdeeds with Edward. It had gotten to the point that I sent Charlie pre-cooked food through Alice, because I was afraid for him to see me like this. I hadn't seen Charlie since the trial. Like Edward said, parents knew you better than anybody.

"Can we go home?" I asked. "I'll eat at home."

"I'm not feeding you Ensure," he said. "Please, Bella, eat some real food for me."

"I can't," I said. I wanted to, but it all felt so heavy on my stomach and I usually ended up getting rid of it. That was the nice way to say purging it. And I was convinced that that was much worse for me than actually not eating it in the first place. I thought I could see tears filling up Edward's eyes, but they didn't spill over. God, I was doing this to him. We had both cried the night I lost the baby. I miscarried. Because I wasn't fit to carry children. I was the screw-up. And then, the night of the trial, we both cried, again, which had been more me out of my own desperation and humiliation. I caused him to cry on my birthday. Why was I doing this to him? Couldn't he just see that he was so much better off without me? I was waiting for him to dump me so I could crawl back home to Charlie in my pathetic state, just like when I was eleven, a helpless child. I was still a helpless child, it didn't matter that I had had a relationship, sex and been pregnant, I just wasn't capable of having a normal life. I couldn't be a photographer, I couldn't be a daughter, I couldn't be a best friend, I couldn't be a Literature graduate student, I couldn't be Edward's wife. I was just messed up. This depression owned me. That's all I was. How foolish had I been? "I'm sorry. Can we just leave?"

"Alright," he said softly. He reached over and touched my face. I felt horrible for just being touched by someone as wonderful as Edward.

I was dirty.

As we left, I saw people look at me in disgust. I was a freak. What was I doing with this perfect specimen of a man? This ugly, withered pile of bones? Alice told me that on New Year's Eve, Jasper caught Rosalie telling Edward that she couldn't understand what he saw in me. That she couldn't understand how he could make love to 'that pile of bones.' Alice and I had laughed at how snotty was Rosalie was at that time. Rosalie had it all; a baby, a husband, a career, an education, parents, friends, she was gorgeous like a model. All I had was my body- _a pile of bones_. A corrupted excuse of bones. Let them show.

I sat in Edward's car dejectedly as he drove home. I let him take the car to work, now. I never needed it when he was gone. It was impeccably clean, for once. I wondered when he had taken the time to clean it.

At our apartment, I got out of the car, and stumbled. Edward caught me. I was so weak, I could hardly stand on my own.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Let me carry you," he said. I didn't want him to, but he picked me up. It was physically hard for me to climb stairs. I had to rest, now. I just wanted to lay down in bed.

I was surprised when the lights were on in our apartment- and I could hear voices inside. "Edward, what's going on?" I asked as he opened the door.

"Just come in," he said softly, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

I knew my father, Carlisle, Esme, Ted, Liz, Alice, Jasper, Angela, Jacob, Emmett, and even Rosalie were inside the apartment. I knew Rosalie was here simply for Emmett.

"Hi, everyone," I said softly, mostly because I didn't have the energy to speak out loud. I knew why they were here and while it made me happy to see so many people who loved me, it was also embarrassing. Charlie was the first person to hug me- hard. Everyone took turns hugging me. Everything was somber and quiet. I couldn't help but start to cry. "I know why you're all here," I said. "An intervention."

"It's not an intervention," Charlie said, helping me sit down. "An intervention is where you tell somebody they go to treatment or we stop supporting them."

"Yeah, we've all seen the A&E show," Alice said. "We'll be there for you forever. No matter what."

"Yes," Liz said. "We just want you to get some help."

"Everybody in this room loves you," Ted said. I looked over at Rosalie, who diverted her eyes from me. "We don't know what we'd do if… something happened to you."

"So, everybody wants me to go to inpatient?"

"We've got a really good place picked out," Carlisle said. "It's only about an hour east of here. We can still come and visit at least once a week."

"You promise?" I asked. "When do I leave?"

"Tonight," Edward said.

"Alice and Esme have almost finished packing for you," Carlisle said.

"Okay," I said. "But what about when insurance runs out?"

"The money will be there," Charlie said.

"Dad- your pension-"

"The money will be there," Carlisle repeated, patting me on the shoulder.

"Dad-"

"This is your life, Bells," Charlie said. "I'm will to accept some charity."

"She's our daughter, too," Esme said. "It takes a village."

She was insinuating I was a child, again. Maybe it would be good to let go of all the things I couldn't handle. And just let other people do it all for me.

"Just let us finish packing your suitcases," Alice said, not letting me think. "We'll take care of everything. Relax, some."

It was too stuffy in the living room, so I went out on the balcony. Edward followed me.

"I'll be there every chance I get," he said. "My parents love you, Bella. A lot more than you realize. Consider it an engagement present."

"It's for me, though," I said, disappointed.

"If you come out okay, it's an engagement present for us both," he said. He picked up my face in his hands. "Isabella, I just want you to be happy. Please, let me hold you before you leave."

I almost immediately told him no, but I worried I'd die before I finished rehab.

His arms encircled me, so forgiving, so loving. He didn't care that I had asked him to hit me, I realized. I was so stupid for ever doubting him. I blamed him and myself for what we had lost. I wanted to blame him instead of myself. I knew someone was to blame. I hoped it would be me in the end. I wanted better for Edward in the end.

He squeezed me to him.

"What if I'm a different person when I come out?" I asked, pressing my face into his chest, using his shirt for my tears. "What if I'm somebody you can't love?"

"Just trust that God's going to get us both through this," he said. I could feel his strong, heavy heartbeat, the whirl of his lungs. "You know, I've operated on kids that just didn't have a ghost of a chance, that I didn't expect to make it out of the anesthesia, and they did. Sometimes, hope is all you have."

"Excuse me," Rosalie said, stepping out onto the balcony. "Can I have a moment alone with Bella?" She and I had had an uneasy friendship between us since New Year's Eve.

"Anything you can say to Bella you can say in front of me," Edward said, hotly. Things hadn't been the same since New Year's Eve between them. I knew I was to blame.

"I know you came tonight because of Emmett," I said. I knew she didn't really care about me.

"No, I came because I know you're sick," she said. "And that Edward loves you enough to stick by you for over a year. And I'm sorry for doubting that. If Emmett and Edward love you, I do, too. You're not going anywhere… metaphorically, I mean."

"You got an apology out of Rose, that's a good one," Edward said. I knew that she never apologized- ever. For the first time- in a long time, Edward and I shared a smile- a real one. Not me faking happiness in an effort to try to feign recovery. She glowered at Edward.

"I apologize… when they occasion calls for it," she said bitterly.

"Bella?" Alice asked, sticking her head down the door. "We have your bags packed. Are you ready to go?"

"I guess so," I said, waiting for Edward to release his grip on me. "Let's go before I lose my nerve."

"Wait, Bella," Edward said.

"Yes?"

"The pendant and the ring," he said. "Take them with you."

"I can't wear the ring," I said. "It's too big."

"Take it with you," he said. "I'm not giving up on you. It'll fit you, again."

"I'll get it," Alice said, darting back into the apartment.

"Edward, what if something happens to them?" I asked. "What if they don't let me wear them?"

"They will," he said. We were alone on the balcony. He kissed me, gently. "I love you, Bella."


	29. Chapter 29: Only Waiting For This Moment

**Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer owns, not me.**

* * *

**BPOV**

Getting better had been a challenge. I had been in treatment for almost three months. I took full advantage of it, with the understanding that there were people physically paying for it, not just Charlie's insurance, now.

I followed my friends down the trail towards the hot springs. There was Gina, who was in her forties, who wasn't actually the oldest in the clinic. She had three kids and a husband back in Riverside, California and a raging case of anorexia. The other person on the trail with us was Alex, a girl in her 30s who was still single, was fighting both anorexia and bulimia. We had all three spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's in rehab, although we had all been visited by family and friends thoroughly.

I had come into the center weighing less than 80 pounds. I didn't know I was capable of that. My body was emitted a smell- I had been aware of it, and nothing, no amount of showering had been able to cover it up. I found out I was having some kidney and adrenal failure along with my heart murmur. Edward had long since thrown our scale out after I had had the miscarriage in a futile attempt to keep me from guessing my weight, so I didn't know how bad I was. Gina and Alex had had miscarriages, too. The two of them were like big sisters to me. We had bonded quickly.

My "family" came to visit- as often as possible. My room through my stay, had been covered in pictures from Will and Wendi, since we weren't allowed to see anybody under the age of 14 in the clinic. Edward came so often that he had collapsed from exhaustion on his rounds one day. My family and friends called me so much that I had to put a stop to them calling me everyday and set out a schedule of when they could call and when they couldn't. Gina and Alex were always reporting back to me about how cute everybody at the clinic thought Edward was. They saw how he treated me, too, and everybody cooed over how we were the cutest couple. When they found out that I had a hard time going through with marriage with him, and they both screamed at me, "Are you crazy?! What's wrong with you!?"

Edward and I had gone through more than one counseling session together. It was good for us. We talked about the miscarriage, the trial, the things I hadn't told him about my time in Jim and Victoria's house. I had been afraid it would drive him away, but it made him love me more, somehow. I wasn't willing to let go of him at all. I even went through photo therapy at the clinic's insistence to see myself better- which was nude modeling. I had a panic attack and cried through my whole first session, although I only did implied nudity, not fully nudity. Then, cried some more and had a panic attack when I saw my pictures, but then I saw something I hadn't realized- I liked the curves in my calves. It was only a little thing, but I went through with more of it with the hope I'd like more of myself. As I did my photo therapy sessions, I reviewed my pictures and started to like and accept the way I looked more and more. I didn't like all of me just yet. I didn't show them to Edward, but I kept them, and the negatives, in a manilla envelope in my room. Maybe one day I'd be able to show them to the world. It was good to be on the other side of the camera and get that experience. I wanted to do more of it, though. Maybe one day show I'd Edward and see if he really liked it.

And today was my last day in the clinic. Edward promised a surprise for me when I got out tomorrow.

"So, are you going to go through with a wedding, now?" Gina asked.

"Yes, I am," I said. "You two will be there, won't you?"

"Of course," Gina said. "You can count on me. As long as I've been discharged."

"Me too," Alex said.

We came around the clearing and found the hot spring. We started to strip down to our bathing suits. I never wore a bathing suit without a tee shirt before. Now, I was standing there in nothing but bathing suit bottoms and a triangle top that I had ordered off of Delia's. I didn't have a perfect body, but it would do. Yes, I was still nervous about being underdressed in front of people, but it had finally gotten through my head how everybody, even people with supposedly perfect bodies, had issues with the way they looked. And a lot of people had said that I had a good silhouette to my figure. The first time I had tried on this bathing suit, I finally got up the nerve to show Gina and Alex what it looked like, I had kept my hands over my stomach. Gina kept asking me what was wrong with my stomach, and finally, I just admitted I was nervous about how it looked. 'But you've never had a full pregnancy, with your stomach completely stretched out! I've had three kids, I need a tummy tuck because of hanging skin!' she cried, and the next thing I knew, the three of us had stripped down to our panties and bras and were comparing ourselves in the mirrors. That was the first time I began to really appreciate that maybe I wasn't so bad looking as I thought.

Edward said he liked the way I looked, now. That was fine with me. I was getting at ease with it. It was also freezing out here, I climbed into the warm water.

"Oh, this feels so good," Alex said, climbing in behind me.

"I have a hot tub at home, I usually get in there in the buff," Gina said.

"Don't you have neighbors?" I asked.

"Yeah, I do," Gina said. "If they catch a glimpse, they worked hard enough to see it. We've got a pretty good cover."

"That would be fun," I said. "To hot tub with Edward."

"You have sex on the brain," Alex said. "And for good reason- none of have gotten any in three months!" The staff had warned me as I gained weight- that my libido would return in time, but I started taking longer and longer showers. I began to imagine my hands were his and they started taking on a life of their own. I had started dreaming of Edward- his naked body, sleeping next to him, how natural it had all once felt. I wished I wasn't afraid of him seeing the weight I was gaining. Would he accept it? Would he still love me? Slowly, my heart murmur went away, and my adrenal glands began to function semi-normally again, without help. I was having to take pills everyday to help regulate them, but there was a possibility they'd get better. Maybe. Maybe not. The smell stopped emitted from me. That was nice.

"I wonder if that's Edward's surprise for me," I said. "A vacation somewhere."

"Sort of a honeymoon?" Gina asked. "I think it's sweet that he's the only person you've ever been with."

"Don't you have to be married, first?" Alex asked. "To have a honeymoon?"

"Yeah," I said. "Who cares, huh? We pretty much are married, anyways."

"Married to a doctor," Gina sighed. "I wish I had been that lucky."

"We just are what we are," I said, referring to all of us.

* * *

Pushing the rolling cart down the hall towards Edward, he smiled at me. The Aston Martin was waiting. "Let's start the rest of our lives," I said.

He hugged me and kissed me. "I can't wait."

"We're such cornballs," I agreed.

* * *

At our apartment, I had the energy to bring up my suitcases, although Edward helped. We unpacked my bags although we didn't talk a lot, we just enjoyed being alone together. We had just talked a lot over the past three months.

We occupied ourselves with separating the clothes that didn't fit me anymore from the clothes that did fit me, now. It was another thing about recovery that sucked- all your favorite clothes you got too fat for, making you feel like a giant loser. You had mixed feelings, going through it. I had stuck most of my too-small clothes into a garbage sack so I didn't have to look at them.

"So, what's the big surprise?"

"Huh?" Edward asked.

"The big surprise you promised me."

"Oh, I was hoping you'd ask me tomorrow morning," he said. "I have other things planned tonight."

"Oh really?" I asked, knowing there was nothing innocent about those plans.

"I've arranged a wedding," he said. "A week from Saturday."

"A wedding? Like, a real one?" I asked. "Who would be presiding? I don't have anything to wear!"

"Reverend Weber," he said. "And Alice took care of everything."

"Really?" I asked. He knew I trusted Alice's tastes. And I didn't care who presided, as long as Charlie was happy with it.

"She wants to show you everything tomorrow," he said. "It'll be an early morning, though."

"I really need to get in the shower, then."

"So, that's a yes?"

"Yes," I said, getting my shampoo and conditioner. "Of course. I said yes once, I never rescinded that."

"Can I… help you in the shower, Bella?" he asked, an eyebrow arching, grinning mischievously.

It had been almost six months since he had seen me completely naked. My body was completely different- I probably weighed in the one-tens now, probably more. This is the most I had ever weighed in my whole life. Well, he wanted to marry me. I might as well let him see me, as nerve-wracking as this was going to be.

"Yes," I said. I opened up the door to the bathroom, putting my shower things in the tub. I hadn't had a tub bath in months. He helped me take my top off. "How about a tub bath?" I asked. "I haven't had one in so long. We didn't have bathtubs in the clinic." He hadn't been allowed in my room at all, which had just about killed both of us.

"Okay," he said. He took my hair down. The ends tickled the small of my back. "I missed your hair." He kissed my hair and my bra came unhooked. The best part of recovery was having breasts.

I undid my jeans, not facing him. I felt my face burn as my jeans came off- for some stupid reason, I had worn a thong.

The worst part of recovery was having a huge butt, now.

I didn't want to let him think I was embarrassed. I wanted him to think I was okay with my body, because they had discharged me at the clinic, saying I was well enough to attend outpatient in town. That was one part of my body I hadn't learned to love in photo therapy, yet.

This was part of the "lie" of recovery- that you came out and somebody had sprinkled magic fairy dust on you and everything was _all better_. It obviously was not- rehab didn't work like that. It was a lifetime of deadly habits and trying to change them in a clean environment where I had no other distractions. I'd learned "tools" to help me "cope," (the magic words) and then, I'd go out into the real world, _with_ distractions, and I'd try to live my life with my new tools to try to avoid my old bad habits until new ones were what I fell back on. My imperfections in my mind were a 1000 times worse than how Edward saw me. I went ahead and slipped out of the thong and started running the water- and looked at Edward over my shoulder- his face didn't turn in disgust- but a familiar expression was on it.

"Your ass is pretty tempting, Bella," he said. I turned back to the tub, not wanting to believe it. His hand cupping my hips as I bent over the tub, making me pause. Yes, this wasn't a joke- his hands were seeking me. "I've missed you so much." He turned me around as the tub filled up and kissed me. His kisses were long and deep- the private kind that we hadn't been able to have during the visits in the main room of the clinic. He pressed me against himself, I found my hands on his shoulders. "I want you," he muttered huskily between kisses, cupping my breasts, causing a unsolicited moan out of me. Yes, this was no joke- my body, for all the flaws I saw, he did not see them. He saw me- the person I was on the inside. I fought back happy, giddy tears as I took off his shirt over his head- he helped me with removing his pants and his boxer briefs. "You get in, first. I want to hold you tonight." I'd let him hold me forever.

With his help, I climbed into the middle of the bathtub, putting my hair up into a knot. It was so long now, I didn't even need an elastic. He grabbed a washcloth and climbed in behind me. I settled between his legs, carefully- he was a bit excited, so to speak so I had to be careful. I leaned back on him as he wet down the washcloth and washed off my shoulders. I settled onto his chest while he wrapped his arms around me. Yes, this felt right. I didn't care, suddenly, that I was beginning to get cellulite on the inside of my thighs or that my ass was too big for my tastes. I could be completely naked and vulnerable with him and he accepted me just like I was- he loved my faults. That was a completely foreign concept to me when I entered rehab this time- and I hadn't been able to wrap my brain around it. Now, I suddenly could. This was love. Maybe the early stages of love, we'd grow and change into old people together, it was difficult, but it was right.

I used my toes to play with the water faucet.

"So, do you still want to do that photography show?"

"Yes," I said. "I got some good stuff at the clinic. And, um, I toyed with the idea of writing a book about my life. Even if I never get it published, I've been told it helps."

"I've heard that, too," Edward said. "My Grandpa- my Dad's dad- went to Vietnam, and when he finally wrote down his experiences, he stopped having flashbacks. He had to read what he wrote to remember it before he died."

"I'd prefer that," I said. "I guess when the mind believes that it can let go, it does."

"Just don't write about me too much," he said. "I'd like a little bit of privacy, just in case somebody decides to publish it."

"Okay."

"Do you want to go back to school for that Ph.D.?"

"No, not really," I said. "Not right now. I want to try something different."

"Like…?"

"Like maybe motherhood?" I asked. "I accidentally got pregnant on birth control. There's a chance we could get pregnant if I didn't take it at all."

"Bella, before we do that, let's see a gynecologist and see if you can actually carry a child," he said. "Especially this soon?"

"I guess you're right," I said, thinking about how far I had to go, still. These things were not yet habits and I had no business having children until they were.

"I'd love to see you pregnant. Really pregnant," he said, kissing my shoulders lightly. He kissed the juncture of my shoulder and my neck- a spot he hadn't kissed in so long. I shivered.

"Can't we practice a little, first?"

"I'm all for practicing this time," he said, pressing a kiss to my ear, making me laugh. I felt his hands grip my breasts, rubbing my nipples lazily, and I moaned, softly. His hands felt perfect against me. "I love your new body. It's so beautiful. Don't ever put your clothes on when it's just me and you."

I sat up and rolled over on top of him and pressed a kiss to his chest. I had craved him so much in the last month when my sex drive reemerged- it had died for a long time, especially in the first two months, but the last month... he filled my thoughts, my conversations, my daydreams, my dreams... He moaned into my kiss as I slipped my tongue into his mouth. "Oh, I've missed you so much," he said, taking me by the hips. I knew exactly what he was doing.

"I missed you more," I offered as I straddled him seductively.

"I think I like baths, now," he said.

The bathroom floor was going to be covered in water in a few minutes…

* * *

**EPOV**

"Can't we practice a little, first?" Bella asked me as I kissed my favorite non-erogenous zone on her body.

Sex. Lots of it. With Bella. Score. "I'm all for practicing," I replied. I wanted to simply attack this body of hers, starting with her ass. Jesus, she had a gorgeous ass coming out of those hips. It was about like I imagined it, not quite as full, but if she could only gain a little more weight... Yes, I was an ass man, I had to admit, and Bella was going to bring out a monster in me. I had to hold back, though. I kissed her ear to distract her for a moment as I took her breasts into my hands. They were perfect breasts, now- they were round and plump on the bottom and almost ski-jump shaped on top. I ran my thumbs over her nipples that, despite the heat of the water, were hard. I never wanted to see her wear clothing ever again. "I love your new body. It's so beautiful," I muttered, feeling my cock jerk. "Don't ever put your clothes on when it's just me and you."

She didn't say anything- just a smile flitting across her lips- one that I had become used to- and she gazed at me from under those thick, long lashes. She rolled over in the water, and pressed a kiss to my chest, working her way up to my chin, then my mouth. Her kiss was sweet, hungry.

"I've missed you so much," I moaned as she spread her legs, pressing her wet sex against mine.

"I missed you more," she said in a low voice.

If she did this to me all the time, I'd take baths every night. My cock agreed wholeheartedly. "I think I like baths, now," I said, wrapping my arm around her lower back. Her swollen, pink lips parted as she pressed against my chest, tickling me with her nipples.

"Tell me you missed me," she said running her lips across my chin.

"I did," I said. "I don't ever want to be apart from you, again."

"I'm going to ride you like no tomorrow," she promised, rubbing her own nipple for a moment, leaning her head on my shoulder. "Make up for lost time."

I gripped her head with both hands, water rivulets running down the sides, her hair falling from the bun she had twisted it into. "Gladly," I said. I had taken plenty of cold showers in the past... oh say, eight months? Her hand slid down my chest and cupped my testicles. She squeezed slightly. "Did you miss the boys?"

"Oh yes," she said, smiling, in a low voice. I grinned back. "Very much." I groaned as she slid her hand back up to my shaft and squeezed up. Her thumb flicked over the tip, causing me to twitch. She went back to pumping, her tongue running over her upper lip as she watch the bead of white semen ooze out. My breathing accelerated, as did my heart rate. I longed to be inside her, though. The last time we had good sex was before Alice's and Jasper's wedding. I took her hand off. "Bella," I said.

In a flash, she got up on her knees and took my penis in her dainty little hand, again. She flashed me a less-than-innocent smile and slid down onto it.

It was like being sheathed in hot, wet velvet, hotter than I remembered. I yelled out, my vision hazy from want. Her head flopped back. "Edward!" she moaned, her voice echoing off the porcelain walls. She began to grind into me, moaning, biting her lower lip, her eyes closed, her walls pulsing around me, water sloshing everywhere. I bent my legs to bring her close to me, she tumbled towards my chest, grinning. "Oh god, you feel so _good_," she groaned.

"Likewise," I said, gripping her hips, helping her to pump against me. I gripped her butt cheeks- they were so full, firm... y_esssss..._ I squeezed and made her moan, then squeezed again, feeling devilish.

"Oh, oh, oh!" she moaned, bouncing up and down on my lap. Her breasts were flopping up and down. Like they weren't hypnotic enough before... Her body was going to be the death of me. I'd never get out of this apartment.

Her shrieks were enough for me to come- we had stopped having her come- but then, she came, right on my dick with me, her walls convulsing. "Oh God, Bella, no..." I hissed as I emptied into her.

She smiled. "Oh no, it's okay," she said. "It's alright, really. Nothing's going to happen, I swear," she got up off me. I sighed, leaning back on the tub. My now flaccid cock glistened with her juices.

"You're not on the pill, are you?" I asked.

"No," she admitted, blushing.

"Nice..."

She climbed out of the bathtub, I watched her ass from a new angle. Yeesh. I used to tease Emmett about his love of the ass. If he ever saw Bella's naked ass, I'd be in trouble. Normally, I was worn out after sex and normally fell asleep, but seeing her new naked body woke me right up. "It'll be okay," she said. "You'll make an honest woman out me soon enough," she said. I followed her out of the tub- I couldn't help it with an ass like that. There was probably a string of drool coming out of my mouth by now. She shrieked as I slapped her wet cheek softly with my open palm.

"'Love this," I muttered as the whelp began to turn red.

"You do?" she asked, rubbing her hip as I picked up a towel.

"Oh yeah," I moaned. I stroked the red area of her round butt where I had slapped it, soothing it. I had hit it a little harder than I meant to. I was just going to have to resort to pinching that amazing ass she now had.

"Is this what you saw in me when you first met me?" she asked.

"Oh please, Bella," I muttered. She backed up into me, her rear straight into my groin, standing on her toes. It hurt, I wanted her again so badly, my dick was rising painfully, she was snickering at herself.

"Are you sure?"

"You had no ass to speak off when I met you."

She laughed. "I want to make sure that girl is long-gone."

"Does ass-worship help?" I asked, pinching a generous amount of her cheek.

"I'm serious," she said, turning around to face me.

"Be honest with me," I said. "At all times. And we're going to be just fine."

"Do you want me to bend over?" she asked, grinning at me over her shoulder.

My cock was already at half-mast already, despite the fact that I was no teenage boy anymore. There was too much water on the floor. Damn. One of us was going to fall, we were so careless tonight. "Let's not do it in here," I said. "Bedroom."

"Will you be honest with me?" Bella asked, turning around. "Are we really getting married in a week?"

"Yes," I said. "As long as you want to."

"Oh yes, Edward, I want to," she said, her voice lowering, her hand on my chest. "Come on, this ass needs riding, doctor, this is a medical emergency!" she cried, smacking her butt with her hand, turning towards the door.

"In a minute," I said. I picked up a towel and began to mop up the floor just enough that it wouldn't mildew. It would give me enough of a break that it wouldn't hurt when I came.

"Edward! Hurry! I need you!"

"Just a minute, love," I replied. I pulled the drain to the tub. There was a box of condoms in the medicine cabinet- I had bought them yesterday in anticipation of tonight. I stuck them in pocket and found her in the bed room, laying across the bed.

"I missed you so much," she whispered, gazed up at me through her lashes, a lazy smile on her face. She reached up and pulled my mask down and kissed me. I fell onto the bed with her, grinning.

* * *

I simply could not take it any further after we made love three times in a night and then, to top it all off, I brought her off once more with my hand. By then, we had exhausted ourselves. As I went to sleep, I berated myself for making her orgasm four times in a night. She'd be a sobbing mess come early morning. I tried so hard to keep awake while she floated into dreams, her long, thick lashes closing, waiting for her mutterings in her sleeping, for the sobs, the screaming but before I knew it, I was having a dream about a strange, abandoned house, and I was chasing Bella through it. I could hear her, and she was running, afraid of something, I could not tell and she would not tell me. It scared me that something was after her. I found her in the top floor, in the attic, sitting on a trunk of some kind, smiling at me, knowingly. "It's going to be alright now, Edward," she promised. I realized she was pregnant, her face full, her lips rosy and her hair swinging down her back. She reached for me, smiling and I realized she was holding a child- the one we lost- and it was sleeping. I hugged her, and looked down at our baby. She put it in a bassinet, where I knew it would stay- forever. And it would be here, with us, forever, just fine.

* * *

I woke to our naked limbs tangled together, snarled in her mahogany hair. She was still asleep but the lifting of my head woke her. She lift her own head, her eyes crossing for a moment, trying focus. She grinned when she realized it was me holding her. "Hi," she muttered lazily.

"Hi," I replied back. She propped her chin up on her elbow, staring and me, smiling, not saying anything. We were a smelly, sticky mess of come and sweat- there was even some in her hair and on her chin. She pressed a kiss to my chest.

And it dawned on me, we had spent a beautiful night together- it was like the first time all over again, only better, because of lack of physical caution- making her come, finding something to hold onto- and she had woken up in my arms, grinning at me. No nightmares. She no longer had a foot stuck in Jim and Victoria's hell hole, being dragged back in by her anxiety or her eating disorder- she was _mine_. Yes, that was part of her past, but she was no longer living it. I'd put up the fight of my life to keep her.

Like she had said at Emmett and Rose's wedding, she could be a photographer, a daughter, a best friend, a graduate student, a mother... and most important to me, she could be my wife. Her life was open to whatever she wanted to do. She was free. Finally.

Morning breath be damned, I wrapped my arms around her, sliding her up my chest, and kissed her. She kissed me back, fiercely- yes, the wedding was the right thing to do. We were in love. We'd make it work.

"Edward," she whispered. I felt her hand encircle my shaft at the base, it was almost unnecessary it was so stiff. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you more," I said, gripping her hips and sitting her up. She took me in, gasping, her eyes rolling back into her head as I filled her. We were each other's other half. We belonged together.

* * *

**BPOV**

After a week of planning and an emergency fitting from Monique Lhulliuer's design shop, I stood in the back of the Lutheran Church in Seattle. I had had several emergency phone calls to my therapists at the clinic about the wedding cake- Edward and I decided I only had to eat a bite, that was it, not a whole piece.

The song _Blackbird_ was playing in the chapel, in honor of my mother. It wasn't a huge wedding, but it was big enough for us. Charlie offered his arm to me. Will walked down the aisle holding Wendi's hand. Wendi couldn't have been any less interested- she wasn't dropping the flower petals at all. Angela went down the aisle, first, then Alice.

"I can't believe I'm giving you away, Bells," Charlie said. "I never thought it would be this soon."

"Dad, it doesn't mean I'm going to see you any less," I promised. "It just means you're gaining a son."

"You could have done worse," he admitted, offering me his arm. I had forced him to come to terms with the things that Edward had to admit on the stand while I was in treatment and there was an uneasy peace currently between them. "You two are such cornballs, I can't imagine a better match. He better treat you right. Or, I might have to discharge that gun I've been keep in my nightstand for twenty-five years."

"Da-ad!"

"I'd do anything for you, regardless of if you're married or not," he said.

I smiled it as the Bridal March began to play. That was our cue.

There doors opened for us, and I saw Esme and Liz both stand up in the front pew. I could see Edward waiting at the end of the aisle flanked by Emmett and Jasper, at the end of the long church, filled with people that, for the most part, which I loved. Rosalie was sitting on the groom's side, trying to keep Sarah quiet. Hopefully, it would be me one day with the baby. She offered a small smile to me as I passed by. Maybe one day, we'd be real friends. We were on the right path. I saw Thea Nicky and Theo George standing on Edward's side, grinning at me. They both spit in my general direction when I passed.I couldn't help but smile while a few people were shocked. I knew what it meant.

I was so happy, tears were blurring my vision. They had insisted on bringing pasticcio, spanikopita, and around 600 dolmathes for the reception, despite the catering. Thea had even read coffee cups at my bachelorette party the night before.

Edward's eyes never left me. Charlie stopped, and kissed me on the cheek. "I love you, Bells," he whispered. I saw tears in my father's eyes before he kissed me.

"I love you, too," I whispered back. He squeezed me in a hug. A single tear fell down his cheek. Although I was grinning like an idiot, happy tears were lining my face.

"Your mother's very proud right now," he said where nobody could hear it but me.

That's all Charlie had to say to me to get me to start crying- but they were happy tears- I was proud to be Renee and Charlie's daughter, especially right now. Renee was with me right now. I nodded to Charlie. He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"Who presents this woman in marriage?" Reverend Weber asked.

There was a pause, and I looked at Charlie. His lips were a thin line and tears were gathering in his eyes "I do," he said, almost inaudibly. I stepped forward. And that was it symbolically it- my father was no longer the man in my life. He let go of me- and went to the first pew to join Esme and Carlisle.

I looked at Edward, and in the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett wiping away tears. Sob sister. Of course, Emmett was crying. I loved Emmett- the big, tough guy with all the muscles was sobbing at our wedding. Wouldn't this be a story about our wedding day? Reverend Weber gave a quick opening homily since there were children at our wedding, we wanted it short. Then, he went straight to the vows. I heard a sniffling sound behind me.

"Edward Anthony Masen, do you promise to love, honor and cherish Isabella Marie Swan in sickness and in health-" there was a giggle from my bridesmaids that went on to the groom's side. Well, it was kind of funny. Angela was laughing, but tears were streaming down her cheeks. Alice looked back at her, and I saw Alice lose it, completely. "in good times and in bad, for better or for worse, until death do you part?"

"I do," Edward said, slipping the ring on my finger. I saw Edward's chin wobble, his eyes filled with tears, but they didn't flow over. Great. Everybody in the wedding party was crying except Jasper. I smiled.

"Isabella Marie Swan, do you promise to love, honor and cherish Edward Anthony Masen, Jr, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, for better or for worse, until death do you part?"

"My baby," I realized the sniffling behind me had been coming from Charlie, and he was quietly sobbing in the front row. I almost let go of Edward's hand to run over and comfort Charlie, but I knew I couldn't at this moment. I'd be letting go of Edward, and I couldn't. I had to let go of the codependence I had with Charlie. Yes, this was another step. I heard Esme shushing him, like a small child. Charlie and I had to let go of each other. Just a little bit.

"I do," I said. I put the ring on Edward's finger, grinning.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride," Reverend Weber said. Edward helped me lift my veil and kissed me. "Ladies and Gentlemen, may I be the first to present to you Doctor and Mrs. Edward Anthony Masen, Jr." The audience clapped. There was a giggle in the audience.

We saw that Wendi had dumped out her basket of flower petals at Angela's feet. I saw Charlie, with actuals tears streaming down his face. Aw, Dad.

The wedding march started again, and Edward and I started down the aisle to our life together.


	30. Epilogue: Two Years Later

**Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer owns, not me.**

* * *

**BPOV**

"Why did I wear these shoes?" I muttered. The Forks High School gym was lit up, festively. "My feet are so swollen!"

"I don't know, why did you?" Edward asked. "Let's ask Alice, she talked you into them."

"I hope Alice and Angela have already gotten here."

"Alice said she couldn't care less about the people she went to high school with."

"I just want to show them how well I turned out," I said, holding my swollen stomach so I could get over the curb.

"The people who matter the most already know how well you turned out," Edward said, holding open the door for me. "The people in this gym probably don't know or care. Until your book comes out. "

Angela was sitting at the sign-in desk. "I didn't think you were coming!" she cried. Her hair was beach blonde, still. I wondered if anybody recognized her.

"Do we have to sign in?"

"Yes," she said. "Or we count you as lost member of the class."

"Okay, fine," I grumbled, signing over Edward and myself._ Isabella Swan Masen and husband- Edward. Photographer and Stay at Home Mom._ I put on my tag with my name on it while Edward filled his out.

"Hey, Bella, Mike Newton's in there," Angela said, grinning. "With his new girlfriend."

"So what?"

"I can't wait to see this loser," Edward said.

"This is the fattest I've ever been," I said. "I wonder if anybody will recognize me."

"You've got an excuse," Edward said, rubbing my stomach. Charlotte Elizabeth Renée Masen, our Charliebeth, was having a slumber party with her grandpa Charlie. Edward initially thought three names for a child was ridiculous until he heard the names I wanted to give our baby. Charlotte was a nice name. And then, naming her after her grandmothers was a sweet touch. She was beautiful- had Edward's copper hair and green eyes, and my pale skin, although her hair was a lighter, brighter color, like Edward's and Liz's had been as children. Whenever Charlie gazed into her face, he'd promptly inform us that she looked just like her grandmother and then would get choked up. Charlie swore up and down he'd teach her how to fish on her fourth birthday with Billy and then how to shoot a gun when she turned six. I shuddered at thought, but she needed to bond with him. Especially since Edward's job was leading us away from the Seattle/Forks area.

As we entered the gym, they were playing music from when we had been in high school. I saw familiar faces, all of which had aged and weathered.

Lauren Mallory, the ringleader girl who had tortured me my first year at Forks Elementary over my haircut, looked at me and Edward. She looked like she had spent too much time in a tanning bed and too much effort at staying skinny over the past ten years. She had grown out her awful short haircut from her senior year. "Hi, I'm Lauren Mallory Thornton, Homecoming Queen and Prom Queen," she said, coming up to me, extending a hand, looking extremely pleased with herself. She didn't recognize me. "Who are you?"

"Hi, Lauren, it's me, Bella."

She blinked, her face blank, and then, she realized who I was. "B-Bella Swan?" she stuttered.

"Yes, Charlie Swan's daughter," I said. "It's Masen, now, though. This is my husband, Edward-"

"Hi, how do you do?" he asked, taking her hand, shaking it. Her jaw dropped at Edward's mere perfection. My Edward did that.

"Bella, oh my God!" she cried. "I heard you got anorexia or something died after you brought us rape charges on somebody!"

"We don't like talking about that."

"So, what do you, Ed?" Lauren asked, sticking her boobs out. Man, they were fake.

"I'm a pediatric cardiologist surgeon," Edward said. Lauren's eyes lit up. _Back off, whore. Edward likes my breasts better, _I thought. _They feed his child._ "Bella and our little girl are my pride and joy, though. And the one on the way, too."

"So, what's your little girl's name?"

"Charlotte," Edward said, since Lauren obviously wasn't talking to me. "We call her Charliebeth as nickname, though. Bella came up with it."

"Oh, Bella, what are you up to?" Lauren asked, as if just remembering that I was standing right there.

"I'm a stay at home mom, although I do some photography."

"Yeah, she's getting her first book published," Edward said. "We put that on hold while we moved, recently. We just bought our first house in Portland."

I'm sure she wouldn't care that I was getting it published unless she was mentioned in it. "Oh, really? I live there with my husband," she said. "Maybe we can get together sometime!"

"Yeah, that would be great," I said, taking Edward's arm. "Hey, look, there's Alice!"

"Yeah, you haven't seen her in four hours," Edward muttered.

Alice waved at me, holding onto Jasper's arm. They were chatting it up with somebody. We were cut off by a beefy, tall blonde guy. It was, of all people, Mike Newton. "Bella, is that really you?"

"Yeah, it's me," I said, pressing a hand to my stomach. It was turning into a comfort gesture. What was I going to do when I gave birth to this one?

"Wow," Mike said. "I never expected to see you at this reunion."

"Yeah, you're not the only one," I said. "This is my husband, Edward Masen."

"Hi, Mike Newton," he said, extending a hand.

"Hi," Edward said.

"So, is it 'Bella Masen,' now?"

"Yes."

"What do you do?"

"Stay at home mom, writer, photographer."

"She's had a few photography shows in Seattle," Edward said. "Right after she got her Masters."

"You got your masters? In what?"

"Literature."

"You've done so much with your life, Bella. I'm happy for you," Mike said. He took me into a hug. Mike was genuinely happy for me. My crush on Mike felt like it was a thousand years ago and was somebody else entirely.

Edward and I went around the gym, meeting my old classmates.

I realized that it wasn't about showing everybody how well I turned out. They were happy to see me and I was happy to see them. A few people had died, which made me sad, but the people who had survived, it made me happy to know that they were there. Some people were the same as they had always been. Others had changed.

I was just glad to be who I was and to be alive. I had survived. I had learned to fly.

* * *

**_A/N- I just needed to get this back out. Sorry I've been so bipolar lately- but I have been for a good reason. My whole life changes tomorrow, literally. I don't know if it'll be good or bad. If you want the rest of this series, you'll have to look for it on the TWCSLibrary dot com. I put this back up because I kept on getting requests for it. I'm fighting an internal battle when it comes to expectations of myself in fanfiction. _**


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